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  #151  
Old 02-08-2017, 01:46 PM
jrbor76 jrbor76 is offline
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The Simpsons: Homer (from the episode Selma's Choice): "Homer-cles cares not for beans!" (maybe not the funniest line he's ever had, but the delivery is so hammy it cracks me up every time).
***
Futurama: Zapp Brannigan (from the episode The Problem with Popplers): "Why'd you open your bong-hole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice a beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must've smoked some bad granola!"
***
Night Court: one of those marathon court session episodes, forget which one; a case about a woman who attacked a children's author because her son hurt himself, the dialogue quickly turns into a rhyme right out of Dr. Seuss, culminating in the following (paraphrased):
Harry: "Well, the fine is a hundred, and that should be it."
Dan: "Now get outta here, you dumb little-"
Harry: "Dan!"
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  #152  
Old 02-08-2017, 02:30 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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From The Simpsons, Marge vs the Monorail, IIRC.

Homer has a heart attack in Burns's office. We see Homer's soul begin to leave his body.

Smithers: He's dead, sir.
Burns: Send the widow a ham.
Homer: Mmmmm, ham!

Homer's soul reenters his body and he begins to move.

Smithers: Look sir! He's alive!
Burns: Cancel the ham.
Homer: D'OHHHHH!
  #153  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:04 PM
Wheelz Wheelz is offline
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From Friends:

Monica and Chandler are adopting Erica's baby. She's not sure who the father is; it's either the high school quarterback or the guy who killed his father with a shovel. Monica comes home from lunch with Erica.

Monica: Well, I found out who the father is.
Chandler: Oh, God, it's Shovelly Joe, isn't it?
Monica: Nope. Apparently, Erica didn't pay much attention in sex ed; what they did, it'd be pretty hard to make a baby that way.
Chandler: Was it the thing we hardly ever do, or the thing we never do?
Monica: The thing we never do.
Chandler: (clearly impressed) Shovelly Joe!
  #154  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:23 PM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cochrane View Post
From The Simpsons, Marge vs the Monorail, IIRC.

Homer has a heart attack in Burns's office. We see Homer's soul begin to leave his body.

Smithers: He's dead, sir.
Burns: Send the widow a ham.
Homer: Mmmmm, ham!

Homer's soul reenters his body and he begins to move.

Smithers: Look sir! He's alive!
Burns: Cancel the ham.
Homer: D'OHHHHH!
Actually, that's from Homer's Triple Bypass, appropriately enough.

I say this not because it's important, but to mention that, when I looked it up, it took me to a page of quotes from that episode, many of which are brilliant. And I'm sure I could say the same about many other episodes from the show's golden age.
  #155  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:29 PM
Jim's Son Jim's Son is offline
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"Hogan's Heroes" General Burkhalter has just pulled ranked and got command of Stalag 13 from the Gestapo and back to the Luftwaffe

Burkhalter "Where are you going, Klink?"
Klink "Into town to see Lily Marlene at the Hofhaus".
Burkhalter "What would you rather do: go see Lily Marlene or play chess with a general who can
send you to the Eastern front?"
Klink (hold chess set) "White for you, General?"

"Get Smart" the not so great escape. Maxwell Smart is cornered trying to escape from Camp Gitchee Goonie Nonee WaWa where KAOS is holding CONTROL agents. The sound of barking dogs is heard but it is a tape recording

Starker "The dogs ran away after I gave them some of the food we give the prisoners"
Seigfried "You fed the prisoners's food to the dogs? Dumpkopf! No wonder they ran away! You could have made them sick".
  #156  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:31 PM
Wheelz Wheelz is offline
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Gene gets some of the best lines in Bob's Burgers. some of my favorites:

"Double or nothing! Just like me and underpants!"

"My bladder asked if my colon could come out and play, and my colon was like, Sure Thing!"

Linda: "We should buy an island."
Gene: "And a smaller island next to it. For farting."
  #157  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:52 PM
Sir T-Cups Sir T-Cups is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wheelz View Post
Gene gets some of the best lines in Bob's Burgers. some of my favorites:

"Double or nothing! Just like me and underpants!"

"My bladder asked if my colon could come out and play, and my colon was like, Sure Thing!"

Linda: "We should buy an island."
Gene: "And a smaller island next to it. For farting."
Linda (to Bob): Are you ok? How's your penis?
Bob: It's ok
Gene: Mine's a nightmare in case anyone's wondering.
  #158  
Old 02-08-2017, 03:58 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickJay View Post
From Family Guy, there's the cutaway joke to "Hitler!" a lame late night talk show hosted by Hitler, who is shown briefly interviewing Christian Slater. We break away from the interview for a voice over promo:

"If you are in ze Los Angeles area, und vould like teeckets to see `Hitler!' dial 1-213... (screaming) DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN!!"
Why would I need a nurse?
  #159  
Old 02-08-2017, 04:05 PM
Wheelz Wheelz is offline
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Moe: "Barney, don't steal any beer while I'm gone!"
Barney: "What kind of disgusting drunk do you take me for?... [gasp!] Somebody spilled beer in this ashtray!! [slurrrrrp!] Ahhhh!"

Last edited by Wheelz; 02-08-2017 at 04:05 PM.
  #160  
Old 02-08-2017, 04:05 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marvin the Martian View Post
And if we broaden the definition of TV character a bit, the funniest line ever uttered on television is Carnac the Magnificient's question to the answer "Sis boom bah".
He gave Ed a heads-up before the show to expect a good one in Carnac, and McMahon still lost it when he heard it. (Of course, that was pretty much his job, but he was still talking about it years later.)
  #161  
Old 02-08-2017, 05:16 PM
Trancephalic Trancephalic is offline
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Spongebob:"you mean we can't say anything bad about dumb old Texas?"
Sandy:"No, you can't!"
Patrick:"Can we say people from texas are dumb?"

Last edited by Trancephalic; 02-08-2017 at 05:17 PM.
  #162  
Old 02-08-2017, 06:00 PM
dougie_monty dougie_monty is offline
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The Benny Hill Show
Jackie Wright: I wish I'd never been born!
Benny: Well, you couldn't stay where you were, could you?
  #163  
Old 02-08-2017, 06:20 PM
burpo the wonder mutt burpo the wonder mutt is offline
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Get Smart

(Max and 99 are being pursued by a hunter, a la Most Dangerous Game. They pull up short at a very wide, very deep gorge.)

99: How deep do you think it is?
Max: About a mile.
99: If we went back a good distance and got a good running jump, how far do you think we could get?
Max: About a mile.
  #164  
Old 02-08-2017, 06:52 PM
HubZilla HubZilla is offline
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From the GI Joe cartoon in the 80s:

Zartan (as a reporter trying to discredit GI Joe): "Couldn't this computer be better used to solve world hunger?"

Shipwreck: "Whaddya going to do?! Feed the world a short stack of floppy disks?"
  #165  
Old 02-08-2017, 07:16 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marvin the Martian View Post
And if we broaden the definition of TV character a bit, the funniest line ever uttered on television is Carnac the Magnificient's question to the answer "Sis boom bah".
Was it funnier than "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition"? (I'll have to change location before I can get Youtube.)
  #166  
Old 02-08-2017, 07:49 PM
Mahaloth Mahaloth is offline
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Blackadder wins for me. So many lines I use or reference all the time.

‘To you, Baldrick, the Rennaissance was just something that happened to other people, wasn’t it?’

I often, in private, reference certain students of mine as being the kind of kid for whom, "school is just something that happens to other people."


I also like:

"I, on the other hand, have a degree from the University of Life, a diploma from the School of Hard Knocks, and three gold stars from the Kindergarten of Getting the Shit Kicked Out of Me."
  #167  
Old 02-08-2017, 08:20 PM
P-man P-man is offline
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From Newhart-

George found a woman's wallet, and decided based on her driver's license to ask her out. It turned out her butt was a couple of ax handles wide.

George: "She has a nice smile, pretty eyes, ect."
Bob: "and she has the biggest rear end I've ever seen."
George: "Doesn't she, though?" He goes on to talk about how much noise she made getting in and out of a booth with naugahide seats.

Night Court-
Dan went out onto a ledge to give Roz a shot when she was in insulin shock. Afterward, she insisted she was going to thank him and he was going to listen. He listens politely, hesitates, and says "I saw your butt." End of show.
  #168  
Old 02-08-2017, 08:36 PM
Yllaria Yllaria is offline
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Originally Posted by Yllaria View Post
Was it funnier than "Praise the Lord and Pass the Ammunition"? (I'll have to change location before I can get Youtube.)
Finally saw it. They're pretty close in my estimation. I didn't find a clip of PtL, but the question was:

SPOILER:
What should you do if you swallow a hand grenade?
  #169  
Old 02-08-2017, 09:26 PM
buddha_david buddha_david is offline
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Here's one from The Sopranos:

Tony: "Gary Cooper. Now there was an American. The strong, silent type. He did what he had to do. He faced down the Miller gang when none of those other assholes in town would lift a finger to help him. And did he complain? Did he say, 'Oh, I come from this poor Texas-Irish illiterate background or whatever the fuck, so leave me the fuck out of it because my people got fucked over!'
Silvio: "T, not for nothing but you're getting a little confused here. That was the movies."
Tony: "What the fuck difference does that make? Columbus was so long ago, he might as well have been a fucking movie. Images, you said."
Silvio: "The point is, Gary Cooper - the real Gary Cooper, or anybody named Cooper - never suffered like the Italians. A madigan like him, they fucked everybody else. The Italians, the Polacks, the Blacks."
Tony: "All right, even if he was a madigan around nowadays he'd be a member of some victims' group. The fundamentalist Christians, the abused cowboys, the gays, whatever the fuck."
Christopher: "He was gay, Gary Cooper?"
Tony: "No!!!"
  #170  
Old 02-09-2017, 10:31 AM
jtur88 jtur88 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marvin the Martian View Post
And if we broaden the definition of TV character a bit, the funniest line ever uttered on television is Carnac the Magnificient's question to the answer "Sis boom bah".
My favorite from Carson was his bit on Famous Quotations that they got wrong. Lord Admiral Nelson's last words were not "Kiss me, Hardy", but actually "Do you like show tunes, Hardy?". That remained Ed's giggling leitmotiv for the rest of the show.

Last edited by jtur88; 02-09-2017 at 10:31 AM.
  #171  
Old 02-09-2017, 11:13 AM
RickJay RickJay is offline
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Originally Posted by terentii View Post
Why would I need a nurse?
It wasn't what was said, it was that it was screamed.



http://thefw.com/german-is-a-scary-language/
  #172  
Old 02-09-2017, 11:21 AM
Thudlow Boink Thudlow Boink is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RickJay View Post
It wasn't what was said, it was that it was screamed.



http://thefw.com/german-is-a-scary-language/
Obligatory clip: Germans Who Say Nice Things
  #173  
Old 02-09-2017, 11:47 AM
dougie_monty dougie_monty is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jtur88 View Post
My favorite from Carson was his bit on Famous Quotations that they got wrong. Lord Admiral Nelson's last words were not "Kiss me, Hardy", but actually "Do you like show tunes, Hardy?". That remained Ed's giggling leitmotiv for the rest of the show.
From book of school boners:
Q. Who said "Kiss me, Hardy!"?
A. Laurel.

Last edited by dougie_monty; 02-09-2017 at 11:48 AM.
  #174  
Old 02-09-2017, 11:56 AM
dougie_monty dougie_monty is offline
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The Bob Newhart Show
(Bob, Howard, Carol, and Jerry have been playing a made-up card game called "Sneehole." Jerry had to leave and Bob starts to put the cards and things away.)
Emily: Can't you play without Jerry?
Bob: Three-man Sneehole is illegal in Illinois.
  #175  
Old 02-09-2017, 04:58 PM
casdave casdave is offline
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from [I] Only fools and horses[I]

Having just lost a high stakes poker game to Del-Boy (four Kings vs 4 Aces) Boycey asks him, in an obviously annoyed manner,


Boyce Where did you get those aces from Del-Boy?

Del-boySame place as you got them 4 kings from - I knew you was cheating

BoyceOh yeah, hows that then?

Del-boy'Cause that wasn't the hand I dealt you
  #176  
Old 02-09-2017, 05:44 PM
Mister Rik Mister Rik is offline
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Herman's Head:

Maddie: Herman, do you think my skirt is too tight?
Herman: Not if you've been shot in the ass and you're trying to stop the bleeding.
  #177  
Old 02-09-2017, 09:03 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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From Frasier:


Frasier: We have the Wine Club tonight. I'm sort of counting on Niles to help me become Corkmaster.
Roz: But you'll still keep your secret identity as Frasier Crane, right?


Niles: Frasier, do you remember the time the Kreizel brothers tied me to their Great Dane and lobbed meatballs down their gravel driveway?
Frasier: I told you, Niles: I would have helped you, but their sister was holding me down.

Last edited by Mean Mr. Mustard; 02-09-2017 at 09:05 PM.
  #178  
Old 02-10-2017, 12:11 PM
kunilou kunilou is offline
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In one episode of Frasier Niles is thinking about becoming a father and is carrying a sack of flour around to see if he can care for it. This led to a number of interactions.

Niles: I'm roleplaying, dad.
Martin: Try playing the role of a sane person.

Frasier: Bleached, 100% fat free, best when kept in an air-tight container. It seems this one is taking after its mother.

Niles: Last night, I actually had a dream my flour sack was abducted and the kidnapper started sending me muffins in the mail.

(Finally leading to Eddie tearing at the sack, trying to eat the flour)
Daphne: That dingo's got your baby.
  #179  
Old 02-10-2017, 12:38 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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DUDLEY DO-RIGHT

DO-RIGHT: You lost the Mountie post in a POKER GAME?!? Inspector Fenwick, how could you DO such a thing?!?

FENWICK: Well, I had three Jacks and he had four Kings, and ... *?* ... NEVER MIND, Do-Right!

Later:

FENWICK: Blast you, Do-Right! You always do right! Can't you ever do anything wrong for a change?

Also:

NARRATOR: Chinook---a cold wind that blows out of the north. But the biggest sh-nook of them all was Snidely Whiplash!
  #180  
Old 02-10-2017, 12:44 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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THE SIMPSONS

Homer and Bart try to retrieve a nasty letter sent to Mr Burns.

HOMER: (Ultrapolitely) My name is Mr Burns. I believe you have a letter for me.

POSTAL WORKER: Certainly, Mr Burns. What's your first name?

[LONG PAUSE]

HOMER: I don't know.
  #181  
Old 02-10-2017, 12:58 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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M*A*S*H

The 4077th is trying to call Radar after he's gone home.

KLINGER: What time is it in Ottumwa, Iowa?

WINCHESTER: 1881.
  #182  
Old 02-10-2017, 12:58 PM
cochrane cochrane is offline
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From the George of the Jungle TV show, paraphrasing from memory. George and Ape are being held in a cell by animal trainer Claude Badly.

Ape: George, you should give your elephant call.

George bellows like an elephant. Time passes.

Ape: I don't understand it. It's been 18 hours since you gave your elephant call. Shep should have been here to break us out by now.
George: That's because George not call Shep. George call elephant. If you want George to call Shep, you should say so.
Ape: But George, Shep *is* an elephant.
George: No, Shep is a doggie. Big, gray, peanut loving poochie. Watch. George call Shep.

* George whistles. HERE, SHEP! COME HERE, BOY!

Loud trumpeting is heard, Shep arrives immediately.

George: See? Shep doggie, not elephant.

Last edited by cochrane; 02-10-2017 at 01:02 PM.
  #183  
Old 02-10-2017, 01:05 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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From Tom Slick.

(Baron Otto Matic keeps crashing into Tom's car, the Thunderbolt Grease-Slapper. Tom has to take action).
Tom: Confound that careless fellow. I'll need protection against his erratic driving.
Marigold: Here, Tom. Put these rubber bumpers on the side of your car.
Tom: Good idea. Where did you get them, Marigold?
Marigold: I borrowed them from that baby buggy over there.
Tom: Rubber baby buggy bumpers?
Track announcer: Uh oh. It looks like a bad time coming up for your announcer, folks.
  #184  
Old 02-10-2017, 01:26 PM
Frumpy Jones Frumpy Jones is offline
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I cannot remember the show. But it was a family ensemble thinghy with kids ranging from 8 to 18.

There was a group of high school girls dancing (cheerleaders?) kinda provocatively and one of the older brothers (17ish) was watching them with I'd say his 9-11 year old younger brother.

The 9 year old says:

"I dunno why... but I want to give the one in the middle all my money."

I did an actual spit take. It was just delivered perfectly, and I had no chance of swallowing the liquid before I laughed.
  #185  
Old 02-10-2017, 02:59 PM
Knowed Out Knowed Out is offline
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From Benny Hill: Hill plays a Western sheriff who arrives at a camp where a woman is tied to a pole.

Woman: Oh sheriff! Thank God you came! Jesse Custer's gang captured me and tied me to this pole and taunted me and teased me and tore off my clothing and had their way with me! (As she's speaking, Hill's looking at the camera, smiling lasciviously, saying "uh huh" "uh huh".

Hill, loosening his belt: This just ain't yore day is it?
  #186  
Old 02-10-2017, 03:46 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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THE SIMPSONS

At the library, Homer asks for a Japanese phone book. He finds the number he needs and turns to the librarian.

HOMER: Can I use the telephone?

LIBRARIAN: Is it a local call?

HOMER: Uhhhhh ... yes.

The librarian pushes the phone across the counter. Without saying a word, he watches Homer slowly punch in the overseas number.
  #187  
Old 02-10-2017, 03:52 PM
Biggirl Biggirl is offline
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Pheobe from Friends always made me laugh.

Chandler: We're putting furniture together. Pheebs, wanna help?
Phoebe: Oh, I wish I could but I don't want to.

Monica: Phoebe, do you have a plan?
Phoebe: I don't even have a 'pla'.

Interviewer: Phoebe? How do you spell that so we can get it right?
Phoebe: That's p as in Phoebe, h as in hoebe, o as in oebe, e as in ebe, b as in bee be and e as in 'ello there, mate!
  #188  
Old 02-10-2017, 03:52 PM
Mahaloth Mahaloth is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by terentii View Post
THE SIMPSONS

At the library, Homer asks for a Japanese phone book. He finds the number he needs and turns to the librarian.

HOMER: Can I use the telephone?

LIBRARIAN: Is it a local call?

HOMER: Uhhhhh ... yes.

The librarian pushes the phone across the counter. Without saying a word, he watches Homer slowly punch in the overseas number.
I do not remember that, but that is pretty funny. Here is the clip.
  #189  
Old 02-10-2017, 04:01 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is offline
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One from M*A*S*H that I frequently find occasion to use:

Margaret, getting ready to change a flat tire: "The least you can do is get out of the jeep!"
Hawkeye, getting out: "Never let it be said that I didn't do the least I could have done".

From Benny Hill:

Attractive women: "I always give tit for tat".
Benny Hill: "Tat".


mmm
  #190  
Old 02-10-2017, 04:04 PM
Biggirl Biggirl is offline
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Wait! One more from Friends but not Pheobe.

Chandler complains about Joey's tailor moving his junk around.

Joey: That's how they do pants!
Ross: Yeah. . . in prison!
  #191  
Old 02-10-2017, 04:24 PM
Eddie The Horrible Eddie The Horrible is offline
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"Where's my ears?????
I WANT MY EARS!!!!!!!!!!" - Chevy Chase as Spock on SNL having a nervous breakdown after receiving news of ST's cancellation. (IMO - One of the very few genuinely funny things he ever did.)


anything proactive Carlin said on Bob Newhart.


I'll be pained if I'm asked for the source:

"DON'T GIVE ME THAT, YOU SNOTTY-FACED HEAP OF PARROT DROPPINGS!!!!"

"SHUT YOUR FESTERING GOB, YOU TIT! YOUR TYPE MAKES ME PUKE! YOU VACUOUS TOFFEE-NOSED MALODOROUS PER-VERT!!!!!!!!

"Stupid git."
  #192  
Old 02-10-2017, 06:03 PM
gaffa gaffa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Greenjeans View Post
That one is possibly my favorite line of all time. It's not only the line; Leslie Nielson's flat delivery makes it perfect.

So I'll offer my second favorites, all from a single episode of Futurama called "The Deep South":
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: This is the perfect chance for Fry to try out my new anti-pressure pills.
[opens a bottle and a giant pill falls out]
Fry: I cant swallow that.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Well, then good news. It's a suppository.

*****

Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Dear Lord! That's over 150 atmospheres of pressure!
Fry: How many atmospheres can the ship withstand?
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Well, it's a space ship, so I'd say anywhere between zero and one.

*****

Hermes Conrad: I'd love to stay, but I miss my wife and oxygen.
Professor Hubert Farnsworth: Yes, we all miss our loved ones and gasses.
You know, I just realized that all three of those punchlines are delivered by the Professor.
My all-time favorite Futurama line was delivered by Leela in her first appearance. She's supposed to assign Fry his job:

Fry: But what if I refuse?
Leela: Then you'll be fired.
Fry: Fine!
Leela: ...out of a cannon...into the Sun.
  #193  
Old 02-10-2017, 06:13 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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FUTURAMA

AMAZON QUEEN: Men so stupid! Why you keep men?!?

AMY: Well ... (Whispers something in the Queen's ear.)

AMAZON QUEEN: Ahhh! Snu-snu!
  #194  
Old 02-10-2017, 06:26 PM
gaffa gaffa is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamino Neko View Post
Nah, the best Tick line is from the animated series. Tick and Arthur and being interviewed, and the interviewer asks what Tick's powers are, but Tick doesn't seem to actually know, so the interviewer keeps throwing out suggestions, finally getting to...

<Interviewer> Do you have the power to destroy the Earth?
<Tick> Ye GADS! I hope not...that's where I keep all my stuff!

I find surprisingly many opportunities to use that line in my life.
I don't know if it will work out of context, but on line that had my wife and myself in hysterics was when a mustache appeared on the Tick's face, and he discovered it had the ability to move around independently

Arthur! My mustache is touching my brain!
  #195  
Old 02-10-2017, 06:53 PM
Wolf333 Wolf333 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 768
A few from Invader Zim:

Tallest #1: Didn't we banish you to Foodcourtia?
Tallest #2: Yeah, shouldn't you be frying something?
Zim: Oh, I quit that.
Tallest #2: You quit being banished?

Ms. Bitters: Zim! There's a pigeon on your head. You've got head pigeons. Go see the nurse.

Gaz: I'm trying to draw little piggies. Can't you see I'm trying to draw little piggies?


From The Tick:

IT'S A YULE TIDE!
  #196  
Old 02-10-2017, 07:10 PM
buddha_david buddha_david is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Beyond The Fringe
Posts: 26,186
My favorite line from Futurama: At a horse race, the winner of a dead heat is determined by using an electron microscope to show one horse beat the other by a single atom.
Prof. Farnsworth shouts: "You FOOLS!! You changed the outcome by measuring it!"

Mr. T appears in an episode of Silver Spoons as Ricky Schroeder's bodyguard. When asked his real name, he says: "That is my real name! First name: Mister. Middle name: period. Last name...T!!!"

Later, when it's time for lunch, Mr. T says: "Oh good, they're serving my favorite...quiche!!"
["Real Men Don't Eat Quiche" was a popular meme at the time.]
  #197  
Old 02-10-2017, 08:38 PM
terentii terentii is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Moscow/Toronto
Posts: 13,952
DOCUMENTARY ON MEN WHO ARE ACTUALLY MICE

PRESENTER (MICHAEL PALIN): A typical case, whom we shall refer to as "Mr A," although his real name is this:

VOICEOVER (JOHN CLEESE) and CAPTION:
ARTHUR JACKSON
32A MILTON AVENUE,
HOUNSLOW, MIDDLESEX.
  #198  
Old 02-10-2017, 09:25 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 73,937
Just Shoot Me! - Slow Donnie:

Jack: Hey, Donnie. I think I finally have these tubes figured out.
Donnie DiMauro: [quietly] Kill me now.
Jack: See, it's hot air that pushes things through the tubes.
Donnie DiMauro: Donnie says vacuum.
Jack: Boy, when you get an idea in your head, you stick to it like taffy. See, when air gets hot, it rises.
Donnie DiMauro: Vacuum!
Jack: No, hot air. It's what causes a Pop-Tart to pop out of the toaster, or how helicopters...
Donnie DiMauro: [normal voice] Oh, for the love of God! It's not hot air! It's not magnets! It's a vacuum, Jacko! Like a straw! You ever use a straw, huh, lab partner? Air taken out from one end is replaced from the other end, that creates air pressure that propels things through the freaking tubes!
[Notices everyone is looking]
Donnie DiMauro: [slow Donnie voice] I love you, tubes.
[everyone still stares]
Donnie DiMauro: Green quarter.
[still staring]
Donnie DiMauro: Chicken pot, chicken pot, chicken pot pie!
Elliot: Donnie, what the hell?
Donnie DiMauro: [normal voice] Oh, crap. Now I gotta get a job.
  #199  
Old 02-10-2017, 09:25 PM
kenobi 65 kenobi 65 is offline
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Join Date: May 2000
Location: Brookfield, IL
Posts: 10,002
Quote:
Originally Posted by terentii View Post
FUTURAMA

AMAZON QUEEN: Men so stupid! Why you keep men?!?

AMY: Well ... (Whispers something in the Queen's ear.)

AMAZON QUEEN: Ahhh! Snu-snu!
Death by snu-snu!

Zapp Brannigan: We need rest. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.
  #200  
Old 02-10-2017, 09:38 PM
Tinker Grey Tinker Grey is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Greenville, Texas
Posts: 543
News Radio:

Jimmy James: "But Jimmy has fancy plans... and pants to match."

Question: "What did you mean when you said, "Feel my skills, donkey donkey donkey, donkey donkey?"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YpUJbUTljfU
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