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Old 05-18-2017, 03:01 PM
gytalf2000 gytalf2000 is offline
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Would a giant snake (python, anaconda) be a good "body removal" device?

First of all, let me state that "I don't need an answer fast". Just wonderin', is all.

I'm thinking of a "serial killer" scenario. The guy enjoys killing people for fun and profit -- gotta have a hobby, right? He is also an amateur herpetologist with a giant snake as a pet. Let's say that he has somehow acquired that elusive "30-foot-plus" snake that cryptozoologists have dreamed about all these years. A thirty-seven foot behemoth anaconda, easily capable of swallowing the heftiest man alive.

My question is -- Is this a good way of disposing of the evidence? I've heard that snakes have very powerful digestive juices. Would there be much left over in the enormous eunectes' excrement?

Any info would be vastly appreciated!

Last edited by gytalf2000; 05-18-2017 at 03:02 PM.
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  #2  
Old 05-18-2017, 03:15 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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My understanding is that snakes like this have a really slow digestive system. So if you feed a corpse to a snake, the remains are going to be inside the snake for a couple of weeks. Pretty awkward if the police show up to your house during that time as part of the murder investigation and notice the bulge in your snake's mid-section. All they need is a warrant and a veterinarian to recover the evidence.

Also, some snakes won't eat a animal they didn't kill themselves. So you can't feed them a corpse.

On the plus side, while smaller snakes don't digest bones, large pythons digest everything in a body.
  #3  
Old 05-18-2017, 03:17 PM
curious11 curious11 is offline
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Picky Eaters

Hi, I took care of a Rainbow Boa for three years and my experiences would seem to say no to that idea. The snake was a picky eater and the owner was able to get the snake to eat frozen rats that were "warmed" in warm water after thawing in the refrigerator. The owner would hold the warmed rat by the tail and jiggle the rat in front of the supposedly hungry snake - three weeks since last feeding. The snake would either strike and consume the rat or not.

I resorted to feeding the snake live, medium, rats as I couldn't get the snake to take the dead rat.

I can't imagine a snake consuming a dead hunk of human.

Now pigs on the other hand...

Good Luck!
  #4  
Old 05-18-2017, 03:56 PM
Hilarity N. Suze Hilarity N. Suze is offline
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He should be a pig farmer, not a herpetologist.

Six pieces, 16 pigs.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xUynRdzzsM

Apparently, anything else marks you as an amateur.

Also, if you need to bury a body, don't bury it flat. Everybody will know that's a body. Dig a hole vertically, like you were going to put a post in there. For good measure, drop a dead dog on top of it, to fool the cadaver dogs.

The things you learn, being a mystery and heist fan.
  #5  
Old 05-18-2017, 03:58 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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As stated, they take forever to digest someone. You'd need a farm of pythons if you're a discerning serial killer. A bunch of pigs are cheaper and raise fewer questions when buying.
Quote:
Originally Posted by curious11 View Post
Hi, I took care of a Rainbow Boa for three years and my experiences would seem to say no to that idea. The snake was a picky eater and the owner was able to get the snake to eat frozen rats that were "warmed" in warm water after thawing in the refrigerator. The owner would hold the warmed rat by the tail and jiggle the rat in front of the supposedly hungry snake - three weeks since last feeding. The snake would either strike and consume the rat or not.

I resorted to feeding the snake live, medium, rats as I couldn't get the snake to take the dead rat.

I can't imagine a snake consuming a dead hunk of human.

Now pigs on the other hand...

Good Luck!
Depends on the snake. Some don't hesitate around dead pinkies, and some don't eat live prey (or end up becoming food themselves!). Going along with their slow digestive system, snakes don't eat as often as mammals, and go go days between meals.
  #6  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:09 PM
HoneyBadgerDC HoneyBadgerDC is online now
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Sharks or hyenas would be my top picks for the job.
  #7  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:15 PM
snowthx snowthx is offline
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Originally Posted by HoneyBadgerDC View Post
Sharks or hyenas would be my top picks for the job.
With frik'n lazer beams on their heads?

How about alligators or crocs? They don't seem too fussy WRT alive or dead.
  #8  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:20 PM
running coach running coach is offline
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I'm Being Swallowed By A Boa Constrictor-Peter, Paul and Mary

Last edited by running coach; 05-18-2017 at 04:20 PM.
  #9  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:25 PM
t-bonham@scc.net t-bonham@scc.net is offline
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How about alligators or crocs? They don't seem too fussy WRT alive or dead.
They stuff their prey underwater and let it decay for a few days, to make it easier to eat. That means it's still around & discoverable evidence for the cops all that time.
  #10  
Old 05-18-2017, 04:40 PM
Tamerlane Tamerlane is offline
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Originally Posted by snowthx View Post
How about alligators or crocs? They don't seem too fussy WRT alive or dead.
All ectotherms ( including sharks ) have the same problem of slow digestion times. It makes for a fairly efficient critter in that one big meal lasts a good long time. But from a criminal standpoint not so great as evidence lingers.

The suggestion of hyenas on the other hand, specifically the Spotted Hyena, has some real merit. Fastish mammalian metabolism, super-strong jaws to grind up any and all bones and a super-efficient digestive system to reduce everything to powder, long lives, easily maintained in captivity. Probably even better than pigs. Also have been known to be reasonably sociable with human handlers .

Last edited by Tamerlane; 05-18-2017 at 04:44 PM.
  #11  
Old 05-18-2017, 05:05 PM
Dendarii Dame Dendarii Dame is offline
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Shel Silverstein wrote the lyrics. IIRC, one of his collections of verse was banned from some school libraries because of that poem.
  #12  
Old 05-18-2017, 05:20 PM
Chronos Chronos is online now
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Really? Of all the poems they could have banned Shel for, they picked that one?
  #13  
Old 05-18-2017, 05:41 PM
snowthx snowthx is offline
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Yah, makes sense regarding gators and crocs. I was going to suggest a school of piranha, but again one would be left with evidence (bones, teeth) laying around.

Of course, you could have the piranha do part of the job, then feed the bones to the gators.
  #14  
Old 05-18-2017, 05:45 PM
skdo23 skdo23 is offline
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Originally Posted by Dendarii Dame View Post
Shel Silverstein wrote the lyrics. IIRC, one of his collections of verse was banned from some school libraries because of that poem.
We sang it in preschool (late 1970's).
  #15  
Old 05-18-2017, 07:39 PM
Folacin Folacin is offline
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I don't fully understand the speed of digestion complaints. I think the average serial killer can pace herself well enough to let the snake finish each body.

And you could pass the bulge of as whatever its legitimate food is. I think it would be hard to get a warrant to examine the stomach contents of a live animal.

OP should go for it!
  #16  
Old 05-18-2017, 08:01 PM
Pilgrim Shadow Pilgrim Shadow is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by curious11 View Post
Hi, I took care of a Rainbow Boa for three years and my experiences would seem to say no to that idea. The snake was a picky eater and the owner was able to get the snake to eat frozen rats that were "warmed" in warm water after thawing in the refrigerator. The owner would hold the warmed rat by the tail and jiggle the rat in front of the supposedly hungry snake - three weeks since last feeding. The snake would either strike and consume the rat or not.

I resorted to feeding the snake live, medium, rats as I couldn't get the snake to take the dead rat.

I can't imagine a snake consuming a dead hunk of human.

Now pigs on the other hand...

Good Luck!

Piggy Palace Good Times Society

Last edited by Pilgrim Shadow; 05-18-2017 at 08:02 PM. Reason: Move emoji
  #17  
Old 05-18-2017, 08:08 PM
HoneyBadgerDC HoneyBadgerDC is online now
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I like the crocodile better than my suggested hyenas and sharks. Crocs can swallow hole and breakdown bones.
  #18  
Old 05-18-2017, 11:45 PM
smithsb smithsb is offline
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Make sure your dog door is large enough for your accomplice get away while you hold the police off at the front door.

For partial removal, I'd go with chilli and a nice Chianti.
  #19  
Old 05-19-2017, 07:38 AM
gytalf2000 gytalf2000 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Folacin View Post
I don't fully understand the speed of digestion complaints. I think the average serial killer can pace herself well enough to let the snake finish each body.

And you could pass the bulge of as whatever its legitimate food is. I think it would be hard to get a warrant to examine the stomach contents of a live animal.

OP should go for it!
Yeah, and if there actually was a snake that big (37 foot anaconda), a regular-size human wouldn't be that big of a meal, I'm thinking. I was aware of the slow-digesting metabolism of such an ectotherm -- I'm thinking if the killer only struck three or four times a year, it wouldn't be so much of a big deal for the snake.
  #20  
Old 05-19-2017, 07:50 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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By amazing coincidence, I was just reading this really good book about deadly animals, and it seems that snakes that swallow large prey don't seem to be very good at estimating what is a reasonable size they can engulf and wind up leaving rather than dining - or else they give up on something they killed for unknown reasons.

Maybe one's snake if really hungry might prefer live wriggling prey like its owner.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 05-19-2017 at 07:51 AM.
  #21  
Old 05-19-2017, 07:57 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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How about grizzly bears?
  #22  
Old 05-19-2017, 08:03 AM
Omar Little Omar Little is offline
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Originally Posted by Hilarity N. Suze View Post
He should be a pig farmer, not a herpetologist.
Wu?
  #23  
Old 05-19-2017, 09:19 AM
gytalf2000 gytalf2000 is offline
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Originally Posted by Jackmannii View Post
By amazing coincidence, I was just reading this really good book about deadly animals, and it seems that snakes that swallow large prey don't seem to be very good at estimating what is a reasonable size they can engulf and wind up leaving rather than dining - or else they give up on something they killed for unknown reasons.

Maybe one's snake if really hungry might prefer live wriggling prey like its owner.

Oh, I need to buy that book! Thanks for the recommendation.
  #24  
Old 05-19-2017, 10:23 AM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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Oh, I need to buy that book! Thanks for the recommendation.
Are you going into business, gytalf?
  #25  
Old 05-19-2017, 10:55 AM
dude robert dude robert is offline
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It might not be the best removal device, but it would be way more exciting. Imagine this, the cops show up to your house and conduct a quick look-around, when suddenly they spot the massive snake. Since you have a proper license to hold it, you would probably be pretty excited to meet it, and would be like "woah, that's a bloody massive snake you've got there, (jokingly) hey, did you feed it a body or something?!" and then I would be like "haha yeah I killed some guy and [snake's name] took care of it for me, haha!", and then the cops would laugh, then I would use a safe technique to both me and the snake to open his mouth and show off the snake's teeth to them, and one one of the teeth there would be a scrap of the guy's either clothing or skin, which I would point out to the cops, crack another joke about the snake eating some dead body, and quickly dispose of it (the scrap) before the cops could question me any further.

This would be incredibly exciting, because little do they know or suspect, the snake actually DID eat a body, which is sitting inside right now, and I'd be joking about how it ate a corpse, to which the cops would take as an actual joke. If the odor of a decaying corpse was very strong, then this would be all the more arousing, as long as they didn't plan an actual investigation on this.
  #26  
Old 05-19-2017, 11:48 AM
md2000 md2000 is offline
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This was my first thought on this topic too.

Robert Pickton was specifically convicted by, among other items, the teeth left behind. The pigs would chew up anything, but they didn't grind the victims' teeth down completely; these appear to have often gone through the pigs intact. One news story of the time, IIRC, was that they hired the entire graduating class of the UBC Archaeology department that year to help sift through mountains of pig manure looking for teeth and any other bone fragments.
  #27  
Old 05-19-2017, 11:58 AM
gytalf2000 gytalf2000 is offline
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Are you going into business, gytalf?

Naw, I just find this kind of stuff fascinating.
  #28  
Old 05-19-2017, 12:25 PM
kayaker kayaker is online now
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Originally Posted by dude robert View Post
It might not be the best removal device, but it would be way more exciting. Imagine this, the cops show up to your house and conduct a quick look-around, when suddenly they spot the massive snake. Since you have a proper license to hold it, you would probably be pretty excited to meet it, and would be like "woah, that's a bloody massive snake you've got there, (jokingly) hey, did you feed it a body or something?!" and then I would be like "haha yeah I killed some guy and [snake's name] took care of it for me, haha!", and then the cops would laugh, then I would use a safe technique to both me and the snake to open his mouth and show off the snake's teeth to them, and one one of the teeth there would be a scrap of the guy's either clothing or skin, which I would point out to the cops, crack another joke about the snake eating some dead body, and quickly dispose of it (the scrap) before the cops could question me any further.

This would be incredibly exciting, because little do they know or suspect, the snake actually DID eat a body, which is sitting inside right now, and I'd be joking about how it ate a corpse, to which the cops would take as an actual joke. If the odor of a decaying corpse was very strong, then this would be all the more arousing, as long as they didn't plan an actual investigation on this.
You have far too many details here for this to be just a "story". Aren't you worried about what you are sharing? There is no statute of limitations for murder, you know.
  #29  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:08 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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... enormous eunectes' excrement?
Worth the thread. Makes me wonder if the phrase came to your head first, then an OP to wrap it around.

(My MO at times )
  #30  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:12 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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...

Depends on the snake. Some don't hesitate around dead pinkies..
I think I know what you mean, but you can't be expected to post something like without an explanation.

So everybody else understands this?
  #31  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:14 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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You have far too many details here for this to be just a "story". Aren't you worried about what you are sharing? There is no statute of limitations for murder, you know.
You know the know the right snakes.
  #32  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:20 PM
Colibri Colibri is online now
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If the odor of a decaying corpse was very strong, then this would be all the more arousing, as long as they didn't plan an actual investigation on this.
Moderator Warning

dude robert, this is an official warning for trolling. Keep your posts in this forum factual. Don't do this again.

Colibri
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  #33  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:29 PM
thelurkinghorror thelurkinghorror is online now
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I think I know what you mean, but you can't be expected to post something like without an explanation.

So everybody else understands this?
Which part is puzzling? Even if you don't know that a pinkie is a hairless mouse, the context and the post I quoted is clearly about feeding snakes dead rodents.
  #34  
Old 05-19-2017, 01:33 PM
Leo Bloom Leo Bloom is offline
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Which part is puzzling? Even if you don't know that a pinkie is a hairless mouse, the context and the post I quoted is clearly about feeding snakes dead rodents.
I, for one, didn't know a pinkie was a hairless mouse.
  #35  
Old 05-19-2017, 02:26 PM
gytalf2000 gytalf2000 is offline
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Worth the thread. Makes me wonder if the phrase came to your head first, then an OP to wrap it around.

(My MO at times )
No, that's not how it happened. But I'm glad that the phrase amused you. I always aim to entertain!
  #36  
Old 05-19-2017, 02:58 PM
carnivorousplant carnivorousplant is offline
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No, that's not how it happened. But I'm glad that the phrase amused you. I always aim to entertain!
I am reminded of this guy, replacing "Paint any car" with "kill any man".
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