The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > Cafe Society

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #51  
Old 11-07-2007, 06:32 PM
Pashnish Ewing Pashnish Ewing is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Hell's Kitchen, NYC
Posts: 1,064
After Smithers informs him that his top picks for softball players are all retired and passed on...

"Damnation! All right, find me some good players. Living players! I want you to scour the American League, the National League, the Negro Leagues!"

Last edited by Pashnish Ewing; 11-07-2007 at 06:33 PM..
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #52  
Old 11-07-2007, 11:00 PM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Auckland
Posts: 6,670
"Smithers, that man's blouse appears to contain some kind of communique"

"Uh, it says 'Don't wake me when I'm working', sir"

{outraged} Sheer Bolshevism! And ripe for the quashing!

I use that last line whenever possible.
__________________
Detrimento malignitas; victoria ultio
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:01 AM
initech initech is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
"Smithers! This reminds me of that fat man I used to ride to work!"

- Burns, riding an elephant
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:10 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: At the Diogenes Club
Posts: 49,126
Whenever Smithers identifies Homer to him for the Nth time, Burns says thoughtfully, "Hmmm. Simpson, eh...?"

Burns invites Lisa to become his business partner. She says, "Well, OK... but nothing evil!" He replies, "That's just the kind of innovative, outside-of-the-box thinking I'm looking for!"
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:24 AM
NDP NDP is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: PNW USA
Posts: 6,955
Burns describing his workers as he watches them on his monitor:

"Goldbrickers. Layabouts! Slugabeds!!"
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:47 AM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 59,236
Mr. Burns: Smithers do you think you could dig up Al Jolson?
Smithers: Ummm... Remember we tried that?
Mr. Burns: Oh right, he's dead... and rather pungent. The rest of that night is something I'd like to forget.
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:57 AM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Two from the Halloween short King Homer from Treehouse of Horror III

"If we bring him back alive, we'll have the greatest show New York has ever seen! Dead, and we can sell monkey stew to the army."

"He's dead!"
"No...but his career is. I remember when Al Jolson escaped from the Winter Garden and tried to climb the Chrysler Building. After that he couldn't get arrested in this town."
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 11-08-2007, 09:41 AM
Marley23 Marley23 is offline
I Am the One Who Bans
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Brooklyn
Posts: 78,236
Quote:
Originally Posted by zamboniracer
Burns: [angry yelling] Who told yo --[catches himself] oh, ho ho, I, yes, yes, well, I'd say you're an angel, but angels don't dance like that.
I just realizes I've never heard the "angel" half of that line. I'm always laughing too hard at the first part.
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 11-08-2007, 09:53 AM
chowder chowder is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Not really Mr Burns but this one creases me:

Hitler glaring at Bobo while Berlin lies in ruins "It's all your fault"

Last edited by chowder; 11-08-2007 at 09:54 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 11-08-2007, 10:04 AM
Robot Arm Robot Arm is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
BURNS: There you are...there you go, little fellow...and you. [one of the puppies stands on its hind legs] [gasps] Smithers, look: he's standing up. I've never seen anything so adorable! Do you know who it reminds me of?
SMITHERS: Benji?
BURNS: No.
SMITHERS: Lassie?
BURNS: No, no, no, a person. You know who I mean.
SMITHERS: Snoop Doggy Dogg? Bob Barker? David Brenner?
BURNS: No, no! The person who's always standing and walking.
SMITHERS: Rory Calhoun?
BURNS: That's it!

Last edited by Robot Arm; 11-08-2007 at 10:05 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #61  
Old 11-08-2007, 11:04 AM
Aguecheek Aguecheek is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Who Shot Mr. Burns?, pt. 1:

"Take that, Bowlorama! Take that, covenience mart! Take that, nuclear power pl--oh, fiddlesticks."

I bust a gut every time. I think it's the shamed "oohh fiddlesticks." Heh.
Reply With Quote
  #62  
Old 11-08-2007, 11:49 AM
ThatDuckIsEvil ThatDuckIsEvil is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Pardon that I don't know which episode it's from, but Burns asks Smithers:

"What are your plans for the weekend, Smithers, something GAY, I presume?" and Smithers stammering for a response.

Then Burns says something to the effect of: "Mothers, lock up your daughters, Waylon's on the town." To which Smithers replies: "Exactly, Sir."
Reply With Quote
  #63  
Old 11-08-2007, 11:54 AM
HoboStew HoboStew is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Well, if it's a crime to love one's country, then I'm guilty. And if it's a crime to steal a trillion dollars from our government and hand it over to communist Cuba, then I'm guilty of that too. And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!

Homer: God bless America!
Reply With Quote
  #64  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:17 PM
robardin robardin is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 4,319
"If only we had listened to that boy... Instead of walling him up in the abandoned coke oven."

Though my favorite quote from that segment is from Mr. Burns' grandfather in his flashback memory, who accosts a random hammer-wielding worker in his "atom smashing factory" at the Turn of the (20th) Century thusly: "You there, turn out your pockets! (Examines lining with magnifying glass) "A-ha, ATOMS!... One, two, three, four... SIX of them! Take him away!"
Reply With Quote
  #65  
Old 11-08-2007, 12:30 PM
vibrotronica vibrotronica is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Mr. Burns
(sniffling)
Smithers, do you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks?

Smithers
There's no maybe about it, Sir.

Mr. Burns
Excellent.
Reply With Quote
  #66  
Old 11-08-2007, 03:40 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 32,391
Quote:
Originally Posted by USCDiver
"Release the hounds"
Release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Reply With Quote
  #67  
Old 11-08-2007, 03:57 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: At the Diogenes Club
Posts: 49,126
"Ha! Getting a photo of me with a happy child should be no problem at all!"
Reply With Quote
  #68  
Old 11-08-2007, 04:00 PM
Wee Bairn Wee Bairn is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Biafra
Posts: 5,734
While mocking Homer for his poorly worded suggestion in the suggestion box:

"Well, that was almost a sentence"
Reply With Quote
  #69  
Old 11-08-2007, 05:11 PM
YellowTail YellowTail is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Ah, Monday morning. Time to pay for your two days of debauchery, you over-hung drones!

Pah, the Japanese?!?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders???

Last edited by YellowTail; 11-08-2007 at 05:15 PM..
Reply With Quote
  #70  
Old 11-08-2007, 06:29 PM
Dob Dob is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: VA
Posts: 1,399
"One dollar for eternal happyness? I would be happier with the dollar"
Reply With Quote
  #71  
Old 11-09-2007, 10:20 AM
Smid Smid is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
[ mr burns ] Smithers, I've designed a new plane. I call it the Spruce Moose, and it will carry 200 passengers from the New York’s idle-wild airport to the Belgium Congo in 17 minutes!

[ smithers ] That’s quite a nice model, sir.

[ mr burns ] Model?

(later)

[ mr burns ] Now, to the plant! We'll take the Spruce Moose! Hop in!

[ smithers ] But sir…

[ mr burns ] (Pulls a gun on him) I said Get In!
Reply With Quote
  #72  
Old 11-09-2007, 12:49 PM
mobo85 mobo85 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Smid
[ mr burns ] Smithers, I've designed a new plane. I call it the Spruce Moose, and it will carry 200 passengers from the New York’s idle-wild airport to the Belgium Congo in 17 minutes!
It's actually Idlewild Airport, and another funny example of Mr. Burns's outdated knowledge: the airport was renamed for John F. Kennedy in 1963, and the Congo (Zaire) hasn't been a Belgian colony since 1960.
Reply With Quote
  #73  
Old 11-11-2007, 07:24 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir
Whenever Smithers identifies Homer to him for the Nth time, Burns says thoughtfully, "Hmmm. Simpson, eh...?"

Burns invites Lisa to become his business partner. She says, "Well, OK... but nothing evil!" He replies, "That's just the kind of innovative, outside-of-the-box thinking I'm looking for!"

I like the one where Burns' car pulls up to Lenny, Carl and Homer and he's like:

Burns: You there! Shouldn't you be at work!?
Homer: Yes Mr Burns...
Burns: Well then get back to wherever you work, whoever you are!!
Reply With Quote
  #74  
Old 11-11-2007, 08:47 PM
Hung Mung Hung Mung is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dante
And I have used "Ahoy hoy?" when answering the phone on occasion.
I do this frequently.

One of my favorites: "Oh Ziggy, will you ever win?"
Reply With Quote
  #75  
Old 11-11-2007, 09:26 PM
Frostillicus Frostillicus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
"Does anyone have change for a button"?
Reply With Quote
  #76  
Old 11-12-2007, 09:56 AM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Mr. Burns: You're fired.
Marge: You can't fire me just because I'm married. I'm gonna sue the pants off of you.
Mr. Burns: You don't have to sue me to get my pants off.

Mr. Burns: Nonsense! Dogs are idiots! Think about it, Smithers. If I came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you say?
Smithers: If you did it, sir?

Mr. Burns: A lifetime of working with nuclear power has left me with a healthy green glow... and left me as impotent as a Nevada boxing commissioner.

Mr. Burns: [about bringing Marge along on their voyage] What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and sea men don't mix, sir.
Mr. Burns: We all know what you think.

Burns: And a stunt like that impresses people?
Homer Simpson: Oh yeah, and I'm not easily impressed. Woah, a blue car!
Burns: If a couple of Chinese bamboo gobblers can win people's hearts, I'm going to bring them something that man has searched for since the dawn of time.
Homer Simpson: A sober Irishman?
Burns: Even rarer.

Milhouse: [auditioning to become Burns's heir] I have nothing to offer you but my love.
Mr. Burns: I specifically said, no geeks!
Milhouse: But my mom says I'm cool!
Nelson: Gimme your fortune or I'll pound your withered old face in!
Mr. Burns: Ooh, I like his energy. Put him on the callback list.
Martin Prince: [singing] Clang, clang, clang, went the trolley / Ring, ring, ring, went the bell / Zing, Zing, Zing, went my heartstrings...
[Nelson cold-cocks him]
Mr. Burns: Thank you! Give the bully an extra point.


Mr. Burns: Some men hunt for sport, others hunt for food. The only thing I'm hunting for, is an outfit that looks good... / See... my... Vest. See my vest. / Made from real gorilla chest. / See this sweater, there's no better, than authentic Irish Setter. / See this hat? 'Twas my cat, / My evening wear vampire bat. / These white slippers are albino African endangered rhino. / Grizzly bear underwear, / Turtle's necks I've got my share. / Beret of Poodle on my noodle I shall rest. / Try my red robin suit, it comes one breast or two. / See my vest. See my vest. See my vest. / Like my loafers? Former gophers, / It was that or skin my chauffeurs / but a greyhound fur tuxedo would be best. / So let's prepare these dogs...
Maid: Kill two for matching clogs.
Mr. Burns: See my vest, see my vest, oh please won't you see... my... Vest! I really like the vest.
__________________
If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.
Reply With Quote
  #77  
Old 11-12-2007, 10:55 AM
Wee Bairn Wee Bairn is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Biafra
Posts: 5,734
I'll keep it short and sweet. Family, religion, friendship. These
are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.
When opportunity knocks, you don't want to be driving to a maternity
hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. Or synagogue.


Burns: Questions?
[somewhat long pause, finally Skinner raises his hand]
Skinner: Well, uh, I might take advantage of this rare opportunity
even if you children aren't interested. Ah, which do you
think is more important? Hard work, or stick-to-it-iveness?
Burns: Are there any _real_ questions?
-- "The Old Man and the Lisa"
Reply With Quote
  #78  
Old 11-12-2007, 05:29 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Burns: Well, we certainly got walloped tonight, eh, fellas? [laughs]
Homer: Yeah, ha ha --
[gets kicked under the table]
Well, Mr. -- ouch! Mr. Burns, next week is the big championship
game, and --
Burns: Ah, yes, that silly championship. [laughs] The only ship worth a
damn is friendship.
[makes a paper boat] Look, here comes the friend ship, sailing
your way!
[puts it on Homer's beer; it sinks]
Oh, here: let me get that, friend. [pulls it out]
Whoops. Lost a nail. Well, that's leprosy for you
Reply With Quote
  #79  
Old 11-12-2007, 05:56 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
[Homer and coworker/temptress Mindy are representing the power plant at an industry convention in Capital City; at their hotel, they order from room service; alarm goes off in Burns' office]

SMITHERS: Sir, someone is ordering room service on the company account!

BURNS: We'll see about that! Fly, my pretties! Fly!

[opens cage of winged monkeys, dressed like bellhops, as in The Wizard of Oz; they all run to the window and leap out; thudding sounds as they fall to the ground]

BURNS: Continue the research.
Reply With Quote
  #80  
Old 11-12-2007, 05:59 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
BURNS: [addressing power-plant softball team, as inspirational music swells] Look, men, you don't like me, and I don't like you! So I want to remember something inspirational someone may have said to you at some time in your life, and get out there and WIN! [the players run onto the field cheering exuberantly]
Reply With Quote
  #81  
Old 11-12-2007, 08:16 PM
Meyer6 Meyer6 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
About a rock thrown through his window:

BURNS: Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
Reply With Quote
  #82  
Old 11-12-2007, 08:33 PM
bouv bouv is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Meyer6
BURNS: Look Smithers, a bird has become petrified and lost its sense of direction.
Smithers: Sir, I believe that's a rock.

Burns: We'll see what the lab has to say about that!
Reply With Quote
  #83  
Old 11-12-2007, 10:19 PM
NicePete NicePete is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
It's actually a Smithers line, but it's in response to Burns:

Owls will deafen us with their incessant hooting!
Reply With Quote
  #84  
Old 11-12-2007, 11:20 PM
teemingONE teemingONE is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Mr. Burns: What are you doing in my corpse hatch?
Chief Wiggum: Mr. Burns, you're under arrest for murder.
Mr. Burns: Uh, did I say corpse hatch? I meant innocence tube.
Reply With Quote
  #85  
Old 11-13-2007, 04:04 AM
Scissorjack Scissorjack is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Auckland
Posts: 6,670
So, how about that local sports team, eh?
Reply With Quote
  #86  
Old 11-13-2007, 08:58 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: At the Diogenes Club
Posts: 49,126
Within earshot of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector who's threatening to close down the plant: "Oh, Smithers, look at this huge pile of cash someone just happened to leave here! Let's step outside for a moment and see if it goes away."
Reply With Quote
  #87  
Old 11-13-2007, 09:23 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Burns: Smithers! Who is that bookworm?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson sir.
Burns: Simpson, eh? His job description clearly specifies an illiterate!
Reply With Quote
  #88  
Old 11-13-2007, 11:12 AM
middleman middleman is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
WOW! I use a ton of these regularly. You really forget what an impact the Simpsons have on speech.

I'll add one and then list others I use on a regular basis:

If you can take advantage of a situation in some way,
it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race
always be to the swift or the jumble to the quick-witted? Should
they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them?
Well, I say cheating is the gift man gives himself!

ALREADY MENTIONED THAT I USE

Yet if I were to have them killed, I'd be the one to go to jail.
Well I say, hard cheese."
"Let the fools have their tartare sauce."
"There's a New Mexico?"
Oooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans
Damned Roosevelt!
"Release the hounds"
"Have the Rolling Stones killed!"
"Ahoy hoy?"
"I was free to wallow in my own crapulence."
"Thanks for not making fun of my genitalia." (I say this to my wife.)
"Hmmm. Simpson, eh...?"
The Rory Calhoun bit.
Take that, covenience smart! (it is smart not mart in the quote)
And if it's a crime to bribe a jury, then so help me, I'll soon be guilty of that!
The only ship worth a damn is friendship.
Well, that's leprosy for you.
So, how about that local sports team, eh?


Great thread.

Last edited by middleman; 11-13-2007 at 11:12 AM..
Reply With Quote
  #89  
Old 11-13-2007, 11:46 AM
jsc1953 jsc1953 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by Elendil's Heir
Within earshot of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspector who's threatening to close down the plant: "Oh, Smithers, look at this huge pile of cash someone just happened to leave here! Let's step outside for a moment and see if it goes away."
I like the follow-up, on returning to the room: "Look Smithers, the cash and a very stupid man are still here."
Reply With Quote
  #90  
Old 11-13-2007, 12:10 PM
robardin robardin is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 4,319
In the "Bobo" episode, where Burns is pondering over how to reward Homer for finding his lost bear: "I can't pay you much of a reward, because I'm strapped for cash." (The ceiling creaks, and gives way under the weight of accumulated gold coins, jewels and other treasure items, which cascade onto Mr. Burns, ending with a gold crown atop his head and burying him up to his chest in a pile of coins) "As you can see, this old place is falling apart!"
Reply With Quote
  #91  
Old 11-13-2007, 08:37 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Burns: I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
Smithers: With pleasure, sir!

Mr. Burns: Do my worst, eh? Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.
Reply With Quote
  #92  
Old 11-13-2007, 08:43 PM
Surbey Surbey is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Smithers "Sir, I'm afraid we have a bad image, people see you as a bit of an ogre." Mr.Burns "I ought to club them and eat their bones!"
Reply With Quote
  #93  
Old 11-14-2007, 08:30 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: At the Diogenes Club
Posts: 49,126
About Mr. Burns, but not by him... the campaign consultant, speaking to the Simpson family before the Election Eve dinner, says something like, "What we want you to do is to show how much you admire and love him, while being very careful not to actually touch him."
Reply With Quote
  #94  
Old 11-14-2007, 08:59 AM
Wee Bairn Wee Bairn is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Biafra
Posts: 5,734
To Homer: You're not as dumb as you look. Or sound. Or our best testing indicates.
Reply With Quote
  #95  
Old 11-14-2007, 10:01 AM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Damn it Mattingly!! I said TRIM THOSE SIDEBURNS!!
Reply With Quote
  #96  
Old 11-14-2007, 11:23 AM
usar_jag usar_jag is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by YellowTail
Pah, the Japanese?!?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders???
Slight nitpick: The actual quote is: "The Japanese?!?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders??? Bosh! Flimshaw!!" (Two great exclamations that I try to work into conversation.)

That is probably my favorite quote, along with "Let the fools have their TAR-TAR sauce."
__________________
I am the proud recipient of the prestigious 2004 "Homebrew's 'Not A Jerk' Rating"
Reply With Quote
  #97  
Old 11-14-2007, 11:42 AM
Mayo Speaks! Mayo Speaks! is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
The Seussical Burns from the episode where Homer leads the strike at the SNPP.

"Look at them all, through the darkness I'm bringing
They're not sad at all, they're actually singing!
They sing without juicers
They sing without blenders
They sing without flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers!"
Reply With Quote
  #98  
Old 11-14-2007, 12:29 PM
Shecky Shecky is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
One that I use often:

"Furious George? What happened to your beautiful face?"


Usually, it's preceded with a "He ain't pretty no more." It's from the monkey knife fights taking part on his yacht when Homer was watching the place.
Reply With Quote
  #99  
Old 11-14-2007, 01:17 PM
BrainGlutton BrainGlutton is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by usar_jag
Slight nitpick: The actual quote is: "The Japanese?!?! Those sandal-wearing goldfish tenders??? Bosh! Flimshaw!!" (Two great exclamations that I try to work into conversation.)
And it's Montgomery Burns' father who says it (the younger Burns is at his side, half-grown and licking a lollipop, but already wizened and hunchbacked).
Reply With Quote
  #100  
Old 11-15-2007, 11:25 PM
msmith537 msmith537 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Burns [To Reverend Lovejoy]: "Too late!! You've already signed the deal!!"
Lindsey Neigle: "Actually he hasn't"
Burns: "Oh...well then we welcome your input...until you sign the deal [shakes fist]"
Reply With Quote
Reply



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:15 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.