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Old 06-05-2009, 01:56 PM
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Ask the white chick who has only ever dated black dudes


Ask me anything
People usually do without being invited to, anyway...
  #2  
Old 06-05-2009, 01:59 PM
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How many black dudes have you dated?
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Old 06-05-2009, 01:59 PM
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I've known quite a few people like this personally. You're going to get grilled for that OP, by the way.

Suppose I'll start out:

Why black guys exclusively? Do you make a conscious decision or does it just happen to work out that way? (I'm skeptical of the latter.)

Are you oversensitive to perceived racism towards aforementioned black dudes? Around some of the girls I know, criticizing a rap song will get you reamed.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:00 PM
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Would you date brown, yellow or pink dudes if they asked you out, or do you automatically exclude them?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:06 PM
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How many black dudes have you dated?
I have no idea on the number. 11ish years worth.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:16 PM
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Originally Posted by Interconnected Series of Tubes View Post
I've known quite a few people like this personally. You're going to get grilled for that OP, by the way.

Suppose I'll start out:

Why black guys exclusively? Do you make a conscious decision or does it just happen to work out that way? (I'm skeptical of the latter.)

Are you oversensitive to perceived racism towards aforementioned black dudes? Around some of the girls I know, criticizing a rap song will get you reamed.
I did pretend that it was just a matter of coincidence when I was like 16-18, but no, it's not. It's not a conscious decision either though, except to the extent that it's a conscious decision to only date people I'm attracted to.

I don't think I'm oversensitive to perceived racism, although some would disagree, I'm sure. I'm more oversensitive to sexism than racism I would say (but I don't really consider it OVERsensitive; I think it's appropriate). But really I can go either way on racism. It's a complex issue, not simple at all when you're talking about it being on both a personal level and a social issue. On a social level I guess I'm really pretty sensitive to racism (again, no more than sexism though...I only listen to rap but if you can't criticize the genre then there's something wrong with you). On a personal level, I have views that some would probably consider racist, but I think they're similar to any feminist's views on men except that they're mostly directed at black men, since that's who I have experience with. My sister (married to a white man) and I sometimes talk about whether something is a black man thing or a white man thing or a man thing.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:20 PM
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My sister (married to a white man) and I sometimes talk about whether something is a black man thing or a white man thing or a man thing.
So... what have you determined to be "black man things"?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:22 PM
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No questions really for the OP, I wanted to just share a tidbit about my family.

My aunt was this way. She exclusively dated black guys for 15 years or so until my grandfather died (her father). Since then she has exclusively dated white guys (~10 years now). This has nothing to do with the OP. I don't really even have any comments about my aunt, the OP just made me think of this tidbit and I felt like sharing. I have always been slightly curious about what she was thinking and whether it was all just a coincidence.

Personally, I have always dated women. Mostly white ones, but there have been a couple of black ones, an Asian one, and 3 Hispanic women. Personally, I don't think too much about the race of who I am dating, not even in the top 10 attributes that attract/discourage me. Obviously, YMMV.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:22 PM
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Would you date brown, yellow or pink dudes if they asked you out, or do you automatically exclude them?
I would date a man who wasn't black if I was attracted to him and wanted to. I do mostly exclude them from consideration I guess, just because it's rare that I would feel that way. Kind of like how I'm straight, so when I see a woman, I don't consider whether I'd be interested in dating her.

I do kind of look at Asian men though. I would definitely date one, but long term I think I would really miss dating black men.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:25 PM
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I have no idea on the number. 11ish years worth.
That answer will suffice.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:25 PM
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Do you find it to be a certain class of black men that you continue to date?
Into rap music, blue collar, very urban
Or have you dated more professional black men? Maybe into R&B or jazz, white collar, college degree.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:27 PM
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Do white friends and family shun you as a direct result? Has this tried any friendships?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:30 PM
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Do you only date black men because they're the only people who you're sexually attracted to, or is there another reason?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:35 PM
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What would you think of someone who said they were a white woman who only dated white men?
What would you think of a black woman who only dated white men?
What would you think of a black man who only dated black women?
What would you think of a black man who would date you except for the fact that you're a white woman?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:35 PM
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Do you think this is more aesthetic or cultural? Let's say you've got two guys interested in you. One is a white guy, but he was raised in a black family. The other is a black guy who is basically 100% assimilated to mainstream culture. All other things being equal, and assuming both are nice guys, which would you pick? Or either or neither?
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:35 PM
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So... what have you determined to be "black man things"?
Well, of course I can't think of most of them now...but I'll try.

Homophobia seems to be more prevalent among black men.*

Black men are closer to their mothers.*

Black men have this idea about a perfect relationship being one that started out bad and dysfunctional and then with the help of the woman's unwavering support, it all works out wonderfully in the end* (see the movie "Baby Boy", for just one example, but there are MANY songs like that too). I have a HUGE problem with this one, as the message is that you can get someone to change their ways by tolerating their current behavior, which is absurd.

*In general
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Hampshire View Post
Do you find it to be a certain class of black men that you continue to date?
Into rap music, blue collar, very urban
Or have you dated more professional black men? Maybe into R&B or jazz, white collar, college degree.
I've dated both types. In theory I prefer the second type and in reality I do in some ways, but the first type is my dysfunctional default, it seems like. I don't know, I have relationship issues that are are separate from race. My ideal "type" seems to be self-contradictory. I'm too smart and too indignant to put up with bullshit, but it's what is comfortable to me.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:48 PM
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Do white friends and family shun you as a direct result? Has this tried any friendships?
It has caused a lot of conflict in my family. As a teenager I was expressly forbidden from dating black guys. Then I got pregnant by one and my family had to mostly get over it because they're not monsters who would shun a baby. They all love my daughter (now 9) and wouldn't treat her differently than a white kid. They've come a long way, but of course it's still not perfect.

With white friends, it's never been a problem. Well, some white guys seem to be less than totally approving of it, but I think that's mostly just if they are interested in me.
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Old 06-05-2009, 02:50 PM
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Do you only date black men because they're the only people who you're sexually attracted to, or is there another reason?
Sexual attraction, I guess. If it was a rational choice, I wouldn't choose it (not that I'd choose not to EVER date black men, just not exclusively).
  #20  
Old 06-05-2009, 02:54 PM
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What would you think of someone who said they were a white woman who only dated white men?
What would you think of a black woman who only dated white men?
What would you think of a black man who only dated black women?
What would you think of a black man who would date you except for the fact that you're a white woman?
I don't/wouldn't have a problem with any of it. Well, unless their reasons were objectionable (e.g. "I only date ___ because ___ are inferior").
  #21  
Old 06-05-2009, 02:58 PM
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Why black guys exclusively? Do you make a conscious decision or does it just happen to work out that way? (I'm skeptical of the latter.)
I can totally believe that it is not conscious. I have dated more fat women than skinny, but I don't perceive a preference. Similarly, I pointed out to one of my (white) friends that he had a preference for East Asian women. He had no idea what I was talking about.

I've also only dated white women. However, I am white, so this is not seen as strange, but it must be due to some kind of subconscious preference on my part.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:00 PM
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Do you think this is more aesthetic or cultural? Let's say you've got two guys interested in you. One is a white guy, but he was raised in a black family. The other is a black guy who is basically 100% assimilated to mainstream culture. All other things being equal, and assuming both are nice guys, which would you pick? Or either or neither?
I probably wouldn't find the white man physically attractive, but if I did, sure I'd date him. The black man, well, I am involved with one like that (just to be clear, assimilated is fine; naive, ignorant, or self-hating is not).
  #23  
Old 06-05-2009, 03:31 PM
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Would you describe your body type as curvy? Large? Voluptuous? I'm a large white woman and 90% of the guys who have ever shown interest in me (on dating sites) are black guys. I do not see too many thin white girls with black men.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:36 PM
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See, I figure it this way.

We have Black Men going after White Women.
We have White Men going after Asian Women.

So all we need to do to balance the scales is to convince Asian Men and Black Women to hook up.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:44 PM
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My sister is also a white woman who has dated almost exclusively black dudes, at least since high school, and is currently married to one and has an adorable kid with him.

Out of curiosity, would you say you are culturally more black than white in other ways as well (however you define that)? My sister would, and she agreed with me when I once described her as having been born the wrong color.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:45 PM
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Would you describe your body type as curvy? Large? Voluptuous? I'm a large white woman and 90% of the guys who have ever shown interest in me (on dating sites) are black guys. I do not see too many thin white girls with black men.
No, not at all. I'm quite thin with a small build. People are often surprised to find out I date black men. The existence of my daughter is all kinds of surprising to people, because she's biracial and because she looks MAYBE 10 years younger than me.

I have white female friends who get hit on mostly by black men, but not me. I get a lot who are not my type at all. Kind of nerdy types.
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:53 PM
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All white males have one pressing question they would like answered....

But, alas, you cannot answer this question....
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Old 06-05-2009, 03:57 PM
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Ask me anything
Who's Berry?
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Puedo tenerz las hamburguesas conz queso?!?
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Old 06-05-2009, 04:00 PM
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All white males have one pressing question they would like answered....

But, alas, you cannot answer this question....
The answer of course, is, "White Men Can't Jump."
  #30  
Old 06-05-2009, 04:01 PM
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My sister is also a white woman who has dated almost exclusively black dudes, at least since high school, and is currently married to one and has an adorable kid with him.

Out of curiosity, would you say you are culturally more black than white in other ways as well (however you define that)? My sister would, and she agreed with me when I once described her as having been born the wrong color.
In quite a few ways I'm super white. In others, not.

My evil ex used to always get so mad and say that he can't believe I even listen to rap music because I don't seem like I would. He got even madder when I said, "Thank you!"
  #31  
Old 06-05-2009, 04:05 PM
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All white males have one pressing question they would like answered....

But, alas, you cannot answer this question....
The HBO documentary Naked World can answer it quite well though if you really want to know
  #32  
Old 06-05-2009, 04:23 PM
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All white males have one pressing question they would like answered....

But, alas, you cannot answer this question....




I can.
  #33  
Old 06-05-2009, 04:44 PM
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I can.
The extremely small font makes me hesitant to delve any further
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Old 06-05-2009, 05:07 PM
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Have any of your black men not had a huge, or at least above average-sized penis? And would you date one who didn't?
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Old 06-05-2009, 05:17 PM
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Are you generally accepted by black women?
Are you generally accepted by black couples?
Are you generally treated with respect by black men other than your current SO?
Do you have red hair, by any chance?
  #36  
Old 06-05-2009, 05:30 PM
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Would you describe your body type as curvy? Large? Voluptuous? I'm a large white woman and 90% of the guys who have ever shown interest in me (on dating sites) are black guys. I do not see too many thin white girls with black men.
The term "badonkadonk" has been thrown around so much these days, it has begun to lose all meaning.


Since the OP has only dated "black", does she feel that she might ever go "back"?
  #37  
Old 06-05-2009, 05:30 PM
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Have any of your black men not had a huge, or at least above average-sized penis? And would you date one who didn't?
LOL, yes, a lot of them have not had huge penises. Really, none were what I would consider HUGE. None were what I would consider small though either. But who knows how accurate my belief about the average size is, anyway. Once I had a...picture...which I showed to some friends who date white men, and they were all My friends who date black men were not particularly impressed. True story. I was surprised and amused at the reaction of the ones who date white men.

I think there is a difference, but I think it's exaggerated sometimes. And I think the difference is greater when they're flacid, i.e. black men are "show-ers" and white men are "growers". It's an evolutionary thing having to do with climate differences, is what I've heard and makes sense to me but I don't know for sure if it's true.

And, yes, as I said I would and have dated men that are not huge, but honestly I don't know if I could get over it if it was small. Too big is painful and you have to be careful, but at least it's good in theory. Too small has no upside.
  #38  
Old 06-05-2009, 05:33 PM
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Have any of your black men not had a huge, or at least above average-sized penis? And would you date one who didn't?
How would she know what is average size for non-black men?
  #39  
Old 06-05-2009, 05:42 PM
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Are you generally accepted by black women?
Are you generally accepted by black couples?
Are you generally treated with respect by black men other than your current SO?
Do you have red hair, by any chance?
Yes.
Yes.
What do you mean, black men I'm not involved with? It can go either way. Generally yes if there's no involvement or hope of involvement. If there is, with some, I think the way they go about expressing their interest is disrespectful.
No.
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Old 06-05-2009, 06:16 PM
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How would she know what is average size for non-black men?
Hence my first post.

How often do you get to make snarky comments combining stereotypes with statistical improbabilities.....its like a meta irony!


Once you go white, you'll never be right
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Old 06-05-2009, 07:29 PM
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Once you go white, you'll never be right
Tshirt, please.

Blackberry, does your little girl identify as 'black'?

Last edited by Nzinga, Seated; 06-05-2009 at 07:31 PM.
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Old 06-05-2009, 08:10 PM
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Blackberry, does your little girl identify as 'black'?
Well, she doesn't really have a firm stance on that yet. I would say for now she identifies as black and white though. Little kids are pretty literal and she knows she has a white parent and a black parent and she looks like both of us, but I have told her that some biracial people self-identify as black and that's for her to decide.
  #43  
Old 06-05-2009, 09:05 PM
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...As a teenager I was expressly forbidden from dating black guys...
Do you feel your attraction is more to the rebellious/forbidden aspect? I have known many women with "dating patterns", be it racial, social (falling for bikers, rich men, bad boys, a Jet, a Capulet) etc. Without exception, there seems to be a direct connection back to younger rebellious "pissing off mom/dad" that carries on into adulthood.
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Old 06-05-2009, 09:20 PM
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Do you feel your attraction is more to the rebellious/forbidden aspect? I have known many women with "dating patterns", be it racial, social (falling for bikers, rich men, bad boys, a Jet, a Capulet) etc. Without exception, there seems to be a direct connection back to younger rebellious "pissing off mom/dad" that carries on into adulthood.
I don't know. It could be, but it's not like I was raised in family that was explicitly racist, until they had "reason" to be, which was pretty much when I started expressing an interest in black guys. I don't know what it's about.
But I do have white friends who only date black guys too and their parents never had any problem with it.

Also, I do have "daddy issues" (nothing shocking or horrible, just your everyday daddy issues) which might come into play somehow, but my dad is actually the one who never really had a problem with it, and certainly would have never forbid it (I didn't live with my dad though).
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Old 06-05-2009, 10:39 PM
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Once you go white, you'll never be right
I've always heard:

Once you go white, you don't go back...a'ight?
  #46  
Old 06-06-2009, 07:04 PM
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Slightly off topic, but I noticed you mentioned a daughter who is bi-racial.
My niece (white) was married to a black guy and their daughter is a gorgeous, athletic and straight-A student - she is 12 and I wonder if she is going to be attracted to white or black guys.

Having taught psychology, the answer seems to have a lot to do with environment when hitting the dating age - bi-racial kids will normally hang out with, and date, those who are the majority in their group. My niece's daughter will be going to a predominantly white high school which leads me to think she will be dating white guys.

Depending on the age of your daughter - has she shown any preference to racial types as well?

Last edited by DMark; 06-06-2009 at 07:05 PM.
  #47  
Old 06-06-2009, 07:37 PM
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Do you, deep down in places you don't talk about, find black men simply to be more manly, masculine, etc., than white men? And what does that mean for you?
  #48  
Old 06-07-2009, 12:16 AM
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Slightly off topic, but I noticed you mentioned a daughter who is bi-racial.
My niece (white) was married to a black guy and their daughter is a gorgeous, athletic and straight-A student - she is 12 and I wonder if she is going to be attracted to white or black guys.

Having taught psychology, the answer seems to have a lot to do with environment when hitting the dating age - bi-racial kids will normally hang out with, and date, those who are the majority in their group. My niece's daughter will be going to a predominantly white high school which leads me to think she will be dating white guys.

Depending on the age of your daughter - has she shown any preference to racial types as well?
My daughter is 9, so she's too young to have too much of a preference, but so far so has crushes on boys of all different races. She's gone to schools that were mostly black and schools that were mostly white, and I have no idea what kind of school she'll be going to when she gets old enough to date.

She has noticed MY preference, though. She made some comment about it when she was about 6. She had heard of, but not met, some guy I was seeing, and she asked if he had dark skin and said something about how my boyfriends always do (that sounds bad...it's not like she's met that many of them, but she's met a few). I was surprised she noticed, because at that time she didn't even really have a concept of "white" and "black"; it was just "skin like mine", "skin like yours", and "skin like daddy's".
  #49  
Old 06-07-2009, 12:22 AM
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Did you grow up around mostly black guys, or white guys?

Have you had any traumatic experiences that were perpetrated by a white guy?
  #50  
Old 06-07-2009, 03:05 AM
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Does taboo come into play?

I've only been with a couple of black women. Even tho' I know in the forward thinking part of my brain, there is absolutely nothing wrong with dating outside of one's race..,.

I still have to say that the whole taboo thing going on in the back of my head came in to play. But not in a bad way. Quite the contrary, it made the sex very, very hot!!

I hope I'm not alone in this.
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