famous people you'd like to hit, and what you'd like to use to hit them.

[Stink Fish Pot]

Pretty straight-forward. Caveats, no relatives, or people you don't like in high school. This has to be someone considered in the main stream, someone that most people would recognize. After all, there are enough annoying people out there that fit this bill, why not focus your wrath on them? this isn't a thread to describe how you would kill them. If they die as a result, well, that's the breaks. (GUFFAW!) No, I'm just looking to make someone hurt, and I want them to know why they deserved it.

I also thought about how I might want to hit 2 people with two different items. So, if you want to use a baseball bat for your entire line-up, no problem. But if you want to bring out a shovel for someone special, let us know!

The inspiration for this thread was the pompous Bryant "bitch tits" Gumbel. For those that know him, you might understand.


So I bring you my list:

Bryant "Bitch Tits" Gumbel - I would like to smack him in the jaw with an aluminum bat, just to make sure he would feel it. Then I'd take that yellow legal pad and pen he writes with on his HBO Real Sports show and shove them up his ass.

Tiger Woods - I'd like to take a 3 wood to his skull to try to knock him back into whatever zone his former wife knocked him out of. He will most likely not break Nicklaus' record because of a holiday squabble/smackdown by his beautiful wife over his habit of being nut-deep in random pussy.

Sarah Jessica Parker - I think a metal rake to the face would be appropriate. Then, we could end the discussion about how "pretty", "beautiful" and "stunning" she is, when in fact, she is not. I believe Peter Griffin referred to her as having a face like a foot. That's being generous in my book.

James Carvelle - A large aerosol can of professional grade insect chemicals, so I could knock that bug-faced bastard back into the termite mound he escaped from.

Tim McCarver - A nice 34/34 Louisville Slugger to fracture his jaw, requiring wiring to hold it together for 6 weeks or so. Every fall, right before the baseball playoffs, so America can be spared his announcing.

[Max the Immortal]

Andrew Wakefield. With my fists. Because of his role in the whole anti-vaccine nuttery.

[Nzinga, Seated]

Steve Harvey. I would bash his face in with a fire extinguisher until there was nothing left except a pulpy mash and a mustache. Then I would spray some foam on the mustache and drop the extinguisher on his nuts. Man. I can't even remember hating anyone else ever. All of my hate is solely for him.

[Blackberry]

Kanye West because he's not just arrogant like all rappers are, but he has this special way of just assuming that everyone just cares so much about everything about him, and he was like that before he even got big. Like his interrupting awards shows more than once, how he made the fact that he once dropped out of college this big gimmick (who the fuck cares? it's not like that's interesting or unusual), etc. Just STFU dude.

I'd hit him with a big gold chain.

[Icarus]

Originally Posted by Stink Fish Pot

No, I'm just looking to make someone hurt, and I want them to know why they deserved it.

You need to hit this!

[Stink Fish Pot]

Originally Posted by Icarus

You need to hit this!

Hey, c'mon now.,, just a little Friday night fun and fantasy to ease the pressures of the week.

(I booked marked the link, just in case.).

[Cat Whisperer]

Gwyneth Paltrow - I don't actually want to hit her myself, but I'd probably watch a video of someone hitting her with something not too damaging - just enough to wipe the smug off her face.

[not what you'd expect]

Ann Romney. I'd use a toilet brush.

She's probably never seen one up close.

[Ambivalid]

Tucker Carlson. I know he's not around much anymore but I'd still like to wipe his face with a rusty Brillo pad. To get rid of that goddamn smirk. Fuckin' douchebag.

[River Hippie]

Sarah Palin. With a stump grinder.

[Magiver]

Jerry Springer and Maury What's his name. I'd like one of their guests to focus their energy on them for change. These guys are nothing but whores.

[Oakminster]

Farting in someone's face isn't violent enough?

[kayT]

Well, since Stink Fish Pot has taken care of Tim McCarver for me, apparently I am left with no one to hate on. Well, except for all the idiots running for office this year, but I haven't paid them enough attention to know their names. But I would like to hit them all with a ballot box. The sharp pointy part.

[blondebear]

Glenn Beck. With any or all of the implements from Clue.

[Ambivalid]

Originally Posted by Oakminster

Farting in someone's face isn't violent enough?

It's not a very accessible form of personal assault for me; so I'm gonna have to pass on that one. I like this thread better.

[core_dump]

Maria Bartiromo. I'd hit that.

[alice_in_wonderland]

Kim Kardashian with a cast iron frying pan just because I think it would be satisfying.

Lindsay Lohan with a clue-by-four.

Dina Lohan with a mace.

[TriPolar]

George Bush with Dick Cheney

[nion]

Originally Posted by core_dump

Maria Bartiromo. I'd hit that.

I thought this very thing before even clicking on the thread. Well, not this person in particular. At any rate, I was prepared to make the quip if someone else hadn't seized the opportunity yet.

[ladynismo]

Dual Survivals Cody Lundin (the idiot with no shoes)- In the face with a pair of boots.

"Snooki" Polizzi-In the face with a Dirty Diaper.

[Stink Fish Pot]

Originally Posted by ladynismo

Dual Survivals Cody Lundin (the idiot with no shoes)- In the face with a pair of boots.

"Snooki" Polizzi-In the face with a Dirty Diaper.

I would like to hold Cody "I don't wear shoes because i am an idiot" Lundin for you. That guy is a tool. I think he's a great choice for a pummeling.

[Annie-Xmas]

O J Simpson. With a butcher knife.

Woody Allen. A taser to his groin.

[Kiyoshi]

Originally Posted by Cat Whisperer

Gwyneth Paltrow - I don't actually want to hit her myself, but I'd probably watch a video of someone hitting her with something not too damaging - just enough to wipe the smug off her face.

I'll hit her and film it for you -- and I'll throw in her husband for free. I think slapping them with a nice bloody steak would be appropriate.

I would also like to bludgeon Tom Cruise with a hardback copy of the DSM-IV.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by Kiyoshi

I'll hit her and film it for you -- and I'll throw in her husband for free. I think slapping them with a nice bloody steak would be appropriate.

I would also like to bludgeon Tom Cruise with a hardback copy of the DSM-IV.

Sweet!

[ioioio]

My weapon of choice is a dildo. My victim would be any celebrity who flaunts their alleged virginity. My specific victim is Brooke Shields (although the virginity ship has long sailed). I cannot forgive her smug prissy little "pretty girl" act. Plus, deep down inside, I think she's a tranny and was interpreting "sex" the same way Bill Clinton did.

[Shagnasty]

Noam Chompsky - He just seems like the worst version of a leftist dick that I can imagine. I probably could hit him if I wanted to. He lives fairly close by and is very old now.

[Kolga]

Since someone has already taken Wakefield, I'll move on to my next choice, Jenny McCarthy. With a basic science textbook.

[Spiny Norman]

Piers Morgan. With a half-brick in a sock. For no other reason than his face is crying out for it.

[Gatopescado]

Anthony Weiner with my '65 Ford F-250.

[FairyChatMom]

Nancy Grace - I'd like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that's too harsh for this thread, then I'll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel.

[Cat Whisperer]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

Nancy Grace - I'd like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that's too harsh for this thread, then I'll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel.

Nice post and custom title combo.

[Helena330]

Melissa Gilbert with a full wine bottle because I wasted too much time reading her ridiculous memoir in the vain hope it would get better.

Any of these dumb little starlets who drink and drive (Amanda Bynes, Lindsay Lohan etc.). With a bigger wine bottle.

I'm not a violent person so a wine bottle's a big deal for me.

[Chefguy]

Guy Fieri, with a bottle of that hair bleach he uses; or anything to knock those stupid sunglasses off the back of his head.

Arnold Schwartznegger, with Marie Shriver.

Ann Coulter, with the horse she stole her face from.

[sahirrnee]

Dr Travis Stork.
My fist would work.
I hate that smug look on his face.
No matter how nice looking you are, or how much money you have, a jerk is still a jerk.

[SCAdian]

Ken Ham - with a complete stegosaurus skeleton, dropped from 1000 feet up....

[Ambivalid]

I can't believe Michelle Malkin hasn't been named yet.

Michelle Malkin. Fer fuck's sake.

[Isamu]

Fred Phelps. Mack Truck.

[Isamu]

Originally Posted by Shagnasty

Noam Chompsky - He just seems like the worst version of a leftist dick that I can imagine. I probably could hit him if I wanted to. He lives fairly close by and is very old now.

This makes me sad. I always like reading your posts, and my opinion of you (as a good poster) hasn't changed, but .... Chomsky? What would you hit him with?

If you must, hit him, very gently, with a copy of Transformational Grammar. He'll probably laugh and say he deserves it.

[willthekittensurvive?]

I would like to smack Geert Wilders with a angry burning midget.

[Gyrate]

Scarlett Johannsen - I'd definitely hit that. Aw yeah.

Originally Posted by Spiny Norman

Piers Morgan. With a half-brick in a sock. For no other reason than his face is crying out for it.

Get in line. This very, very, very long line. Oh so many people with oh so many reasons...

[Annie-Xmas]

I would love to hit any and all of the Baldwin brothers in their faces with bricks. Their looks creep me out so much that anything would be an improvement.

[tdn]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

Nancy Grace - I'd like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that's too harsh for this thread, then I'll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel.

You could hit her with the ugly stick, but how would we know?

[YogSosoth]

Rush Limbaugh - Punch in the face with a spiked gauntlet tipped with nerve-paralyzing poison

[oft wears hats]

Originally Posted by FairyChatMom

Nancy Grace - I'd like to hit her with a gravel truck, then dump the full load of gravel on her face. If that's too harsh for this thread, then I'll opt for shooting her in the face with a bazooka full of gravel.

This is basically what I came here to say, though you did it better than I ever could.

I also second Andrew Wakefield and Jenny McCarthy; ignorance and an audience is all you need to seriously damage the world. Good job, you two.

I guess I'll go with Bill O'Reilly. Pie in the face, laced with laxative.

[black rabbit]

Sherilyn Fenn, with my penis.

[PSXer]

I almost want to say George Lucas but I am going to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his problem is incompetence and not malice towards his fans