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Old 10-20-2017, 10:56 AM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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Raiders owner Mark Davis has failed to heed the admonition "Never go full retard".

Watching the Chiefs game last night, I hadn't realized Al Davis had died, or that his son owned the team now. So during the game, when they kept showing shots of him, I wondered what sort of charity case he was or what the deal was with him.

So I Googled and found this Deadspin article that just had me laughing so hard I was gasping for breath:

Quote:
Probably no haircut in human history has communicated as devastating a summation of its owner’s entire life as the insane orange Moe Howard bowl cut sported by Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis.[...]

If a sadder block of text has been written in 2015, I will take your word for it. My God, the sound that came out of me when I got to the words “puts his white fanny pack on the counter.” It was like whale song. Somebody send Mark Davis some flowers.

Here is the thing about the hair, though. Mark Davis is a frugal man, not just for a multimillionaire but also for a regular dude. He skimps on cab fare, he takes advantage of all-you-can-eat deals, he wears cornball team-store apparel, and that minivan of his (with a VHS player!) is 18 years old. For that haircut, though—the one defined by its cheapness, the one your 12-year-old sister gave you in five minutes before you ran out for baseball practice, the one brought into existence by the bare need of broke motherfuckers to get overgrown hair out of their eyes so they could see their miserable work—well[...]

... he travels 500 fucking miles to have it inflicted upon him by a professional.

Imagine what that barber says to the next customer who strolls in, as Mark Davis is on his way out. Imagine the look they exchange. Dude could get that hairdo in front of a bathroom mirror for the cost of a metal colander and a pair of kitchen shears, and he’s traveling damn near half the length of the West Coast to pay someone to do it for him. Christ. A dear friend invites me to her fucking wedding 500 miles away and it’s, “Congratulations! Where can I send a gift?” and this dude is doing it, again and again and again, so someone can make him look like a lunatic on purpose.

Why? Does that particular barber do a particularly good job of this bowl cut? What does that even mean? The best you can do when a grown man asks for a bowl cut is to convince him to turn himself in to the fucking police. That barber is a goddamn sociopath!
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  #2  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:06 AM
Greathouse Greathouse is offline
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I'm not a football fan so I had to google the guy.

Holy fuck, that is a seriously fucked up haircut. It's like the Wendy's girl and Pete Rose had a love child.
  #3  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:08 AM
BobLibDem BobLibDem is offline
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I didn't think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn't much he can do with it.
  #4  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:11 AM
Snowboarder Bo Snowboarder Bo is offline
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when I saw the pic.
  #5  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:15 AM
howye howye is offline
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He looks vaguely like Uncle Fester from the Addams Family movie when he forgot who he was and was wearing a horrible wig.
  #6  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:16 AM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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I didn't think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn't much he can do with it.
Seriously?
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  #7  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:16 AM
QuickSilver QuickSilver is offline
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This is why football related CTE's are no laughing matter.
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  #8  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:18 AM
running coach running coach is online now
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This is why football related CTE's are no laughing matter.
I didn't know they were contagious.
  #9  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:35 AM
QuickSilver QuickSilver is offline
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I didn't know they were contagious.
I assumed he was a former player, coach.
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  #10  
Old 10-20-2017, 11:56 AM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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I assumed he was a former player, coach.
Nope, just a weird neglected child of an eccentric (but far more fashion-conscious) rich NFL owner.
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  #11  
Old 10-20-2017, 12:19 PM
jz78817 jz78817 is offline
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must be something about growing up in a wealthy environment. Would explain Donald Trump and Boris Johnson as well.
  #12  
Old 10-20-2017, 12:52 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is online now
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must be something about growing up in a wealthy environment. Would explain Donald Trump and Boris Johnson as well.
As any normal person can tell you, social mockery hurts. Any normal person has had a time in their life where they were in the middle of a group of people who were all laughing at them.

But it does serve a social purpose. It teaches you, in a manner you can't ignore, what the standards of your society are. And then you either learn to comply with those standards and become part of the crowd or you learn to embrace your differences as an outsider to the crowd. Whether you follow them or defy them, you know what the rules are.

This doesn't happen when you live your life surrounded by people who can't laugh at you no matter how ridiculous you look. No matter how strange you are, you go around thinking you're normal because nobody tells you otherwise. As a result, you never learn what real normal behavior is. If at some point you enter normal society, you discover that you're an outsider but you don't understand why. I think this is why a lot of rich people end up retreating back into a social bubble.
  #13  
Old 10-20-2017, 03:06 PM
Sternvogel Sternvogel is offline
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The first sentence is truly a thing of beauty.
  #14  
Old 10-20-2017, 03:19 PM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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Oh, poor thing.

Last edited by Dung Beetle; 10-20-2017 at 03:19 PM. Reason: And bless his heart, too
  #15  
Old 10-20-2017, 03:26 PM
pulykamell pulykamell is online now
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Originally Posted by BobLibDem View Post
I didn't think it was that bad. The worst thing is the color, unless he dyes it there really isn't much he can do with it.
No, no it isn’t, I’m not a stylish guy by any stretch of the imagination, but holy fuck that cut.
  #16  
Old 10-20-2017, 04:24 PM
Kamino Neko Kamino Neko is offline
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Clearly, somebody called him a dickhead and he decided 'that's a look that could work'.
  #17  
Old 10-20-2017, 05:50 PM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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The first sentence is truly a thing of beauty.
Yeah, that guy's a great writer (that sounds like I'm a longtime fan, but this is the first thing of his I've read AFAIK). My favorite line is almost at the end: "The best you can do when a grown man asks for a bowl cut is to convince him to turn himself in to the fucking police." The fact that someone that rich not only lets himself look like that, but goes 500 miles to get it cut that way...just, no.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kamino Neko View Post
Clearly, somebody called him a dickhead and he decided 'that's a look that could work'.


ETA:

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dung Beetle View Post
Oh, poor thing.
You mean rich thing. Guy's worth $500 million!

BTW, let's not forget, in our horrified fascination with his haircut, the white fanny pack and 17-year-old minivan tricked out with a VHS player!
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Last edited by SlackerInc; 10-20-2017 at 05:55 PM.
  #18  
Old 10-21-2017, 11:19 PM
Gatopescado Gatopescado is online now
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You mean rich thing. Guy's worth $500 million!
With that kind of wad, it don't matter what he looks like. He's gettin' the pussy!
  #19  
Old 10-22-2017, 01:24 AM
dropzone dropzone is offline
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But is it the right kind of pussy? FTR, Melania Trump ain't worth the money.
  #20  
Old 10-22-2017, 02:44 AM
hajario hajario is online now
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Thank you. That article was the funniest thing that I have read in ages.
  #21  
Old 10-24-2017, 03:34 AM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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Thank you. That article was the funniest thing that I have read in ages.
Right? You're welcome. Glad to spread the joy.
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  #22  
Old 10-24-2017, 05:03 AM
R. P. McMurphy R. P. McMurphy is offline
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It's a wig for disguise. You will never see him and Harvey Weinstien in the same room together. This person, whoever he is, swings with the actresses and the jocks.
  #23  
Old 10-24-2017, 07:39 PM
Guest-starring: Id! Guest-starring: Id! is offline
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Actually I think he's kinda cute.

Well, John Bolton cute.
  #24  
Old 10-25-2017, 09:45 PM
Stringbean Stringbean is offline
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I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt but then I seen that picture ROFL.
  #25  
Old 10-25-2017, 11:13 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is online now
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I never gave much thought to Al Davis besides the occasional "Man, that dude has to be the weirdest dude alive." Then I clicked on that article, and I literally heard that picture of Mark Davis speak to me through the screen and say "Hold my milk."


The part that made me sit up with laughter: I think everybody who has beheld that ludicrous ’do already knows in their bones: That its owner is a lonely, stunted oddball whose father ignored him for the first 55 years of his life, then died.
  #26  
Old 10-25-2017, 11:16 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is online now
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It's like the dude saw Dumb & Dumber and reeeeally wanted to be Lloyd, but, deep down, he fucking knows he's Harry.

Last edited by Happy Lendervedder; 10-25-2017 at 11:17 PM.
  #27  
Old 10-26-2017, 07:21 AM
Crotalus Crotalus is offline
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I have an acquaintance who has the same haircut. His hairline is receding and the 'do is a "comb-forward" intended to disguise the hair loss.
  #28  
Old 10-26-2017, 09:13 AM
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I got my kids to join us for a midnight Christmas Eve church service (hang in there, I do have a point coming...). The cosmos rewarded them when the most egregious comb-over sat down right in front of us.

Despite the minimal effort we were putting in, we immediately started to shake the whole pew with suppressed guffaws. My son even got others to start snickering by pantomiming "Golly, his part starts way over here at this ear, and the eighteen slicked-down strands of artificially-dark hair go up, up, up... and oooover... and down to this other ear here..."

Here's the point (to all middle-aged men, myself and Mr. Davis included), as I pretended to say to the guy after he left:

You're not fooling anyone.
  #29  
Old 10-26-2017, 09:40 AM
Pleonast Pleonast is offline
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I don't think it's appropriate to mock other people's life choices that have no impact on me. Life is better when everyone can choose their own way.
  #30  
Old 10-26-2017, 09:57 AM
Guest-starring: Id! Guest-starring: Id! is offline
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Originally Posted by Pleonast View Post
I don't think it's appropriate to mock other people's life choices that have no impact on me. Life is better when everyone can choose their own way.

I'll have to counter this by saying that the impact of Mark Davis's haircut on my life has been nothing short of traumatizing and loathesome.
He's fucked everything up for me - I blame him, I blame him, I blame him.

::defiantly hurls white fanny-pack into roaring fireplace::
  #31  
Old 10-26-2017, 10:00 AM
Greathouse Greathouse is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pleonast View Post
I don't think it's appropriate to mock other people's life choices that have no impact on me. Life is better when everyone can choose their own way.
Says the guy with the fucked up chili bowl comb-over.
  #32  
Old 10-26-2017, 10:13 AM
Guest-starring: Id! Guest-starring: Id! is offline
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Raiders owner Mark Davis has failed to heed the admonition "Never go full retard".

Darn - missed the edit window.

How about going..."Never go full...Le Batard?"

https://twitter.com/lebatardshow/sta...912576?lang=en
  #33  
Old 10-26-2017, 10:40 AM
Chimera Chimera is offline
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I don't think it's appropriate to mock other people's life choices that have no impact on me. Life is better when everyone can choose their own way.
You might never know you look stupid, or you're behaving poorly, if no one tells you.
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  #34  
Old 10-26-2017, 10:46 AM
SlackerInc SlackerInc is offline
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Darn - missed the edit window.

How about going..."Never go full...Le Batard?"

https://twitter.com/lebatardshow/sta...912576?lang=en
Hah! My fave:

https://twitter.com/travisheelsfan/s...32828313026564
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