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  #1501  
Old 09-13-2019, 09:45 PM
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Oh, good, we need to know the progress of your quest to get your BMI into the 60s. Nice to know my taxes are going to have to pay for the emergency treatment when you stroke out.

Didn't have pizza, after all - had a burrito bowl and water.
  #1502  
Old 09-14-2019, 01:36 AM
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A burrito bowl? And you think atimnie will stoke out first? I donít think so. Looks like youíve got yourself a competition going there!

Just saw the Improvised Shakespeare Company, who make up Shakespeare plays on the spot! Hilarious fun!
  #1503  
Old 09-14-2019, 08:43 AM
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Weíre all sure thatís because actual Shakespeare plays are too challenging for you to enjoy.

I forgot to buy sour cream.
  #1504  
Old 09-14-2019, 10:05 AM
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Bully for you. What, did you want to die from a bacterial infection?

I think I'll watch the Mets play the Dodgers today.
  #1505  
Old 09-14-2019, 11:07 AM
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Meanwhile, the weeds in your yard are taking over the neighborhood. Get your priorities straight.

It's almost time to go grocery shopping.
  #1506  
Old 09-15-2019, 02:05 PM
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When is it time? When thereís clouds of flies circling rotted fruit and the milk is curdled grey lumps? Go to the store already!

Itís Sunday, bagel day!
  #1507  
Old 09-15-2019, 03:03 PM
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Is that supposed to be some kind of antisemitic remark?

Drinking iced coffee with creme brulee creamer.
  #1508  
Old 09-15-2019, 06:11 PM
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Ooooh, "creme brulee creamer"! Aren't we just Mister Fancypants with our "creme brulee creamer"! The hell's wrong with a cuppa joe, milk and sugar, I wanna know?

I totally suck at Botticelli.
  #1509  
Old 09-15-2019, 06:16 PM
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How quaint.


Ken Burns new doc on PBS is gonna be good.
  #1510  
Old 09-15-2019, 06:23 PM
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nm

Last edited by edspellman; 09-15-2019 at 06:24 PM.
  #1511  
Old 09-15-2019, 06:28 PM
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On country music? Pul-leaze. It'll be 130 hours of serious-voiced wankers attempting to find something profound in songs about houn' dawgs, cheatin' women, 'Murica, and trucks.

Still better than his film about jazz, though.
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Last edited by Slow Moving Vehicle; 09-15-2019 at 06:28 PM.
  #1512  
Old 09-15-2019, 10:15 PM
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What?! Am I to understand youíve reviewed and passed judgement on a TV documentary that hasnít even aired yet? What, are you clairvoyant AND a TV critic and reviewer, cause thatís 2 talents weíre sure you donít have.

Palm Springs was 100 degrees today, practically balmy.
  #1513  
Old 09-17-2019, 10:05 PM
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I don’t know where you get off talking about the weather when you could be talking about…

My arthritis isn’t so bad now that I’m off the meds.
  #1514  
Old 09-17-2019, 10:08 PM
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On the bottle again, I see. Hmmm?


My new TV is smart.
  #1515  
Old 09-17-2019, 10:17 PM
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Good. One of you should be.

Order! Order!
  #1516  
Old 09-17-2019, 10:47 PM
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Really? That's a setup to a joke even older than you.

I've got nothing to say.
  #1517  
Old 09-17-2019, 11:05 PM
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Thatís great, cause no one really wants to hear you say anything.

Dog people wish their dogs were a person, cat people wish they themselves were a cat.
  #1518  
Old 09-18-2019, 06:22 AM
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Nice. Really nice. Ascribe a negative quality to an entire class of people, implying it's inherent in that class. Yeah, we know where that type of thinking leads: brown shirts, or red hats.

Dogs have owners, cats have staff.
  #1519  
Old 09-18-2019, 06:33 AM
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Neither is true. Dogs have packs, cats tolerate sometimes other creatures around them as long as they don't bother them. You would know that if you didn't take all your information from bad stand-up routines.

I like the clothes you're wearing.
  #1520  
Old 09-18-2019, 08:35 AM
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What's the matter with the clothes I usually wear that you never compliment?

I'm on vacation next week. Whoopee!
  #1521  
Old 09-18-2019, 10:52 AM
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Shirker. We were working our asses off last night on the line, getting over "rate" even, and you want to go gallivanting off doing nothing? Well, fall is coming, and we'll see how you fare then!

I have new shoes.
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  #1522  
Old 09-18-2019, 11:57 AM
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Did you go into a store, [ick out a pair you really want after trying on forty of them, and plunk down $100 for them, and then toss your old ones in the garbage can? Some people have no choice but to wear second hand, donated shoes.

I'm going to the Broadway Flea Market on Sunday.

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 09-18-2019 at 11:58 AM.
  #1523  
Old 09-19-2019, 11:30 PM
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You’ve finally come to your senses and realized that second hand furnishings must remain your lot in life. Congratulations.

I’ve been given CBD oil for arthritis. Haven’t used it yet.
  #1524  
Old 09-22-2019, 01:30 PM
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So , you complain of arthritis pain but a friend gives you CBD oil for free, you don’t use it. You just trolling friends for higher dose narcotics and drugs, for your “arthritis pain”? I see.

My son just got a commercials gig, as his usual character, a sports/football fan.
  #1525  
Old 09-22-2019, 01:45 PM
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And you encourage your meatheaded spawn to engage in thug like behavior while shirtless!!????

I think I broke my pinky toe last night
  #1526  
Old 09-22-2019, 02:37 PM
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Aw, didums bweak his widdle pinky toe? What a wussy snowflake!

Watching “Die Hard”.
  #1527  
Old 09-22-2019, 03:47 PM
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Wow such a scintillating Sunday afternoon watching a highly edited old movie on commercial TV.

The post office sent my package to Austin by mistake, I donít know if Iíll ever see it again.
  #1528  
Old 09-29-2019, 09:10 AM
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We have hundreds of children go missing in this country every day and all you care about is your stupid package going astray?

I can't wait for all the season premiers!
  #1529  
Old 09-29-2019, 11:16 AM
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Okay, we get it, you're a couch potato.

Neighbor's getting to be a real asshole.
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  #1530  
Old 09-29-2019, 11:34 AM
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Funny, that what your neighbor’s saying, too.

Ad Astra may be a slow movie for some, I thought it was thoughtful with great visual space scenes.
  #1531  
Old 09-30-2019, 08:35 AM
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Well, aren't you high fallutin? Can't you just say "It looked good"?

Two days off work! WHOO HOO!
  #1532  
Old 09-30-2019, 09:22 AM
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Pissed off the boss and got a two day suspension, did ya?

Fall is here.
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  #1533  
Old 09-30-2019, 11:36 AM
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Duh. Thank you for that useless info, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!

Mattress tags are for your protection as consumers.
  #1534  
Old 10-01-2019, 01:06 PM
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And just how is a tag supposed to protect me, and don't you DARE call me a consumer again!

The sunrise was gorgeous this morning.
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  #1535  
Old 10-05-2019, 01:54 PM
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GOod GOd every day the sun rises someone has to boast about it!


you can't win the prize if you don't play the game
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  #1536  
Old 10-09-2019, 10:44 AM
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Oh sure, and when little Susie loses, she cries. Why do you want to see kids lose and cry? Next time, everyone gets a trophy.

My laser printer is almost out of ink.
  #1537  
Old 10-09-2019, 09:57 PM
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What, you need help with this? OK, step 1. Get in car. Step 2. Drive to store. Step 3. Buy laser printer ink cartridge. Step 4. Drive home. Step 5. Install cartridge. See how EZ that was? Sheesh.

I’m thinking my next car should be electric.
  #1538  
Old 10-09-2019, 11:16 PM
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You and a million others think about it but youíll be with the rest of us pumping co2 into our shared air.

Tomorrow I go to physical therapy for prevention purposes.
  #1539  
Old 10-10-2019, 07:43 PM
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Translation:”I’m so obese I can barely walk, so I’m finally getting physical therapy my doctor ordered months ago, so I can prevent getting a heart attack.” Better late than never!

Sure is windy out today.
  #1540  
Old 10-10-2019, 09:13 PM
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Worried about your toupee'?


My cats are staring at me, again.
  #1541  
Old 10-10-2019, 09:22 PM
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Stop dancing around like a maniac, maybe they'll stop staring.

Cooking rice with altered shrimp noodle sauce.
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  #1542  
Old 10-11-2019, 12:27 AM
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Nm

Last edited by edspellman; 10-11-2019 at 12:28 AM.
  #1543  
Old 10-11-2019, 05:27 PM
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“Altered”? Are you “altered” with this dish? What ingredients are we talking here? THC? LSD? MDA? Magic mushrooms? That’s some freaky shrimp dish, dude!

Wanna see the new Breaking Bad movie.
  #1544  
Old 10-11-2019, 05:33 PM
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Looking for tips on making home made drugs? Yeah, you talk about me and drugs...

It's raining again.
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  #1545  
Old 10-12-2019, 05:54 AM
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Don’t sweat it, Elphaba, you won’t melt!

Flying cross country to see my brother and sister in law.
  #1546  
Old 10-12-2019, 06:20 AM
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Ugh. It goes to show, no matter how far away you go, you can't never get completely rid of some annoying relatives...

I'm rubber, you're glue...
  #1547  
Old 10-12-2019, 07:12 AM
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Last time I heard that was from some brain damaged kid in grade school... is that you, Bob?

Time for the space heater...
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  #1548  
Old 10-12-2019, 09:12 AM
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Space heater? you mean the freaking SUN isn't hot enough for you?


My cat is using a stack of mags as a scratching post and I'm ok with it.
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  #1549  
Old 10-12-2019, 09:18 AM
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Too cheap to buy a real scratching post?

I got some great clothes at a free market last week.
  #1550  
Old 10-12-2019, 11:37 AM
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more like the FREAK market what a scam!

today was the last day for the beatnik bazaar, i had no car to go
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