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Old 04-25-2003, 09:46 PM
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"Mr. Brain's Faggots" Leave Me . . . Speechless


In another thread, about oddly named companies, yojimbo posted a link to Mr. Brain's Faggots, apparently an actual Irish food company. I have forwarded this to several gay friends, who have all injured themselves laughing, I might add. Upon learning that "more than 10 million faggots are eaten every day in the UK," my friend Terry is applying for a green card.

It, ummm, seems to be . . . for real? Have I been whooshed? Any Oirish Dopers who can verify that this is an actual foodstuff?!

And what's with the knowing grin on Young Master Doody's face?
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Old 04-25-2003, 09:55 PM
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IAN Irish but IA English so I can add input, I think.

It doesn't surprise me that 'faggot' is a foodstuff. In the UK the word 'fag' is most commonly used to mean 'cigarette' and is only known as a (disrespectful) word for gay people because of America's media influence over here.
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Old 04-25-2003, 09:57 PM
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I am sick of my username!

I just decided.


Sorry for the hijack.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:01 PM
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It's gen-yew-wine.

Can't recall eating said faggot ma’self but I assume it's just a meatball type product. Very popular in supermarket freezer departments so the public must lap ‘em up.

I believe the instructions on the packs say that (before digesting) you need to languidly fellate them for thirty minutes at room temperature.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:15 PM
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Growing up on British food was bad, but at least I can thank my parents for not feeding me "Mr. Brain's Faggots."
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:22 PM
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Now that you mention it LunaSea growing up on British food was bad! Liver, sprouts, carrots, steak that was impossible to chew up, Steak and Kidney pie, dry beef. The list would be longer if it wasn't for the fact that I ate all that stuff as a kid (or rather claimed to have eaten it, but actually hid it in the nearest convenient crevice, such as the plant pot, or the dog)

Thank heaven for Junk food and a paycheck.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:27 PM
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Dear Lord.

A pop-up asked me if I wanted to "Win an Authentic Mr. Brain's Faggots Knees-Up!"

*dies*
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:32 PM
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You what's even sadder, Lobsang? That they kept feeding me this stuff even after we emigrated to America. So, so cruel.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:32 PM
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Oh please yes! It gets better and better!!!!

The motto: "How many can you handle?"

And best of all (you will shit yourselves, I swear

Faggot Family. Boldface mine.

Quote:
The Doody family [note from matt_mcl: I am not making this up, I swear to God] – true faggot fanatics – are the family recently chosen in a nationwide search to find a family to represent Mr Brain’s Faggots. Rather than create a fictional family, Mr Brain’s search was for ‘real faces’ - an ordinary family who loves and eats faggots on a regular basis. Mr. Brain’s wanted real people with real lives to be at the heart of the campaign. The essential ingredient? Each member of the family must be fanatical about faggots.

Hundreds of families entered the nationwide search, resulting in a nail-biting final. The Doody family from Dudley, Wolverhampton beat off stiff competition [note from matt_mcl: *gasping, inclement death*] to take their place as The Faces of Mr Brain's Faggots. Frederick, Janet, Lewis, and Grace demonstrated absolute fanaticism for faggots as they took part in creating a Mr. Brain's Faggots commercial, role-plays and quizzes.
And each member of the family has their "favourite faggot" listed.


.


.


.


.

I'm sorry, I have to lie down for a little while.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:34 PM
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This will be the death of me.

Quote:
The first ever National Faggot Week starts on the 26th January ! Seven days of nationwide faggot promotions, competitions and sampling.
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Old 04-25-2003, 10:50 PM
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...and that picture right under the motto!


There needs to be a weeping with mirth smilie.
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Old 04-25-2003, 11:04 PM
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Well, Eve, you know what they say about the Brits!....

(I'd tell you, but it seems that Showtime has got it trademarked -- something about this TV show they used it for the title of!)

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Old 04-25-2003, 11:06 PM
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. . . and commercials in Quicktime.
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Once tasted, you'll wish you tried them years ago.
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Old 04-26-2003, 12:26 AM
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Hey! They want you to send in pictures of you eating a faggot! Don't be shy to eat them in public!
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:34 AM
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Good Lord. I was fine until I started reading the Faggot Recipes. Even until I got to the Faggot Cobbler (not a shoemaker, mind you). It requires

6 Mr Brains Faggots in Rich Sauce
8 oz (200g) Self Rising Flour

Okay, that's as far as I got. I'm dying now.
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:42 AM
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Yes, as others have said, the things are real. I never saw them until I was living in either England or Wales (can't remember which), but yes, they exist. Yes, sort of meatball sort of thing, I think.

Oddly enough it was the fact of them being made by a so-called "Mr Brains" that made me uncomfortable too.


Oooh - can I mention the Turkish take-away food shop that purported to sell "Donner kebabs?
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:42 AM
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And nobody has made the obvious joke, that they're PORK Faggots?
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:50 AM
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I go to my local supermarket almost every day (because I live just round the corner). Today I saw them for the first time (wonder why?) - 'Faggots in rich gravy'
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Old 04-26-2003, 03:11 AM
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I've heard of faggots, but I've never seen one.

I've been told they're just like round sausages with low quality meat, but I've never actually come across one.
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Old 04-26-2003, 03:15 AM
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My dad eats Mr Brain's Faggots.

*sigh*
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Old 04-26-2003, 03:17 AM
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It now occurs to me that the *only* "faggots" I have seen are those of Mr. Brain. Did he patent the recipe, or what?
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Old 04-26-2003, 04:55 AM
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I gotta tell YOU KNOW WHO here in Topeka about these things! maybe it would give him a final apoplectic fit!
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Old 04-26-2003, 05:57 AM
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What is this faggot+brain connection? I have mentioned earlier that a friends address was "Faggot Yard, Braintree" in England.
  #24  
Old 04-26-2003, 06:21 AM
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I remember seeing, many years ago, I believe it was in National Lampoon's weird photos section (though I'm not sure), but it was a magazine ad with the slogan "Faggots? What a saucy idea!"
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Old 04-26-2003, 06:36 AM
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Mmmmm, faggots with onion gravy, yep, they are for real; soft meatballs made from offal - traditionally liver and lights(lungs) - sounds yucky, I know, but they are truly delicious - [i]Mr Brain's[/b] being the leading brand - they don't actually contain brains, they are named after a Mr Brain (who may or may not be a real person).

I imagine the American reaction to (UK)'Faggots' is qualitatively similar to the UK reaction to (USA)'Fanny Pack' ('fanny' being a UK colloquialism for the female genitalia).
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Old 04-26-2003, 07:41 AM
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Oh dear lord.

I'm dyin' over here.
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Old 04-26-2003, 08:18 AM
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OK, I am off to the Shop Rite, and I am bound and determined to bring a faggot home with me! There I'll be in the Customer Service aisle, shouting, "What do you mean you have no faggots here? What the hell kind of grocery store has no faggots? Dammit, I need to eat a faggot right now!"

--Eve [half horrified and offended; half laughing her mascara off]
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Old 04-26-2003, 08:30 AM
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I was in ASDA last night and saw Mr Brains pork faggots in the Freezers I couldn't help but laugh!
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Old 04-26-2003, 08:54 AM
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Back in the Good Old Days when Marks and Spencer was still in business in Canada, you could by Marks and Sparks own brand faggots. Dunno if you can get them anywhere in the States, though.

When I first moved to England I was really confused by the difference between "fags" (i.e. cigarettes) and "faggots" (pork sausages). I couldn't figure out why people wanted to eat their ciggies in rich gravy.
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Old 04-26-2003, 09:27 AM
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I think I have something in common with Janet:
Quote:
Favourite Faggot: On their own, as a snack.
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:19 AM
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Oh, dear God. There is Faggot News? I can hardly wait to see what that entails.

Robin
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Old 04-26-2003, 10:29 AM
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probably entails entrails
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:10 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Duke
Back in the Good Old Days when Marks and Spencer was still in business in Canada, you could by Marks and Sparks own brand faggots. Dunno if you can get them anywhere in the States, though.
There's pretty good chance they'd change the name for the US version, I'll wager.
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:29 AM
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http://www.fag.de

Not nearly as amusing, but these guys seem to think fags *are* balls of steel.
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:31 AM
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I'm appalled, yet strangely aroused...
If only I weren't vegetarian.
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:45 AM
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I come of proud British extraction, but I've never heard of these things. I have to get back over there, and see this stuff for real...

I also need the 'Coke all over the screen' smilie, please.
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:46 AM
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I wonder who won the freezer full of faggots. Did anyone attend the Faggot Roadshow the article mentions?
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eve
OK, I am off to the Shop Rite, and I am bound and determined to bring a faggot home with me! There I'll be in the Customer Service aisle, shouting, "What do you mean you have no faggots here? What the hell kind of grocery store has no faggots? Dammit, I need to eat a faggot right now!"

--Eve [half horrified and offended; half laughing her mascara off]
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*PICK ME!!* *PICK ME!!* *PICK ME!!*
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Old 04-26-2003, 11:52 AM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Eve
OK, I am off to the Shop Rite, and I am bound and determined to bring a faggot home with me!
[b]Eve[b], you had your chance to run off with me at the Algonquin. *sigh*.

But I could handle having some faggot's sausage down my throat.
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Old 04-26-2003, 12:00 PM
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The faggots come with a rich sauce. This may have been more than I actually wanted to know. Are you only permitted to nibble upon your faggots or do they expect you to swallow them whole? [insert shocked smilie >here<]

Some enterprising soul should prepackage the sausage in a condom. Think of the benefits:

1) One trip to the grocery saves another to the apothecary.

2) Pre-lubed with the aforementioned rich sauce.

3) With the packaging in place, you're ready for a banger.
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Old 04-26-2003, 01:16 PM
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They want you to send in pictures of you eating a faggot!


. . . Oh, I'll bet they get some doozies.
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Old 04-26-2003, 01:19 PM
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As a slight hijack from British culinary tastes, I've been looking for the right opportunity to link to this photo. The gentleman on the left's first name is Ethan; I figure he must have a mostly unfabulous social life.
  #43  
Old 04-26-2003, 01:37 PM
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The first time I saw "Mr. Brain's Pork Faggots" in the freezer aisle I nearly went into hysterics (compounded by the legend on the box "Now With Mushy Peas!"). Even my first encounter with a bag of "Monkey Nuts" (which in the UK apparently refers to unshelled peanuts) didn't make me laugh that hard.
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Old 04-26-2003, 01:51 PM
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I saw this product on the Norton Graham show recently. Very funny!
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Old 04-26-2003, 02:33 PM
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Mmmmm....Pork Faggots.
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Old 04-26-2003, 05:44 PM
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I really wish I could get a clipping from a British newspaper advertising these things. The reason being I would send it in to "The Tonight Show" so that Jay Leno could include it in his "Headlines" bit on Monday nights. I read the rules for submissions and it said emails and faxes are not acceptable, it has to be an original clipping, so I guess a computer printout would not be allowed either.
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Old 04-26-2003, 07:01 PM
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If a British Doper could be so kind to send a newspaper clipping, the address is:

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno
ATTN: Headlines
3000 W. Alameda Ave.
Burbank, CA 91523 USA
  #48  
Old 04-26-2003, 07:20 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Violet
I saw this product on the Norton Graham show recently. Very funny!
FTR, it's Graham Norton.
  #49  
Old 04-26-2003, 08:00 PM
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I remember seeing, many years ago, I believe it was in National Lampoon's weird photos section (though I'm not sure), but it was a magazine ad with the slogan "Faggots? What a saucy idea!"
Quote:
I really wish I could get a clipping from a British newspaper advertising these things. The reason being I would send it in to "The Tonight Show" so that Jay Leno could include it in his "Headlines" bit on Monday nights. I read the rules for submissions and it said emails and faxes are not acceptable, it has to be an original clipping, so I guess a computer printout would not be allowed either.
David Letterman, when he had the Late Night show on NBC in the 80's, already did something similar to this. In a "Supermarket Finds" segment, he displayed a can of "Faggots and Peas" (not Mr. Brain's, by the way) to a greatly amused audience.
  #50  
Old 04-26-2003, 08:09 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Cavalier
I've been told they're just like round sausages with low quality meat, but I've never actually come across one.
Oh my God, it's catching...
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