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  #301  
Old 03-11-2017, 01:02 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sheldon: Do you want to hear an interesting thing about stairs?
Leonard: Not really!
Sheldon: If the height of a step is off by as little as two millimeters, most people will trip.
Leonard: I don't care. 2 millime--? That doesn't seem right.
Sheldon: It's true. I did a series of experiments when I was 12. My father broke his clavicle.
Leonard: Is that why they sent you to boarding school?
Sheldon: No. That was the result of my work with lasers.
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  #302  
Old 03-11-2017, 03:22 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Romance Ninja!! Let's have SEX~
  #303  
Old 03-11-2017, 03:25 PM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Do you guys ever use toys?
Toys? I have a model rocket next to my bed.
A wocket? You're a fweak. I wuv it!
  #304  
Old 03-11-2017, 03:49 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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[after scaring Sheldon with a Halloween prank]
Howard: I thought he would faint.
Raj: I thought he would pee himself.
Leonard: Looks like everyone's a winner!
  #305  
Old 03-13-2017, 06:34 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Don't ya wanna know how I figured it out?
No one likes a know it all Penny
  #306  
Old 03-13-2017, 07:05 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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If cats could sing, they'd hate it too.
  #307  
Old 03-13-2017, 09:35 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Did you tell her half your porno's are animated?
  #308  
Old 03-14-2017, 12:43 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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You're not the first girls I thought were friends with me who ended up shunning me. It's like elementary school, junior high, high school, undergrad, grad school, and that semester abroad in Norway all over again.
  #309  
Old 03-14-2017, 02:26 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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The answer by the way? JUNE!
  #310  
Old 03-14-2017, 02:53 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Sheldon: I got a splinter.
Amy: What do you want me to do about it?
Sheldon: Relationship agreement - Section 4: Boo-boos and ouchies. You have to take care of it.
Amy: I should've gotten a lawyer.
  #311  
Old 03-14-2017, 05:55 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Do you like pictures of yourself where you look like a man?
  #312  
Old 03-14-2017, 08:32 PM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Congratulations Dr. Fowler, you just made the Fort!
  #313  
Old 03-14-2017, 10:42 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Leonard: Is this the high-IQ sperm bank?
Althea: If you have to ask, maybe you shouldn't be here.
  #314  
Old 03-15-2017, 05:13 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Sheldon: The thought of you sitting in a darkened theater with a character like Stuart is repellent. No offense, Stuart.
Stuart: None taken. Though repellent...is kind of...kind of a strong word.

Last edited by panache45; 03-15-2017 at 05:17 AM.
  #315  
Old 03-15-2017, 06:08 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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nm

Last edited by panache45; 03-15-2017 at 06:08 AM.
  #316  
Old 03-15-2017, 08:54 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.
Leonard: What are you, kidding? You're a semi-pro.
Sheldon: No, we are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm's going to generate high-IQ offspring. Think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.
  #317  
Old 03-15-2017, 12:08 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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I help the weak. It's yet another way I'm exactly like Batman.
  #318  
Old 03-15-2017, 05:45 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Sheldon: (holding his crotch) Missy can date whoever she wants.
  #319  
Old 03-15-2017, 05:48 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Stuart and Raj have just put dating profiles online:

Raj: "Jenny309 [is reading his profile]." I hope that's not her weight.
Stuart: If it is, I'll-I'll take her.
  #320  
Old 03-15-2017, 06:10 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip... Ohhhhhh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.
  #321  
Old 03-15-2017, 07:36 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip... Ohhhhhh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.
Penny; You look beautiful!
Amy: Of course I do! I'm a princess and this is my tiara! (kisses Sheldon)
Sheldon: (mouthes, with sarcastic headshake ) Tiara was too much.
  #322  
Old 03-16-2017, 04:00 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Sheldon: I want to build a road, but I need wood. Do either of you fellows have wood?
[Raj and Howard chuckle]
Sheldon: I don't understand the laughter. The object of "Settlers of Catan" is to build roads and settlements. To do so requires wood. Now I have sheep; I need wood. Who has wood for my sheep?...
Sheldon: Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Does anyone have any wood? [Raj and Howard snicker]
Sheldon: Oh, come on. I just want wood. Why are you making it so hard?
  #323  
Old 03-16-2017, 09:04 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
Jewelry? Seriously? Sheldon, you are the most shallow, self-centered person I have ever met. Do you really think that another transparent manip... Ohhhhhh, it's a tiara! A tiara! I have a tiara! Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me. Put it on me.
Her shrill voice once she sees the gift is what makes that a classic moment.

Sheldon: I don't know what your odds are in the world as a whole, but as far as the population of this car goes you're a veritable mack daddy.
  #324  
Old 03-16-2017, 09:18 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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The woman at the wall store said it was going on sale....
  #325  
Old 03-16-2017, 10:01 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Penny: I'm a Sagittarius, which probably tells you way more than you need to know.
Sheldon: Yes, it tells us that you participate in the mass cultural delusion that the Sun's apparent position relative to arbitrarily defined constellations at the time of your birth somehow affects your personality.
Penny: (puzzled) Participate in the what?
  #326  
Old 03-16-2017, 05:31 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Leonard: So, uh, do they have a name for a first date with someone you used to go out with?
Penny: Oh, that's a good question. How about "awkward"?
  #327  
Old 03-18-2017, 03:33 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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I'm telling you Amy hit the boyfriend jackpot
  #328  
Old 03-18-2017, 05:19 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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After four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a hemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above the bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true!
  #329  
Old 03-18-2017, 09:50 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by panache45 View Post
After four years of acting lessons and waiting tables, I've done a hemorrhoid commercial and a production of Anne Frank above the bowling alley. So, you know, dreams do come true!
[hijack]The first time she said this, I wasn't sure whether she did The Diary of Anne Frank in a theater over a bowling alley, or whether there was supposed to be some kind of play in TBBT universe called Anne Frank above a Bowling Alley. I had a good time imagining what Anne Frank above a Bowling Alley must have been like.[/hijack]
  #330  
Old 03-19-2017, 01:28 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Ready for Bowling tonight?

Ya, I even got some trash talk~~ "You Bowl like your Mother"
  #331  
Old 03-19-2017, 03:56 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Leonard: Sex with you is pretty great. Have you ever tried it?
Penny: I have. You are... not wrong.
  #332  
Old 03-20-2017, 02:37 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brooky View Post
Ready for Bowling tonight?

Ya, I even got some trash talk~~ "You Bowl like your Mother"
... unless, of course, she bowls well, in which case, you bowl nothing like her.
  #333  
Old 03-20-2017, 03:45 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Barry: You got SIWI, huh? The voice wecognition on that thing is tewwible. Wook. [To SIRI] SIWI, can you wecommend a westewaunt?
SIRI: I'm sorry, Bawwy. I don't understand "wecommend a westewaunt."
Barry: Wisten to me. Not westewaunt, "westewaunt."
SIRI: I don't know what you mean by "not westewaunt, 'westewaunt.'"
Barry: See, totaw cwap. You suck, SIWI.
Raj: Hey, don't talk to her like that! She's a lady.
Barry: [scoffs] Weww, that "wady" took high-wes pictuwes of my junk wast night for Cwaigswist. Water!
  #334  
Old 03-20-2017, 10:29 AM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Amy: Maybe you should spank me harder.
  #335  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:08 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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Your preaching to the choir, my friend
  #336  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:13 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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eschereal~~~ My mom was on a league, not to say she was any good! I've never had a bad time bowling~ I suck at it
  #337  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:47 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Hell, bowling is just an excuse for beer, chili cheese fries and shut the fuck up, Donny.
  #338  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:55 AM
Brooky Brooky is offline
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True this~
  #339  
Old 03-20-2017, 08:39 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Here you go! This is now the only lab with glassware washed by a man with two doctorates and a restraining order signed by Carl Sagan.
  #340  
Old 03-20-2017, 11:38 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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I was gonna say "Awww," but I have to go with "Ew."
  #341  
Old 03-21-2017, 12:09 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Well, that's it. That's the end of Roger Abbot.
And we still don't know who framed him.
  #342  
Old 03-21-2017, 01:58 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Before I met you, I was a mousy wallflower. But look at me now. I'm like some kind of downtown hipster party girl! With a posse, a boyfriend, and a new lace bra that hooks in the front of all things!
  #343  
Old 03-21-2017, 10:41 AM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Sheldon: What if she ends up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?
Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him.
Sheldon: I wouldn't.
  #344  
Old 03-21-2017, 04:10 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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You don't have access to my haircut records.
  #345  
Old 03-21-2017, 10:57 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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O gravity, thou art a heartless bitch.
  #346  
Old 03-22-2017, 12:15 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Amy: There's not a hair on my body I wouldn't let this woman trim.
  #347  
Old 03-22-2017, 12:23 AM
eschereal eschereal is online now
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Raj: So, uh, what are you guys talking about?
Claire: Well, your friends were just telling me about all the other girls you're dating.
Raj: Why would you do that? I specifically asked you not to do that!
Penny: We didn't.
Amy: You just did.
Zack: Wow, maybe none of you guys are smart.
  #348  
Old 03-22-2017, 03:53 AM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Leonard: Once you open the box it loses its value.
Penny: Yeah, yeah, my mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.
  #349  
Old 03-22-2017, 06:58 PM
RivkahChaya RivkahChaya is online now
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Amy: Say, Betsy Ross, whatcha working on?
Sheldon (in falsetto): I have no idea, because the story of me sewing the first American flag is unsupported poppycock.
Amy: Then who did sew it?
Sheldon (falsetto): Don't ask me. I'm just a simple seamstress whose descendants (drops falsetto) are out to make a quick buck.
  #350  
Old 03-22-2017, 08:36 PM
panache45 panache45 is online now
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Sheldon: I have my transporter swapped in Leonard's box, and now he won't know that his is broken. Everyone's happy.
Tiny Spock: I'm not happy.
Sheldon: But I thought where you come from, they don't have emotions.
Tiny Spock: I come from a factory in Taiwan.
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