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Old 09-14-2017, 07:45 AM
anomalous1 anomalous1 is offline
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Worst "As Seen On TV" Products

Three pointless/crap ones i've encountered.

1.) Wax Vac... does not work at all, its the silliest thing.
2.)Shamwow... Towels work better.
3.)Monkey hooks (the curved metal wires that insert into drywall)..... These things couldn't support a banana, and they don't stay in straight.


What are your experiences?
  #2  
Old 09-14-2017, 08:08 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is online now
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I never buy these things, so I couldn't tell you from experience. But easily the dumbest idea I ever saw on those was the Ronco "Inside the Egg Shell Egg Scrambler"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdonmCgg3lE
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  #3  
Old 09-14-2017, 08:11 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is online now
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The Egg Scrambler wins by being so transparently stupid, but a close second is the Miracle Thaw defroster. This is just a piece of aluminum with no special abilities -- despite the ad -- to allow your food to evenly defrost. You might as well just put it in a metal pan. But apparently a lot of folks don't realize that.

https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw...+as+seen+on+tv

In case you actually believe in this item:

http://www.skepticfriends.org/forum/...q=2&fldauto=24
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:20 AM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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My wife picked up a "Slap Chop" at a yard sale or something for a buck. In theory, actually not the worst idea ever. In practice, a complete disaster. First off, the thing's barely big enough to fit a crabapple, which means if you want to chop up anything larger than that you still need to break out the knife and cutting board to cut things down small enough to fit in the thing. Secondly, the "blades" are about as sharp as cookie cutters, and cut an onion just as well horribly as you would expect. Third, even if the blades cut well, the pieces it cuts are totally uneven. It's not a chopper, it's a pulverizer. Completely useless.
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:23 AM
Grrr! Grrr! is online now
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Originally Posted by anomalous1 View Post
Three pointless/crap ones i've encountered.

3.)Monkey hooks (the curved metal wires that insert into drywall)..... These things couldn't support a banana, and they don't stay in straight.


What are your experiences?

Wha...?

Every picture in my house is hanging on a monkey hook. Although, I don't know if that's the actual brand name. Some of my frames are pretty heavy though and they work just fine.
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:36 AM
anomalous1 anomalous1 is offline
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Wha...?

Every picture in my house is hanging on a monkey hook. Although, I don't know if that's the actual brand name. Some of my frames are pretty heavy though and they work just fine.
Maybe I just used them wrong or something (I can't see how, but maybe)... Didn't work out so well for me. its like they need weight on them to stay in place... not much security there for my taste.


I only buy these "As Seen On TV" things if they are on sale for a buck or two in a discount bin, obviously the proper place for them.

Slap Chop was totally one of them, in total agreement there. I don't see the point of it, I think its easier to clean a knife and cutting board anyway than some little device.
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:37 AM
BeepKillBeep BeepKillBeep is offline
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Originally Posted by anomalous1 View Post
Three pointless/crap ones i've encountered.

1.) Wax Vac... does not work at all, its the silliest thing.
2.)Shamwow... Towels work better.
3.)Monkey hooks (the curved metal wires that insert into drywall)..... These things couldn't support a banana, and they don't stay in straight.


What are your experiences?
My ex-wife bought some Shamwows and I got half of them in the divorce (just by happenstance, not on purpose). I like them. They're not so amazing that everybody should go out and buy one but I find them marginally better than a regular dish towel. What I don't like about them is they get ruined in the dryer.
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Old 09-14-2017, 08:49 AM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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My ex-wife bought some Shamwows and I got half of them in the divorce (just by happenstance, not on purpose).
I don't know why, exactly, but this sentence cracks me the fuck up!
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:03 AM
BeepKillBeep BeepKillBeep is offline
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I don't know why, exactly, but this sentence cracks me the fuck up!
Then my work here is done.
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:10 AM
Grrr! Grrr! is online now
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I don't know why, exactly, but this sentence cracks me the fuck up!

Me too. I'm imagining BKB's final argument with his ex wife: "And I'm taking the Shamwows bitch!!"


(Not saying the ex is really a bitch. Just the dialogue in my head.)
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:18 AM
BeepKillBeep BeepKillBeep is offline
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Me too. I'm imagining BKB's final argument with his ex wife: "And I'm taking the Shamwows bitch!!"


(Not saying the ex is really a bitch. Just the dialogue in my head.)
LOL!


(For the record, she's not. Our breakup was very amicable and we remain good friends.)
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:29 AM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is offline
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The vignette that popped into my head somehow involved Vince, the ShamWow! spokesperson, involved in some seedy tryst with one or both of you, and when the shit hit the fan, all anybody got was half an order of ShamWows!



I need to drink less. Or more.
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:37 AM
kopek kopek is offline
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The Shake Weight. I am ashamed to say that I knew a lot of people to buy them and none went beyond one or two uses. Although I did enjoy the South Park take on it all.
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Old 09-14-2017, 09:44 AM
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Sham-wows are a 'ask for it by name - accept no substitutes' backpacking standard item for many.

The 'Liquid rubber in a Can' stuff. Never used it, I just see it that it could work in very limited circumstances, be temporary in many more (requiring now removing this stuff to either reapply it or fix it right, and just not work at all for most and now you have to deal with this stuff too to fix it.
  #15  
Old 09-14-2017, 09:48 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is online now
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Originally Posted by kanicbird View Post
Sham-wows are a 'ask for it by name - accept no substitutes' backpacking standard item for many.

The 'Liquid rubber in a Can' stuff. Never used it, I just see it that it could work in very limited circumstances, be temporary in many more (requiring now removing this stuff to either reapply it or fix it right, and just not work at all for most and now you have to deal with this stuff too to fix it.
I knew someone who bought the Black Liquid Rubber in a Can stuff and used it to repair a leaky shower stall. It looked appalling. You can buy color-matching caulk or RTV sealant in a hardware store -- why get this ugly gunk?
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  #16  
Old 09-14-2017, 09:49 AM
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I just saw this one for the first time:

https://www.sockslider.com/?mid=9217033

While I feel bad for people who can't bend to put on their socks, I can't help but
  #17  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:13 AM
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The thing that's funny about so many of these "As Seen On TV" products is how contrived the ads are showing how hard it is to do the thing that these things are the solution to. Like the pasta pot that has the strainer built in, because it's just so damn difficult to pour a boiling pot of pasta into a colander in your sink. I'm surprised the Slap Chop ad didn't have someone losing a finger trying to use an ordinary knife and cutting board.
  #18  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:47 AM
Jennshark Jennshark is offline
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The "Bamboo Bra" that offers "amazing support for plus-size women" just. doesn't.

Imagine your grottiest, most stretched-out, cheapass sports bra* -- this is the level of (non) support this PoS has. I was so pissed off I couldn't even bring myself to return it for a refund.

*Boy dopers, I don't know what the parallel undergarment would be to illustrate this -- grotty jockstrap from ninth grade?
  #19  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:48 AM
Jennshark Jennshark is offline
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Originally Posted by gigi View Post
I just saw this one for the first time:

https://www.sockslider.com/?mid=9217033

While I feel bad for people who can't bend to put on their socks, I can't help but
This is my LOL ad too . . . but if it does actually work, I could imagine it is useful for people with limited mobility.
  #20  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:51 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is online now
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Originally Posted by Shoeless View Post
The thing that's funny about so many of these "As Seen On TV" products is how contrived the ads are showing how hard it is to do the thing that these things are the solution to. Like the pasta pot that has the strainer built in, because it's just so damn difficult to pour a boiling pot of pasta into a colander in your sink. I'm surprised the Slap Chop ad didn't have someone losing a finger trying to use an ordinary knife and cutting board.
I found the original Ginsu Knife commercial is hilarious -- it opens with a guy breaking a couple of boards:

https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...1B42&FORM=VIRE

You get the impression that they either never saw a real karate demonstration or else didn't know how to break the boards without hurting themselves. The boards in the ad are absurdly long and thin, and the grain is running the wrong way.

Real Karate Board breaking:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWTbw8kRKlk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4aM_MxWcc0
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Last edited by CalMeacham; 09-14-2017 at 10:52 AM.
  #21  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:55 AM
gigi gigi is online now
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I was so pissed off I couldn't even bring myself to return it for a refund.
And that's how they get you!
  #22  
Old 09-14-2017, 11:48 AM
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Pasta Express. Bought on an impulse and then felt stupid about it later. Why would I boil water in one container just to add to another container? And... it never worked. Once the water goes from boiling to not the pasta just does not cook.
  #23  
Old 09-14-2017, 12:01 PM
aruvqan aruvqan is offline
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The "Bamboo Bra" that offers "amazing support for plus-size women" just. doesn't.

Imagine your grottiest, most stretched-out, cheapass sports bra* -- this is the level of (non) support this PoS has. I was so pissed off I couldn't even bring myself to return it for a refund.

*Boy dopers, I don't know what the parallel undergarment would be to illustrate this -- grotty jockstrap from ninth grade?
I got a couple for Christmas, I use them as sleep bras when Fred, Ethyl and Ricky act up [yes, I did name my breast cysts, doesn't everyone? Still waiting to get a second one on the right side so I can name it Lucy ]
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:04 PM
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Slap Chop was totally one of them, in total agreement there. I don't see the point of it, I think its easier to clean a knife and cutting board anyway than some little device.
There are legit ones. They don't necessarily replace a knife; they replace a food processor for coarse and mince chopping work. (A food processor doesn't necessarily replace a knife either, since you can get good chop or mince out of the skilled use of a knife; but not every one is so skilled, and it takes more effort to corral what you're chopping by hand than having it constrained by the chopper.)

Example of a decent food chopper.

Last edited by gnoitall; 09-14-2017 at 12:05 PM.
  #25  
Old 09-14-2017, 12:09 PM
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The "Rollie" is the perfect solution to a problem no one has ever had.
  #26  
Old 09-14-2017, 12:11 PM
NotherYinzer NotherYinzer is offline
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This is my LOL ad too . . . but if it does actually work, I could imagine it is useful for people with limited mobility.
My 88-year-old mother-in-law had a stroke last year and was very thankful when we got her one.
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Old 09-14-2017, 12:57 PM
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I got a Perfect Pancake for Christmas once. Which is like two regular cheapo teflon pans hinged together in a clamshell fashion.

"As easy as turning a door knob!" the commercial said. It was not.

I have no problem making pancakes the old fashioned way, on a regular flat pan. But this clamshell thing was a complete pain. The biggest problem was that the two sides didn't touch. And the teflon was very slick. So no matter how quickly you flipped the pan from one side to the other, the half cooked pancake would just slide out the side and onto the stove. I didn't even get to test how the cold side would perform once you flipped the clamshell over because the pancake never ended up there.
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Old 09-14-2017, 02:04 PM
Half Man Half Wit Half Man Half Wit is offline
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Has anybody ever tried to use a Flowbee (and lived to tell the tale)? I dunno, but something about 'stick my hair down the vacuum cleaner' doesn't sit right with me... But then again, maybe it's awesome!

And does anybody else think that ShamWow-guy looks like a leprechaun?

Last edited by Half Man Half Wit; 09-14-2017 at 02:04 PM.
  #29  
Old 09-14-2017, 02:25 PM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is online now
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Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
My wife picked up a "Slap Chop" at a yard sale or something for a buck. In theory, actually not the worst idea ever. In practice, a complete disaster. First off, the thing's barely big enough to fit a crabapple, which means if you want to chop up anything larger than that you still need to break out the knife and cutting board to cut things down small enough to fit in the thing. Secondly, the "blades" are about as sharp as cookie cutters, and cut an onion just as well horribly as you would expect. Third, even if the blades cut well, the pieces it cuts are totally uneven. It's not a chopper, it's a pulverizer. Completely useless.
I don't know that I'd call it useless. If I want to pulverize a crabapple it sounds like the ideal tool for the job.
  #30  
Old 09-14-2017, 02:39 PM
JcWoman JcWoman is offline
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There are legit ones. They don't necessarily replace a knife; they replace a food processor for coarse and mince chopping work. (A food processor doesn't necessarily replace a knife either, since you can get good chop or mince out of the skilled use of a knife; but not every one is so skilled, and it takes more effort to corral what you're chopping by hand than having it constrained by the chopper.)

Example of a decent food chopper.
I can't help but think back to when I worked in fast food in college. We had a large chopper we used to prep iceberg lettuce for the salad bar. It was about 1.5 feet square with sharp, serrated blades on both sides arranged in a criss-cross arrangement. You placed a half-head of lettuce on the bottom half, slam the top half down and neat lettuce squares fell out the bottom. I never saw it happen but that thing was so sharp you could easily dice your whole hand with one whack. (We only got the occasional finger prick from the serration points when placing the lettuce inside.)
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  #31  
Old 09-14-2017, 02:55 PM
That Don Guy That Don Guy is offline
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Originally Posted by anomalous1 View Post
Three pointless/crap ones i've encountered.

1.) Wax Vac... does not work at all, its the silliest thing.
2.)Shamwow... Towels work better.
3.)Monkey hooks (the curved metal wires that insert into drywall)..... These things couldn't support a banana, and they don't stay in straight.

What are your experiences?
I bought a box of Shamwows at Costco once. They seem to work better at picking up spilled liquids than towels - almost like a "handleless mop."

Quote:
Originally Posted by CalMeacham View Post
The Egg Scrambler wins by being so transparently stupid, but a close second is the Miracle Thaw defroster. This is just a piece of aluminum with no special abilities -- despite the ad -- to allow your food to evenly defrost. You might as well just put it in a metal pan. But apparently a lot of folks don't realize that.
I bought a Miracle Thaw once; I tried it once, and never used it again.

Whatever happened to the device where you could "instantly" turn a potato into (somewhat thick, which is how I like them) French fries? I keep looking for it in places like the "As Seen On TV" store at my local mall, but nobody seems to make it any more.
  #32  
Old 09-14-2017, 02:56 PM
AncientHumanoid AncientHumanoid is offline
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Originally Posted by Half Man Half Wit View Post
Has anybody ever tried to use a Flowbee (and lived to tell the tale)? I dunno, but something about 'stick my hair down the vacuum cleaner' doesn't sit right with me... But then again, maybe it's awesome!

And does anybody else think that ShamWow-guy looks like a leprechaun?
A friend has used one for years. Basic hair guy. Results are just like those old charts that show an exploded head of hair to cut. He uses cheap clipprrs for around the ears.

Funny thing is, for my circle of friends, he's the richest one. Cheap haircut looks are fine with him.
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  #33  
Old 09-14-2017, 04:49 PM
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Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
My wife picked up a "Slap Chop" at a yard sale or something for a buck.
That thing was a bitch to clean too. It was actually easier to just use a knife and cutting board.

I bought a "Total Gym 2000" back in the day but it was useless because I'm not heavy enough.
  #34  
Old 09-14-2017, 05:33 PM
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Has anybody ever tried to use a Flowbee (and lived to tell the tale)? I dunno, but something about 'stick my hair down the vacuum cleaner' doesn't sit right with me... But then again, maybe it's awesome!
In looking up the Rollie to see what it was, I came across the ThermaLash Heated Eyelash Curler. indeed.

this site has many of the videos

https://www.asseenontvvideo.com/5128...sh-Curler.html
  #35  
Old 09-14-2017, 05:49 PM
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I just saw this one for the first time:

https://www.sockslider.com/?mid=9217033

While I feel bad for people who can't bend to put on their socks, I can't help but
I thought they were a joke first time I saw them also but the wife says they use them at the assisted living place she works at. Night staff takes a few minutes to set them up as they have time available and the old folks can put their feet in on their own. Faster than having a staff member do it for those that are able.
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  #36  
Old 09-14-2017, 06:03 PM
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A lot of them seem completely pointless to me, but this one always struck me as the stupidest:

Eggies -- because hard boiling eggs in their own shell is just... too... hard.
  #37  
Old 09-14-2017, 06:34 PM
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My parents had one of those ear wax vacuum things. (Love the Oscar performance of this dude who can't use a Q-Tip without perforating his ear drum). So I decided to try it, and it was horrendous. The fact that it didn't work at all came a far second place to the fact that it sounded like a dentist's drill that you were shoving into your ear.

In their defense, they also had this dish sponge thing that looked like a smiley face that was so kick-ass that I immediately bought 20 of them when I got back home.
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  #38  
Old 09-14-2017, 06:40 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
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Our local news does a segment called "Does It Really Do That"? where they review these products. When they tried the Slap-Chop, the blades broke and left little pieces in whatever they cutting.

Oh dear god, a "chocolate milk mixer"? Who the fuck can't mix a glass of chocolate milk? Some of this shit is so fucking stupid if you need these gadgets, you shouldn't be allowed to perform these tasks in the first place.

Quote:
Originally Posted by gigi View Post
I just saw this one for the first time:

https://www.sockslider.com/?mid=9217033

While I feel bad for people who can't bend to put on their socks, I can't help but
I can see the need for some people, but wouldn't those ruin your socks? I would imagine that stretching them over the plastic would eventually tear holes in them.


Oh hey, check it out -- instant black face!!!
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  #39  
Old 09-14-2017, 07:00 PM
Rosvirein Rosvirein is offline
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"Weird Al" Yankovic has this subject covered.
  #40  
Old 09-14-2017, 07:05 PM
DCnDC DCnDC is offline
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Originally Posted by Robot Arm View Post
I don't know that I'd call it useless. If I want to pulverize a crabapple it sounds like the ideal tool for the job.
I stand corrected.


"Who's going to buy a crabapple pulverizer?!"

"That's the marketing department's problem!"
  #41  
Old 09-14-2017, 07:14 PM
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Fun fact: Lisa Popeil, the daughter of S.J. Popeil, and Ron Popeil's half-sister, sang backing vocals on that song.
  #42  
Old 09-14-2017, 07:15 PM
jtur88 jtur88 is offline
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My elderly mother sat all Sunday morning one day watching infomercials. I asked her why she watches them. She said she was fed up with changing the channel every time those darn commercials came on, and the infomercials never break for commercials. I could see her point, after all, the exercise bike commercials were no worse than the programs on other stations that had ad breaks in them.

I actually enjoyed the infomercials for the old country music collections, and sat up for two hours once night watching them.
  #43  
Old 09-14-2017, 07:42 PM
running coach running coach is online now
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Fun fact: Lisa Popeil, the daughter of S.J. Popeil, and Ron Popeil's half-sister, sang backing vocals on that song.
And from here:
Quote:
After learning that Ron Popeil's sister Lisa was a singer, Al hired her as a backing vocalist on this track; Lisa has gone on to sing on several of Al's other songs and even taught him how to improve his vocal technique.
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  #44  
Old 09-14-2017, 09:24 PM
Infovore Infovore is offline
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I heard a theory--I have no idea if it's true or not--that a lot of those "As Seen on TV" products where they show somebody having a comically hard time using the normal alternative before discovering the advertised product are actually aimed at people who are disabled or otherwise have trouble managing some aspect of their lives that these products address. The theory suggests that they show the idiots screwing up using normal products because they get larger advertising reach than they would if they marketed the products directly to the disabled.

Here's an article about it.
  #45  
Old 09-14-2017, 10:34 PM
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Here are some excellent infomercial product reviews by funny puppets.

Shamwow and SlapChop
Rollie.


I agree with their conclusions.

Last edited by friedo; 09-14-2017 at 10:34 PM.
  #46  
Old 09-14-2017, 11:17 PM
Bad News Baboon Bad News Baboon is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Grrr! View Post
Me too. I'm imagining BKB's final argument with his ex wife: "And I'm taking the Shamwows bitch!!"


(Not saying the ex is really a bitch. Just the dialogue in my head.)
The only way this scenario gets better: he takes a Ginzu and cuts each Shamwow into 30 pieces and keeps 15.

:-)
  #47  
Old 09-14-2017, 11:28 PM
Beckdawrek Beckdawrek is offline
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Whoever is up-thread who wanted a big french fry cutter..its called a veg-a-matic...you can still get them on Amazon I think...they work perfectly...get a stainless one..if you can ...will last a lifetime
  #48  
Old 09-15-2017, 12:24 AM
Projammer Projammer is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCnDC View Post
My wife picked up a "Slap Chop" at a yard sale or something for a buck. In theory, actually not the worst idea ever. In practice, a complete disaster.
...
Completely useless.
Oh come on! If there were no Slap Chop there would be no Slap Chop Rap!
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  #49  
Old 09-15-2017, 01:25 AM
anomalous1 anomalous1 is offline
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Morbo What sponges are these, I am definitely interested, tired of the same old boring sponges here


Projammer

I seen that years ago and totally forgot, thanks for bringing me a laugh! I love that thing!
  #50  
Old 09-15-2017, 02:45 AM
Face Intentionally Left Blank Face Intentionally Left Blank is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CalMeacham View Post
The Egg Scrambler wins by being so transparently stupid, but a close second is the Miracle Thaw defroster. This is just a piece of aluminum with no special abilities -- despite the ad -- to allow your food to evenly defrost. You might as well just put it in a metal pan. But apparently a lot of folks don't realize that.

https://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_nkw...+as+seen+on+tv
Heh, I love that item, simply because I realized what it was, and how I could emulate it easily. If I want to speed the defrosting of something, I lay the package, cellophane-side down and styrofoam side up, in the middle of my unheated stovetop. Lots of metal there to exchange heat/cold.

One of the most useless items I've tried is also one that seems to have a lot of fans. The RonCo Pocket Fisherman. It lacks something basic to the fishing experience: a lever. I about put my arm out of socket trying to cast with it, and I could have done better with a child's toy rod with cartoon characters on it. Setting a hook has similar issues. I kept as much slack out of it as I could, then when I had a strike, I'd quickly raise my arm over my head and RAN away from the water to set the hook. If it had like a 4-foot telescoping fiberglass rod that came out of it, it might be a dandy little gadget, but a 8"-12" folding plastic rod didn't cut it.
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