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  #151  
Old 10-16-2017, 07:57 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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The Yorkshire pudding wrap
Any takers on what killed Tom Petty?


My money's on the spotted dog.
  #152  
Old 10-17-2017, 06:56 AM
MEBuckner MEBuckner is offline
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Toilet is not flushing properly, any idea why
Where do you keep your toothbrush?


'Cause if you keep your toothbrush in the toilet (ew!) it's probably what's stopping up the works.
  #153  
Old 10-17-2017, 09:16 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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I must share! Accidentally on purpose farting on my Friends head!

Need colonoscopy jokes!!
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #154  
Old 10-17-2017, 11:06 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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I must share! Accidentally on purpose farting on my Friends head!
These sequential threads TRUMP everything!


..for various meanings of "trump".
  #155  
Old 10-17-2017, 06:36 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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I'm a Lucky Bastard Tonight!
My Kindle Has Died


God, I'm so jealous.
  #156  
Old 10-17-2017, 07:39 PM
Civil Guy Civil Guy is offline
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Crashing Suns!

Very Vaguely Creepy Rides Again


Well, yeah, we are talkin' 'bout gravity waves and time and space shakin' like gelatin and all.
  #157  
Old 10-18-2017, 07:51 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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How did you get here?

I had an abnormal screening mammogram.



Figures. They send all the weird medical cases here.


What NOT To Do When You're In The Middle Of A Heart Attack

So, I got a Maine Coon kitten

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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”

Last edited by CalMeacham; 10-18-2017 at 07:52 AM.
  #158  
Old 10-18-2017, 10:06 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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What NOT To Do When You're In The Middle Of A Heart Attack
Fall of the House of Sequential Threads, Part MXLVII


"Tell the ambulance to wait, this one's too good not to post...arrgghhh......."
  #159  
Old 10-18-2017, 01:36 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Bee sting -> epipen -> then what?
Balloons and Blimps and Dirigibles
  #160  
Old 10-18-2017, 02:10 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Bee sting -> epipen -> then what?

Submarine pressure hull



Makes more sense than a Balloon
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #161  
Old 10-18-2017, 02:39 PM
74westy 74westy is offline
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Look! I found a fossil!

Sammy Hagar Is 70!!!
  #162  
Old 10-18-2017, 03:26 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Bee sting -> epipen -> then what?

Cooking with/drinking water from tankless heaters
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #163  
Old 10-18-2017, 04:03 PM
furryman furryman is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MEBuckner View Post
What goes through your mind on a fast rollercoaster?
Future of AI


"The TerrorTrack! 9000 is the most reliable hypercoaster ever made. No TerrorTrack! 9000 has ever made a mistake or jumped the track. We are all, by any practical definition of the words, foolproof and incapable of error."
Watches giant mecha rollercoaster rampage through Tokyo.
  #164  
Old 10-19-2017, 08:05 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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DOW at nearly 23k for first time in history...what is going on?
Why should we be afraid of terrorism?


Go ahead and blow up NYC, ISIS - the Dow is going to 24K!!!

Fear the Returning Dead
[Which Apollo astronaut] visited my school?


You know, Alan Shepard is looking a little moldy these days.

Last edited by Jackmannii; 10-19-2017 at 08:09 AM.
  #165  
Old 10-19-2017, 04:43 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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dating women
They'd have to pay me!
  #166  
Old 10-19-2017, 06:33 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Sexual assault scenario
They'd have to pay me!


I imagine we will be seeing quite a lot of the latter title.
  #167  
Old 10-20-2017, 08:43 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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How do short people avoid slipping while soaking in a bathtub?
Balloons and Blimps and Dirigibles
  #168  
Old 10-20-2017, 09:23 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Of men and their oniric activity

No sleep in the MMP
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #169  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:55 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Welcome Mat
Is 'Disrespect' a Verb?


No, but it might discourage door-to-door salesmen.
  #170  
Old 10-20-2017, 12:44 PM
JohnT JohnT is offline
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In the Pit:

Russian Trolls target the Old and Senile
Username: Okrahoma
  #171  
Old 10-20-2017, 01:16 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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How often have you been stung by a bee/wasp/hornet?
They'd have to pay me!


As opposed to everyone who gets stung by a bee for the shiggles.
  #172  
Old 10-20-2017, 02:19 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Not a pair of sequential threads, but a great Thread Title/Username combination:

Help me get this case name right.
Misnomer
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #173  
Old 10-20-2017, 03:28 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Advice for a mate loosing his hair
Do you keep your curtains closed during the day?
  #174  
Old 10-20-2017, 07:10 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Something has been bothering me re miscarriage
What Is It With Women And Back Pocket Cellphone Storage Lately?


Connect the dots........................................................................
  #175  
Old 10-21-2017, 10:24 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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What Happens to an Embalmed Body in a Sealed Vault?
Fear the Returning Dead

Yes, indeedy!
  #176  
Old 10-21-2017, 01:50 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Packing to ride the Orient Express, 1934
Sexual assault isn't funny


And never call it "Packing to ride the Orient Express!"
  #177  
Old 10-21-2017, 02:08 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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So if I time traveled a guy from 2000bc to say 1500bc in his sleep...
Fiance is questioning my committment for keeping my name.


Y U No like "Elizabeth Ogson"? It fine name! You no committed?
  #178  
Old 10-22-2017, 02:13 AM
buddha_david buddha_david is offline
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My 8-year-old wants to play basketball this winter, but I'm not sure if I want to allow it
Oh boy: children, flutes, semen


Yeah, umm, if that's what the coach is into, probably best to skip it...
  #179  
Old 10-22-2017, 07:12 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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If Marketplace didn't exist we'd have:

Does the US, currently, have the MOST ex-presidents alive than any other time we've had in history?
A new record! U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
  #180  
Old 10-22-2017, 10:47 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Hyperglycaemia, weight loss, intermittent fasting, phentermine
What if a politician's wife isn't into/or able to be a politician's wife?


"Sorry honey, but we need the Polish vote. Have another kielbasa."
  #181  
Old 10-22-2017, 11:54 AM
El_Kabong El_Kabong is offline
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For the old Geezers of the Dope
Sammy Hagar Is 70!!!


Dammit, don't remind me of how old I'm getting.
  #182  
Old 10-22-2017, 01:46 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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For the old Geezers of the Dope
Sexual assault isn't funny


Dang it, first you took away all my ethnic jokes, and now this?
  #183  
Old 10-22-2017, 07:09 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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How does one define sexual freedom?
Should I be Concerned About This Relative Joining the Navy


I hear there's a lot of "sexual freedom" in the navy.
  #184  
Old 10-23-2017, 06:55 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Dopespotting: The Dog Semen Comic
I call shenanigans on this recipe
  #185  
Old 10-23-2017, 09:59 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Translating Italian into English: what does "il crac" mean?
Welcome Mat
  #186  
Old 10-23-2017, 04:25 PM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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What underlies mania?
Scotland and the British Empire


Or, why some people go to see "Braveheart" for the 1,000th time.
  #187  
Old 10-24-2017, 08:13 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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My Cat Attacked Me and I Am Sad
So I got a Maine Coon kitten


Good move.

What do you want as your epitaph?
Bitcoin as an investment?


"The hell with this 401k nonsense - put it all into bitcoins!"
  #188  
Old 10-24-2017, 08:30 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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How does one define sexual freedom?
Are there small, ordinary, daily things that make you happy for a little while?


Yes, but they're getting awfully antsy about it at work.
  #189  
Old 10-24-2017, 09:18 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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MythBusters Proved This?
Is the Monster Mash song the Monster Mash song?

Yes. MythBusters proved it!
  #190  
Old 10-24-2017, 07:03 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Some People See Me as THE STRAIGHT DOPE
How do I straighten my umbrella?


I'm the straight dope cause I can't straighten anything!

Last edited by Ludovic; 10-24-2017 at 07:03 PM. Reason: I can't straighten tags
  #191  
Old 10-25-2017, 08:52 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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Prepper type advice on looming war with N Korea sought
War with North Korea Imminent?


I'll believe it when they evacuate the Kardashians to the Space Station.
  #192  
Old 10-25-2017, 09:24 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Religious terminology, wrongly defined.
I've seen fire and I've seen rain.


But no man has seen God.
  #193  
Old 10-25-2017, 09:33 AM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Do you experience discrimination based on a group of which you are a member?
Some People See Me as THE STRAIGHT DOPE
  #194  
Old 10-25-2017, 01:28 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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Misread thread titles

Antigravity? Do rocks float?

When Trump Speaks,
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #195  
Old 10-26-2017, 08:38 AM
Jackmannii Jackmannii is online now
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So, flys are spongy and taste like wine.
Target holds off on Christmas marketing ----- NOT!


I can't really get into the holiday mood until those jumbo bags of Candied Christmas Flies hit the shelves.
  #196  
Old 10-26-2017, 02:37 PM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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So this morning I killed my first mammal....

Nigerian Man Dies When Charm Against Gunshots Fails to Work



That's harsh.

Even if he thought his charm would protect him.
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“Of course,” said my grandfather, stepping from the Time Machine and pulling a gun from his belt, “There’s no paradox if I shoot you!”
  #197  
Old 10-26-2017, 04:17 PM
Ludovic Ludovic is online now
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Why does Utah have different concrete mixing trucks than everywhere else?
Wine with "notes of asphalt"?


It's cause it was transported in a mixer. Like bucky.

Last edited by Ludovic; 10-26-2017 at 04:17 PM.
  #198  
Old 10-26-2017, 04:28 PM
buddha_david buddha_david is offline
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RIP-Fats Domino-Ain't that a shame
Poke


No movement; must still be dead.
  #199  
Old 10-27-2017, 10:20 AM
Colibri Colibri is online now
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So this morning I killed my first mammal....
I'd forgotten how nice being an exempt employee was...


I didn't realize that was one of the perks.
  #200  
Old 10-27-2017, 10:51 AM
Colibri Colibri is online now
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I did not need this....
It feels like I have a big booger in my nose, but I don't
So this morning I killed my first mammal....


Did you accidentally snort a mouse?
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