Songs for a not-so-beautiful life partner

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by April R

How about you let her read this thread and I can guarantee you won't have to worry about finding a love song anymore, realistic or otherwise.........

Well some people forgive those who have had affairs.... though when talking with a pastor she said that she wouldn't forgive an affair... one of the main things she is looking for is "loyalty". Well it's still her that I want most of all. Her and her amazing love and affection despite what her belly looks like when it is naked. If someone gave me a large enough sum of money I'd let her read this thread.

BTW I did let her read another thread I wrote a while ago. She got angry at the responses I got - especially one that said to run away from her. She told me that she preferred if I didn't go on that messageboard.

[prettydorky]

I just don't understand why you feel the need to point out to a woman, in song, that you are not that attracted to her. At her wedding, no less. Ok, ok, you're all about the "honesty"... but this doesn't seem honest, it just seems mean. Bordering on abusive, in fact. Surely there will be people in attendance who would pick up on the theme as song after song plays about unattractive women. Maybe even the poor bride. Can you imagine second cousins snickering as your new husband dedicates a song to you about how you're not attractive, but you're good enough? Jeez. There is a reason that love songs don't contain the dodgy sentiments you are looking for.

Why don't you just let her pick the playlist and be done with it?

[April R]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

O


You hardly know how matched we are. BTW a previous boyfriend of hers was a mormon and wanted other wives, etc.
.

WOAH buddy, back the f up...now I know you are lying. First of all I am Mormon, and second of all I am married to a Mormon and if a true follower of Mormonism was to ever have multiple spouses they would be excommunicated from the church Tout de suite. So stop telling fibs and just keep on keepin on about your shallow attitude and obvious woman-hatred you are taking out on your girlfriend.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by April R

WOAH buddy, back the f up...now I know you are lying. First of all I am Mormon, and second of all I am married to a Mormon and if a true follower of Mormonism was to ever have multiple spouses they would be excommunicated from the church Tout de suite. So stop telling fibs and just keep on keepin on about your shallow attitude and obvious woman-hatred you are taking out on your girlfriend.

Even if I mentioned something on this board that wasn't a fact, it doesn't prove that her or I were lying about hearing about it from someone else.

BTW:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mormonism_and_polygamy

Who says the boyfriend was a "true follower of Mormonism"? I never claimed that so you didn't prove I was lying.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by prettydorky

I just don't understand why you feel the need to point out to a woman, in song, that you are not that attracted to her. At her wedding, no less. Ok, ok, you're all about the "honesty"... but this doesn't seem honest, it just seems mean. Bordering on abusive, in fact. Surely there will be people in attendance who would pick up on the theme as song after song plays about unattractive women. Maybe even the poor bride. Can you imagine second cousins snickering as your new husband dedicates a song to you about how you're not attractive, but you're good enough? Jeez. There is a reason that love songs don't contain the dodgy sentiments you are looking for.

What about Bad English's "When I See You Smile"? I'd consider that a love song. It doesn't say that she is beautiful in every imaginable way....

I just don't understand why you feel the need to point out to a woman, in song, that you are not that attracted to her.

Having an absence of something is different from explicitly stating an absence something. e.g. a song that didn't mention a person's like of some ethnic group is different to a song that explicitly says "I don't like white people".

Why don't you just let her pick the playlist and be done with it?

Well we're going to be dancing for a few minutes in front of a few dozen people - and I'd like to feel an emotional connection while doing it.

[JohnClay]

BTW something I got to mention is that we sometimes joke about being good or naughty. We also give each other smacks.... and play around and she threatens smacks on messages and also threatens giving me the biggest kiss of my life.

[JohnClay]

I started a thread for people who dislike me to explain it some more:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...php?p=15532065

[Blackberry]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

http://www.bobandmarlene.com/the4horsemen.pdf

No actual idea wtf you're getting at here.

And I wasn't "simultaneously" being lovely-dovey.... I didn't say "I love every cute little bit of you, you ugly slob"

You're simultaneously holding a coldly critical view of her and saying obnoxiously lovey-dovey things. Jesus. It's like you're completely unable to decipher the overall meaning of what anyone is saying.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Blackberry

....You're simultaneously holding a coldly critical view of her and saying obnoxiously lovey-dovey things. Jesus. It's like you're completely unable to decipher the overall meaning of what anyone is saying.

The "coldly critical view of her" is regarding her exposed belly. I meant that her affection was "sweeter than all of the sugar in the universe". That doesn't apply to every aspect of her physical body. e.g. her tears are probably salty rather than sickly sweet and her private parts might be a bit fishy though fortunately she thinks oral sex is gross. Her anus would taste like poo and I don't find it that attractive.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Blackberry

No actual idea wtf you're getting at here.

Because of that one example I too could claim that "It's like you're completely unable to decipher the overall meaning of what anyone is saying".

Anyway about that link:
http://www.bobandmarlene.com/the4horsemen.pdf

It mentions a guy I've promoted in this thread - Dr John Gottman...

....studied more than 2,000 married couples over two decades. He discovered patterns about how partners relate to each other which can be used to predict – with 94% accuracy – which marriages will succeed and which will fail....

You were claiming I was "coldly critical"... well I'm saying that truly being "coldly critical" involves explicitly talking that way... e.g.

- Insults and name calling: “bitch, bastard, wimp, fat, stupid, ugly, slob, lazy…”
- Hostile humor, sarcasm or mockery

I misunderstood you about what simultaneously meant.

BTW what about this scenario - someone asking you whether they looked fat in some pants and you thinking that they do... (note your true gut reaction in this example is that they look fat)
Which is worse? Saying "yes I think you look fat in those pants" or "you look fine" or "you look great"?

[wayward]

So are we still suggesting songs or what?

Slightly Imperfect Girl - Jay Foreman

[JohnClay]

Yeah carry on....

[Gyrate]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

Her anus would taste like poo and I don't find it that attractive.

Sig line!

Er...for someone else.

[grude]

Shania Twain - You're Still The One

No mention anywhere in the song of physical beauty, was my wedding song(shut up my wife picked it)

[JohnClay]

Also:

- She's a good singer and used to be in a choir. When the weekly ending theme of our favorite show is on she often sings it passionately with her eyes closed - I find it funny

- She's good at sexy club-type dancing

- I like it when she quietly moans in bed

- she calls me funny things like her "fish finger"

- she's good at driving and drives a lot of people around (though I have a car I keep it at my parent's house and get the bus)

[Blackberry]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

BTW what about this scenario - someone asking you whether they looked fat in some pants and you thinking that they do... (note your true gut reaction in this example is that they look fat)
Which is worse? Saying "yes I think you look fat in those pants" or "you look fine" or "you look great"?

How about, "Well, to be honest I think the fit of that other pair was really flattering on you."

You seem to have about as much tact as a rhinoceros. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent.

[Kimstu]

Originally Posted by Blackberry

[...] tact [...] doesn't come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent.

This, I think, is the OP's core problem.

JohnClay, if you had opened this thread with a request like "Hey, I need some suggestions for more 'realistic'-type love songs for my upcoming wedding, because I love my fiancee the way she is but I don't feel an emotional connection with exaggerated over-the-top 'you're-the-most-beautiful-goddesschick-in-the-entire-history-of-the-universe' lyrics", I think you'd have had more success.

But you started out by firmly emphasizing that she's "not so beautiful", that she's not "all you've ever wanted", that "there are some aspects of her appearance that really repulse" you. Naturally, you came across as being kind of a jerk or just not that into her.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Blackberry

.....You seem to have about as much tact as a rhinoceros. It doesn't come naturally to everyone, but it can be learned to some extent.

On this messageboard I'm trying to get right to the point. I can't be bothered trying to state everything in the best possible light like a spin doctor.
Of course I discuss these kinds of matters with a lot more tact than I do here.... e.g. I don't go into the details of everything I am discussing here with her.... maybe I will in the future though. I've already told her that I've been to prostitutes and that I originally broke up with her because I "didn't love her enough"... see that was tactful - I didn't say that I broke up with her because I felt bad calling her "beautiful" due to her large belly. BTW she thinks that I broke up with her because I was "unwell" at the time. I don't really agree but I don't have a problem letting her think that.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Kimstu

This, I think, is the OP's core problem.

JohnClay, if you had opened this thread with a request like "Hey, I need some suggestions for more 'realistic'-type love songs.....

Ok I see your point... there are ways to be more likable and seem more normal on the Internet. But I hadn't thought that much about reframing the issues in order to make them seem typical since I have no previous experience with relationships. I also have hardly any experience of other people having relationships and their core issues.

[Soylent Juicy]

Listen. I don't care how unattractive, fat-bellied, whatever someone is - on their wedding day they are the most beautiful woman in the world. On that ONE DAY of a woman's life she gets to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

Shut the hell up and give her that. Every woman deserves it. One freakin' day of feeling like and being told she's beautiful.

[Tangent]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

- she calls me funny things like her "fish finger"

This is when we need the puking smiley.

[Bridget Burke]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

Many of those "arranged marriages" were marriages in name only. In places where arranged marriages are common, divorce is usually frowned upon, and often couples lead their own separate lives. Some of them have lovers on the side.


This is becoming surreal. It's like the Twilight Zone.

I've known a couple of people in "arranged" marriages. They are professionals, now living & working in the USA. When they were ready to marry, their parents arranged introductions to eligible candidates; the final decision remained with the couple in question. In other words, these were not children meeting their mates on their wedding day. From what I've seen, the success rates for these marriages aren't bad.

However, there are certain standards--like health, education & employability--that the candidates must meet....

[Shmendrik]

Originally Posted by Soylent Juicy

Listen. I don't care how unattractive, fat-bellied, whatever someone is - on their wedding day they are the most beautiful woman in the world. On that ONE DAY of a woman's life she gets to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

Shut the hell up and give her that. Every woman deserves it. One freakin' day of feeling like and being told she's beautiful.

Mitchell and Webb have an interesting take on that.

[Thylacine]

The OP is very literal but love songs are usually lateral. I can see the disconnect and marriages have been based on "I do" really meaning "you'll do" for milennia. Most people have censors from stopping them worrying about the other side of the balance sheet publicly but the OP is wired a little differently as is hid wife to be. I suspect the OP doesn't understand that the wedding guests don't think like he does and won't be jumping to their feet calling him a liar if he calls his Bride beautiful but if he feels like a liar then he should find an alternative.

My fave romantic song is Allelujah by Fairground Attraction, no mention of looks

"But your smile is a prayer that prays for love
And your heart is a kite that longs to fly
Allelujah here I am
Let's cut the strings tonight

And we'll kiss the first of a million kisses"

[Guinastasia]

JohnClay, you said the Bad English song really touched you, so I think you should just go with that. And then maybe something instrumental for your first dance, perhaps?

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

JohnClay, you said the Bad English song really touched you, so I think you should just go with that. And then maybe something instrumental for your first dance, perhaps?

I haven't been to a wedding reception since I was a little boy but anyway according to Internet sites I've visited, songs with lyrics are often used for the first dance. I'd rather dance to a very touching song that has lyrics. BTW about the only instrumental song I've felt emotional with is Handel's "Largo" from "Xerxes" which was played a lot in the movie "Bad Boy Bubby".
Here are some scenes from perhaps my favorite movie - "Bad Boy Bubby"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iBnBxSuNBNU

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Thylacine

The OP is very literal but love songs are usually lateral. I can see the disconnect and marriages have been based on "I do" really meaning "you'll do" for milennia.

BTW for my vow the pastor isn't including "in the presence of God"... but she is for my fiance.

...calling him a liar if he calls his Bride beautiful...

Well my mum says to my fiance how beautiful she is...

but if he feels like a liar then he should find an alternative...

Yeah... like attractive, cute, "lovely", etc. Beautiful isn't quite so bad as "gorgeous" though. Well perhaps I can honestly say he's gorgeous if I'm focusing on certain bits of her apperance.

[Guinastasia]

Well, there are old songs like "Stardust", or "Starlight Serenade", from the 1940s.

[Guinastasia]

Or here's an idea: let HER pick a song. After all, it's her wedding too. (And if it's one you don't agree with, bite your tongue and suck it up. As someone mentioned it above, let her feel like she's beautiful for one fucking day, especially on her goddamned wedding day)

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by Guinastasia

Or here's an idea: let HER pick a song. After all, it's her wedding too. (And if it's one you don't agree with, bite your tongue and suck it up.

I asked her and she just said "I'm not sure" and asked me what I'd choose. I said maybe "When I see you smile" or "Nothing's gonna stop us now". She seemed fine with that.

As someone mentioned it above, let her feel like she's beautiful for one fucking day, especially on her goddamned wedding day)

Having a smile I love is kind of beautiful....

[BigT]

I don't know whether to be upset at the people who didn't learn from the previous thread, or happy that most of the people in this thread are actually answering his question rather than using their ignorance, applying their intuition based on interaction between the neurotypical rather than thinking about the situation rationally.

The OP has given us no reason to think he's actually a jerk. Sure, he has one jerkish characteristic--his bluntness--but that's the one thing that is most easily explained by his personality disorder. There is no way this woman doesn't know about his personality disorder, as there's no way this guy can hide it. If she's willing to put up with a guy who says these things, why do you think you have the right to tell him that he shouldn't marry her? Why do you know better than her?

These are two equal partners, two consenting adults. You have no right to tell them not to get married than you would some stranger off the street. Or, to hopefully make this hit home, than any homophobe has the right to tell two people of the same sex that they shouldn't get married.

But, still, kudos to those who have not got caught up in the bashfest. As a mentally ill person myself, I thank you for being open minded.

[JohnClay]

Well it turned out that my fiance was beautiful at the wedding. Her dress was extremely flattering and elegant and I liked her fairly natural looking makeup and her french twist hairstyle with some bits of hair in the front. Here is the end part of my speech:

And finally to my beautiful loving wife who's nice but sometimes naughty, responsible but sometimes playful, thank you for agreeing to marry me. I love you so much.

[Eliahna]

Congratulations John Clay and Mrs Clay. All the best to you both.

[DonLogan]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

On this messageboard I'm trying to get right to the point.

Lol.

Be sure to post links to your wedding pictures, OK?

[Zsofia]

Seriously, congratulations.

ETA - if anybody was waiting with bated breath, we've decided to go with "That's How Strong My Love Is", Otis Redding.

[JohnClay]

Originally Posted by DonLogan

....Be sure to post links to your wedding pictures, OK?

Well this is all I'm willing to release:
http://www.freeimagehosting.net/t/jpde5.jpg

[Lucky 13]

I didn't want to participate in this thread because of the negative comments. I just wanted to add a suggestion - the wedding is over (congratulations!), but I just thought of a song that expresses the feelings of a man for a woman without mentioning her appearance. It's "Right Down the Line" by Gerry Rafferty. It has been a favorite of mine for many years since I heard it as a kid. In it, the narrator shows his appreciation for his girlfriend/wife for sticking by him through hard times. I hope some day I meet a man who sees fit to dedicate this song to me.

[Maserschmidt]

Originally Posted by JohnClay

Well this is all I'm willing to release:
http://www.freeimagehosting.net/t/jpde5.jpg

I'm not trying to be funny, but I am confused by the proportions of your face.

[ThelmaLou]

Originally Posted by Maserschmidt

I'm not trying to be funny, but I am confused by the proportions of your face.

Yeah, there's definitely something weird going on there with the face on the left. The nose and mouth aren't in the correct place relative to each other.

[Deegeea]

This thread reminds me a lot of "The Language of Love" by Robert Sheckley.

In it a man struggles to convey the absolutely accurate description of his feelings for his fiancee. He ends up traveling many worlds and eventually learning to really do so... with results probably predictable, but nevertheless funny =D

I can't find it online free, but you can buy the ebook Store of the Worlds for 3.99 on Google, or from Amazon 3.99 on the kindle. http://www.amazon.com/Store-Worlds-S...dp/B005FG0ZEK/ It contains stories listed here as well http://nyrbclassics.tumblr.com/post/...obert-sheckley Definitely worth the $4 if I didn't already own most of them in old paperbacks

[handsomeharry]

Originally Posted by ThelmaLou

Yeah, there's definitely something weird going on there with the face on the left. The nose and mouth aren't in the correct place relative to each other.

I'm just grateful that we didn't see any tongues.