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  #49751  
Old 02-16-2017, 08:15 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
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The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
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  #49752  
Old 02-16-2017, 10:27 PM
gkster gkster is online now
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The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
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  #49753  
Old 02-16-2017, 11:00 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
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  #49754  
Old 02-16-2017, 11:28 PM
Nonsuch Nonsuch is offline
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Location: Portland, OR, USA
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The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
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  #49755  
Old 02-17-2017, 03:41 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 37,049
The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets.
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  #49756  
Old 02-17-2017, 06:11 AM
jtur88 jtur88 is online now
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Join Date: Aug 2011
The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
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  #49757  
Old 02-17-2017, 06:19 AM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 37,049
The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.

(Fixed.)

Last edited by panache45; 02-17-2017 at 06:19 AM..
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  #49758  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:07 AM
astorian astorian is offline
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Join Date: Apr 1999
The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
10. A Democrat actually voted to confirm one of Trump's Cabinet picks! (Nah, that's too implausible.)
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  #49759  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:08 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Location: New Jersey
Posts: 42,639
TV fictional characters with big egos:

1. Denny Crane (Boston Legal)
2. Detective Luger (Barney Miller)
3. Reggie Mantle (The Archies)
4. Arthur Fonzarelli (Happy Days)
5. Q (Star Trek)
6. Charles Emerson Winchester III (MASH)
7. Toby Ziegler (The West Wing)
8. Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory)
9. Capt. James T. Kirk (Star Trek)
10. Ted Baxter (Mary Tyler Moore Show)
11. Hyacinth Bucket (That's "Bouquet," in Keeping Up Appearances)
12. Blanche Devereaux (Golden Girls)
13. Dr. Frasier Crane (Frasier)

How did this list NOT include Dr. Gregory House???

In play:

he next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
10. Melania started life out as Martin Crane, a man. And never had surgery in his/her life!

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-17-2017 at 08:09 AM..
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  #49760  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:51 AM
Intergalactic Gladiator Intergalactic Gladiator is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 8,211
he next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
10. Melania started life out as Martin Crane, a man. And never had surgery in his/her life!
11. Trump holds a press conference and not once talks about election numbers or his brand and instead apologizes for running on a campaign designed to mobilize fear and hatred, denounces the neo-Nazis that are supporting him, and declares that he will dedicate his term to cleaning up the environment and ensuring that affordable healthcare is available to everyone.
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  #49761  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:56 AM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 42,639
he next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
10. Melania started life out as Martin Crane, a man. And never had surgery in his/her life!
11. Trump holds a press conference and not once talks about election numbers or his brand and instead apologizes for running on a campaign designed to mobilize fear and hatred, denounces the neo-Nazis that are supporting him, and declares that he will dedicate his term to cleaning up the environment and ensuring that affordable healthcare is available to everyone.
12. Trump declares himself Das Fuhrer (totally believable) and then hands over total power to Hillary (NOT!)

Last edited by Annie-Xmas; 02-17-2017 at 08:56 AM..
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  #49762  
Old 02-17-2017, 09:23 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
The next Trump White House bombshell

1. Barron Trump busted for dealing heroin.
2. Trump announces that if any states want to secede, he's okay with it.
3. Melania runs away with Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche to get married in Holland.
4. U.S. suffers a major terrorist attack; Trump responds by reiterating how he won the election.
5. Ivanka Trump takes over the East Room as a store showroom for her line of clothing, shoes and purses.
6. Tunnel discovered from Russian Embassy to Oval Office
7. Trump signs executive order declaring The New York Times fake news
8. Trump mistakenly builds wall along the Hudson River. New Yorkers and New Jerseyites dance in the streets
9. Trumps pick for National Security Adviser declines, wants to spend more time with his family.
10. Melania started life out as Martin Crane, a man. And never had surgery in his/her life!
11. Trump holds a press conference and not once talks about election numbers or his brand and instead apologizes for running on a campaign designed to mobilize fear and hatred, denounces the neo-Nazis that are supporting him, and declares that he will dedicate his term to cleaning up the environment and ensuring that affordable healthcare is available to everyone.
12. Trump declares himself Das Fuhrer (totally believable) and then hands over total power to Hillary (NOT!)
13. Chris Christie is appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court.


New! Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
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  #49763  
Old 02-17-2017, 09:30 AM
Thin Ice Thin Ice is offline
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Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
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  #49764  
Old 02-17-2017, 09:33 AM
Intergalactic Gladiator Intergalactic Gladiator is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Chicago
Posts: 8,211
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta

Last edited by Intergalactic Gladiator; 02-17-2017 at 09:33 AM..
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  #49765  
Old 02-17-2017, 09:48 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
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  #49766  
Old 02-17-2017, 10:40 AM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
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  #49767  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:15 AM
quiltguy quiltguy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 963
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
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  #49768  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:19 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
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  #49769  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:40 AM
Tangent Tangent is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2002
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
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  #49770  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:45 AM
Dendarii Dame Dendarii Dame is offline
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Join Date: May 2011
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
9) Nikki Glaser
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  #49771  
Old 02-17-2017, 12:00 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
9) Nikki Glaser
10) Pam Stone
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  #49772  
Old 02-17-2017, 12:07 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
9) Nikki Glaser
10) Pam Stone
11) Roseanne Barr
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  #49773  
Old 02-17-2017, 02:56 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Location: North Coast
Posts: 67,426
Quote:
Originally Posted by Prof. Pepperwinkle View Post
The next Trump White House bombshell

...13. Chris Christie is appointed Chief Justice of the Supreme Court....
Nitpick: it's "Chief Justice of the United States."

Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
9) Nikki Glaser
10) Pam Stone
11) Roseanne Barr
12) Sarah Silverman
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  #49774  
Old 02-17-2017, 04:04 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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Join Date: Apr 1999
Stand-up comediennes, past or present

1) Rita Rudner
2) Joan Rivers
3) Judy Tenuta
4) Elayne Boosler
5) Totie Fields
6) Monica Piper
7) Phyllis Diller
8) Paula Poundstone
9) Nikki Glaser
10) Pam Stone
11) Roseanne Barr
12) Sarah Silverman
13) Wanda Sykes

Next: Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
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  #49775  
Old 02-17-2017, 04:30 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
Next: Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
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  #49776  
Old 02-17-2017, 04:31 PM
bordelond bordelond is offline
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Next: Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet

Last edited by bordelond; 02-17-2017 at 04:32 PM.. Reason: fixed numbering
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  #49777  
Old 02-17-2017, 06:29 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Coast
Posts: 67,426
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
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  #49778  
Old 02-17-2017, 06:43 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 37,049
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
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  #49779  
Old 02-17-2017, 07:25 PM
Thin Ice Thin Ice is offline
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Join Date: May 2003
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
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  #49780  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:14 PM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
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  #49781  
Old 02-17-2017, 08:36 PM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
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  #49782  
Old 02-17-2017, 10:08 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2002
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
9) Henry Youngman: Violin
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  #49783  
Old 02-17-2017, 10:18 PM
jtur88 jtur88 is online now
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
9) Henry Youngman: Violin
10) Orson Bean -- Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree
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  #49784  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:08 PM
Little Nemo Little Nemo is offline
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Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Western New York
Posts: 71,715
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
9) Henry Youngman: Violin
10) Orson Bean -- Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree
11) Tommy Cooper: Fez
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  #49785  
Old 02-17-2017, 11:38 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Coast
Posts: 67,426
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
9) Henry Youngman: Violin
10) Orson Bean -- Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree
11) Tommy Cooper: Fez
12) Dean Martin - martini and cigarette
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  #49786  
Old 02-18-2017, 06:28 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
Props Associated With Standup Comedians

1) Judy Tenuta: Accordion
2) Jack Benny: Violin
3) Gallagher: Giant mallet
4) Steve Martin: Banjo and gag arrow-through-the-head
5) Rip Taylor: Confetti
6) Will Rogers: Lariat
7) Groucho Marx: Cigar and painted mustache
8) Bob Hope: Golf club
9) Henry Youngman: Violin
10) Orson Bean -- Newspaper Eucalyptus Tree
11) Tommy Cooper: Fez
12) Dean Martin - martini and cigarette
13) Kevin Meaney - microphone

New! One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
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  #49787  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:06 AM
Mean Mr. Mustard Mean Mr. Mustard is online now
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Join Date: Dec 2009
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
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  #49788  
Old 02-18-2017, 07:47 AM
jtur88 jtur88 is online now
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Join Date: Aug 2011
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland

Last edited by jtur88; 02-18-2017 at 07:47 AM..
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  #49789  
Old 02-18-2017, 02:59 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Coast
Posts: 67,426
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln

When accused by a political foe of being "two-faced."
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  #49790  
Old 02-18-2017, 03:28 PM
astorian astorian is offline
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Join Date: Apr 1999
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
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  #49791  
Old 02-18-2017, 04:36 PM
quiltguy quiltguy is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 963
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx

Said in response to a contestant on his game show who was the father of 10. Probably his all-time best one-liner.
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  #49792  
Old 02-18-2017, 08:15 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 37,049
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
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  #49793  
Old 02-18-2017, 10:30 PM
Sampiro Sampiro is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
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  #49794  
Old 02-18-2017, 10:53 PM
Elendil's Heir Elendil's Heir is offline
SDSAB
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: North Coast
Posts: 67,426
Quote:
Originally Posted by quiltguy View Post
One-liners or zingers

...6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx

Said in response to a contestant on his game show who was the father of 10. Probably his all-time best one-liner.
The Perfect Master sez probably not: http://www.straightdope.com/columns/...lib-on-the-air

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sampiro View Post
One-liners or zingers

...8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
Maybe, maybe not: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/09/08/dog/

One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
9) He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
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  #49795  
Old 02-18-2017, 10:58 PM
jtur88 jtur88 is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2011
Maybe, maybe not: http://quoteinvestigator.com/2010/09/08/dog/

One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
9) He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
10) "Shut up", he explained. -- Ring Lardner
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  #49796  
Old 02-19-2017, 07:48 AM
Dendarii Dame Dendarii Dame is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2011
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
9) He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
10) "Shut up", he explained. -- Ring Lardner
11) Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett
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  #49797  
Old 02-19-2017, 08:52 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
9) He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
10) "Shut up", he explained. -- Ring Lardner
11) Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett
12) Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen
Reply With Quote
  #49798  
Old 02-19-2017, 10:50 AM
quiltguy quiltguy is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 963
One-liners or zingers

1) If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. - Dorothy Parker
2) I've had a lovely evening. It wasn't tonight, but I've had a lovely evening. - Groucho Marx
3) If hard work were such a wonderful thing, the rich would keep it all to themselves -- Labor leader Lane Kirkland
4) If I had two faces, do you think I'd be wearing this one? - Abraham Lincoln
5) Listen, Shorty- and I don't mean your height... -Pudgie
6) I love my cigar, but I take it out of my mouth once in a while. - Groucho Marx
7) Tell him I was too fucking busy -- or vice versa. - Dorothy Parker
8) Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx
9) He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces. - Mark Twain
10) "Shut up", he explained. -- Ring Lardner
11) Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it. - Terry Pratchett
12) Having sex is like bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand. - Woody Allen
13) As nervous as a Christian Scientist with appendicitis. - Tom Lehrer

A beautiful, warmish sunny day, in the middle of Winter, deserves a ride in the country, and to top it off, a great meal. Gimme' a meal for such a splendid day.
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  #49799  
Old 02-19-2017, 11:57 AM
Prof. Pepperwinkle Prof. Pepperwinkle is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Chateau Pepperwinkle
Posts: 43,276
A beautiful, warmish sunny day, in the middle of Winter, deserves a ride in the country, and to top it off, a great meal. Gimme' a meal for such a splendid day.

1) Filet mignon, baked potato, steamed asparagus, hot buns with orange butter, sliced beets, hot sliced carrots, chocolate cake, iced tea.
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  #49800  
Old 02-19-2017, 03:17 PM
Annie-Xmas Annie-Xmas is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 42,639
A beautiful, warmish sunny day, in the middle of Winter, deserves a ride in the country, and to top it off, a great meal. Gimme' a meal for such a splendid day.

1) Filet mignon, baked potato, steamed asparagus, hot buns with orange butter, sliced beets, hot sliced carrots, chocolate cake, iced tea.
2) Vegetable lasagna, garlic bread, sweet potato fries, pumpkin cheesecake and lots of good hot strong creamy sweet coffee.
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