The long and winding divorce.....

[Leaffan]

Am I nuts?

She moves out with the kids this coming Friday.

When I got home tonight she said we were invited over to the neighbour's tomorrow night to play cards. The neighbour's don't know anything about this divorce. We are good friends with them but we only get together maybe 4 to 6 times a year. We haven't got together with them since before Christmas.

Umm, I said, no I don't think we should go over for cards tomorrow night. There are two things we can do; go over for cards and tell them up-front we're getting divorced and I'll be on my own after next week, or play cards and laugh and drink for 5 or 6 hours and then tell them.

Either way it's fucking awkward and I said I'm not going to do it. She says "I'd like to see them for one last time."

Am I nuts? How would you feel if your neighbours told you at the beginning of the night they were getting divorced, as apposed to waiting till the end of the night and saying "OK. Thanks for having us. We're getting divorced now BTW! Thanks!"

[Leaffan]

And, no sooner was this post out of my lips and she's over there at the neighbour's already, no doubt telling them how terrible I am and how hard done by she is.

Lovely.

Weee....

[elbows]

Remain calm, you're doing great. Very soon she'll be off and into another world. You're going to feel a whole lot better then, I promise. Hang in there, you're getting there, and we're all pulling for you!

[Leaffan]

Well, I'm off to pick up the moving truck. After today a new chapter begins.

[Northern Piper]

Best of luck, Leaffan!

[Cat Whisperer]

I'm still wishing you all the best too, Leaffan. It's difficult to know that there are people out there who have a wrong idea about you, and there's nothing you can do about it - I guess all you can do is just re-assure yourself that *you* know the truth about yourself. Cold comfort, I know.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

I'm still wishing you all the best too, Leaffan. It's difficult to know that there are people out there who have a wrong idea about you, and there's nothing you can do about it - I guess all you can do is just re-assure yourself that *you* know the truth about yourself. Cold comfort, I know.

Thanks Cat.

Well, we moved all day yesterday, me and my 14 year old son doing everything while the women folk stood by. When we were unloading the last truck load my good friend stopped by and helped. After that I went back to his place for a beverage and found out that I'm being trash-talked behind my back. Lovely, as I'm trying to take the high road here.

Anyway, this morning I went shopping and bought everything we need for a turkey dinner that I'm cooking at her place tomorrow, since she wants turkey and can't cook!

Oops. Still trying to take the high road.

[Cat Whisperer]

They didn't even help move? Are they under the misconception that women aren't physically able to lift and carry?

Well, for what it's worth, from what you've described here, your wife doesn't sound like much of a woman. Of course we're only getting your side of the story, but still.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

They didn't even help move? Are they under the misconception that women aren't physically able to lift and carry?

Apparently.

Well, for what it's worth, from what you've described here, your wife doesn't sound like much of a woman. Of course we're only getting your side of the story, but still.

Yeah, I know. And if I was hell-bent on character defamation I would have said a lot more, and a lot worse, and said it a lot more vociferously. So, yeah, my side of the story is that my wife and 15 year old daughter didn't help move anything.

Take my word for it or not.

[PunditLisa]

Good luck to you.

[Salamanda Palaganda]

I can`t believe you are going to cook her a turkey dinner too. I wish you were my ex.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Salamanda Palaganda

I can`t believe you are going to cook her a turkey dinner too. I wish you were my ex.

Well, it's like I've told my friends and family: I want to make sure that I'm still involved in my kid's lives (14, and 15 years old).

They don't really need to see mom and dad fighting and being jerks to one another. I owe it to them to be somewhat amicable with their mother and make sure we all come through this OK.

I've always cooked the turkey and actually I like cooking. Leftover turkey will be good for the kids from a continuity perspective. And maybe I can take some leftover turkey back home too.

[Rhiannon8404]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Well, it's like I've told my friends and family: I want to make sure that I'm still involved in my kid's lives (14, and 15 years old).

They don't really need to see mom and dad fighting and being jerks to one another. I owe it to them to be somewhat amicable with their mother and make sure we all come through this OK.

I've always cooked the turkey and actually I like cooking. Leftover turkey will be good for the kids from a continuity perspective. And maybe I can take some leftover turkey back home too.

Good you're taking the high road and thinking of your kids over yourself. Hope the dinner goes smoothly, and hell yeah, you'd better get to take some leftovers home with you.

[saje]

You sound like a really good guy and a good Dad, Leaffan.May this new road be a happy one, and full of sunshine.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

Apparently.


Yeah, I know. And if I was hell-bent on character defamation I would have said a lot more, and a lot worse, and said it a lot more vociferously. So, yeah, my side of the story is that my wife and 15 year old daughter didn't help move anything.

Take my word for it or not.

I think you may have misunderstood me - I believe everything you're saying, and understand that you're trying not to badmouth her terribly, even though it sounds like she really, really deserves it.

[Helena330]

I believe you, too. I hope you can continue to take the high road. You may have to grit your teeth, a LOT, but your kids will remember that you didn't bad-mouth their Mom, and put them in the middle.

Good luck, Leaffan.

[Leaffan]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGa70tVYVKo

[Spoons]

Originally Posted by Leaffan

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rGa70tVYVKo

I understand the reference. But how are you really doing, Leaffan?

[echo7tango]

Originally Posted by Helena330

I believe you, too. I hope you can continue to take the high road. You may have to grit your teeth, a LOT, but your kids will remember that you didn't bad-mouth their Mom, and put them in the middle.

Good luck, Leaffan.

I'll echo this. All will be better off in the long term if you do.

Good luck, Leaffan.

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Spoons

I understand the reference. But how are you really doing, Leaffan?

Just got back home to an empty house. First time ever.

The dog isn't here now; even she's gone. For some reason that bothers me more than the wife and kids. They've been away together before, but the dog has always been my buddy.

I'm rather bemused at the whole situation. No dog. No kids. No wife.

I work tomorrow and so am trying to settle in for a good nap. It's weird though. I'm stopping at a good friend's place for supper tomorrow night. I like to think I have some really good support out there, and I believe I do.

In the immortal words of Asia: "One thing is sure. That time will tell."

[Northern Piper]

The high road is often the more challenging one.

In the end, the view is worth it.

[Leaffan]

Hi Nancy,

I have good information that tells me you've been reading my posts on here. I'm somewhat hurt by this. 3 years ago you chose to go through my Gmail account with a fine-toothed comb. I guess it was my fault for leaving my email account open on the computer, but still.

Why you would choose to go into my work laptop and read my personal information I'm not sure. Unlike you, I never hit <cntl> <alt> <del> every time I back away from my computer for 30 seconds, so I suppose that gave you the OK to snoop around and start reading my private posts.

I can't say I'm very impressed with this new level of privacy invasion, especially since we were separating anyway. I guess I should change the password on my Gmail account now too, although as you can see there's nothing incriminating in there either.

I won't be posting to this thread anymore. I hope you enjoyed your peep into my personal thoughts.

See you when I pick up the kids this weekend.

Doug

[Cat Whisperer]

I'm sorry to hear that, Leaffan. Do you think you should request a lockdown on this thread?

[Leaffan]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

I'm sorry to hear that, Leaffan. Do you think you should request a lockdown on this thread?

Hi. No. I know threads will not get deleted, and I'm not about to post any more personal information in this thread.

As much as most of us dislike the axiom "it is what it is" that's pretty much what I'm left with here. Maybe I should start a new meme:

1) Hi Nancy!

[twickster]

Or not.

Please leave off-board drama off-board. If you have real-life problems with someone you know, deal with them in real life, don't bring them here.

twickster, for the SDMB

[flatlined]

Leaffan, you really do have my sympathy. The part about the dog being gone too made me think about how lonesome you must have to have been feeling. I've not said anything in this thread before because I don't really have any advice. Every time this thread gets bumped, I get a because you are so unhappy.

[handsomeharry]

Did I miss the post that said that you have stopped the direct deposit into her account?


I am a bit concerned about you. Not being mean, or joking, but, you seem to me to be acting like somebody who is depressed, and being medicated for it. (IANAD). You also seem to still jump at the behest of a woman who has taken your money for the last year, and doing it all under the umbrella of 'watching out for the feelings of others', 'making sure the kids don't feel...' 'taking the high road'. This way lies madness.

I hope you are doing well, but, methinks you will end up with a much lighter wallet than you would have had with a lawyer's assistance.

Best wishes, and thanks for all of the updates.

[Leaffan]

Well I'm not depressed. And I'm certainly not medicated.

And as far as monetary transfers are concerned, that hasn't really happened yet, since it all begins this month (April).

Thanks for your concern. I'm pretty much a sane and normally adjusted person. It's hard to tell on a message board though, I agree.

I guess I could say the same about your wellness.

[sisu]

Originally Posted by saje

You sound like a really good guy and a good Dad, Leaffan.May this new road be a happy one, and full of sunshine.

hmmm it's a fine line between good guy and door mat. Trust me she will milk your guilt for all it's worth.

Be careful mate.

[Idle Thoughts]

I'm going to close this thread at the request of the OP since discussion seemed to be winding down anyway.