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  #1  
Old 02-08-2003, 12:26 AM
jeanster jeanster is offline
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Write your Movie-A-Minute Summarization here

Someone else started a thread about summarizing books. Let's do one here for movies, inspired by Movie-A-Minute:

http://rinkworks.com/movieaminute/

Here's one by me, only I gave it a slash angle:

Bedazzled

Directed by Stanley Donen

1967

Ultra-Condensed and Slashed by Jean Akins


Peter Cook

Don't kill yourself. I can give you Margaret Spencer in exchange for your soul.

Dudley Moore

To hell with Margaret Spencer. Where have you been all my life, you tall, gorgeous, dreamy, sexy, adorable love muffin you?

******************

And this one here's not a movie, but an ultra-condensed version I wrote of the Blackadder episode 'Bells':

BLACKADDER: Never catch me falling in love.

KATE DISGUISED AS BOB: Prepare to be amazed!

(She shows him her breasts.)

BLACKADDER: I want to marry you! Kiss me, Kate!

(At the wedding Kate runs off with Edmund's best man Lord Flashheart.)

THE END
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  #2  
Old 02-09-2003, 10:26 AM
Jeff Wilder Jeff Wilder is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Titanic

1997 Directed by James Cameron.

Jack: My name is Jack. I am an artist and I like to draw pictures of people naked. This here is my latest subject. Her name is Rose.

Rose: I'm engaged to a wealthy snob and I'm prepared to kill myself when Jack saves me. So I agree to let him paint me and along the way I discover that I'm in love with me. So we wind up doing the you-know-what.

Captain: They are on my ship, which is unsinkable.

Voice: (From Off screen) ICCCCEEEBEEERG!!!

(CRASH!)

Voices: We're sinking!!!

Jack: Follow me everyone.

(All characters jump into lifeboats)

Jack: Rose I love you. But I need to sacrifice myself to end the movie and so Celine Dion will have a hit song to sing over the closing credits.

Rose: Okay Jack. I love you. Goodbye (Hops into life boat)

(Boat sinks with Jack on it.)

(Closing credits feature song that sounds like a yak yodeling.)
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  #3  
Old 02-09-2003, 10:51 AM
TVS TVS is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Star Wars:

Han Solo: Let the wookie win.

The Death Star starts destroying planets.

Everyone: I have a bad feeling about this!

Darth Vader: Man, I'm such a jerk! Good thing I'm so cool!

Luke Skywalker: What a jer! Glad I'm not related to him.

To Be Continued.



Silence of the lambs.

Hannibal: Hello, Clarice...

Clarice: Dr. Lecter, I'm worried that the killer is going to strike again, and I think we can save his current victim if we stop playing silly games...

Hannibal: Later, Clarice. First psychoanalyze yourself. Better yet, lets play jacks. Or finish the word-find in the back of my Highlights magazine.

Clarice: Couldn't we find the girl first?

Hannibal: You already know the location of the girl. Think. Now excuse me, I have a daring prison escape to plan for.
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  #4  
Old 02-09-2003, 11:22 AM
SadTomato SadTomato is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Grand Canyon

Good things happen, then bad things happen, then good things happen, then bad things happen then everybody goes to the Grand Canyon.
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  #5  
Old 02-09-2003, 04:44 PM
Nithy Nithy is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Lord of the Rings (The movies that have come out so far):

Frodo:
This ring is bad. It should be destroyed.
Aragorn:
I'm going to be king.
(Many dramatic battles and inner struggles)

and then,

Harry Potter (Either movie)
Harry: My parents are dead, and Lord Voldemort is out to get me.
Lord Voldemort: I'm out to get you Harry.
Everyone Else: Lord Voldemort is not out to get you.
(Lord Voldemort tries to get Harry. Fails.)
Harry: I told you he was out to get me. My parents are still dead.
Everyone Else: Well, he's gone now.
(And then the next movie starts)

Yes, I did just copy and paste these from the other thread. But they were mine anyway.
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  #6  
Old 02-09-2003, 04:46 PM
jeanster jeanster is offline
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Thanks, Nithy. I enjoyed these.

So true about the Harry Potter ones! *grin*
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  #7  
Old 02-09-2003, 05:12 PM
Agrippina Agrippina is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2001
For the Harry Potter ones you forgot:

Harry: I'll disobey all the teachers and break all the rules with my friends and none of us will get in trouble 'cause I'm famous and my parents are dead.
Snape: I'll try and do the decent thing and punish Harry like we would with any other student.
Everyone: Snape is evil and mean.
Dumbledore: Stop it Snape. Harry, you are not in trouble 'cause you're famous and your parents are dead.
Harry: Ha ha Snape.

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  #8  
Old 02-09-2003, 05:17 PM
jeanster jeanster is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by bean_shadow
For the Harry Potter ones you forgot:

Harry: I'll disobey all the teachers and break all the rules with my friends and none of us will get in trouble 'cause I'm famous and my parents are dead.
Snape: I'll try and do the decent thing and punish Harry like we would with any other student.
Everyone: Snape is evil and mean.
Dumbledore: Stop it Snape. Harry, you are not in trouble 'cause you're famous and your parents are dead.
Harry: Ha ha Snape.

Brilliant! Love it!



I am amazed at the funny and witty stuff y'all can come up with here in this thread. Enjoying it very much. Thanks, all.
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  #9  
Old 02-09-2003, 05:34 PM
manx manx is offline
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Alien: Resurection

Ripley: Ugh. Argh. I'm a confused mutant. Arg.
Call: I'm so annoying and whiney. Whine whine whine.
Space Pirates: Shut up. Arg
Aliens: Grr, arg.
Scientists. Hahahaha. We know this always goes wrong, yet we do it anyway. Why?
Ripley: Ugh. You're all idiots. Grunt.

Aliens escape. Chaos ensures. Many die, but not Ripley, Call or assorted grunting Space Pirates.
Call: I'm an android. Whine whine whine
Everyone else: Well duh. Now shut up

More chaos.

Ripley: Shit. I just killed my alien-baby. Angst (expressed by grunting)
Call: Everyone else is dead. Oh look, earth.
Ripley: ugh. Hope we got 'em all.

Independance Day

Space Geeks: Shit, an alien ship. From the moon? This is strange...
Jeff Goldblum: I'm a depressed semialcoholic divorcee. P.S. I'm really smart and, for some reason, work in cable repair. Also I like the enviroment.
Will Smith: I wish I could go to space. I guess I have to remain a jet fighter person.
Will Smith's Wife, Kid & Dog. We're cute. We're what he's fighting for.
Dog: Woof. Against all probability, I will survive everything an alien attack can throw.
President: I'm so dashing and rebelious. Go america.

Aliens attack. chaos ensues. Some people die, but they're not very important.

Entire world: We're so screwed

Jeff Goldbum: I know how to save the day!
Everyone else: Hurrah.

President: Go america! Go mankind!
Assorted fighters of all diferent ethnicities: Go america!

America saves the day.

Rest of World: Thanks America!!
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  #10  
Old 02-09-2003, 05:51 PM
Torgo Torgo is offline
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BOOGIE NIGHTS
directed by Paul Thomas Anderson


Paul Thomas Anderson

I will lift "GoodFellas" and set it in the west coast porn industry.


Critics

Paul Thomas Anderson is God.


THE END



BLUE VELVET
directed by David Lynch



Jeffrey

There's a dark undercurrent to our everyday world.


Dorothy

Hit me.


Frank Booth

Hnnnh. Hnnnnh. Don't look at me.

(Dies)


David Lynch

There's a network series here somewhere.

THE END
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http://martianginhonky.org
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  #11  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:15 PM
SnugTheJoiner SnugTheJoiner is offline
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LEAVING LAS VEGAS

HE: I'm going to drink myself to death.
SHE: Okay.

The End.
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  #12  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:19 PM
Yumblie Yumblie is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Armageddon

Scientist 1: Oh no an asteroid the size of Texas is going to destroy the earth with the power of 10,000 nukular bombs!!

Scientist 2: We better send a team of astronauts to the asteroid and blow it up.

Scientist 1: Hey I have a better idea, how about we send a bunch of inept oil drillers instead

Scientist: Ok. Let's easily point Hubble towards the asteroid and look at it some more.

Drilling Team: Ok we are in space.

*everything that can possibly go wrong goes wrong*

Bruce Willis: Oh no, I have to kill myself to blow up this asteroid the size of Kansas.

*conveniently, one nuclear bomb embedded less than 1/10th of the way through the asteroid manages to split it in half and both halfs conveniently miss Earth and the ship flying away from it*

Earth: Hooray for ignoring physics!!!
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  #13  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:25 PM
Cardinal Cardinal is offline
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Phil:

I'm sarcastinc, caustic, and self-absorbed. People outside major metropolitan areas are so laughable.

Wow, this same day is repeating over and over and blowing my mind. This also gives me a chance to learn how to hit on the babe-alicious producer I have.

Wow, this repeating business is depressing. I'll kill myself. Oops, it didn't take.

I've learned how to make the best of a bad situation, and really grown as a person. In fact, I'm now so impressive that the babe will fall for me in just one day. Man, I'm impressive.

Groundhog Day
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  #14  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:39 PM
Shirley Ujest Shirley Ujest is offline
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Join Date: May 1999
The English Patient

Ralph Lauren Desert Collection
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  #15  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:41 PM
Shirley Ujest Shirley Ujest is offline
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Join Date: May 1999
Die Hard

Terrorists have taken over the building and only I, Bruce Willis, with no shoes on and a smirk, can stop them, while I make close personal friends with a chubby cop.
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  #16  
Old 02-09-2003, 07:55 PM
jeanster jeanster is offline
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And the hits just keep on coming. These are great, people. Thanks for posting.
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  #17  
Old 02-09-2003, 08:12 PM
Torgo Torgo is offline
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STARSHIP TROOPERS
directed by Paul Verhoeven



Paul Verhoeven

I will make this film a parody of the novel it's based on.
Mwa-ha-ha.


Clueless Heinlein geeks

You got everything wrong, we're outraged.


THE END
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http://martianginhonky.org
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  #18  
Old 02-09-2003, 09:04 PM
Pucky Schumer Pucky Schumer is offline
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Posts: 481
Soylent Green

... is people
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  #19  
Old 02-09-2003, 09:26 PM
MonkeyMensch MonkeyMensch is offline
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Location: Encinitas
Posts: 2,410
Quote:
Originally posted by SadTomato
Grand Canyon

Good things happen, then bad things happen, then good things happen, then bad things happen then everybody goes to the Grand Canyon.
The Big Winner so far.
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  #20  
Old 02-09-2003, 09:45 PM
Sublight Sublight is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2000
The Time Machine (2002 version)

I discovered a way to travel to the past and save my fiancee's life, but instead I had to watch her die a thousand times. I'm so depressed, I'll go look at the future instead. There's a babe here wearing chainmail and no bra. This is my new home.
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  #21  
Old 02-09-2003, 09:59 PM
Pucky Schumer Pucky Schumer is offline
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Posts: 481
Reservoir Dogs

"I just figured out 'The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia.' "

"You shoot me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize."

"Okay, that's set. We gonna rob a jewelry store."

Ooops. That didn't go so well.

Remember back when we set this up? Well, you're going to be Mr. Pink anyway.

Then act PROFESSIONAL.

I'm not really a cop. No, not really.

"Stuck in the middle with yeeee--OOOOOOW"

"I'm a cop. Really."

Well f---------k me.
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  #22  
Old 02-09-2003, 11:32 PM
SadTomato SadTomato is offline
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Thank you, MonkeyMensch...it's nice to be appreciated!
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  #23  
Old 02-09-2003, 11:32 PM
ruralrage ruralrage is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2002
SPACEBALLS


Scruub: I need air

Dark Helmet: Oh vespa, GET THOSE DAMN BUNS OFF YOUR EARS!

Lonestar: So, like, i met this guy name yogurt in the desert and he taught me about the SCHWARTZ. I will need it to save my balls from the schwartz ring of dark helmet.

Dark Helmet: How did he know that?

Colonel Sanders: prePAR SHIp (sounding like a chicken)

-----------------------------


FALLING DOWN


Michael Douglas: I have to get home

Wife: My husband can't come home

Robert Duvall: I don't want to go home
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  #24  
Old 02-09-2003, 11:52 PM
Nithy Nithy is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Moulin Rouge:
I love you, but I can't love you. So I'll sing a few songs to make it better, and then I'll die.
__________________
Kill time before time kills you.
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  #25  
Old 02-10-2003, 12:13 AM
Lear's_fool Lear's_fool is offline
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Join Date: May 2002
Unbreakable

David: I survived a train wreck with out a scratch. Why?

Mr. Glass: I think its because your a super heroes

David: No I'm not

Mr. Glass: Yes you are

David: Ok your rite

*David dose hero stuff*

Mr. Glass: Cool your the a super hero and I’m your arch nemesis
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  #26  
Old 02-10-2003, 12:17 AM
TVS TVS is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Pulp Fiction-

Jules- Vincent, what's in the briefcase?

Vincent- Uh, We likes it.

Everyone- What is it?

Internet Geeks- Umm... The soul? The explanation for this makes no sense, and would use up most of the minute.

Jules- I shot Marvin.

The Wolf- I'll take care of that.

Jules- Don't do sh** unless.

Cpt. Koonz- I wore that watch up my ass for 2 years.

Butch- I'll find it. Oops, I forgot that I screwed over that big-time mafioso.

Marcellus- Jules just quit. I guess I'll TCB myself, even though I'm a big-time mafioso.

Butch- MMM.... Pop Tarts. Oops, gotta shoot Vincent. Hey, it's Marcellus! Time to hit him with the world's smallest car.

Hillbilly- Spider caught a couple of flies.

Zed- and you are not it...

Gimp- MMM_MMM-MMM!!!

Butch- looks like I saved your life, Marcellus.

Marcellus- bygones are bygones, man.

Pumpkin- Everybody be cool. This is the robbery!

Honeybunny- I'll kill every last one of ya!

Jules- Be like fonzie! This isn't even close to Ezekiel 25:15! But I'm tryin', Ringo, tryin' real hard!

Vincent- Am I alive? Movie must be out of order...
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  #27  
Old 02-11-2003, 07:31 AM
Nithy Nithy is offline
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(deep shudder) Love Story

Lead characters get into semi-romantic antagonism that in any other movie would be a subplot. By the end the audience is cheering for the cancer.
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  #28  
Old 02-11-2003, 07:44 AM
Agrippina Agrippina is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Beetlejuice

ADAM and BARBARA: We're dead, but we don't want anybody to live in our house 'cause we worked hard on it.

CHARLES DEITZ: What a great house! I think I will live here with my yuppie wife and goth daughter!

DELIA: I hate this country crap. Otho and I will destroy what the last owners did and make it into our creation.

LYDIA: Angst. I hate it here, I hate it there, I hate it everywhere. I can see you two ghosts because nobody understands me.

ADAM and BARABARA: Except for the daughter, who can see us 'cause she's so weird, we want them out! Let's call that weird Bio-Exorcist guy even though our case worker warned us not to.

BETELGUESE: I can get those people out on one condition: you get me to your side.

ADAM and BARBARA: No. You're a pervert and will go after Lydia. We'll get them out ourselves.

(They fail)

YUPPIES: What a great night for a seance. Oops, we've brought Adam and Barbara back from the dead!

LYDIA: Help them!

BETELGUESE: Marry me.

LYDIA: OK

(ADAM and BARBARA stop BETELGUESE from marrying LYDIA)

ADAM and BARBARA: We're better now. We see that the DIETZ's are not such a bad family after all, now that they can see us. You can live in our house because we have no other choice. We're all out of ideas.

(They live happily ever after and Lydia treats the ghosts as her surrogate parents)
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  #29  
Old 02-11-2003, 09:31 AM
tracer tracer is offline
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Location: Silicon Valley, Cal., USA
Posts: 15,762
Um, guys? Some of these synopses are breaking the one-minute rule.
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  #30  
Old 02-12-2003, 11:05 PM
ruralrage ruralrage is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Here's something that can bring it back....



A Clockwork Orange
--------------------------
Alex: Me and my droogs do the town tonight, o my brothers...

Droogs: We ain't your droogs no more

Alex: I need a little in-out, in-out, to settle the rumbling in my gutsy-wutz.

(After transformation)

Alex: (burp) I can't even touch some lady's tits, i have been changed by the government, brothers!

(The ninth plays in the background)

Alex: I was cured, alright.

(In-out, In-out)
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  #31  
Old 02-19-2003, 09:26 AM
keeper0 keeper0 is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2000
My Big Fat Greek Wedding:

Her: My family has done nothing but make my life miserable, embarrassing and degrading for thirty some years, but I love them and love being Greek.

Him: I find the strangeness of your world compelling and will put up with 27 layers of crap to marry you. I will not ask you to compromise and accept any of my background, because Greek culture is clearly superior.

Parents: We bought you the house next door. Now we can keep making you feel miserable, embarassed and degraded forever.

Everyone: Pass the Windex!
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  #32  
Old 02-19-2003, 11:17 AM
auRa auRa is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Every other Woody Allen movie:

Woody Allen is neurotic.

The End


Everyone Says I Love You:

Woody Allen is neurotic, with musical score.

The End


The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain:

Did you read the title?

The End
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  #33  
Old 02-19-2003, 02:26 PM
ion ion is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Meet Joe Black


Cast:

Daddy's girl: female actress
Unbelievably successful and influential, but dying, Daddy: cool English actor
Joe Black, aka Death: world's sexiest man


Plot:

Daddy's girl, already engaged, meets hick with great personality. Daddy's girl gets smitten.

Hick gets killed. Death inhabits his body to get a taste of life. Death lacks personality.

Death decides he wants to have a taste of Daddy's life before bringing him in, and so "once again" presents himself to Daddy's girl.

Daddy's girl: "Hmm, he doesn't seem to have an interest in me, and he has absolutely no personality. Still hot though. I think I'm in love."

Death: "Mm-hm."

Daddy: seems mostly preoccupied and a little edgy

Not much happens.

Seduction begins. And she scores!

Time runs out for Daddy - will Daddy's girl be left alone?

No need to worry, this is a Hollywood production.

Death leaves the object of desire behind. Everybody's happy.
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  #34  
Old 02-19-2003, 03:29 PM
Fnoonf Fnoonf is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai

Forest Whitaker: The True Way of the Samurai is found only in death. (dies)

Isaach De Bankolé: Quoi?
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  #35  
Old 02-19-2003, 04:37 PM
Liberal Liberal is offline
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Join Date: Nov 1999
BILLY ELLIOT 2000, Stephen Daldry

Billy: I want to dance.

Dad: Hell, no. No way. Never

Billy: Please, Dad. I'm not a poof.

Dad: Okay. Go ahead.



OFFICE SPACE 1991, Mike Judge

Nina: [...in the background...] Good morning. Accounts payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment...

Lumbergh: Yeah, hi, Peter. I need you to work Saturday and Sunday.

Peter: Sure. Okay, Mr Lumbergh.

Nina: [...in the background...] Good afternoon. Accounts payable. Nina speaking. Just a moment...

Lumbergh: Yeah, hi, Peter. I need you to...

Peter: I'm gonna have to ask you to leave, Bill. I'm sort of masturbating right now.



OVERBOARD 1987, Garry Marshall

Joanna: Grant, Andrew botched my nails. Have him flogged.

Annie: Dean, look! I made a tablecloth from a tee-shirt!

Joanna: Andrew, I'm so sorry. Can you forgive me?
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  #36  
Old 02-19-2003, 05:04 PM
BraheSilver BraheSilver is offline
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Join Date: Mar 1999
Reign of Fire

Kid: Hey, a dragon!

(dragons rush out and destroy civilization)

Kid, now a brooding Christian Bale: I feel guilty because although I had nothing to do with the dragons, I was there. I wanna kill the dragons.

Matthew McConaughey (and his platoon of redshirts): You wanna kill some dragons?

Bale: You can't kill the dragons.

(McConaughey kills a dragon)

McConaughey: Now you wanna kill some dragons?

Bale: You're crazy enough to go up against the dragons. I want nothing to do with you.

McConaughey: Ok, bye.

(McConaughey's redshirt platoon gets destroyed by a dragon)

McConaughey: I feel guilty because I had everything to do with the dragon in that situation, and I was there.

Bale: Wanna kill the dragons?

(McConaughey, Bale, and Female Dark-Orange-shirt kill a big dragon)

All: Huzzah!

(The rest of the world continues to fall into ruin)
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  #37  
Old 02-19-2003, 05:14 PM
beajerry beajerry is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2002
Any romantic comedy:

Girl: I love you.
Friends: Let's sing some nostalgic song together!
Boy: Uh....
Girl: I hate you.
Friends: Let's dance together and look cute!
Boy: Ok, I love you, I finally decided.
Girl: *cute smile*
*kiss*
*music*
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  #38  
Old 02-19-2003, 05:26 PM
Fibber McGee Fibber McGee is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
An American Minute


American Psycho

*Patrick Bateman does a whole lot of awful stuff while awful 80's music plays on the soundtrack*

Patrick Bateman: Guess what, it was all in my head! Bet you wish you could have those two hours back . . .


American Beauty

My marriage sucks. Oooh, jailbait!

My job sucks, I think I'll quit.

My life sucks, I think I'll buy some pot from my daughter's boyfriend.

Hey, father of my daughter'sboyfriend/my pot dealer, why are you kissing me? Please stop.

*blam*

Aw hell, I'm dead.

American Pie

High School Senior Guys: Hey, we should all try to get laid before graduation!

*guys get laid*
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  #39  
Old 02-19-2003, 06:03 PM
Fibber McGee Fibber McGee is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Fight Club

Narrator: I'm seriously screwed up in the head!

Narrator's Girlfriend: Tell me about it!

*buildings collapse*


Being John Malkovitch

John Cusack: Lookit me, I'm John Malkovitch! This is really cool!

Bunch of Old People: To hell with you, we wanna be John Malkovitch!

John Cusack: Hey, you old people ain't gonna be John Malkovitch without me! Hey waitaminnit, this isn't John Malkovitch!


Pi

Mathematician Guy: I'm this close to learning the secrets of the universe!

Bunch of Other People: No fair, we want in too!

Mathematician Guy: Too bad!

*performs home lobotomy*
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  #40  
Old 02-19-2003, 07:21 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,446
X files
Mulder: Look! aliens!
Scully: Where? I saw nothing
Mulder: Damn! you missed them
Scully: You imagined it
Mulder: I can prove they were here, I have this...
Scully: Now we're in big trouble from some sort of terrible danger
Mulder: I just dropped my alien evidence down a hole
Scully: Are you about to kiss me?
Mulder: Almost, but not quite
Scully: Now we're safe and everything is OK again
Mulder: About these aliens...
Scully: You can't prove a thing
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  #41  
Old 02-19-2003, 08:49 PM
pitchaudio pitchaudio is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
BATTLEFIELD EARTH


John Travolta
Look at me! I suck!

Screenwriter
Same with me!

(At this point, the director of the film DIES.)

Key Grip
Help me prop him up! We have to finish this god-awful film!

Audience
[dead.]


THE END!
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  #42  
Old 02-19-2003, 11:30 PM
RawkStah RawkStah is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2000
BLACK HAWK DOWN

Audience: Oh, look. A Jerry Bruckheimer production.

(POPULAR MUSIC is played in a MONTAGE SEQUENCE introducing the CHARACTERS)

Officer: We need to go into Mogadishu and take out the bad guys. It should take an hour and a half.

Soldiers: USA! USA!

(BLACK HAWK DOWN. Lots of PEOPLE get SHOT and DIE. TENSION is RATCHETED UP to nearly INHUMAN LEVELS. JOSH HARTNETT makes a BRUCKHEIMER SPEECH)

Audience: Fuck. I need a cigarette or something.
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  #43  
Old 02-20-2003, 01:07 AM
ShoNuff ShoNuff is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Any David Lynch movie:

Female Character: I'm going to be played by a blonde actress first. Then I'll die. Then a burnette actress will play another character with the same name.

Enter Dancing Midgets

Make sure there's at least 42 women with beehives.

End

Audience: What?

Artsy-Fartsy Types: So deep and artistic. Just don't ask me what it's about.
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  #44  
Old 02-20-2003, 01:10 AM
Apos Apos is offline
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Join Date: May 2002
The X-Files one is a true classic...
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  #45  
Old 02-20-2003, 06:44 AM
Xixox Xixox is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2001
Tron (1982)
Geeks A, B & C: An evil computer system has taken control! We must stop it!
Geek C: Wow, hey, like... whoa... I'm inside a computer network.
Geeks A & B: We should visit that oracle in the network to get information in bringing down the evil computer AI!
Geek C: Time to take on the Boss at the end of the level to beat this game.
Audience: Wow, great CG.


The Matrix (1999)
See above.



(Loved Office Space, Libertarian!)
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  #46  
Old 02-20-2003, 08:25 AM
Fnoonf Fnoonf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

Keanu Reeves: Whoa.

Alex Winter: Dude. Check it out.

(repeat)

----------------------------------------------------

Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey

Keanu Reeves: Whoa.

Alex Winter: Dude. That sucks.

(repeat)
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  #47  
Old 02-20-2003, 08:31 AM
Fnoonf Fnoonf is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
The Matrix

Laurence Fishburne: The world is fake.

Keanu Reeves: Whoa.
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  #48  
Old 02-20-2003, 10:39 AM
JerH JerH is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Crossroads

Britney Spears: My dad is overprotective - I want to go see my mom.
Black friend: I want to go visit my boyfriend.
Pregnant friend: I'm pregnant.
Guy with car: I can drive you all to California.
Britney: Oh no, my mom doesn't like me!
Black friend: Oh no, my boyfriend is a creep!
Pregnant friend: Oh no, I fell down the stairs and had a miscarriage!
Guy with car: I love you Britney!
Britney's dad: I love you too, but not in the same way!
Britney: Wow! I think I should sing!
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  #49  
Old 02-20-2003, 01:14 PM
DrClayForrester DrClayForrester is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Kevin Smith's New Jersey Trilogy

Clerks

Dante: I'm not even supposed to be here today!

Randall: C'mon, man... You know Han Solo and Chewbacca are doin' it!

Veronica: Go to college, Dante.

Caitlynn: I just had sex with a dead guy!

Randall: Veronica, Dante wants to quit dating you.

Dante: I love Veronica now that Caitlynn is a nut job!

Veronica: I want to break up!

Dante: I hate you Randall!

Randall: It's your own fault!

Dante: You're right. Let's be friends again.

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

THE END

*****
Mallrats

Rene: I want to break up because you play video hockey.

Brandi: I want to break up because you caused the death of Julie Dwyer.

Brodie and Quint: Let's go to the mall!

Mr. Svenning: I hate Quint so much that I'll give away my daughter on live TV!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

Brodie: Let's ruin the show!

Shannon Hamilton: I like to f*** women in a very uncomfortable place.

Everybody: Like the back of a Volkswagen?

Quint: I love Brandi!

Brody: I love Rene!

Brandi and Rene: We love you!

Brodie: Shannon Hamilton is a pedophile!

THE END

*****
Chasing Amy

Banky: We're comic book artists!

Holden: I'm the artist. You're a tracer.

Alyssa: I'm a comic book artist, and a lesbian, as well!

Holden: I love her!

Banky: She'll just try to turn you into a eunuch.

Alyssa: Wait! I'm straight! I want Holden!

Banky: But he's mine!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

Holden: Both of you should sleep with me!

Alyssa: I want to be a lesbian again. (Slaps him.)

Banky: I want to go be famous on my own.

Holden: I want to whimper about the loss of them both.

THE END

*****
Dogma (A bit long... Maybe two minutes...)

Loki and Bartleby: We're angels who have made God angry, so we've been shipped off to Wisconsin. But a loophole in Catholic dogma will allow us to return to heaven! Jersey, here we come!

Metatron: Bethany, you've got to stop them!

Bethany: No, because I'm a bitter woman who works at an abortion clinic.

Jay and Silent Bob: We were hanging out here at the abortion clinic, trying to pick up women, and we saved you from those hockey dorks. Oh, yeah... We like pot!

Bethany: I guess I should go to Jersey to stop those angels, then.

Rufus: I'm black! And so was Jesus!

Serendipity: Look! I've got THESE!

Azrael: We've got to stop them from stopping the angels! But first, I have to chew some scenery!

Bethany: Here we are in Jersey. Let's stop the angels!

Jay and Silent Bob: Can we watch Serendipity run in slow motion again?

Serendipity: Hee-hee!

Rufus: I'm still black!

Metatron: By the way, Bethany, you're Christ's last decendent!

Bethany: I can't do it!

GOD (disguised as Alanis Morrisette) and METATRON arrive just in time to stop BARTLEBY from entering the church.

Bartleby: I'm sorry. (Head pops like a tick.)

Bethany: I'm pregnant!

Jay and silent Bob: We love pot! It made us see God!

THE END

*****
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Jay and Silent Bob: We need the money!

Shannon Elisabeth: I've got THESE! And they're bigger than Salma Hayek's!

Chris Rock: I'm still black!

Jay and Silent Bob: We like pot!

THE END

-DCF
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  #50  
Old 02-20-2003, 03:18 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,446
Back to the future (I, II and III)

Michael J fox: Eek! a paradox!
[b[Christopher Lloyd: [/b]Meh!

repeat
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