The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > The BBQ Pit

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 11-22-2001, 06:57 PM
Vinnie Virginslayer Vinnie Virginslayer is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Every fucking year it is the same shit with this guy:

Fox broadcasts an NFL game on Thanksgiving. Cameras show a six legged turkey being prepared in John Madden's bus (because this freak has been afraid to fly his entire career). See, John is a big fat fuck, so he loves food, get it? HAHAHAHHA!!!!!!!!!!!

Then, towards the end of the game, they wheel out ths stupid, mutant, dried up cold turkey from the Maddenmobile to the Silverdome so they can award the Turkey Leg to the player of the game. Like, after playing a hard game of football, this poor slob is going pass on the Gatorade to eat a disgusting old diseased TURKEY LEG???

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! THAT IS SO FUNNY JOHN, LIKE . . .20 fucking years ago when you started this crap????

But even worse is when the Big Blowhard and that old drunk Pat Summerall broadcast from Green Bay, and OF COURSE, there's constant TV shots of Madden in the parking lot sampling some of the crappy, greasy bratwurst all his fellow fatso Cheesehead tailgaters in Wisconsin woof down. EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME THEY DO THIS ON FOX. See John is a fat tub of shit, so this is funny . . .he likes food . . .GET IT? HAHAHAHAHHAAAA!!!! I'M HOLDING MY RIBS!

Madden . .you were slightly amusing in the early 1980s. Now, everyone is John Madden, and the game has passed you by.

John Madden and Pat Summerall . . .please, please go away.
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 11-22-2001, 08:41 PM
Read Icculus Read Icculus is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Nice job Vinnie - I agree 100% What about Berman? If I hear "He could go all...," or, "Back Back Back," or, when Mike Alstott runs the ball.... "Bfft, Bfft, Diit, Bifft..."
once more.....
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 11-22-2001, 09:02 PM
Oblong Oblong is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
I noticed today that Brett Favre did his best not to eat it. He looked at Green taking a bite, started to take a bite, then said hello to his kids, hoping the camera would go off in time. I think he finally put his mouth on it but never did bite.
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 11-22-2001, 09:08 PM
DPWhite DPWhite is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2001
Location: Walnut Creek, California
Posts: 1,367
Think volume control.
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 11-22-2001, 11:25 PM
Duck Duck Goose Duck Duck Goose is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2000
Bah. You got it easy. My local paper did a full-page four-color spread on the turkey leg thing. Slow news day. Oog.

like, nothing else happened anywhere on Planet Earth that was worth putting in the paper, instead of the turkey leg thing?
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 11-23-2001, 12:18 AM
Manduck Manduck is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
Quote:
Originally posted by Oblong
I noticed today that Brett Favre did his best not to eat it. He looked at Green taking a bite, started to take a bite, then said hello to his kids, hoping the camera would go off in time. I think he finally put his mouth on it but never did bite.
If you go to the main page of espn.go.com you will see a picture of Favre, apparently with some turkey in his mouth. Hurry, though, they'll have a different picture up by tomorrow morning. Hurry hurry hurry!















(hurry)
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 11-23-2001, 01:38 AM
PhiloVance PhiloVance is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Dude, Madden was an A#1 coach. One of the best. But I gotta agree with you. Old John has just lost it. Really, I don't think he ever had it. He is the "raison d'etre" for my MUTE button.

As I said John Madden was a good coach I would have hated to listen to him at half time, tho. He is NOT a good color man, NOT a good broadcaster and his lame jokes and tales are pretty sucky.

Pat Summerall, on the other hand, I could listen to all day. I don't know why, he's not that great a speaker, and like most of them, he rattles on with platitudes, but he for some reason does not irritate me. Believe it or not, FOX, and CBS before them have these two as the 'premier duo' for the big games.

BTW Read Icculus, gotta agree with you about Chris B. The guy with his tiresome inanities gets my goat. See my post halfway down. The guy I really like, and he's not an announcer is George Michael's Sports Machine. Great Voice.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 11-23-2001, 04:10 AM
VarlosZ VarlosZ is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2000
Location: Manhattan
Posts: 5,999
Jesus, Vinnie. Cranky? I mean this in the nicest possible way (seriously), but: chill the fuck out.



. . . On second thought, forget I said anything. If a jolly fat man and his turkey get you this wroked up, I sure as shit don't wnat you on my case.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 11-23-2001, 11:07 AM
pepperlandgirl pepperlandgirl is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
My favorite part of the game is when Madden said the Detroit Lions had to have some "hard tackles". Thanks John, I always was under the assumption that they needed soft tackles, or depending on the situation, no tackles at all!
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 11-23-2001, 02:58 PM
Chanteuse Chanteuse is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2001
Oh, man, does Mouth Madden make me gag! I have never liked him and the very word "BOOM" makes me want to hurl (hurl him, that is--through a window).

I seem to remember that the bird is a hybrid of turkey, chicken, and duck, which they call by the cute name of "Turducken" (oh, John, your cleverness is to DIE for). Now, I don't find the bird all that appealing to start with, but I definitely don't want to eat ANYTHING that begins with the word "turd."
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 11-23-2001, 03:43 PM
december december is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 7,493
Quote:
Originally posted by Mayflower
I seem to remember that the bird is a hybrid of turkey, chicken, and duck, which they call by the cute name of "Turducken"
IIRC the chicken is stuffed inside the duck, which in turn is stuffed inside the turkey.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 11-23-2001, 05:38 PM
kevja kevja is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Madden's act must still play somewhere. But where? That place they call "middle America." BTW, I think Summerall has been sober for several years now.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 11-23-2001, 07:38 PM
Lizard Lizard is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
I agree completely with the OP, even though I've never actually seen the six-legged turkey bit. Just the IDEA of it sounds so ridiculous though. I especially like the line "the Big Blowhard and that old drunk Pat Summerall".

This was also funny:
Quote:
Originally posted by VarlosZ
If a jolly fat man and his turkey get you this wroked up, I sure as shit don't wnat you on my case.
And I also agree about Chris Berman. It got really bad a few years ago when OTHER guys on ESPN were using his lines. I swear, if they hadn't eased up I would've taken out a hit on someone. How many times can you hear "the frrroooozzzenn tundra of Laammmbbeeaauu Fiieelldd" before going nuts? I mean, it's not that funny in the first place! Gah!
Reply With Quote
  #14  
Old 11-23-2001, 07:47 PM
Dewey Cheatem Undhow Dewey Cheatem Undhow is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Quote:
Originally posted by Mayflower
I seem to remember that the bird is a hybrid of turkey, chicken, and duck, which they call by the cute name of "Turducken" (oh, John, your cleverness is to DIE for). Now, I don't find the bird all that appealing to start with, but I definitely don't want to eat ANYTHING that begins with the word "turd."
HEY. Madden-bashing's fine by me, but don't fuck with the Turducken. My uncle makes it from time to time and I assure you that it is a GOOD THING. Mmmmmm...turducken....
and I don't mean that in a Martha Stewart way, either
Reply With Quote
  #15  
Old 11-24-2001, 07:31 PM
Qwertyasdfg Qwertyasdfg is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
I agree.

(I hope nobody's already mentioned this On Thanksgiving I heard him talking about how some player had learned to "demolate" at a demolition derby. What really bothers me is that "demolish" seems like the more obvious choice, since its sound is actually in the word "dem-o-lish-un". It's as if he was intentionally trying to say the wrong word. Read a fucking book you piece of shit!
Reply With Quote
  #16  
Old 11-24-2001, 09:13 PM
Bossk Bossk is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2001
Quote:
Originally posted by Oblong
I noticed today that Brett Favre did his best not to eat it. He looked at Green taking a bite, started to take a bite, then said hello to his kids, hoping the camera would go off in time. I think he finally put his mouth on it but never did bite.
At least Bretty made an effort. A year or two back, when Minnesota won on Thanksgiving, Randy "Cuddles" Moss could barely bring himself to touch it. When the interview was done, he put it down untasted and walked away.

Quote:
I seem to remember that the bird is a hybrid of turkey, chicken, and duck, which they call by the cute name of "Turducken" (oh, John, your cleverness is to DIE for). Now, I don't find the bird all that appealing to start with, but I definitely don't want to eat ANYTHING that begins with the word "turd."
I thought the thing was smoked, not baked. Am I wrong?
Reply With Quote
  #17  
Old 11-26-2001, 02:24 PM
Ramsmilk Ramsmilk is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
Posts: 26
So he's got an old joke. He IS and old joke. But fun.

Remember when George Burns got to be 90 and his only joke for the next 8 years was "I'm so old I won't buy green bananas." ? But we forgave him. He'd given us enough enjoyment over the years.
Reply With Quote
  #18  
Old 11-26-2001, 10:05 PM
CrankyAsAnOldMan CrankyAsAnOldMan is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2000
Quote:
Originally posted by VarlosZ
Jesus, Vinnie. Cranky? I mean this in the nicest possible way (seriously), but: chill the fuck out.


No, no, but it happens all the time, people mixing us up. He's the funny one, but crankier than me. I'm the irrelevant one, only slightly cranky.

No need to apologize. Even Mom can't always keep us straight.
Reply With Quote
Reply



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:38 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.