The stupidest thing I've ever done to myself

[Biggirl]

Just now, about 5 minutes ago. I was putting on my bra (not a minor undertaking considering the size of these here boobies) lifting the cup over the mams when the bra cup suddenly and for no discernable reason, slipped. This cause my hand to fly up, into my nose. I saw stars. . . and then blood.

That's right folks. I bloodied my own nose putting on my bra. I'm not sure which is stupider-- punching myself out or running in here to tell you all about it.


I don't want to feel alone in my stupidity. One of you guys did something just as stupid, right. . . RIGHT?????

[Gorgon Heap]

I'm sorry about your nose, Biggirl, but is your booby OK?

[An Arky]

One time I was at work and the button on my slacks came off. I fixed it with a safety pin and carried on. Then when I had to go pee, I undid the safety pin pulled down the slacks just a bit, and peed. When finished, I instinctively shook my penis, and hollered like a castrated pig when the safety pin stuck in my penis. No real damage, and it didn't really hurt much after I unimpaled it, but

!!!!

[Biggirl]

My booby is safely ensconced in satin and lace. My nose is not. And An Arky, thanks for sharing. I feel. . . well, if not less stupid, at least I know I'm not alone.

P.S. That visual is gonna give me nightmares, I'm sure.

[tanstaafl]

I once dropped an x-acto knife I was working with and managed to catch it before it hit the ground. I was about to be pleased with my reflexes until I realized that a) I had caught it by the blade end and b) there was a lot of blood coming out of my thumb.

[MissGypsy]

I, too, once caught a dropped X-acto knife... with the top of my foot. I didn't want the blade to break when it hit the floor, so I stuck my foot out to catch it. And I didn't stop to think that I was wearing sandals. There was a cartoon-like BOINGGGG effect when the knife stuck straight into the top of my foot and jiggled back and forth for a moment. Yee-ouch.

I also caught a boob in a shirt zipper once. Felt pretty silly about that. (WHY was I wearing such a horrible shirt?)

[Ethilrist]

Gorgon: Nice to see you have your priorities in order.

I had a spare wheel rim in the back of my van once (I don't even remember why). Apparently it shifted during transit so it was leaning against the side door. I slid the side door open one day and I heard this grating, metal-sliding-on-metal sound. There was a brief Wile E. Coyote moment where I looked down, saw the wheel falling towards my foot, and thought, "Boy, this is really going to hurt."

I was right. Broke my big toe. It hasn't been right since.

[FairyChatMom]

OK, I'll 'fess up. I was working late once (engineering support on the night shift - ugh) so I was alone in the office, thank goodness. Picture the old-time gray gov't issue steel desks - the kind with a long shallow drawer just about the knee hole. Picture that drawer opened about 3". Picture me seated at my desk reviewing engineering drawings. Picture me leaning closer, trying to read the small print. Picture me skooching closer still. Picture me skooching said drawer closed on my chestal protrusions. Imagine the language. It's a good thing I was alone...

[Kyla]

I once dropped a bread knife while wearing shorts, and the thing hit me at the perfect angle to give me an inch-long cut on my knee. I was quite amazed at the combination of bad luck and clumsiness.

[Caricci]

Not me, but my husband. He dropped a lit cigarette into a toilet in which was was making peepee and it landed on his gentleman area. We'd only been dating about a month but he called me at work for sympathy. I was delighted.

[vl_mungo]

When I was younger, but unfortunately not that much unwiser (is that a word?), my friends and I had a game called Sockfighting. Basically we would get two of those white atheletic socks, ball one up into the toe of the other, and have at it like we were The Three Musketeers combined with professional wrestling. You can almost hear the foolishness coming on can't you? Anyway, we were having a good ol' time of it at a public park when a passerby made the comment "put some rocks in 'em, they'll work better". Good idea, I thought. Now I wasn't going to whale on my friends with a rock in a sock... but having found a baseball sized rock, I thought I'd try whaling on a tree. I took a Barry Bonds-type swing... the rock in a sock hit the tree, and with great force rebounded and came around and hit me in the back... breaking one of my ribs. Me dumbass.

[nogginhead]

OK, I was a teanager, but I loaded up the stapler with more staples and then closed it. Not by stapling a piece of paper, but by squeezing the top part between my thumb and fingers.

The staple went all the way into the flesh of my thumb.

[LouisB]

I had a flat tire on the right rear of a 1978 Four Door Ford LTD. I had just removed the tire when the jack began to slip. My brain died and I grabbed the rear bumper, thinking to keep the car from rolling off the jack. The car rolled forward, the jack popped out and whacked me on the right shin, raising a knot the size of a baseball, or so it seemed at the time. I forgot to turn loose of the bumper and when the brake drum hit the ground, I was jerked face first into the deck lid of the Ford. My nose bled a lot, my shin hurt for several days, and my pride suffered enormously.

Biggirl, I hope you're okay now.

[silkstar]

I was being interviewed for a job. The interviewer pulled out a cigarette, asked me if I wanted one. I said no thanks I'll have one of mine. I pulled out my pack and pulled out a joint put it in my mouth and lit it. I immediately realized what I had done. The interviewer gave me a strange look. I dismissed myself and walked out of the office embarrassed and stupid.

[An Arky]

I was being interviewed for a job. The interviewer pulled out a cigarette, asked me if I wanted one. I said no thanks I'll have one of mine. I pulled out my pack and pulled out a joint put it in my mouth and lit it. I immediately realized what I had done. The interviewer gave me a strange look. I dismissed myself and walked out of the office embarrassed and stupid.

BWAHAHAHA!

That's so funny...

BTW, I got fambly in Hot Springs...

[jackelope]

This story is embarrassing in so many ways...

Remember breakdancing? Yeah. Well, the year was about 1984 and I was about 12, and alone in the house, and decided I'd try some breakdancing in the kitchen, where the floor was best for it. I'm moonwalking and pop-locking and so on, and go down to do a backspin*, without quite scouting my location carefully enough. About one quarter-turn into the backspin, WHAM! I slammed my head into the side of some cabinets.

I don't want to say I made a lot of noise, but I think the workers at the local sawmill went to lunch early that day.

_{* A backspin, for you young'uns, is where you drop onto your back, whip your legs up to your chest, and get yourself spinning around like a top on your back.}

[nogginhead]

Did I mention the time the soldering iron bumped into my hand? Instant crispy-crust!

[Biggirl]

Originally posted by silkstar
I was being interviewed for a job. The interviewer pulled out a cigarette, asked me if I wanted one. I said no thanks I'll have one of mine. I pulled out my pack and pulled out a joint put it in my mouth and lit it. I immediately realized what I had done. The interviewer gave me a strange look. I dismissed myself and walked out of the office embarrassed and stupid.

Thank you silkstar! I feel much better about myself now.


hehehe ::snort::

[NurseCarmen]

silkstar, that. is. so. damn. funny.

Thanks for the laugh.

[lieu]

The stupidest thing I've ever done to myself? I seriously don't even know where to start.

I was working in the yard once and stepped on the business end of a hoe, causing the handle to rise up and WHACK me in the back of the head. I looked around to see who hit me and I was all by my widdle self.

[Dogzilla]

When I was a wee sprite of a girl I worked at an amusement park. I was a Games Hostess*. At the end of a shift, we had to count down our cash and stash them in these old Army/Navy surplus ammo boxes. Green steel, snaps tightly closed.

My supervisor came to relieve me one day for a break. With the ammo/cash box under my left arm, I tossed all my counted cash inside and proceeded to slam my left booby -- tightly sealed and water proof -- inside the ammo/cash box. I let out a terrible howl, supervisor (a woman, thankfully) rushed to my aid, pried the box open and I had to nurse poor Lefty for a few days until the bruises healed.

And thus, that was the stupidest thing that I can think of... that I've ever done to myself. Biggirl, hope your nose is feeling better. I hate it when boobies insurrect.

[lieu]

Heh, how appropriate... an ammo box.

[SlightDistrurbance]

We have heat guns at work, and there are four attatched to a long box with metal hinges on it to keep the box together.
Well silly me, I think, "Oooooh, look, shiny and pretty!" and I reach out and touch it.
I ended up with a nice blister, and our tool and die guy happened to look over and see this. So now I'll never live that moment down.

[sheepi83]

I was at my boyfriend's house and wearing his sweatpants. Mind you, my boyfriend is just over six feet tall and I am only 5'3", so I had the ends of the sweatpants pulled over my toes to keep them warm and so that he wouldn't tickle my feet. I went upstairs to use the bathroom and after I finished I washed my hands. As I was going down the stairs and wiping my wet hands on my sweatpants, I slipped and fell down or more like bounced down the stairs with my ass hitting each edge. I landed in a collapsed heap at the bottom of the stairs unable to move. Came out of it with a broken tailbone. This all happened the week before finals week at college. :-/ To this day, I have not been able to sit on a hardwood chair without curling a leg under me to protect my hurt bum.

[zweisamkeit]

I was talking on our (corded) phone while walking around the kitchen. The cord was on top of the counter and was between two coffee cups. I'm holding the phone with one hand and an open bottle of pop in the other. I decide that I should get the cord out from between the cups so it doesn't drag one of them around, possibly causing one to fall and break.

So I take the cord with the hand also holding the Diet Pepsi and YANKED upward.



The cord was free, but I was completely soaked with pop.

[Sunspace]

Not long after starting my first job after college: I'm standing there talking to a co-worker, and idly looking at an almost-empty spool of wire. I think, "That hole in the middle of the stamped-metal spool side looks just the right size for my finger. Hmm. It might get stuck. Nah. My finger'll come out. Let's try it." I put my finger in. My finger gets stuck. The incurving metal edge of the hole digs deeper into my flesh whenever I try to pull my finger out.

The production supervisor has to cut the spool free from my hand with metal shears.

[Kickback_Joe]

On the Last day of my visit to Ireland I am sitting in the nearly deserted airport. I was hung over like a gut on a fat man so I figured why not have one of the leftover Guinness from my minifridge. Mighty smart of me to bring them along I thought. Would have been smarter to have brought an opener. So what does a young man do with a bottle of Guinness and no opener? He rely's on the old standby, A lighter and the fulcrum technique. Completely forgot about the noise said opening procedure would make. The sound was like a gunshot and echo'ed thru the terminal. Security quickly arrived and three hours later I was deemed not a threat, just a stupid american and released. Ten hours later I finally got on a flight. Obviously I missed every connecting flight and my wifes birthday. Didn't even get to drink the beer. How's that for stupid?

[stypticus]

I was in my early teens when I got my first bicycle with toe-clips. Nowadays I wouldn't ride without them, but at the time I didn't realize I had to pull up on my toe to keep my foot in the cage. Instead, I cranked the straps as tight as I could to keep my feet from slipping out when I pulled up on the pedals.

You can see it coming already.

When I stop at a stop sign, I don't stop all the way. In those days if I had to wait for a short while, I would slow to a barely-maintainable crawl, do a partial right turn, and work my way up the side of the street I was trying to cross. When the traffic had passed, I would turn back onto my original course, crossing the road and continuing on my way. This particular intersection had me moving up a slight hill waiting for the car to pass by.

But wait -- there's more! This fancy new bike I had was a real racer, it had gears all the way up to Mach 2. You know I was in the top gear when I slowed down for the stop sign.

Made a slow right turn up the hill.

Waited for the car to pass.

Turned back to the left.

And suddenly realized I didn't have enough speed to keep my balance, nor enough torque to regain my speed, nor enough wits to have realized I might need to take my feet back out of the toe-clips.

One broken arm later, the folks at my sailing club were surprised to learn that I wouldn't be on the water that day.

[Exgineer]

You're all pitiful little pikers. I did something collosally dumb.

I was fixing this really big roof with a buddy. We tore off the the shingles and tarpaper, noticed that the sheathing was rotting, tore that out, and noticed that some of the beams were starting to go too. So we the started backfilling and patching with the structural members.

After a while, it became evident that manual tools would'nt really get the job done in a reasonable period of time, so we rented an air compressor with a saw, chisel, and nail gun.

You are all fundamentally bright people, so I'm sure you know where this is going.

We got the members patched and repaired, got the new plywood down, and started in on the tar paper and shingles. To be honest, I have to admit that most of the time when we were laying the paper I just used a framing hammer, but when we got to the shingles I was worn out.

Enter the air hammer. Shingle, shingle, shingle, foot.

I nailed my damned foot to the roof. Do any of you realise how dificullt it is to un-nail a foot from a roof so that the compassionate and incredibly tolerant EMTs can transport an idiot to the ER? All they did for me was give me a tetanus shot anyway. They didn't really need to roll an ambulance.

In am an idiot non pariel.

[Q.E.D.]

Wasn't that a scene from "The Drew Carey Show"?

[Jack Batty]

I once got a bloody nose trying to take off a bra.

[Emilio Lizardo]

I once failed to lock the kickstand of my motorcycle firmly in place. When I stood up, the bike started to tip over. I caught it in before it hit the ground, but not before the left side of the engine case hit my left leg. For 2 weeks afterwards I had a perfect burn mark that read "HONDA" backwards.

Playing pinball at the bar, we would set our cigarettes down on the glass top of the machine, and take drags between balls and while the ball was in play. Once, I picked it up and put the lit end in my mouth.

A few years back I picked my nose after chopping onions, without washing my hands first. Ouch!

[Exgineer]

Originally posted by Q.E.D.
Wasn't that a scene from "The Drew Carey Show"?

If it was, I oughta' sue the bastard.

[tunabreath]

Once I looked down to see a 6' gaff sticking into my right deck shoe. It got me between my big and second toe. The bite on one of those is about 6" wide by 6" deep. I just pulled it out and kept fishing. I didn't feel anything at all, you see we keep them very sharp. I sure felt it two days later though. It was only about a half inch deep thankfully. It made the strangest looking hole. Such a clean and round cut.

[tunabreath]

oh, and my friend got cut by a wahoo from just below the knee to his ankle while bringing it into the boat. The hospital really liked that one. Same friend while trying to tag a shark sorta missed and got my middle finger pretty good with said tag. We eventually straightened it all out and the shark went home with my tag and I sat there waiting for something else to happen. I ended up with a nice cobia to take home. Then there was the time that bluefish bit me almost all the way through my thumbnail.

and the time I fell off the cliff when I was 12! what a doozey! I still can't beat Nigel though.

Montypython "and Nigel has managed to run himself over with his own car!"

I'll keep trying.

[Tupug Anachi]

Silkstar, that is the funniest case of Resin Brain I've ever heard!

[consolid8]

I was gonna say the time I lost control of my motorcycle and intentionally used my leg as a cushion to protect the tank paint from the approaching guardrail, but that wasn't the stupidest thing I've done, or the time I stopped the off-road bike and grabbed the electric fence to go under it, knocking me and the bike over so fast I thought I'd been hit by a truck, but that wasn't the stupidest thing either. The stupidest thing was two simple words: I do.

[Sqube]

Not me, but a friend of mine. We were riding our bikes and he got a little branch stuck in his. Needless to say, we weren't puttering along, but he decided to remove the branch. While moving. I'll diagram it, since I don't like to get to explicit.


Hand goes for branch --> Fingers hit spokes, magically flies to chain --> Index finger goes away. Well, most of it. It did grow back though.

[Spacegirl]

Originally posted by Sqube
Hand goes for branch --> Fingers hit spokes, magically flies to chain --> Index finger goes away. Well, most of it. It did grow back though.

[hijack]Fingers grow back?? [/hijack]

[scablet]

Left an extremely, extremely sharp compass on the couch. Kneeled on the couch to look out the window. Went about my business for about five minutes before realising that my right leg was numb from the knee down.

I would rather give birth to a 20 pound porcupine than relive the sensation of pulling that compass out of my kneecap.

[xenothrope]

One lovely 4th of July duing the process of opening a box of sparklers (the new kind that have bamboo sticks not the metal kind) I managed to open the box and impale my right thumb with a splintered off sparkler stick.

Having a rather high threshold for pain I stood there looking at it and just handed the box of now opened sparklers to my little brother. I walked over to my father and showed him my thumb and the priceless "what the fuck?" expression came across his face. I just meandered over to the host of the party and asked if I could use his bathroom, and showed him my thumb....

another priceless line followed.

"sure as long as you dont get any blood on my carpet"

nodding ok we walked into the house and headed to the bathroom. By the way he did have rather nice new white carpet, and no I did not get any blood on it. ^_^

At first I thought I could get a grip on the remainder of the stick and just yank it out with my left hand. No such luck. Tried my teeth.... still no dice. So I kindly asked the owner of the home to yank it out for me.

1.2. (YANK) 3

not much pain, and not much blood either. Apparently I managed to miss the vain. Yay me.

I just sat down with my thumb wrapped in tissue paper sipping on a coke to regain my bloodsugar.

I thought the whole thing was funny, my gf at the time did not.

oh well

-x out

[Salem]

So many memories...many of them repressed.
Once I was taking off my sweater, in a big hurry for some reason, and I did the "cross arms in front, grab sides of shirt, whip it over the head" routine. I was wearing a necklace with a pendant on it and when I whipped the sweater up, the chain went flying up, whipping the pendant into my eye which, in turn, scratched my cornea.

When I was a kid, I had learned the art of riding with no hands and was coolly demonstrating my skill when I hit a pot hole in the sidewalk causing my body to jolt forward. My foot got caught in the spokes of the front wheel and I ended up flat on my face with the bike on my back. And just to make matters worse, I look up to see my neighbor, a boy a few years older than me, staring in disbelief. Yep, pretty cool I was.

One of my favorites though was in high school gym class. We were doing floor gymnastics and I came up with the idea of doing a handstand into a forward roll. I went up into the handstand, brought my arms down to go into the forward roll but forgot to tuck my knees up into my chest. As I came out of the roll, my knees somehow whipped back and one of them got me smack dab in the nose. They heard the crack across the gym. I had broken my nose with my own knee.

It's tough when your body parts are at odds with each other. Hope yours are able to call a truce, Biggirl

[AmbushBug]

I was a teenager mowing the lawn on a hot summer's day. I was wearing a swimsuit; the plan was to cool off I'd hop in and out of the pool.

I was alone, and knew all about the dangers of swimming alone, so I was careful to ensure that this story I am relating is not an "almost drowned" story.

The second time I jumped in the pool, I'd noticed I'd brought in a lot of grass (from mowing near the pool, and from emptying the mower, and being wet the cut grass sticks to one easily).

So, I thought it'd be easy to get the skimmer net and take care of this floating grass right quick, before it got sucked up into the pool pump. So I went over to this rather old pool pump, dripping wet, and reached down blindly, in a blasé manner to shut off the 220vac timer-style switch, with the semi-exposed wire contacts.

Then I whipped around, wondering who'd struck me on the shoulder with that sledgehammer. I count myself rather lucky.

AmbushBug

[BraheSilver]

Back in High School, my circle of friends would eat lunch together. One of my friends had a can of tuna and we'd been watching him struggle with it for over five minutes. Finally I asked him to hand it over. He extended the can to me, but I didn't take it.

Being the ultra-suave dude that I was, I passed my sandwich to my left hand, reached over, and ripped off the top, almost completely severing my right thumb from the last knuckle up in the process.

I never did play the zither after that (of course, I never did before ), an I've got a wicked scar that I can still feel the scar tissure deep in the thumb when I run my fingers over.

[David Simmons]

Originally posted by Exgineer

I nailed my damned foot to the roof.

I once bought a rubber crutch tip to use as padding on the end of something that I now can't remember. Anyway, the skirt of the crutch tip was a little too long so I unwrapped a brand new, single edge, safety razor blade and proceeded to carefully and accurately cut around the skirt making sure I was cutting nice and straight. Then I looked down at the floor and noticed that considerable blood was dripping. I had unknowingly sliced right through the side of a finger.

[Bad News Baboon]

Picture Bad News Baboon, new to San Francisco.

I found this park that was relatively flat, so I was excited to use my new roller blades. I strap them on and start skating.

"Oh this is so much fun! so nice and flat."

and then, it became an insanely steep hill.

Picture Bad News Baboon, going faster and faster with arms a' flaying.
Picture the crowd of people staring at the impending doom.
Faster, Faster, dodging rocks, and I finally see the bottom of the hill.

2 feet before I get there, the tinest pebble known to man gets lodged in my left wheel.

At this point it was all in slow motion, much like the six million dollar man.
Mr Baboon said I looked like one of the cavemen Gary larson draws.. my mouth the perfect "O" shape.

I had the nastiest, biggest road rash ever. Luckily, I didn't break a thing!


another brilliant thing I did was buy some lavender scented incense.

"oh, it smells lovely!"
I lean in to get a better whiff.

ahh ahhhhhh ahhhhh chooooo!

My head jerks forward, causing a lovely round burn spot on my nose.

I didn't know which was worse: letting people assume it was the zit from hell or have them know how stupid I was.

[Drastic]

Neither of these even compete, sadly, but they're all I got:

1: When I was 12 or 13 or so, I got the bright idea that it'd be cool to balance standing on the porch swing. (I was getting in touch with my inner ninja, I think.) I stood up on it, balanced fine for a couple seconds, then shifted my weight. The swing immediately found a new orientation in its chains, pitching me off, and my head went CRACK! against the concrete after an, oh, eight foot distance or so. I have no earthly idea how I managed to avoid anything other than headaches over the next couple days.

2: In an extremely non-sober state in early college years, I was performing my impression of The Searcher (from the late, lamented Danger Theater--great show). Part of that impression involved vaulting over a ratty old easy chair instead of walking around it (it was, my chemically-bathed brain reasoned, the faster and more entertaining way towards more liquor. The chair tipped over (this seems to be a theme), and I landed in a way that caused the toes on my left foot to briefly fold back to lie flat over the top of my foot. It was months before I stopped feeling residual soreness in them.

[Moonchild]

I got a shiner opening my car door. On Monday!!!

Got out of the car, closed the door, realized I forgot something (as usual), opened door, noticed somebody pulling in next to me. Didn't notice I was still opening car door right were my face was waiting. The edge of the door got me right beneath my left eye. Ow! How the heck did that happen?

[Tristan]

I was at work, doing my usual thing (feet up on the desk, reading a book) when something occured that actually needed my attention.

I had been sitting slouched in the chair. My butt was half on/half off the edge of the chair. I had been reading in that position for well over an hour.

I bounced up, full of purpose. My legs, apparently, had fallen asleep and I hadn't noticed. They were numb, completely numb, from the mid-thigh down.

I collapsed in a heap. I had sprained the hell out of my ankle somehow in the process.

My brother still gives me crap for my "Reading injury".

[Biba]

I must have been about 10, one hot summer, with my younger sister hanging out at a friend's house. Our friends had a swimming pool, and we were just messing around, as kids do. I wondered what would happen if I slipped the inflatable arm bands around my ankles and jumped in. Well, fortunately everyone was watching me and managed to haul me out. 27 years on, and I can still remember the sensation of my feet whipping past my face and and seeing all these faces looking through the water at me.

More recently, and I still have no idea how I did this, I was pulling a pair of tights on and somehow attempted to lift both legs at the same time. I had serious carpet burns on my knees for weeks.