Don't you be flipping that little sausage at ME...

[auntie em]

So just now I was in the Burger King drive-thru (been curious about those new Veggie Burgers). Well, not IN it, exactly...

You see, you can only get to the drive-thru off of a narrow, one-way alley. If the drive-thru is full, the cars forced to wait in the alley usually pull all the way over to the right (the drive-thru is on the left), thus avoiding Alley Blockage for those drivers who wish to drive past Burger King and further down the alley. When enough space has cleared in the drive-thru for a car to fit at the end without blocking the alley, the first car in the alley-line hangs a left and takes his/her rightful place among the Whopper-worthy.

Courtesy. It's a groovy thing.

Every once in awhile, someone unfamiliar with The System will see the line of cars waiting over on the right side of the alley, but just figure it's a miniature tailgate party or something, and proceed to "butt" into the drive thru line (blocking the alley for passers-thru in the process).

Depending on the nature and mood of the first alley-waiter (the one who's just been essentially "cut off"), the Offender might either get off scot-free, or be informed of his/her transgression in a number of ways:

a) honking
b) yelling
c) cussing
d) gesturing

And, depending upon the nature and mood of the offender, he/she might respond in one of two ways:

a) pretending to be deaf AND blind (but still somehow qualified to drive a car), and staying put, or
b) politely moving to the end of the alley line.

So today I was the first person in the alley-line, awaiting my entrance into the kingdom, when an Offender showed up and attempted to usurp my place in line.

I chose to notify him of his mistake by humbly tapping my horn. When he turned to look, I smiled and waved. I saw his reverse lights go on and, since he'd chosen the polite option of moving his ass to the end of the line, and since my mood was buoyed by the new purse I just received in the mail (a gift from friends), I decided to make nice when he backed past me (I could see his windows were down).

So I make eye contact as his passenger window comes even with my driver's side window, thinking to apologize for not having had my left-turn signal on, to indicate my intent to enter the drive-thru (never mind the THREE cars waiting behind me... sometimes it takes a little blinking light to give people a clue).

As I opened my mouth to say, "Sorry..." he gave me the finger--stuck that pasty, pudgy, beaver-ravaged little thing right up in my face like he was somebody. Also, he gave me the "wussy" finger, where you're holding the other three down with your thumb. I HATE the wussy finger. Put some KNUCKLE into it, man, make a STATEMENT!

But I digress.

My point is, why do I get the finger, when

a) HE'S the idiot
b) he clearly KNEW he had tresspassed, otherwise he wouldn't have bothered to move out of the way (he ended up changing his mind and driving away entirely, instead of waiting in line for his BK Broiler), and
c) I was SO much nicer about his transgression than others in my same position would have been.

I hate to say it, but I felt kinda sorry for the fella. "Touched in the head" like that and all. So I smiled and blew him a kiss as I pulled forward to place my order.

He looked confused.

Oh, and BTW... the Veggie Burger wasn't very good.

[Homebrew]

the Veggie Burger wasn't very good.

This seems self-evident.

[Tansu]

Nothing to say but this: I love the thread title.

[sidle]

I agree. There is [b]nothing[/n]wussier than the "half-cocked" Bird flanked by 2 stubby knuckes.
You should have told him (since his windows were down and all)
that the Bird is supposed to be about extension and GUSTO, and not an approximation of the size of his winkie.

[sidle]

DAMMIT.
nothing fer chrissake.
Stupid Rainman bracketing self.

[auntie em]

Originally posted by Tansu
Nothing to say but this: I love the thread title.

Thanks! It occurred to me after I posted, though, that the title might be misleading, and people could be disappointed at the PG-rated nature of this rant.

If that was the case with you, I apologize.

[Skerri]

Whew, auntie em. I have been giggling deliriously in my office, because I thought someone flashed you, and that was how you responded.

::stumbles off to change her pants::

[auntie em]

Originally posted by Homebrew
This seems self-evident.

Hahahahahahaha! I actually like them, but the key is to not even TRY to pretend it's supposed to be a burger... just think of it as its own independent food phenomenon.

Ditto with fake "sausage patties".

The BK one, however, was DROWNED in mayo, and had something weird (roasted red peppers?) falling out of it. Coated in mayo. Bleh.

[auntie em]

Originally posted by sidle
[b]I agree. There is nothing[/n]wussier than the "half-cocked" Bird flanked by 2 stubby knuckes.

I know. It's like the equivalent of calling someone a doody head or a tote bag (assuming you're past the third grade.

The good thing about it, though, is that when people flip me off that way I'm not offended. To me it's just another way of saying, "I need Viagra."

[auntie em]

Originally posted by Skerri
Whew, auntie em. I have been giggling deliriously in my office, because I thought someone flashed you, and that was how you responded.

::stumbles off to change her pants::

KYAHHHHH-kyah-kyah-kyah-kyah-kyah!!!! Now I can't stop laughing. And now I'm really hoping someone does flash me soon.

[Ferret Herder]

Exactly my feeling about veggie burgers, auntie em. Being a vegetarian I'm often looking for some fast food that's easy to eat, and miss the convenience of a burger-like sandwich or something.

That being said, the cafeteria of the hospital where I work used to serve veggie burgers that were scarily close to meat. I had to double check and then peek at the hamburgers to be sure I'd gotten the right thing.

[LouisB]

And now I'm really hoping someone does flash me soon.

Okay. Come on over and I'll flash you a few times.

[auntie em]

Originally posted by DeniseV
Exactly my feeling about veggie burgers, auntie em. Being a vegetarian I'm often looking for some fast food that's easy to eat, and miss the convenience of a burger-like sandwich or something.

That being said, the cafeteria of the hospital where I work used to serve veggie burgers that were scarily close to meat. I had to double check and then peek at the hamburgers to be sure I'd gotten the right thing.

I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat much meat (I eat A! LOT! more of it now that I'm back in the same town as my mother), and so start to feel pretty gross after several days of a heavily carnivorous diet. When this feeling occurs, I lay off meat for a few days, until I start to feel a little better.

But you're right--it is hard to find fast lunch options under these circumstances. Usually in these cases I go for a bean burrito from Taco Bell, but WHEW! Yesterday I ate TWO of those bad boys for lunch, and by the time I got to the gym after work, I was The Walking Pootinator. Those poor saps on the row of treadmills behind mine are now blind and have no eyebrows. One woman passed out from the fumes, and her treadmill nearly sucked her hair off, but she was rescued by a Navy Seal, God love his burly ass. As he was giving her mouth-to-mouth, I slunk out quietly, 10 minutes short of my full treadmill workout.

So at that point I started thinking ahead about lunch for today, and decided to check out the BK Veggie. Bad idea.

As for the veggie burgers at that hospital, I feel the same way about certain brands of those fake sausage patties. Of course, what doesn't hurt is that when my mom makes them for me (she keeps a stock at her house in my honor), she fries them in bacon grease.

Is that wrong?

[auntie em]

Originally posted by LouisB


Okay. Come on over and I'll flash you a few times.

Hey--don't you be flipping that little sausage at ME!

Woo-wee! You were right, Skerri! This is loads of fun! Somebody else flash me! Somebody else!

[scout1222]

Yeep! For a second there, I had the thought that you might be my mother.

My mother, queen of "flipping the bird". No wussy finger for her, no sir. You should see the strong twig this woman can flip. As a result, I cannot bear to flip a wussy finger. It just seems wrong.

As a result, I don't flip the bird much. Because, the true flip of the bird, knuckles and all, just seems so MEAN, and when you flip it, you'd better be pissed as all get out. So unless I'm angered out of my mind, I can't bear to flip someone off. Too much venom in that knuckly bird.


--phew--


What made me realize you can't possibly be my mom was the veggie burger bit. I can't see her ever eating one. I, on the other hand, had them for dinner last night. (not from BK, since I haven't noticed them here in San Diego yet)

[auntie em]

Hi, scout--

a) More power to your MAMA! Mine TRIES to flip people off, but ends up giving them something akin to a backhanded "peace" sign.

b) I can sympathize with you on the "Master's" flip being too mean. I never call people "losers" for the same reason.

c) Come on--if there are BK Veggies in Topeka Kansas, there HAVE to be some in San Diego!!!

[Baker]

Wait a minute, auntie em!!!!!!! You are in Topeka? Take a look at my location! Are you talking about the Burger King on Kansas Ave, or the one on 10th street maybe? I didn't know there was another Doper in Topeka!!!

[scout1222]

I thought the same thing. Health conscious Southern California. Home of sprouts and active lifestyles.

You'd think BK would introduce the healthy stuff.

That's it, a trip to BK is in order soon. It's been a while since I've been there, so maybe they DO have the veggie burgers. If so, I'll be VERY happy!!!!

[Geobabe]

Originally posted by auntie em
I hate to say it, but I felt kinda sorry for the fella. "Touched in the head" like that and all. So I smiled and blew him a kiss as I pulled forward to place my order.

He looked confused.

Recently on my drive home from work, I was tooling along on the road, passed a guy and got over into the right lane in front of him. He puts on a burst of speed and pulls around me. I just started laughing out loud at the poor fool, thinking, what a silly git. I could see the guy looking at me in his rearview mirror, but I couldn't tell if he was puzzled or chagrined that I was laughing at him.

[Guinastasia]

Well, I don't flip people off anymore because nowadays, I'm afraid I'm going to flip off the wrong person and get my head blown off.

That said...I have a wussy finger. I can't help it-I have very small hands with tiny, skinny stubby fingers. Sorry.

[Otto]

Originally posted by auntie em
a) More power to your MAMA! Mine TRIES to flip people off, but ends up giving them something akin to a backhanded "peace" sign.[/b]

Which means with a little work she can be giving them the "sod off" sign which is even NASTIER than the bird because it's up the butt.

[Cat Whisperer]

[just a wee, little hijack] When someone blows by me at a high rate of speed (like I'm ever doing anything slower than 10k over the limit), I just yell "Buh-bye" at them. It gives me a chuckle, and I don't think I'll get my head blown off for it. [/wee, little hijack]

[shrew]

On the University of Georgia campus, the School of Education has its own parking lot specifically gated for professors. At 4:30, however, the gates come up, and anyone can park there.

If you want to get a parking space, being one of the first ones through the gate is of the essence, but you can't line up in the street, so the practice is to line up first come first serve in a single file line in the lot across the street (where we can't park, but we can wait). Inevitably, however, some moron comes along and plops herself (in her car) right at the gate. Not only does she think she's the first one there at 4:15 (even though some of us have been waiting since 4:00 or before) , but she doesn't seem to care that she's blocking the way for a full fifteen minutes for actual professors who want to enter.

And no offense to any elementary teachers, but it's always an elementary ed. student. ALWAYS. You can tell by the ribbon around her pony tail and the lacquered lipstick.

What do I do? Well, what did I used to do? I'd just wait for the first professor to come along and curse her out, and then point to all of us who had been waiting and watching just across the street. It's so fun to watch her have to back her ass up and get in the end of the line. One time, however, no one pulled up behind her, and the offending girl just sat there 'til the gate came up. Since I was the first person in line, I followed her to her car and informed her that as an administrator in the building, if I ever saw her block the entrance again, I would report her to the dean. She was so stupid, she actually believed me. Hell, UGA is huge. I don't even know who the fucking dean was. Or if we even had one.

[shannybonanny]

Originally posted by auntie em
Usually in these cases I go for a bean burrito from Taco Bell, but WHEW! Yesterday I ate TWO of those bad boys for lunch, and by the time I got to the gym after work, I was The Walking Pootinator. Those poor saps on the row of treadmills behind mine are now blind and have no eyebrows. One woman passed out from the fumes, and her treadmill nearly sucked her hair off, but she was rescued by a Navy Seal, God love his burly ass . As he was giving her mouth-to-mouth, I slunk out quietly, 10 minutes short of my full treadmill workout.

Too funny...oh man...(gasp)...

I think I just woke everyone in the house up!

[foxfiregrrl]

I would just like to share a story about how my mom flips the bird. Or how she managed to the other day. Some idiot driver made a stupid pass, nearly running head first into the family vehical. My mom gasped, and grabbed dad's shoulder, ensuring that he would jerk around a bit, therefore keeping us out of danger. When the guy got over to the other lane, my mom leaned over, and rasied a defiant fisst, reading to give him a heart 'fuck you'!

She gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Later, she managed to tell us over our laughter that she forgot how to flip someone off.

We are never going to let her forgot that one.

_{She forgot! She bloody well forgot! How do you forgot how to flip someone off?}

[TheLoadedDog]

foxfiregrrl's post reminds me of George Bush Snr's presidential visit to Australia a decade ago. He gave the a triumphant and hearty "peace" sign with his right hand, 'cept he did it palm-inward instead of palm-outward, so (at least here in Australia) it became a triumphant and hearty FUCK YOU! A surreal moment - the world's most powerful politician not only telling an entire nation to basically sod off, but to be smiling and nodding politely as he did it.

[Annie-Xmas]

Originally posted by auntie em


Hey--don't you be flipping that little sausage at ME!

Woo-wee! You were right, Skerri! This is loads of fun! Somebody else flash me! Somebody else!

I've always preferred "That looks like a penis, only smaller."

[Kayeby]

I've been practicing for about 10 minutes, trying to avoid giving the "wussy" finger, and I don't think I can do it. Is there a trick to it, or is it all in the shape and/or strength of your fingers?

[China Guy]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, since when did the big bird salute become the wussy finger? Judas Priest, leave the US of A for 15 years, and look what happens??? Let's just clarify though. You mean flipping the bird with the bird finger sticking waaaaaay up there, and the otherfingers held down by the thumb (in other words, you, the flipee, see no knuckle)???

It helps if you have really long fingers, then it becomes this big ol honkin flagpole of a bird. The knuckle bird always seemed, well, okay, wussy to me.

Seriously, inquiring minds want to know, which is the power bird these days?

[AHunter3]

Geez, do I have to tell you folks everything?

a) place the open palm of your left hand across your right elbow crook

b) holding your right palm facing towards you, hoist your right arm as if you were doing curls, but rapidly, coming to an abrupt halt when it hits the vertical

c) as your right forearm moves, curl all of your fingers except the middle one down as far as they will go; the middle finger, you extend.