"How is it that you're single?"

[Khadaji]

I have heard several times: You're XX age and have never been married, what's wrong with you. I have always responded with: You've been married twice - what's wrong with you.

(Oddly, no one who has ever asked me that was only married once.)

[Scribble]

Tell them, " I can't help it. I was born that way."

[Beware of Doug]

Nobody asks me this. I think they pretty much figure it out at sight.

[Ambivalid]

"I poop my pants."

[pudytat72]

My son says in regards to women in physics: The odds are good. . .but the goods are odd.

[Inner Stickler]

Originally Posted by Ambivalid

"I poop my pants."

For best effect say this after unfocusing your eyes and making a slight straining sound.

Originally Posted by Boyo Jim

I explain how, by not having children, I am doing more to preserve the Earth's environment and resources than anyone who has kids -- so I can enjoy my gasoline-powered small appliances without any guilt.

Oh, sure the shredder makes a lot of exhaust but you should see it eat through a ream of paper!

[River Hippie]

Originally Posted by Little Nemo

I never get asked this question. I guess in my case, it's just obvious.

Yep, me too!

[Satchmo]

"It is neither a mistake nor an accident that I live alone."

That usually shuts them up.

[Eva Luna]

Originally Posted by Acsenray

A friend of mine uses this one: "Because I still like shtupping goyim."

I like that answer. But then, hey, I married one

[living_in_hell]

Originally Posted by Satchmo

"It is neither a mistake nor an accident that I live alone."

That usually shuts them up.

I think it's interesting how the general assumption is that being single is something that happens TO someone instead of something that someone would CHOOSE.

[even sven]

I used to go with playful "it's too much work!", or the truthful "I'm just not at that point in my life where it feels right to settle down. Maybe in a few years I'll meet someone."

Another classic is the "Well, you've got to find the right guy first, don't you?"

[astro]

My sentient penis fights crime all night, and by the time the sun rises it's too exhausted for me to have a relationship.

[Bad News Baboon]

"Because it's just too much fun being a serial killer! Mwahahahaha." ;-)

[StJoan]

"Because I am happy with my life, the way it is."

[Sleeps With Butterflies]

Originally Posted by Antigen

I'd use this if the question was being asked jokingly or sarcastically.

If it was an honest question from a well-meaning nosy aunt, I'd say something like "I've still got a little of the last one in the freezer, but I'll be looking for a fresh one soon. Keep your eye out for me."

Like it!

Depends on the person. Maybe a shifty look to the left and right and then lean in and whisper or mouth "They keep dying on me" or a big smile and "By careful design" and leave it at that.

[Gyrate]

Originally Posted by Inner Stickler

Oh, sure the shredder makes a lot of exhaust but you should see it eat through a ream of paper!

On this tangent, I once made a paper shredder explode. Apparently lubricating the gears with WD-40 is a really bad idea.

[FairyChatMom]

I had an aunt who was really bothered that I was single so long. She was always asking whether I was dating anyone. I'm pretty sure she thought I joined the Navy because I was a lesbian. So after I eloped and brought my husband to meet the family, this aunt had such a look of disapproval, bordering on disgust, it absolutely shocked me.

It may or may not be connected, but both of her daughters had unsuccessful first marriages, altho they did seem to find lasting spouses on their next go-rounds, while my husband and I are in our 29th year together.

[Smeghead]

"Court order"

[Broomstick]

Originally Posted by DianaG

Ah, the dreaded and inevitable "So how is it that you're single?" In answer I'd long been using "Because I'm all set for small appliances." but today in the face of a particularly annoying questioner I went with "Because David Foster Wallace is dead, David Sedaris is gay, and everyone else is boring."

How do you typically answer?

"I'm married - just because I don't have a ring it doesn't mean I'm single."

[Lsura]

Originally Posted by Satchmo

"It is neither a mistake nor an accident that I live alone."

That usually shuts them up.

I like this. I'm sure my family members who like to push about the single issue will think it rude. I'm not sure I care.

Originally Posted by Beware of Doug

Nobody asks me this. I think they pretty much figure it out at sight.

There's something wrong with this picture? because I'm not seeing it.

[DianaG]

Not everyone is into public sax.

[Bob Ducca]

Originally Posted by Ambivalid

"I poop my pants."

Ok, can we be friends now?

[Ibanez]

Originally Posted by twickster

"Just lucky, I guess."

I love that one. I have to remember that. Once I replied " Because I'm a closeted homosexual" then grin. Left it up to her to decide whether I was serious or not.

[salinqmind]

"It's not that I haven't tried. I've TRIED. Do you have ANY idea what's available out there???" followed by several sterling examples of close calls with psychos, married men, comic book fanatics, sci-fi fanatics, obese losers living in mom's basement, guys who spit on the street, alcoholics, dope fiends, any of a number of tragic blind dates....

"You're too picky, young lady!" That's what always got me, I'm "too picky", as if I'm holding out for a 30 year old male fashion model who owns a castle in Spain and fosters kittens and puppies in his penthouse apartment when he's not flying me to Paris for the weekend.

"There are a LOT of "nice guys" out there!" Oh-oh. I have to explain I cannot buddy up to another warm body for the sole reason he is a "nice guy" and therefore unlikely to beat me up or steal my car. And your idea of a nice guy clashes with mine, anyway.

Well, eventually I showed 'em all and flabbergasted everybody by getting married before some vague sell-by date. But I remember that question. Like really, what else are you going to say?

[Dr. Woo]

I used to mutter something about the "terms of my parole . . . "

[Terra1041]

Because I'm lesbian.

It's a lot harder for homosexuals to find prospective partners because there are a lot fewer of us.

[Satchmo]

Originally Posted by salinqmind

... psychos, ... sci-fi fanatics,

Hey, be nice now.

[The Second Stone]

I'm familiar with the spousal and child support laws.

I cannot find a suitable woman who wants a trophy husband.

[Robot Arm]

Originally Posted by Satchmo

Hey, be nice now.

Yeah, the psychos might object to being grouped in with the rest of them.^*





* Okay, with the rest of "us".

[salinqmind]

Conversely: "I'm into earlier Star Wars and can't get with the newer ones"...actually got into a big argument with a guy while dating because I didn't want to go see the pod-racing one yet AGAIN!

[Voyager]

"My imaginary ghost lover is jealous"

or

"Given the Mormons, I'm trying to keep the average partner count to 1."

(Yes I know, I know.)

[BMalion]

Originally Posted by salinqmind

Conversely: "I'm into earlier Star Wars and can't get with the newer ones"...actually got into a big argument with a guy while dating because I didn't want to go see the pod-racing one yet AGAIN!

Marry me.

I can only offer you a life of misery and deciet, but you'd have me, and you can't put a price on that.

[Left Hand of Dorkness]

Originally Posted by Snickers

You blend your margaritas?! Heathen!

I only like the traditional . . . ones anyway - don't have much time for the fruity ones.

I'm trying to figure out whether the second sentence follows the first, or whether it answers the OP's question.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Bob Ducca

Ok, can we be friends now?

Sure. I told ya a while back you had grown on me.

[Yumblie]

I guess no one goes with the obvious answer?

"I'm not dating anyone."

Too literal?

[Lok]

My answer is "I am very picky about the women I am attracted to. Unfortunately for me, the women I am attracted to are very picky about the men they will date."

[Rachellelogram]

Originally Posted by Beware of Doug

Nobody asks me this. I think they pretty much figure it out at sight.

Nice alto! How old is your horn?

[What the .... ?!?!]

Be honest and point them to the SDMB where it is quite obvious. (Smiley that isn't offered in Quick Reply).

[vivalostwages]

How is it that so many horrible, mean, stupid, dull people manage to get married?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Seriously, I used to think that getting married was some kind of accomplishment.
Now I know better.

(Disclaimer: I am in no way saying that all married folks are awful--just in case anybody reads what I said the wrong way.)

Also, the only men who pay much attention to me these days are old enough to be my grandfather. Really.

[vivalostwages]

Originally Posted by Beware of Doug

Nobody asks me this. I think they pretty much figure it out at sight.

I wouldn't mind having you play at my next luau.

[Tixenfleaz]

"Because I'm good at it!"

And I was, too.

[Sparky812]

/slight hijack

My other peeve is that people ask me for dating advice because I dated alot of women throughout my 20 years or so as a batchelor.
Why are you asking the guy with dozens of failed relationships for advice? If I knew some kind of secret, don't you think that I would use it myself?

The best advice I have is.... they're all crazy, you just need to find the crazy you can deal with.