Corrupt Wish Game!!

[Alex VA]

Let's see how creative you can be. This is the corrupt wish game. Somebody makes a wish. Any wish. Then you corrupt it. Grant it (pretend), but with a horrible twist. Then you wish. On the same post. Try to get as creative as you can. Here are some rules and advice.

1. Try to corrupt the last poster.

2. No wishing for wishy wishes. Ex. "I wish for an uncorruptable wish". Feel free to skip people who do this.

3. No childish corruptions. They must have to relate to the topic somehow. Ex. "OK, you get a sandwich, but then you get hit by a truck!" Feel free to make your wishes long and science-fictiony, but no half-page rants.


All that in mind, here's an example.

Me. I wish for $1,000,000,000

Post 1. Fine, but it is all counterfeit. You get arrested and get 10 years in prison.
I wish I could see dead people. (still in post 1)

Post 2. {another hopefully funny corruption}
{another wish}

Post 3. {yet another hopefully funny corruption}
{once again, a wish}

And so on and so on.


I wish I could be president!

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Poof: You're president, all right -- of a small African country in the midst of a vicious civil war, and the rebel alliance has laid siege to your capital city, while your cabinet plots to unseat you, and your mistress has absconded to Switzerland with the bankbooks for your secret accounts. Machetes, anyone?

I wish I could sing like Kathy Mattea.

[picunurse]

Poof: What a voice. Too bad you now look exactly like Kathy Mattea.








I wish I could understand Cat language, so I'd know what Maxx is telling me.

[NoCoolUserName]

No problemo, you now understand and speak Kitty. Too bad for you, you only speak Kitty, so they will soon take you away and book you a long-term room at the "We Don't Know What's Wrong With Them" hotel.

I wish I could play and sing like all the members of Led Zepplin back at the peak of their talent. Not the same notes, you understand, but with the same creativity and talent they had back then. Without losing all that I now have (wife, kids, sanity).

Thank you, I'll be here all week. Try the legumes.

[Johnny Bravo]

Oooh. Nice wish. Unfortunately, you sound a bit too much like Led Zepplin. They sue, and a federal court orders you to never sing again.


I wish I could speak, write, and understand every major language in the world.

[Rubystreak]

Sure, you can speak, write, and understand every major language in the world, but you cannot keep them straight. Italian blends into Esperanto blends into Mandarin blends into Swahili; as a result, you are a human Tower of Babel, unable to communicate with anyone.




I wish I was 5'8" instead of 5'0", but still the same weight, which would give me a supermodel bod.

[j_sum1]

Zap. You are now eight inches taller. Proble is that your SO is eight inches shorter and he doesn't want to be with someone taller than him.

I wish I was the world's best mathematician and had solved the Riemann hypothesis.

[if6was9]

*Poof* You're the world's best mathematician... but you discover something that leads to nuclear bombs (ala Einstein.)


I wish I could find that special someone...

[j_sum1]

Zoweee!! You have found that special someone. The only thing is, so has everyone else. And you just have to wait miserably and unrequitedly in the queue behind a thousand other people.


I wish that I never got tired, never had to sleep and could have fun 24 hours a day.

[Phnord Prephect]

Poof! You have a bag of cocaine, and snort it all.
24 hours later, you're in your jail cell trying to sleep it off and wondering just what, exactly, you did to get here.

I wish I was an Oscar Mayer weiner.

[j_sum1]

Originally posted by j_sum1
I wish that I never got tired, never had to sleep and could have fun 24 hours a day.

Of course , as soon as I hit submit, I suddenly realised the obvious implications. Mind if I add the punchline to my own joke?

SPOILER:

You don't get laid musch do you?

Anyway, back to
I wish I was an Oscar Mayer Weiner.

[racer72]

Wish granted. But you are on the end of a stick held by little Tommy Bumgarter, the clumsiest kid in the world and have been dropped into the campfire. Ssssssss.




I wish I could play the guitar and all the greats (such as Clapton and Page) come to me for advice.

[Zoe]

Unfortunately, the advice is on how to tell an amateur not to waste time on any more guitar lessons.

I want to sing with the Met.

[picunurse]

Zap!There you are, on stage at the Met. Unfortunately its Tuesday. It Dark. You are singing to an empty theater.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Poof! You're singing with the Met, all right -- but you look like Luciano Pavarotti, only fatter.

I wish I could fly without wings.

[Governor Quinn]

Zonk! You've got you're wish to fly without wings- however, you don't have a clue as to how to land.

I wish I was Chancellor of Germany...

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Bzzzzzzzzt! You're chancellor of Germany, all right; but it's 1933, and President Hindenburg has summoned you to his office.

I wish I could remember dates and not have to look them up.

[einstein's lovechild]

You will never have to look up dates again. In fact you won't be able to look anything up because you are blind.

I wish I had done some work today.

[Athena]

Shazzam! You did a BUNCH of work today, only to have your hard drive die at the end of the day and you have no backups, so you have to start over from scratch tomorrow.

I wish the company I'm doing contract work for actually sells something and is able to hire me at a six figure salary.

[puggyfish]

Kerwhizziwhizziwoof!

In order to make a profit your company sells your soul to the devil and your body on the meat market. Though it continues to hire you for a six figure salary, it seems that you have no right to contest ownership of your body and soul without a body or soul. You salary is paid in Venezuelan Bolivares.

I wish to live simply but comfortably, to be happy and to have the respect of others.

[danceswithcats]

*BURRRRRP* You're hired! Unfortunately, they're selling knock-offs of a copyrighted product, and are involved in insider trading. Best of all, you get to hold the bag when the SEC and Feds come to call. Have a nice time at that low security Federal Penitentiary.

I wish I could figure out how to do something useful with Photoshop®.

[if6was9]

*puggyfish* (works as a magical sound...) You live simply and comfortably.... as a nun (or priest.) No more sex or luxuries for you!

*abracadabra* danceswithcats you are the world's greatest expert on Photoshop®. Unfortunately you use it to counterfeit the new $20 bills. Meet your new "roommate" Bubba!



I wish my Orioles would win the pennant next year.

[misstee]

~~~~Alakazoom~~~


The Orioles win the pennant, but by default because everyone else was on strike. ( Isn't that the only way they could win? )
Just teasin you, if6was9 about the Orioles, nuttin but love for your team



I wish for molly maid to come clean my house.

[stormchaser]

*blatz*

Your house is as clean as a whistle (literally) Molly maid has run off with all your household goods and sold them all on ebay for pennies on the dollar.



I wish for world peace--------- no that would be too easy how about 2 buckets of fudge ice cream covering my favorite doper misstee and all the time in the world to lick it off

[if6was9]

misstee, your lickability is famous!


*balzac* World peace is acheived! All the nations of the world lay down their arms. Then, in a Simpson's moment, invaders from outer space take over the world. We are powerless to resist.


I wish for a turkey sandwich. With no mutant turkey, and no stale bread, no having the sandwich get caught in my throat, no disgusting add-ons like peanut butter and jelly. Just a nice plain turkey sandwich.

[Mr. Blue Sky]

You get your wish. But the turkey is dry. THE TURKEY IS DRY!!!!!




I wish for a versions of Windows that never crashes....

[misstee]

~~~ Kathunk ~~~


A version of windows that never crashes has arrived, sadly its not compatable with your system.






I wish for a large order of french fries hot from the fryer. And ketchup!

[Chimpy]

zap: unfortunately they are so hot they burn through your hand and the ketchup is super acidic making the brun wounds ridiculously painful

i wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread and i dont what any zombies i dont want to be a turkey myself

[misstee]

~~~ poohhah ~~~



Your turkey sandwhich arrives, but before you even get a chance to have a bite, a homeless man wanders by, and coughs all over it. You can see the phlegm coating the entire sandwhich.




I wish for the tv remote to always be in the first place I look.

[green_dragon]

*ZIP!* the first place you look is the toilet directly after a number 2.

Every. Single. Time.

I wish for a better speaker system.

[Chimpy]

you get a better speker system it just doesnt have an off switch and is constantly on its highest level for sound


i wish for a cheese monkey

[it'sjustme]

*Shazaam!!* One cheese monkey coming up--without additonal perversions of any kind! Seriously folks, does this one even need to be more perverted? I think it stands on its own perverted merits.



I wish I received a small fortune each month, just for being me...

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

You receive a small fortune each month in dividend checks. Unfortunately, it's all that's left of the huge fortune you'd invested in the stock market -- and each month it gets smaller.

I wish I could dance like Ginger Rogers.

[Alex VA]

Granted, you get an unemployment check every month. You were fired for being yourself.

I wish I could make people love me.

[Alex VA]

Sorry, EddyTeddyFreddy must have posted while I was typing...

[Alex VA]

By the way, mine was for it'sjustme

[Rico]

ZAP! People now love you. Unfortunately, you're in prison for the rest of your life.

I wish for 2,000,000,000 more wishes.

[if6was9]

*voila* 2 billion wishes are granted... but you can't enjoy any of them til you make all 2 billion of them. Of, course this would take WAY more than a lifetime. So you never really get any of them.

I wish the workweek was two days, and the weekend was 5.

[Chimpy]

no wishing for more wishes or anyhting like that Rico

and as no one considered poor ETF i will

you can dance like ginger rodgers but unfortunately only when your feet are being shot at and the person doing the shooting speaks a language where foot means head
(will you tell me your secret now ETF?)

i wish for a new halogen lamp

[Johnny Bravo]

*kkkkkkkkrrrrrp*

You have 2 billion wishes, at the rate of one every 200 years. Your next one is due November 2204.


I wish I was a transformer!

[if6was9]

I wish the hamsters would take vitamins or steroids or something...

[merrily]

Poof! the hamsters take steroids, and you can never get through a reply before the thread has gone in another direction entirely.

I want my ferrets to learn to use the papers!

[Chimpy]

your ferrets learn to use the papers however not in that way you want, they start reading them and making smart arse comments towards you

i wish for a giant tree of doom

[BellaDellaItalia]

*I-Dream-of-Jeannie-style blink*

OK, your ferrets can use the papers, unfortunately they can also read them. After hearing about what's going on in Iraq they get incurably depressed, and they jump out the second-story window. Splat!

[BellaDellaItalia]

Oops..I was a little too late on that one...sooo...

*Jeannie blink again*

The giant tree of doom appears in your backyard and beats up your enemies upon request. But alas, one of your neighbors sues you when it beats up that yippy little dog next door. Whoops.

I wish for a lemonade fountain.

[Chimpy]

poof* well they say its lemonade but lets just say teh yappy little dog is to blame

i wish for a CLOCK

[if6was9]

*Bewitched-style-nose-wiggle* You have a clock. But it's military time! You can't ever read the thing anyways.


I wish I had some BBQ Ribs about now! Mmmmmmmmm! Ribs!!!!

[misstee]

~~~~ ugrhhhh ~~~~

You are granted a clock, but you never have time to look at it.



I wish for a warm towel when I get out of the hot tub.

[EddyTeddyFreddy]

Fwooooop-fwooooop! Double wish-granting!

BigDaiv, you want a new halogen lamp; Johnny Bravo, you wish you were a transformer. You got it!

Only thing is, JB, the 345 KV transformer, gets hooked up directly to BD's new lamp, blowing transformer, lamp, and the surrounding hectare into oblivion.

And, just because I'm such a generous soul, I grant [b]if6was9's[b] desire for some barbecue ribs. Too bad they're his own, since he was standing too close to BigDaiv's new halogen lamp. misstee gets her warm towel, too. Too bad it doesn't protect her from the wave of scalding water as the transformer explosion sends a jolt of high voltage into the hot tub's pump.

I wish I could stop thinking about explosions.

[Verick]

And with a gentle wave of his hand, a lemonade fountain appears in BellaDellaItalia's home, unfortunately it's operation is so complex that you have to hire a full time lemonade fountain operator, and his salary costs you more than just making your own lemonade would.

I wish I could read peoples minds.