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  #1351  
Old 06-10-2019, 01:34 AM
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... Bat-Utility-Belt, when a fanny pack won't do.

And then, I'm ready to ...
  #1352  
Old 06-10-2019, 02:11 AM
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go to the cosplay venue.

I met several people dressed____.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 06-10-2019 at 02:12 AM.
  #1353  
Old 06-10-2019, 05:54 AM
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... as Batman, but really, no Batman weighs 350 pounds.

I tried to supress a laugh, but ...
  #1354  
Old 06-10-2019, 06:46 AM
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someone dressed as the Joker swept me off my feet.

We had a wonderful time even though.....
  #1355  
Old 06-10-2019, 08:46 AM
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the doctor today says the resulting infection may be antibiotic resistant.

I guess the lesson here is...
  #1356  
Old 06-10-2019, 09:39 AM
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some people just want to watch the world burn.

The cosplay conventions will be in for a rude awakening when.....
  #1357  
Old 06-10-2019, 11:13 PM
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behold, I finally gain the power of mind control!

Telekinesis, on the other hand, is really....
  #1358  
Old 06-10-2019, 11:27 PM
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... moving.

The movie Carrie was actually ...
  #1359  
Old 06-11-2019, 06:53 AM
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... a commercial for dry cleaner products.

Why on earth would anyone in their right mind...
  #1360  
Old 06-11-2019, 08:22 AM
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hire a lawyer?

No parent ever wants to.....
  #1361  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:32 PM
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... lose their child at an amusement park.

The children, on the other hand, just want ...
  #1362  
Old 06-11-2019, 10:58 PM
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to eat enough cotton candy to be spectacularly ill.

When my niece Brunhilde ate three big bags of cotton candy and then went on the Tilt-A-Whirl, you would not....
  #1363  
Old 06-12-2019, 12:39 AM
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... believe the range she got when she got sick.

Hell, it went so far that ...
  #1364  
Old 06-12-2019, 08:00 AM
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...she won a blue ribbon in the watermelon seed spitting contest despite the fact she wasn't even technically a participant.

The other great thing about amusement parks and county fairs is......
  #1365  
Old 06-12-2019, 08:24 AM
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running into Jehovah's Witnesses.

But I was banned from riding in the bumper cars after.....
  #1366  
Old 06-12-2019, 10:32 PM
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Brunhilde drove off in one and wouldn't bring it back.

She's quite a feisty little girl; one time she even....
  #1367  
Old 06-12-2019, 11:49 PM
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... hijacked one of the planes from the Kiddieland Airplane Ride.

But that doesn't compare to when she ...
  #1368  
Old 06-13-2019, 02:09 AM
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marched into the beer garden with her candy cigarettes.

She was mad I'd had her attend a concert featuring.....

Last edited by Covfefe; 06-13-2019 at 02:10 AM.
  #1369  
Old 06-13-2019, 06:56 PM
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Josie and the Pussycats.

She would’ve preferred
  #1370  
Old 06-13-2019, 07:33 PM
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...taking her pet yak to a concert by the Hu, a Mongolian Heavy Metal Throat-Singing band she found on YouTube when, in searching for the "Shoop Shoop Song," Brunhilde mistakenly typed "Shoog Shoog."

Typos have led to many an interesting find, such as....
  #1371  
Old 06-13-2019, 10:32 PM
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Brunhilde's inadvertently naughty transposition of letters in my draft Facebook posting about "all the motherufcking sankes on this motherufcking plnae."

I keep asking her not to mess around with my FB account, but....
  #1372  
Old 06-13-2019, 11:45 PM
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maybe she can't hear, since I only instruct her not to do things while she is asleep.

It's not that I'm timid, I just have.....
  #1373  
Old 06-14-2019, 02:40 AM
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Don't like the kid.

I'm officially announcing my______.
  #1374  
Old 06-14-2019, 03:17 AM
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^^^^ Presidential campaign based on getting all Media providers to use the same effing channel numbers as everyone else.

When I lose, I'll definitely have to...

Last edited by Locrian; 06-14-2019 at 03:17 AM.
  #1375  
Old 06-14-2019, 03:32 AM
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leave SDMB forever out of shame and disgrace.

Oh well, maybe I could buy out the site and convert these forums to.....
  #1376  
Old 06-15-2019, 12:10 AM
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...the Church of the SubGenius.

Or perhaps to a belief in....
  #1377  
Old 06-15-2019, 12:15 AM
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the divinity of Orson Bean, as all right-thinking people surely accept in their hearts.

The last time I mentioned Orson Bean around here, .....
  #1378  
Old 06-15-2019, 02:05 AM
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an Andrew Breitbart colleague (so they claimed!) offered me an internship.

Actually, this person turned out to be.....
  #1379  
Old 06-17-2019, 03:01 AM
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Sean Bean.

I love english comedy because____.
  #1380  
Old 06-17-2019, 06:00 AM
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it's more palatable than Neil Hamburger.

The only funny thing Australia ever gave the world is.....
  #1381  
Old 06-17-2019, 02:38 PM
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...an uncanny feeling of déjà vu.

The infobahn is redolent with...
  #1382  
Old 06-18-2019, 01:22 AM
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... fake news.

So when I want real news ...
  #1383  
Old 06-18-2019, 01:58 AM
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I make it up in my head.

The rumor mill is like______.

Last edited by Beckdawrek; 06-18-2019 at 01:58 AM.
  #1384  
Old 06-18-2019, 02:12 AM
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...a truculent stray dog: it bites the hand that feeds it.

Pet owners often tout...
  #1385  
Old 06-19-2019, 02:52 PM
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breath mints.

My breath is extremely.....
  #1386  
Old 06-19-2019, 04:53 PM
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... minty.

That doesn't help when I drink ...
  #1387  
Old 06-19-2019, 05:47 PM
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Hot chocolate. Mint hot chocolate. Yum!


I just invented that. Aren't you_____.
  #1388  
Old 06-20-2019, 12:13 AM
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...a regular in the gallery of Judge Judy?

I was on Judge Judy once. I got sued by my business partner because...
  #1389  
Old 06-20-2019, 01:18 AM
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... I didn't believe, as he did, that the terms of the written contract could be changed by a voice mail message.

But, as Judge Judy told him, ...
  #1390  
Old 06-20-2019, 02:24 AM
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the writing is on the wall.

My counter claim was unsuccessful because.....
  #1391  
Old 06-20-2019, 10:47 PM
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...it exceeded the pecuniary limits of the jurisdiction of the court.

When it comes to putting a curb on...
  #1392  
Old 06-20-2019, 11:15 PM
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... the sidewalk, Joe's Contracting does a pretty good job.

But you don't want to get Joe to ...
  #1393  
Old 06-20-2019, 11:30 PM
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renovate a room where you keep your books.

One time he took my thesaurus home with him and after that.....
  #1394  
Old 06-21-2019, 12:38 AM
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...my participation in SDMB Thread Games was described as the greatest linguistic debacle.

I may not be apt...
  #1395  
Old 06-22-2019, 11:35 PM
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...to tell a tree from a streetlight

But I sure as hell know the difference between a booger and …
  #1396  
Old 06-23-2019, 07:44 AM
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... an Ogre.

"Revenge of the Nerds" is one movie that ...
  #1397  
Old 06-25-2019, 09:38 AM
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my own sweet time in writing this post, but Sarge just said we gotta go run around the base with rifles and full packs again.

Nobody ever told me that boot camp....
  #1398  
Old 06-25-2019, 11:35 PM
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... had more footwear options than just boots.

For example, in the shower, boots are apparently inappropriate, so ...
  #1399  
Old 06-26-2019, 01:42 PM
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...the head honcho recommends flip-flops and vouches for their efficiency.

He also exhorts...
  #1400  
Old 06-27-2019, 11:06 PM
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... athletic shoes for the gym.

But athletic shoes are entirely inappropriate when ...
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