Little things you should know anyway

[cainxinth]

Here’s a little tip that seems to amaze passerby’s, but should be common knowledge methinks:

If you want to go to a “.com” site with internet explorer just type the name of the site into the address bar and hit "control + enter." It will add the "http://www" and the ".com" for you. You just may save yourself seconds a day! 30 years for now you’ll be thanking me for that grapefruit you had time to eat.

Please share your own info-nuggets of fools gold.

[Gorgon Heap]

Spoons hold soup better than forks.

[cainxinth]

Get yourself a spork my friend, best of both worlds.

[Meatros]

Always blame the fart on the unsuspecting guy...


and


If the movie theater lets you enter from the top floor, do so, you'll always get your seat first.

[Meatros]

For better microwaved pizza, put a piece of saran wrap over it.


Yum yum

[CRorex]

When making icecream with eggyokes as a primary ingredient make sure you have a candy thermometer handy.

Don't eyeball it and say, "I think it's cooked 15 min at 160 F"


Or if you do that, make sure you have LOTS of toilet paper on hand.

[IDemandBeer]

Never piss into the wind.

Never step on Superman's cape.

A warm beer is easier to shotgun than a cold beer (albeit it tastes horrible...but hey, yer shotgunning it, not sipping it.)

--IDB

[UrbanChic]

When reheating plain rice in the microwave, cover it with a damp paper towel.

In Windows 9x and higher, use the Windows key + M to quickly minimize all open windows.

Avail yourself to the finer things in life.

[Phax]

Originally posted by IDemandBeer
Never piss into the wind.

--IDB

-- Or onto an electric fence. My dog learned this the hard way.

[ioioio]

Don't put a vase of flowers on top of the TV. Turns out it's likely to explode after awhile.

After drinking beer all night, do not think it's a good idea to switch to peach Schnapps.

[that_darn_cat]

Originally posted by lainaf
After drinking beer all night, do not think it's a good idea to switch to peach Schnapps.

Truer words were never spoken.

[Bomzaway]

Do not drink tequila that is gold in color.

Real tequila does NOT have a worm at the bottom.

When viewing contemporary art, it's ALWAYS better after a few bong hits.

[Meatros]

Originally posted by Bomzaway
When viewing contemporary art, it's ALWAYS better after a few bong hits.

Speaking of weed, never do bong hits after slamming alcohol.

It's a better recipe for barfing then they child stuff (ipicack-sp?).

[Ol'Gaffer]

Originally posted by Meatros
Speaking of weed, never do bong hits after slamming alcohol.

Holy sh*t.

Worst. Night. Ever.

<- me for what seemed like an eternity. Made especially embarassing considering my level of "experience."




As for tips...

Don't eat those little red peppers in Chinese food.

Check trail conditions before heading out.

Bald guys should wear hats when outside.

A "Back the Badge" bumper sticker enables you to drive 15+ MPH over the speed limit with no repercussions.

A rattlesnake will attempt to bite you if you insist on poking it with a stick.

If you wear a Sierra Club t-shirt to a 4x4 rally it might get dirty.

The University of California, Santa Cruz is no longer clothing optional.

Dogs love trucks.

[Gulo gulo]

When you're boiling skulls, add some garlic cloves. It does wonders for the smell.

_{don't ask...}

[masonite]

Originally posted by lainaf
Don't put a vase of flowers on top of the TV. Turns out it's likely to explode after awhile.

Was it, by any chance, a penguin-shaped vase?

[Meatros]

Originally posted by Ol'Gaffer
Don't eat those little red peppers in Chinese food.

Or the "green mint" that comes with sushi


As far as weed goes, back in the bygone days, I always loved the combination of weed and alcohol. The problem was I hardly ever able to pull it off without puking. I managed a few times, which got me hooked on the idea. If you are going to combine, here's my suggestion:

Drink just enough to catch a *slight* buzz, and then the Bong hits. Then you can drink more.

Do not get sloppy drunk and expect to be able to "take it to lungs" like a champ.

[Rabid_Squirrel]

Don't hide the body in the garden.

Use plastic sheeting when inviting vict...errr.... guests over to hide the blo...I mean ummm.... coffee stains.

[DesertDog]

Originally posted by Ol'Gaffer
If you wear a Sierra Club t-shirt to a 4x4 rally it might get dirty.

You misspelled "bloody."

DD

[NinjaChick]

Duct tape fixes almost anything, but isn't that good of a replacement for stitches.

Gasoline-soaked steel wool doesn't quite make napalm, but it's a pretty bad idea.

If you're drinking for the first time, stick to whatever you're drinking, nothing else. First time drinker + weed + empty stomach = one very, very drunken, stoned, and sick-as-all-hell teenager.

[jweb]

'Strap on' spelled backwards is 'No Parts'

Thin strands of bare wire can make a huge spark when you plug them into an electrical outlet via an extension cord with a frayed end. You can use these to ignite model rocket engines if you don't happen to have any real igniters.

It's never a good idea to chug a 40 of Old English, as you will probably un-chug said malt liqour within a few hours.

[Lorenzo]

It is more difficult to put out a fire with gasoline than you might think.

The easiest way to find a gas leak is not the safest.

If your children begin spontaneously speaking foreign languages your good options are fairly limited.

If you draw a number one seed in the first round of the NCAA men's basketball tournament, it really doesn't matter what you do the night before the game.

While "cleaning up the hard drive" on a Win NT computer with any difficult to reproduce data resident on the HDD, resist the temptation to delete "ntldr" or anything with the word "kernel" in it.

There is nothing more permanent than a not-guilty verdict under the US justice system.

A clever swine is still a swine.

Don't put ice in your drinks in any location where you wouldn't drink the water.

The lake is east. (in Chicago)

Large bodies of water have a moderating effect on local temperatures.

Don't bait or taunt psychopaths.

There is such a phenomenon as being too sure of oneself as well as there are penalties for being too cynical.

In many functions neither the maximum nor the minimum reside at the extremes.

[BiblioCat]

Originally posted by lainaf
After drinking beer all night, do not think it's a good idea to switch to peach Schnapps.

Or blackberry brandy.
Where's that barfing smilie?


When you're out of windshield washer fluid, do not attempt to wipe off a dirty windshield with a baby wipe.

Do not put dishwashing soap meant for hand-dishwashing into an automatic dishwasher.

[bjohn13]

Don't keep your spare key or lock de-icer in the glove compartment.

Don't mix bleach with anything except water.

Be careful at left turn signals....if you enter the intersection when the light is yellow, you will likely still be in the intersection when oncoming traffic gets the green.

In traffic accidents, the guy making the left hand turn is never given the benefit of any sort of doubt.

[Lorenzo]

Extended backing up in the aisle of a busy parking lot to grab a missed parking spot is generally a bad idea.

Don't wait until the fourth quarter to put some points on the board.

Half of something is often better than 100% of nothing.

The tie goes to the train.

People who believe they have nothing to lose will do things that can be difficult to understand.

Tracer bullets work both ways.

Having squeezed the last nickel out of your car salesman may not seem like such a great idea when your car is recalled, the parts are on backorder and all free loaner cars are overbooked for months.

If you want the manufacturer to buy your car back from you and provide a new vehicle to you for the least possible cost, make nice.

It pays to know when the best deal you can get is better than nothing and when it isn't.

No matter how bad it looks, there may be a better way out.

Recipients of intercessory prayer are the luckiest people in the world.

Oftentimes the best evasive maneuvers involve use of the accelerator.

When collision is unavoidable, best to hit a smaller, softer thing at an angle than a larger, harder thing head-on.

It is appropriate to use an emergency exit during a fire.

Under no circumstances turn right during the Indy 500.

Most haystacks do not even have a needle.

All battles are not worth winning.

The people with the most accurate perception of our world and how it works are in most cases moderately depressed.

Increasing the mandatory minimum sentence does not deter men who know that they have a 20% chance of getting $100 or less and an 80% chance of getting caught and/or killed or seriously wounded and yet attempt to rob convenience stores anyway.

There are worse things one can do than use the wrong fork on the fish.

It is often easier to receive forgiveness than permission.

[AncientHumanoid]

Fire should not be nasally inserted.

Don't sleep with your girlfriend's sister.

Never trust a weasel

Socks first, then shoes!

(In the same line of thought) Cereal first, then add milk.

Stop. Drop. Roll.

[dobbinaire]

Right click on the scroll bar and you get a menu to:

Scroll Here
Top
Bottom
Page Up
Page Down
Scroll Up
Scroll Down

[IDemandBeer]

Originally posted by Phax
-- Or onto an electric fence. My dog learned this the hard way.

I agree, although the circumstances were a bit different. As an adopted youngun', I was hangin' out at my natural dad's house with my natural brother. We were out in the yard tossin' some baseball back and forth; he overthrows, it sails over the fence. We were from the backwoods, so of course the neighbors had some electrical fence supplementing their normal chain fence. I brave the threat of bulls, jump the fence, retrieve the ball and toss it over. Success.

To get back over, I need a hand. I gingerly step over the electrical wire into the DMZ between it and the normal fence. It's a rather narrow space between, so I need a grip to pull up - he reaches his hand out to give me a lift. I stumble, reach for the first thing handy...yes, the charged wire. I get the shock of my life and promptly piss my britches.

Horrible, I tell ya. It just ain't right for your younger brother to be laughin' at ya for peein' yer pants, electricity or not.

--IDB

[Inky-]

Rub your finger in the cleft behind your ear -- now smell it.

Does it smell like parmesan cheese? If so chances are you are one of the 85-93% of the population who host some strain of Penicillium roqueforti. A harmless bacteria responsible for the veins in bleu cheese and that distinctive taste of parmesan. It is harmless and is actually thought to inhibit itchy yeast infections.

[sciguy]

Some things I learned at work:

It's scary what can be done with just Korn shell scripting.

When a low-to-moderately used server goes down no one will know where it is physically located, and every one will need that server at that moment.

When dealing with PC remote control programs (PC-anywhere, VNC, etc), it's best to turn off your pretty 1.5 MB wallpaper graphic. Oh, and a mouse click every two or three seconds is productive.

The ribbon cable for a PC floppy drive is un-keyed. If the access light comes on and stays on during power-up without hearing disk access, you've got it in backwards (and have destroyed your only boot floppy).

General stuff:
No matter how much time you allow for weather related delays, you will always be late.

If your car has traction control, trust it; it knows what it's doing.

In a bar, nine times out of ten, the girl smiling at you is looking at someone else.

If you're a regular at a bar, tip your waitress well and she'll have your drink ready without you having to order.

[Angua]

Never email anyone whilst drunk.

Don't call the departmental lech a lech in front of the Head of Department.

[Gravity]

If you're out of shampoo, DO NOT just use your body wash.

(It took me more than a month to have my hair not gritty and straw-like!)

[inertia]

Always check out at the register in electronics.

If you electrocute a pickle, it'll light up like a light bulb (for a little while.)

Toasted is better.

Red wine is good for you.

Clockwise is in. Counter-clockwise is out. Unless you're working on an axle. Sometimes.

"Lightbulb" has TWO L's in it.

USB 2.0 is a LOT faster than USB 1.1 (and there are Win2K drivers for it too.)

Ketchup is fallic.

Aspirin is toxic to cats. Chocolate is toxic to doggies.

Unemployment benefits are taxable.

Bob Villa is irritating.

Hobby expenses are tax deductible against any income derived from said hobby.

Now would be a good time to move out of Baghdad.

Instead of candy, eat nuts.

You can count to 35 on your fingers if you use base 6.

Magazines with glossy pages are not recycleable.

Men can get breast cancer.

If all of your home entertainment electronics are the same brand, you'll only need one remote.

[panache]

It's NUKE-LEE-ER...not NUKE-YOO-LER

[Mith]

Never underestimate the power of a thank-you card

[Kalhoun]

Two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.

[cainxinth]

Originally posted by Mith
Never underestimate the power of a thank-you card

Ohh that’s a good one. A follow up is, never underestimate the harm that can be wrought from failing to send a thank you card.

[Labor]

If your tuba does not sound good when you play it, either clean it or blow more air.

Employers that expound at great length about the value of the work ethic are making money by not paying their employees correctly.

Giving flowers to your wife will make her happy for several hours.

Cecil knows everything.

When doing home improvement projects always check to make sure it is level before fastening.

[Balance]

Originally posted by inertia
You can count to 35 on your fingers if you use base 6.

...and to 1023 if you use binary.

If you smile at people, they often smile back. Sometimes they even mean it.

Courtesy is seldom a wasted effort.

[Harli]

I'm surprised at how many of you are unable to be simultaneously drunk and stoned successfully.

Regardless......

"Irregardless" is not a proper English word, much like "ain't".

Chicken Shwarmas and Gold Schlager DO NOT mix well.

A straight man who frequents a gay club and lives with another gay man, and whom one day proclaims to be bisexual, will a) break your heart and/or b) always turn out to be gay.

[Winnie]

Chivalry: Always open doors for women, the elderly, and handicapped.

Along those lines... be THAT person to give up your seat to an elderly bus/subway rider or pregnant woman. It makes you feel amazing.

Dip your bacon lightly in flour before frying... it will keep it from shrinking and popping.

Add a spoonful of sugar to a pot of greens (collard, turnip, kale, etc.) when cooking them.. it keeps their color and flavor better.

Goldschlager and Jagermeister are evil evil evil and will make you puke.

Don't ever leave the restroom unless you've TRIPLE CHECKED that your skirt isn't tucked up into the back of your pantyhose. Ask me how I know this.

Don't substitute corn syrup for corn oil in a recipe.

When talking to a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, ALWAYS ask them how they're doing first and listen to their story before launching into your own.

[AskNott]

If you spill fertilizer on your lawn, you can rescue the spot with either a ShopVac (tm) or lots of water within a few hours.

Don't try to pick up an Oreo (tm) with a carpet sweeper.

The lady you'd crawl over broken glass for is not the kind who'd be impressed by that sort of behavior.

When you meet a dame named Deniece, just swallow that "Denephew" joke. She got tired of it when she was three.

Sometimes you can patch a water leak with duct tape, but only briefly.

Always say "Eeeek" before formatting your hard drive.

It's funny to get your dog to chase a flashlight spot. He'll be a real pest when you have to make a repair in the dark, though.

You might as well be a mensch.

Got a Mag-Lite(tm)? There's a spare bulb in the pointy spring in the tail end of it.

To plant a cutting without Rootone (tm) chop up a willow twig, soak the pieces in water, and use that water for your cutting.

If you have a semen stain, (and you're not trying to get your boyfriend impeached) soak it with a paste of meat tenderizer and water. Not hot water.

[Ol'Gaffer]

Originally posted by AskNott


If you have a semen stain, (and you're not trying to get your boyfriend impeached) soak it with a paste of meat tenderizer and water. Not hot water.

Hmmm, I'm curious. Is this the result of trial and error or did you just read in the "Helpful Hints" column in Woman's Day magazine?

[LifeOnWry]

Originally posted by Kalhoun
Two wrongs don't make a right. But three do.

My grandmother's driving variation of this: Two wrongs do not make a right. But three rights make a left.

[lightingtool]

Never, never, never light your 151 rum on fire if you are drinking out of a paper cup.

Only eat "special" brownies if you or someone you trust made them.
(strangely, I learned both these things in the same night)

Never get involved in a land war in Asia.

[Flamsterette_X]

Originally posted by Ol'Gaffer
Don't eat those little red peppers in Chinese food.

No, just give them to me. I'll gladly eat them. (I once freaked out my aunyt, uncle, and cousins by eating a bowl and a half of them at a restaurant once.. with hardly any water befroe, during, or afterwards)

F_X

[truthbot]

Don't deep fry in the nude.

Adding a minute amount of salt-peter to your African Violet fertilizer in the spring will produce wondrous blooms.

When planting tomato starts, bury them half-way up the stalk. The buried portion will produce lots of roots and help your tomatoes get off to a vigorious start.

Hydrogen Peroxide will remove blood from white fabrics.

You can locate 'pet stains' in carpeting by using a blacklight.

[Klaatu]

Job related:
Measure twice, cut once.
Measure twice, cut once.

When drilling holes with a spade bit or holesaw, drill until the point of the bit just pokes through, then flip the material over and finish from that side, prevents splintering.

To make sure something is square, measure from one corner diagonally to the opposite corner. Then measure the other two corners. Adjust until the measurements are the same.

A bit of dish soap mixed in drywall mud will help prevent air bubbles when taping and floating.

General:
When attempting to break loose a stuck bolt with a wrench, NEVER wrap your fingers around the wrench, push with your open palm, because when the tool slips off the bolt......

When riding in a car drunk on your butt, never yell "SOOOOOWIEEE" at the cop you pass on the side of the road.

After a fight with a girlfriend (or boyfriend as the case may be), as you are walking out the door, do not turn around and say "Well, I guess a blowjob is out of the question."

[BiblioCat]

Lefty loosey, righty tighty.

[MysteryFellow63427]

Let me make some corrections:

Drunken emails are fun for EVERYBODY! Keep sending them.

Jaegermeister is not evil, it is awesome.

Penicillium roqueforti behind the year? C'mon Inky, you're just trying to get us to sniff our fingers