Phone calls that make you go :smack:

[Subway Prophet]

Let me start by saying that I'm terrible at remembering numbers. I had a hell of a time in history class, where everything is a date on the calendar. I barely know my social security number, forget about my driver's license number. The worst are phone numbers - by far the worst are phone numbers.

So anyway, I get home from work early today, and my wife's not home. She's likely at her mother's, who lends a hand with the young'uns, so I give them a call.

Someone answers. "Hello?" I hear the young voice of my sister-in-law, See. (Yes, her name is "See". As in "See's Candies.")

"Hello?" I say.

"Hello?" she repeats. This is a game. See is the baby of the family, so even though she's in her early twenties now, she still has a bubbly sense of humor. It's childish, but we're having fun.

"Hello?" I repeat.

"Who is this?"

"It's me."

"Me who?" Okay, so now she is going into knock-knock joke territory. The realm of third-graders and sitcom writers. I steer the conversation back to the important bits - me.

"No no no. Me."

"Okay, who is this?"

"Who is this?"

"Who are you?" Anyone who's watched Babylon 5 knows the answer to this.

"What do you want? Oh, wait, I don't think you've seen that show."

"Why are you calling me?"

"I thought I'd say 'hi.'"

"Is there someone here you want to talk to?"

"Yeah, but I thought I'd say 'hi' to you too."

"Do I know you?" Highly inquisitive tone of voice. She's such a tease.

"I think you do."

"Is this a prank call? Because I'm getting really close to hanging up."



There are moments in a grown man's life where he must decide to stand and fight, or run away. There is no correct choice. The man who stands will conquer his fears; the man who runs will live to see another day. (Or something like that.) I usually run. It's the coward in me.



"See, it's me."

"I'm not See."



There are also moments in a man's life where he must decide whether he's going to faint and thus lose control of his bladder, or just lose control of his bladder. Lucky me, I just took a piss.



"Did I just dial 123-456-7890?"

"Uh, no. Wrong number!" Click.



No, wait, it's not so bad. She didn't know who I was, and...oh. Caller ID.



It's all right, it's an honest mistake, anyone could have made it - but I couldn't identify a family member over the phone, whom I've known since she was a kid.

-a-whacka


Sigh.