Speak to me only in Movie Quotes

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Situation quiet; the Captain's been put away for the night.

[kevja]

l guess you'll just have to go wake h¡m up, now, won't you?

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Most died during the acute stage of the illness, during a sleep so deep they couldn't be roused. A sleep that in most cases lasted several months. Those who survived, who awoke, seemed fine, as though nothing had happened.

[kevja]

Why are you talking to me anyway? I'm a dead man!

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Who died and made you fucking king of the zombies?

[kevja]

The executioner of the King's nephew, my husband's own cousin?

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

O my prophetic soul! My uncle?

[kevja]

Pop, come on. Uncle Earl is gay. Why fight it?

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Okay, gentlemen: We've already got a tinkerbell, a lotus blossom, we've got Jim and Dick in their three-piece suits, we need someone to manage things, a woman this time. Plus, she's the right price, and she's got bigger balls than anyone else here.

[Typo Negative]

I have nothing to do with that, she'll sleep with anyone Tom, you know that! She even tried to teach me a thing or two about bed antics once. Some crackpot idea about saving me from my friends. She's a sick twist all right.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

I got red, I got green, I got yellow... I'm out of purple, but I do have one Gold Circle coin left... the condom of champions... the one and only... nothin' is gettin' through this sucker. Whaddya say, hmm?

[kevja]

I want to slip my tubesteak into your sister. What do you take in trade?

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Hey, Joe! You got bubble gum?

[kevja]

Come on! Come on, that's all you got?

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Men would pay $200 for me, and here you are turning down a freebie. You could get a perfectly good dishwasher for that.

[kevja]

Whole 'nother business giving it away.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Where are you goin'? To flog your log?

[Typo Negative]

Hey,don't knock masturbation. It's sex with someone I love.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore, to love is to suffer; not to love is to suffer; to suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy, then, is to suffer, but suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy, one must love or love to suffer or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.

[kevja]

Honey, you're the one who stopped sleeping with me, ok. It'll be a year come April 20th. I remember the date exactly, because it was Hitler's birthday.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

And now it's Springtime for Hitler and Germany!

[kevja]

Three things I love about Germany: my Mercedes-Benz, no speed limit on the autobahn and a black market for anything I can get my hands on.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Are you one of those people who cannot imagine the Germans in their beloved Paris?

[Typo Negative]

The Goddamned Germans got nothing to do with it!!!

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

France is the only government in all Europe whose government collaborated. Others signed an armistice or surrendered, but France was the only country to have collaborated and voted laws which were even more racist than the Nuremberg laws, as the French racist criteria were even more demanding than the German racist criteria. It's not something to be proud of.

[Eutychus]

I was a fascist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-fascist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I'm fanatically pro-American. You'll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

You thought we could be decent men in an indecent time. But you were wrong. The world is cruel, and the only morality in a cruel world is chance.

[Eutychus]

Fuck off with your sofa units and strine green stripe patterns, I say never be complete, I say stop being perfect, I say let... lets evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

[Prof. Pepperwinkle]

Careful, humans don't like smart ape.