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Old 03-20-2004, 12:54 AM
misstee misstee is offline
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Another ( sigh ) sex poll - possibly TMI.

I went to bed earlier tonight, but not to sleep. I was very interested in doing the deed. Hubby had went to bed earlier. Generally I can persuade him to engage in activities by giving him some oral stimulation. Tonight he snapped at me and asked me what I was doing. I stopped. This has never ever happened to me before. Even when he was really, really tired.


Have any of you guys turned down sex?


Have any of you ladies been turned down?
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Old 03-20-2004, 01:06 AM
Tentacle Monster Tentacle Monster is offline
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Guy posting. Never turned it down. There've been times I wished I just went home and rubbed one out, but I've never turned it down.
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Old 03-20-2004, 01:18 AM
dublos dublos is offline
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Male.. Have turned it down.

When I do turn it down, it's usually because I'm just too tired, or if I'm sore.

There was also the time after my vasectomy where my partner was even more in a hurry for me to recover than I was.
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Old 03-20-2004, 01:27 AM
aerodave aerodave is offline
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Male here. I've only actively turned it down when I was ill. And we're not talking head cold ill, here.

We're talking "slightest jarring motion will make me projectile vomit" sick. Like a really bad hangover. A severe head injury may do the trick, too.

Funny, though, that when I actually feel bad enough to turn it down...that's when the wife is the most interested in initiating it. I think she does it just to mess with my mind.
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Old 03-20-2004, 01:29 AM
JavaMaven1 JavaMaven1 is offline
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Female here...

I have been turned down by my husband several times. Usually, it's because he's tired and really wants to sleep, and one time, it was because he was still angry about something and wasn't ready to kiss and make up.



It happens. Don't take it to heart too much. Try again tomorrow.
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Old 03-20-2004, 02:30 AM
rjung rjung is offline
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Men who turn down sex creep me out.
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Old 03-20-2004, 03:31 AM
blowero blowero is offline
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Sorry to creep out rjung, but I have turned it down. I dated a woman who was very, very into sex (bless her heart), and wanted to do it every night. Maybe I'm just not as virile as the other studs in this thread, but I find that the experience is sometimes a lot more enjoyable if I give it a rest for a day. My poor peepee just gets tuckered out sometimes. I also find that too much frequency results in less-intense climaxes. So one night I suggested that maybe we could wait until the next night, so it would be even better after a night off. She seemed very, very upset about that. Apparently it wasn't enough for me to want her tomorrow night, I had to want her RIGHT NOW.

And to be honest, that's something that kind of bugs me. Not that you would feel this way, misstee, but why is it that some women wouldn't think twice about turning down a guy, for whatever reason, but if she ever gets turned down, it's suddenly the end of the world?

Anyway, if it's any consolation, I know it hurts to get turned down, and if you're a guy, it hurts exactly that much every time. And believe me, if you are unfortunate enough to be dragging a penis around this world, you will get turned down A LOT. So if it's only happened to you once, count your blessings.
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Old 03-20-2004, 04:14 AM
Ender_Will Ender_Will is offline
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Guy here.
I have a couple of times. Most recently was because two of my friends were in the room at the time. The other time or two she was drunk.
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Old 03-20-2004, 06:21 AM
norinew norinew is offline
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Female checking in. Hubby turns it down sometimes. Usually when he's tired, but he seems to go through these three phases, said phases being: One, can't get enough, ever, ever, ever; "I know we just did it 10 hours ago, but can't we please do it some more?". Two, he's interested 3 or 4 times a week. Three, he's interested in it about once a week or less, as in "Do we have to do that again already? Didn't we just do that last week?". The first couple of times in our marriage that he hit phase three, I was freaked. Thought terrible things were wrong with the relationship, he didn't find me attractive any more, yadda, yadda, yadda. But nothing was wrong. That's just the way he is. I mean, 20 years with a guy is certainly long enough to get a sense of these patterns. For what it's worth, he's in phase two most of the time, and in phase one more than phase three. When phase three hits, it usually lasts for a couple of months.
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Old 03-20-2004, 06:27 AM
Omnipresent Omnipresent is offline
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Male here.

Yes, I have.

With the ex-wife. Key word there being EX. Lost the drive with her. Sorry.
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Old 03-20-2004, 08:56 AM
misstee misstee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Omnipresent
Male here.

Yes, I have.

With the ex-wife. Key word there being EX. Lost the drive with her. Sorry.

That was a lot of help.




FWIW, I have been turned down in the past - usually something of a "it wouldn't be any good for you because I am tired" type turn down. This was a really snippity way to tell some one to leave you alone.


We have been together for 10.5 years - married 9 of them.
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Old 03-20-2004, 09:06 AM
trudi fermelli trudi fermelli is offline
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[QUOTE=misstee] Tonight he snapped at me and asked me what I was doing. I stopped. This has never ever happened to me before. Even when he was really, really tired.


Seems the missed sexual activity isn't as worrisome as the way it was communicated here. What is so hard about being nice and say, geez hun, I'm not really up to it right now? Could have opened the door to intimate dialog that would have made the next time truly memorable. And did he REALLY not know what you were doing? Maybe he was taken over by some alien who has truly never experienced this on his planet and was mortified by the thought.

Seriously, it is never fun being "snapped" at and he certainly picked a most vulnerable moment to do it. One word...RESPECT.
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Old 03-20-2004, 09:32 AM
Eva Luna Eva Luna is offline
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One ex did that to me with immensely frustrating regularity. Note the term "ex." It wasn't the cause of our breakup, but it sure was a red light that something was wrong.

Your situation sounds rather different. How close to dead-asleep was your hubby when you started "convincing" him? Maybe he was just really tired and out of it. If I were tired enough and halfway to unconsciousness, I'd be really pissed at anyone who did anything to wake me up.
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Old 03-20-2004, 09:54 AM
Toddly Toddly is offline
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I'm with Eva Luna here in that I wonder if this was because he was sleeping or right at the point of falling into sleep. Of course he better not do it again.
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Old 03-20-2004, 10:47 AM
whiterabbit whiterabbit is offline
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My ex turned me down on occasion, but that made sense, because I wanted more sex than he did most of the time, since I was considerably younger. I didn't ever force the issue, though.
  #16  
Old 03-20-2004, 12:01 PM
verbenabeast verbenabeast is offline
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Quote:
originally by misstee
Generally I can persuade him to engage in activities by giving him some oral stimulation.
If this means what this means... dude is SICK! If Mr. Happy is gettin' "orally stimulated" Mr. Happy is goin' to WORK! no ifs ands or buts... maybe buts... hmmm... that's not where I intended to go with this post... no buns intended as it were... I think I will just hush and leave now...
  #17  
Old 03-20-2004, 12:31 PM
ElectricZ ElectricZ is offline
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Male, have turned it down, and been turned down.

It's a double standard -- when a woman isn't "in the mood" a guy is expected to back off. Maybe it's easier on guys because traditionally we're the aggressors and as such we learn to handle getting cold-shouldered early on. But believe it or not, a normal guy can not be in the mood, too. It doesn't happen often, but it CAN happen. And when it does, you should believe him and let him be.

I've been there. You say no to a sensitive woman, it immediately becomes a condemnation of her sexuality and self image. Even if you're smooth and caring about how you say no, it's still a rejection and that's all she sees. What's worse, when a guy doesn't respond, her response is to try harder. (Oral stimulation, for example.) And if the guy really isn't in the mood, is likely to make his reaction worse and push her away. With me, and I can't speak for the other guys, I try to be sensitive and nice at first, but if pressed I WILL snap and get angry. It's just rude to keep on advancing on someone when they don't want it. No means NO.

My advice would be if your guy turns down a roll in the hay, give him some space and don't sweat it. Unless you know there's a problem with your relationship that's causing the cold snap, he'll be clawing at you tomorrow.

EZ
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Old 03-20-2004, 04:06 PM
Nametag Nametag is offline
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Well, yes and no. When my wife was working on getting pregnant, she became a little demanding around ovulation time. Sometimes I'd be very tired, and feeling a little pressured, so's I would sometimes beg off until the next night. But normally, no, never turned down sex.
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Old 03-20-2004, 04:56 PM
SlowMindThinking SlowMindThinking is offline
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I met my wife 21 years ago. I've turned her down twice, on consecutive days no less. Basically, I pulled an all nighter while in grad school, then went to bed early the next in preparation for a test. I was too tired and she broke into tears, so we stayed up late talking it out. The next night I was almost too tired to sleep, and she tried again.

Other than that, no, I've never turned her down. I can't imagine doing so if oral stimulation is involved. No matter how may times that night. Not quite as manly as it sounds, since she rarely initiates it.
  #20  
Old 03-20-2004, 05:08 PM
Sqube Sqube is offline
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Male checking in here, and yeah I've done it. It was right after I had pulled an all-nighter too, and I was just not inspired.

It's not that serious though, it's definitely not the end of the world. The odds are pretty high that there were extenuating circumstances at that particular moment when you tried to get him in the mood, misstee.

To be perfectly blunt, I think you were more surprised by this because it hasn't happened before but, like a lot of people have said, this is perfectly normal. Sometimes your guy is just not going to be in the mood. Women are a lot less used to this because guys are generally the agressors, which means that they're in the mood or they wouldn't have tried. If it really bothers you that much, you should be talking to him instead of talking to us. That's where you'll find a definite answer and a definite solution.
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Old 03-20-2004, 05:46 PM
Vlad Dracul Vlad Dracul is offline
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Since I'm still a virgin, I've turned it down every time it was offered.

None of these were actual girlfriends, but just horny women who either liked my looks or figured one guy is the same as another. Many things can shut down my sex drive, including simple ugliness, foul odor, and the suspicion of STD's, as well as simply not being in the mood.

Two friends have offered... one was one of those girls who loses so much weight she starts to look scary, that wouldn't have worked.... the other just picked a bad time, as I had a major portion of my thermodynamics grade due the next morning.
  #22  
Old 03-20-2004, 07:24 PM
cichlidiot cichlidiot is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blowero
And to be honest, that's something that kind of bugs me. Not that you would feel this way, misstee, but why is it that some women wouldn't think twice about turning down a guy, for whatever reason, but if she ever gets turned down, it's suddenly the end of the world?
I was guilty of that double standard. I had never thought about being turned down, since guys I had been in a relationship with, had been the aggressors. I took it for granted, that them wanting sex on a regular basis (usually, as often as possible), was understood. Cut to my current relationship. Our sex drives are quite different, and I am also the aggressor in almost every instance. I also get turned down on a fairly regular basis. Nothing like having the roles reversed to stop subscribing to a double standard.
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Old 03-20-2004, 07:49 PM
sperfur sperfur is offline
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Sigh. Yes.

Of course, he turns me on so much that I want it all the time.
  #24  
Old 03-20-2004, 08:08 PM
erislover erislover is offline
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Guy here. No, but I have been too drunk to perform.
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Old 03-20-2004, 11:09 PM
Yookeroo Yookeroo is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by misstee
Have any of you guys turned down sex?
I'm not sure I understand this concept.
  #26  
Old 03-21-2004, 12:46 AM
pulykamell pulykamell is online now
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Male here.

Yep. At least two or three dozen times. Sometimes I just wanted to sleep. Sometimes I had too much on my mind. Sometimes there was stress in the relationship which made me lose the drive or interest. Sometimes it was just the "winter lulls." Usually, when I didn't want it, it boiled down to either honestly being too tired (it does happen -- at least to some of us), or some stressor, whether from within the relationship or without.
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Old 03-21-2004, 04:51 PM
barrum barrum is offline
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Male here.

Does falling asleep in the middle count as saying no?
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Old 03-21-2004, 04:57 PM
badbadrubberpiggy badbadrubberpiggy is offline
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woman here


and yes, I've turned it down, but not often - I have an enormous sex drive :-)

which, of course, has led to occasionally being turned down (too tired, etc)

I'm sure hubby was just tired, especially if it's not something he turns down often
  #29  
Old 03-21-2004, 05:41 PM
misstee misstee is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricZ
It's just rude to keep on advancing on someone when they don't want it. No means NO.
I stopped when he said to.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ElectricZ
My advice would be if your guy turns down a roll in the hay, give him some space and don't sweat it. Unless you know there's a problem with your relationship that's causing the cold snap, he'll be clawing at you tomorrow.


AHH, All is good today - and yesterday. I got to make good on my promises of sex to another doper ( hubby ) for paying my subscription fee.



He said he was just tired, almost asleep and didn't realize what he was saying. FTR, he did say if I would have coninuted with the oral stimulation, he would have been ok with waking up.
  #30  
Old 03-21-2004, 05:49 PM
Maastricht Maastricht is offline
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My hubby turns me down about 10-20% of the time, but usually in a gentle way. Sometimes, when we're in one of those long-lazy-Sunday-morning-in-bed-talks, I'll start to fondle him and he'll gently push away my hand, saying he wants to concentrate on the talk.

Oral sex he rarely refuses, but he sometimes will fall asleep in the middle, or just react so absentmindedly I stop after 10 minutes or so anyway.

I turn him down with about the same frequency. It's no big deal on both sides.

I used to mind when I was younger, though. I thought sex was the one way to have power over these strange creatures called "men", and if I didn't have that power, there would be no telling what they would do.
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Old 03-21-2004, 06:46 PM
bittersweet bittersweet is offline
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Female here.

I've been turned down a few times in other relationships, most frequently during the one I'm in now.

I hate being turned down - I don't deal with rejection very well.
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Old 03-21-2004, 08:47 PM
Mister Rik Mister Rik is offline
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I turned down my last girlfriend repeatedly. In fact, I never did have sex with her. And she was literally begging me for it. Constantly. But then, she was always practically begging me to beat her up, too. And I don't mean in an S&M, Dominant/submissive kind of way. She would intentionally goad me and do everything she could to make me angry enough to hit her (I never did). The girl was seriously disturbed, a fact that I didn't realize until a couple months into our relationship. She suffered from Bipolar Disorder as well as Borderline Personality Disorder, and she wouldn't take her meds. On top of that, she was severely physically abused by her mother when she was a child, and she had been raped only a few months before I met her.

I loved her, but I decided that sleeping with her would be a really bad idea.
  #33  
Old 03-21-2004, 10:59 PM
sunstone sunstone is offline
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I'm a male, and yes, I've turned it down twice in my life...which averages to once every quarter century....once I was just too tired, and the other time I actually wasn't in the "mood"...like mood normally has anything to do with it for me.

The first time, I was absolutely amazed at myself.."I turned down sex??!!??" Made me feel kinda proud of myself in a weird way...like I actually had some control over myself for once...

But I was kind in my refusal, and my wife was understanding. But a tiny (evil) part of me felt that at least she now understood how I felt. I'm not proud of that, but that's how it was.

And in spite of all that, we have learned to judge somehow, and read the other person better, so asking and refusals are very uncommon. I have to admit that I can be seduced very easily, though. Weak willed, as it were!
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