Colinmarshall...a word?

[Freudian Slit]

Soooo....ladies of the SDMB. It seems Colinmarshall is at an impasse. One of us could boldly go where no human with an x chromosome has ventured...get him laid and maybe shut him the fuck up. With that in mind, I start my first pit thread. Can you believe it? I've been here through all these posts, and I've just always been too lazy to pit an actual doper.

But wow. It's like you, Colin, wrote the manual on Pitting People for Dummies. I don't even have to convince myself of how you suck. All I really have to do is hit the search button over and over again. What I'd like to know is are you the proverbial pimply teen (TM) just over his "girls are icky" stage, trying to catch up with his more suave peers...or are you just the proverbial undatable loser?

How does he like HIS women?

Say I meet a breathtakingly attractive girl with a stunning personality and she's interested in me. However, if I find out that she's had any previous sexual experience (intercourse or otherwise), she instantly drops from my radar. I, literally, have never been able to "get it up" for what I have come to refer to as "used women," and nobody I've ever dated has been in any way "used" before I came into the picture.

...same way he likes his condoms, under-garments, and his kleenex...(go through a lot of those?)

I just found this one of the more creepy quotes.

So...as to getting you laid. Tried a personal yet? Desperately seeking a girl who:
doesn't wear platform sandals

knows that the fundamentals to a relationship involve tweezers and a buttload of Nair

looks gorgeous and is cool enough not to show up her guy

lacks any sense of self-worth...

Oh yeah, and hasn't been touched by anyone else

Any girl who passes your test has probably been fucked over by life so many times as to make your last criterion null and void. Do you require a doormat or just an automaton?