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Old 03-20-2005, 11:23 PM
roger thornhill is offline
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Summarise a Film In a Limerick


Following the staggering success of case sensitive's uber-thread, I thought I'd try and bring in those who seldom read books, but love their movies.

"A case of mistaken identity
Everyone's after a non-entity
A hero plied with bourbon
A blonde, a McGuffin
Movie-making as it was meant to be"
  #2  
Old 03-21-2005, 12:22 AM
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Watched by the gimp, heroin snorted
An important gold watch, Marvin contorted
Vince takes the bullet
Then Jules says "forget it"
Wait, no - ack, it's all disordered.
  #3  
Old 03-21-2005, 05:51 AM
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An unfeasibly big, hungry fish
Finds holidaymakers a dish -
The plot's kinda poor
But there's buckets of gore;
There was just one of these? Oh, I wish.
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  #4  
Old 03-21-2005, 06:12 AM
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Link to the uber-thread (Summarise a Novel in a Limerick) for those who missed it or thought it was about Tolkien.
  #5  
Old 03-21-2005, 07:56 AM
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At last! I was about to start this thread, but kept putting it off. I guess it was inevitable.

My contribution to come later (while I should be working/studying) so rejoice or take warning, depending.
  #6  
Old 03-21-2005, 09:11 AM
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Two Germans are dead on a train,
As Strasser arrives on the plane.
Renault lets him know
That they're sure to go,
To Rick's Cafe Americain.

Ugarte gives letters to Rick.
Into Sam's piano - how slick.
Ferrari tries buying.
Louis talks of spying,
Says Laszlo is planning a trick.

Laslo and Ilsa appear
After visas, not just a beer.
Rick's wondering why
He plays "As Time Goes By"
But Sam's glance shows Ilsa is here.

Ah memories. Rick's time in Paris
Drinking and dancing unharassed.
But suddenly - Krauts
It's time to get out.
But Ilsa leaves him most embarrased.

Ilsa and Laszlo are stuck
Strasser says they will die there with luck.
Ferrari is useless,
His promises toothless
But Rick may fix all this up.

The Germans stand around Sam
And are singing a German anthem.
Play "La Marseillaise"
Is all Laszlo need say
And Rick's closes up like a clam.

Ilsa is packing a gun,
When she asks Rick for the letters to run.
She tells Rick she loves him,
But Laszlo's her husband
Let him go - for he is the one.

Suddenly things get confusing,
Arrests and releases - bamboozling.
At the airport are Rick,
Louis, Ilsa and Vic
And a plane, it's engines idling.

Louis fills in the forms under orders
But Ilsa regrets her departure.
Rick says let it slide
Stay by Victor's side
And sends them on their way cross the water.

Strasser tries stopping the plane,
Rick shoots him but he is not blamed.
"The usual suspects" says Louis,
As he tosses his bottle of Vichy.
"Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."
  #7  
Old 03-21-2005, 10:38 AM
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Some rich guy, he keels over dead.
"Rosebud" was the last word he said.
After some discovering,
We end up uncovering
That it was the name of his sled.
  #8  
Old 03-21-2005, 12:13 PM
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The first rule is we don't talk about it,
The place where we get punched, kicked and hit,
There's twelve steps and soap,
Just to help Tyler cope,
In the movie he's played by Brad Pitt
  #9  
Old 03-21-2005, 12:33 PM
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Marry me, irishgirl... *sigh*

Ecoterrorists, The Monkeys Twelve
Hatch a plot reminiscent of ELF*
Send the future Bruce Willis
Stop the plague that will kill us
And the man he saw shot was himself

(* The Environmental Liberation Front, for those unfamiliar with Eco groups in america)

An Invalid gains infiltration
In a genetic code centered nation
Though genetically dimmer
Ethan Hawke's a good swimmer
Earns his own rocket journey–Elation!
  #10  
Old 03-21-2005, 12:55 PM
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A farmer plowed under his field
to make a ballpark that could yield
old players like Shoeless
but Ray remained clueless
until his dead dad was revealed.
  #11  
Old 03-21-2005, 01:05 PM
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A terrorist whose name was Grüber
had a sinister plan that was Über
but an off-duty cop
gave his henchmen the chop
while the feebs showed the brains of a tüber.
  #12  
Old 03-21-2005, 01:12 PM
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Poor young Alex, stuck in a cell block
Till his mind was refined by the doc.
Now he no longer can
Listen to Ludwig Van,
So he jumped out the window. Tick-tock!
  #13  
Old 03-21-2005, 02:03 PM
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There was a young man from Tatooine
who flew in an X-fighter machine
He fought in a star war
and blew up a death star
because they forgot to put up a screen.
  #14  
Old 03-21-2005, 02:18 PM
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There was a young man from Tatooine
who flew in an X-fighter machine
He fought in a star war
and blew up a death star
because they forgot to put up a screen.
  #15  
Old 03-21-2005, 02:37 PM
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Please remember poor Marty McFly.
He fled when he saw the Doc die.
His mom loved him a lot,
the Doc said 'Great Scott!'
Who knew a DeLorean could fly?
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  #16  
Old 03-21-2005, 04:21 PM
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Can we please identify the film being... uh, "limericked" before the limerick itself? Readers may want to be warned of potential spoilers.
  #17  
Old 03-21-2005, 04:40 PM
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Napoleon Dynamite

In Idaho a young fellow says,
"My friend here wants to be class prez.
My home life's a wreck.
But oh, what the heck!
Please vote for one Pedro Sanchez."
  #18  
Old 03-21-2005, 05:01 PM
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Starship Troopers:

An asteroid sent by a bug.
Rico left home with no hug.
Ten lashes in a square.
A girl with red hair.
The brain bug is really a slug.


Dr Strangelove:

A general launching some nukes,
The war-room is filled with kooks,
Taking pictures of the big board,
While defending from the red hoard,
The doomsday machine gives me the spooks.


Matrix:

Morpheus seems like a loon.
Agent Smith is a big goon.
Trinity shoots.
Cypher's in cahoots.
Neo finds there's no spoon.


Saving Private Ryan:

The shooting happens in Omaha,
the Nazis begin to withdraw.
The captain gets shot,
Private Ryan does not.
No, this isn't that movie with Jude Law.
  #19  
Old 03-21-2005, 05:47 PM
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The Princess Bride

The farm boy, although he was skilled
Sought his fortune, but then he was killed
Is true love in the plan?
Will Inigo get his man?
Watch this movie, and you will be thrilled
  #20  
Old 03-21-2005, 06:47 PM
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The Cube:

Several strangers were kidnapped
And put in a cube full of traps
They wondered what for?
Was it a deep metaphor?
Or merely a deep pile of crap?
  #21  
Old 03-21-2005, 07:12 PM
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Repulsion:

There once was a cute little honey
Who ignored her sister's skinned bunny
Both the hare and some schlub
whom she'd dumped in the tub,
in the end, had begun to smell funny.
  #22  
Old 03-21-2005, 07:43 PM
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Where Eagles Dare

A film I loved as a boy
Had the lot - a total joy
Cable cars, foaming beer mugs
Rich Burton, Mary Ure's jugs
Chocks away and Nazis ahoy!
  #23  
Old 03-21-2005, 07:46 PM
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Allegro non troppo

An animated army's mass-moon
Comes after a faun's afternoon;
There's Bolero (Ravel),
Stravinsky as well,
And Sibelius, Vivaldi, and a really shitty ending.
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  #24  
Old 03-21-2005, 07:47 PM
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Ok, I'm going to break the rules some...and go with a television show, since someone's already done the movie I wanted and I can't think of anything better.


In the world of the Slayer named Buffy
Things can't be all cuddly and fluffy
Stakes through the heart
They're shaped like a dart
And Giles just gets very huffy
  #25  
Old 03-21-2005, 08:00 PM
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Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Joel's an unhappy man who discovers
a place for dissatisfied lovers
where, for a nominal fee,
they can tweak memory --
though they hire some unethical buggers.
  #26  
Old 03-21-2005, 08:14 PM
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Blue

Nuanced and postmodern
The screen with blue sodden
Jarman's last film
Nothing rhymes with film
At least it wasn't auburn
  #27  
Old 03-21-2005, 08:19 PM
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Alien vs Predator

Both came from a far away place
To try and find the stronger race
What a film it could have been
But they made the huge queen
Die by the hand of a pussy face*



*Link to thread in which people discuss how the Predators face may resemble the female genetals.
  #28  
Old 03-21-2005, 08:21 PM
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I suppose I should have put the link in.

*
  #29  
Old 03-22-2005, 01:17 AM
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Lost Souls:

A guy named Peter seemed nice
Though doomed to become Anti-Christ
The devil's own stygian horde
Tried to save him, but seemed to get bored
So Maya put Peter on ice.
  #30  
Old 03-22-2005, 01:43 AM
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The Wizard of Oz

For brain, heart, guts, and a trip home
Some pilgrims to E.C. did roam
They murdered a witch
by simply splashing the bitch --
Just as in L. Frank Baum's tome.
  #31  
Old 03-22-2005, 09:28 AM
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Nuts to you, Larry, I came in to do that one.

Young girl by tornado abused,
squashed a witch and made off with her shoes.
To the Wizard she ran
with Scarecrow and Tin Man,
and Lion, while West Witch pursues.
  #32  
Old 03-22-2005, 11:51 AM
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Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure

Two dudes were in danger of failin'.
Their future band plans were derailin'.
Flew through time with a phone,
And brought hist'ry back home.
Now all they need's Eddie Van Halen.
  #33  
Old 03-22-2005, 01:43 PM
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The Ring

Watch this weird tape and amaze,
At creepy images that capture your gaze,
But please don't be sloppy,
Or forget to copy,
Or you'll die in seven short days!
  #34  
Old 03-22-2005, 02:46 PM
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It’s a Wonderful Life

Poor George wished to leave Bedford Falls,
So much he was climbing the walls.
He never got out
And was haunted by doubt,
‘Till he saw life with no George at all.


All the President’s Men

Some plumbers screwed up on the job
In the hotel that they tried to rob.
The story was tricky
But they nailed ol’ Dicky,
‘Cause Deep Throat kept meeting with Bob.
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  #35  
Old 03-22-2005, 02:48 PM
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The Usual Suspects

He was scared to death of Keyser,
The mastermind without peer nor advisor.
"My friends all got popped,"
Was what he told the cop.
Then they released him -- none the wiser.
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  #36  
Old 03-22-2005, 02:49 PM
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The Passion of The Christ

There once was a young man named Jesus
who pissed off some old Jewish geezers
They chained him and flogged him
then scourged him and logged him
His body now flaps in the breezes
  #37  
Old 03-22-2005, 03:07 PM
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The Big Lebowsky

There once was a hippie named Dude
Mistaken for some crippled prude
A ransom plan faltered
when his buddy Walter
Switched cases and the tradeoff got screwed
  #38  
Old 03-22-2005, 05:35 PM
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Manos: The Hands of Fate
A creepy, big-thighed hireling said:
“Master likes you.” Is he out of his head?
It could hardly be worse
And it carries a curse.
The filmmakers are almost all dead
?
  #39  
Old 03-22-2005, 07:53 PM
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The Deer Hunter

First the world's longest wedding
Then to Nam they are heading
Streep mourning fiancé lump in throatie
Bob handsome in beret and goatie
The horrors of war? No, the glories of bedding!
  #40  
Old 03-23-2005, 05:51 AM
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A great archaeological find,
But, Morbius, why were you so blind?
Crew (and comrades as well)
Were slain, like the Krell,
By beasts from the subconscious mind.

(You don't really need a title for this one, do you? I mean, really??)
  #41  
Old 03-23-2005, 06:23 AM
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This isn't any vacation
By two Yanks adrift in Nippon
He's filmed drinking whiskey
She's bored and now frisky
And nothing much happens from then on.
  #42  
Old 03-23-2005, 07:22 AM
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Nice one, FG. On the subject of over-rated movies, try this Froggiephone Oscar-winning one:

As a selfish old man lies dying
His daughter can't do all the crying
Wife, nurses and mistresses being easily wowed
The bugger turns his attention to his son so proud
Who like us finds the whole thing trying
  #43  
Old 03-23-2005, 07:54 AM
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Alien

A big badass insect in space
Had teeth that came right out its face
Ate its way through the crew
Till Ripley said "Shoo!"
And put the thing right in its place
  #44  
Old 03-23-2005, 08:04 AM
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Raiders of the Lost Ark

There once was a doctor named Jones
who fought with bad guys in warzones
They found the Lost Ark
Alone in the Dark
It then melted the flesh off their bones
  #45  
Old 03-23-2005, 08:17 AM
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The Aviator
A millionare flier named Hughes
Once assayed photoplays to produze.
On the side, he built planes,
Bedded Hollywood dames,
And progressively loosened his screws.
  #46  
Old 03-23-2005, 08:18 AM
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Gone with the Wind

A diva named Scarlet O'Hara
once lived in a mansion called Tara
One day she met
a gentleman named Rhett
and they lived in the Civil War era
  #47  
Old 03-23-2005, 08:49 AM
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I just can't stop....

The Manchurian Candidate

A prisoner the Chinese detained
Then they reprogrammed his brain
He seemed rather hesitant
to kill the future president
whose mother was pulling the reins
  #48  
Old 03-23-2005, 08:52 AM
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Jaws:

The summer money’s what makes us all rich
A stoned swimmer who drowned, just a glitch
“This is no boating accident” was said
And right when ole Martin looked dead
“Smile you son of a bitch”
  #49  
Old 03-23-2005, 11:24 AM
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You can work these out....


A small boy's halloween festival
Is magic when his cycle goes aerial
In Speilberg's confusion
His Christ-like allusion
Was reborn as an extra-terrestrial

An adventure tale of a small fry
Through ocean perils that thereby
May cause you to fret
If the fish fate is met
Don't worry, it's only c.g.i.

This film is trash from the onset
For Stiller is it's only asset.
It's not done by halves
Just how many laughs
Can a ball in the face or the groin get?
  #50  
Old 03-23-2005, 01:28 PM
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The Omen, parts I-III

There once was a mean little kid
With a birthmark beneath his hair hid.
He posed no real danger,
This demon-seed stranger,
‘Till Rove helped his White House bid!

Friday the Thirteenth

Jason, that vile, evil stain,
Killed people, again and again.
And again and again
And again and again
And again and again and again.

Pearl Harbor

The Zeros flew in for attack;
The Yanks took a lot of their flack.
It was… kind of gory,
But there was no story—
That cost money, and I want it back!
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