My girlfriend wants me to have sex with her, and I don't know what to do!

[SuperNova]

My 16-year-old girlfriend wants me to have sex with her... and I don't know what to do. I've said "no" so far. My excuse has been that it's rape (cause I'm 18), but she did research, and in her state of Massachusetts apparently the age of consent is 16.

I'm a virgin and not that eager to lose it yet. She is not a virgin (as you probably could've guessed). None of my (male) friends have been any help. They're more envious than anything.

I guess more than anything I'm nervous at her experience and my lack thereof. Also, it seems like it would sort of be a "coming-of-age" thing... (that sounds so corny), and, while I'm (really) excited about the idea of having sex, I just don't know if I'm ready.

Re-reading my post, I know I sound like such a girl. It seems like the responses a girl writing this would get would be something like "follow your heart, and don't do it unless you are ready." Being in reality a very horny guy, it's tough to hold out. But for some reason I'm just reluctant to give in.

Any thoughts for what I should do?
I think I already know what people will say... but I just need to hear coherent people tell me their advice, rather than horny teenagers.

[Grelby]

If you don't feel you should, then don't. It's as simple as that, I think. You sound like a thoughtful person. Most people our age (I'm actually a couple years younger than you) wouldn't stop to say yes!

[Mysphyt]

Don't have a lot of answers, mostly here for support.

You say you'd be nervous being with her sexually because she has experience. IMSHO, sex should be an extension of the relationship, something that comes from the closeness between two people. It seems to me that if you're not comfortable enough with her to know she won't judge you, then maybe the relationship isn't close enough to survive sex without becoming about sex, which I don't think you want to have happen.

It further seems to me that if you have any reservations whatsoever (which you seem to, inasmuch as you've posted this), then it's probably not the best of ideas to do it. It may end up destroying the relationship, or making one or both of you feel like crap.

But don't take my word for it, I'm a virgin m'self. :P

AAR, good luck.

[Green Bean]

If you're not sure, then wait.

If you're not sure, then wait.

If you're not sure, then wait.

Don't worry about the girl/guy thing. Girls may be more open about their reluctance, but plenty of guys are reluctant, too. I know it is hard to hold out, but...If you're not sure, then wait.

I am a bit concerned that your girlfriend is pressuring you. Perhaps you ought to think about whether you want to be intimate with a girl who would pressure you into doing something that you are reluctant to do.

Maybe it's not the right time for you, or maybe she's just not the right person. (reading between the lines of your post, I'm guessing that she's not the right person). You have nothing to lose by waiting.

(And I totally sympathise with your "horny teenager" feelings. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was a horny teenager, too. Of course, I had sex at the first good opportunity, but I was READY, goshdarnit!) Good luck.

[Guinastasia]

Another virgin speaking here (albeit, virgin by default-the opportunity has never come up, though I don't know what I'd do if it did).

If you don't feel comfortable doing it-don't. Follow your heart and don't do anything you're not ready to do.

It doesn't matter if you're a guy or a girl. YOU and only YOU will know when you're ready. And you're obviously not.

[Scylla]

I guess it comes down to why?

How come you don't want to have sex?

Is it performance anxiety, nervoussness, or stagefright?

Do you not like the girl enough?

Do you just feel that you're not ready?

Are you unprepared to take the risk of pregnancy?

Do you have moral objections to premarital sex?

[Ashtar]

Don't -EVER- have sex if you don't want to. Your body is yours to do with as you please.

But also--don't let anxiety be a barrier to your love. Remember that most people will spend the majority of their lives as non-virgins.

[matt_mcl]

Originally posted by Scylla
How come you don't want to have sex?

I disagree. I don't think you need a reason not to have sex any more than you would need a reason to have sex.

If you feel uncomfortable, wait; either you will want to have sex later or you won't. No sense rushing into something you won't fully enjoy.

[ResIpsaLoquitor]

Have you asked her why she wants to have sex? It might be worth discussing her feelings on the matter. It might also open up some revelations about your relationship, giving you deeper insight on how much the two of you mean to each other.

For example, she might be insisting upon it out of fear that the two of you will break up. I notice that you're 18 and she's 16; may I assume that you're away to college soon? It's possible that she's anxious that you'll meet someone there, since the time and distance of college can and does separate people. In her mind, she may believe that sex might "secure" the relationship. (I say this not to create any stereotypes about young women; the point is that I HAVE known women...and men...who have done this.)

Or it's possible that a number of her friends have already lost their virginity, and she's afraid of being left out. As a guy, you're more than likely aware of the pressure your gender puts on sex.

Or, maybe she just wants to use you for sex, in which case you REALLY shouldn't do it. Here's hoping this isn't the case.

[Shakes]

Let me be the first guy to say "for the love of god man! go for it! " Life is too short; and trust me speaking as an older man; you don't want to look back on your life when you're old and impotent and say to yourself "Man why didn't I go for that when I had the chance"

And as far as not knowing what to do? Well just get nekkid' and the rest will come naturaly.

[igotit]

Originally posted by SHAKES
" Life is too short;

Yes life is too short! If you were a girl I might have a different opinion, but you are not as you stated so Go for it. Be wise, use protection! I am sure you don't want any babies and or diseases, so cover that thing up. Remember this always, "practice makes perfect". You aren't going to be good at it right away, so relax and have fun.

[InternetLegend]

There's no reason to have sex if you don't feel like it. Go with your instincts and your better judgement. For God's sake, you're a teenage boy; if the "go for it" side was even close to winning out, hormones would have made up your mind for you already. There is obviously a good reason that you haven't said yes by now. Don't let peer pressure override good sense.

[Azure Eternity]

Originally posted by igotit
Yes life is too short! If you were a girl I might have a different opinion, but you are not as you stated so Go for it.

Why would your advice be different if he was a girl?

[igotit]

Originally posted by Azure Eternity


Why would your advice be different if he was a girl?

Well that's a good question. I think it has alot to do with the fact that I am a female and lost my virginity at a very young age and I would have liked to have waited. But I am not a guy, but I know alot of guys, so I jokingly posted that the more they "hit" it, the better they get. I guess it's my open mindness talking.

[StephenG]

Good posts, for the most part ... here's hoping mine's not redundant.

Two of the posters above are idiots -- I apologize, gentlemen, but it seems to me you either didn't read the OP or just don't care about feelings. Either way, my judgement stands.

I'm a 20-year old male, and I was in your situation myself, SuperNova, just a few months ago. Most of my objections stemmed from religious reasons (I'm Catholic), but they were very real. I'm not trying to preach here, just explain what I was thinking.

Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person -- and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you're okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don't care. That's fine ... but with each act, you'll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces ... and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it's true.

I did decide to have sex with my girlfriend, for various rationalized reasons. Part of me still regrets it, not because she was the wrong person but because I feel it probably was too soon. We were both ready for it, but ... there's no turning back. That is to say, it can never be taken back and I (personally, YMMV) feel that I have to marry her now. (I was already planning too, so that's not a problem, but ... it's set in stone, now.)

Feel free to email me or reply here, if you like. (That message is for SuperNova, anybody in a similar situation, or anybody who wants to express their disagreement with what I've said.)

[Lamia]

Don't do anything you aren't ready for, you'll only regret it later.

Something you may want to think about is what your requirements are. That is, what sort of sexual relationship or situation would you be comfortable in? You may find this more helpful than just trying to "follow your heart" or whatever.

[Mysphyt]

I'm not going to agree with StephenG, but I do have to ask: how is that being open minded? No offense meant, igotit, but it seems to me that you're implying that guys are only capable of having mindless, meaningless, emotionless sex, while them poor little princesses are apt to get their helpless hearts broken by us nymphomaniacal beasts. While that may or may not be an accurate generalization (I lean strongly toward the latter, for those keeping score), the OP seems to evidence the fact that the people concerned do not fit into it.

Be open minded like this: if you got hurt by it happening earlier than it should have, then so can SuperNova, regardless of his gender. Life is short, SN, but not nearly so short as your supply of virginities. Giving yours up because some girl you may not otherwise remember two years from now is haranguing you might not be the best idea.

Again, I'm a virgin myself, so I couldn't say whether or not sex creates a bond, but I am pretty durn certain that it will change the dynamic of the relationship. If you think it'll be a good change, and that you can handle it, then go for it. If not, then it's worth it.

-Mysphyt

[Mysphyt]

*cough* Not worth it. Not. Got thrown off on that whole "thou shalt kill" thing, too.

[My Darn Snake Legs]

Here's the thing: Sex will change the dynamic of you relationship. It has changed already. She has asked for sex and if you are not willing to go there, you have to tell her that. Either she will be fine with it or she will leave you. In my experience, the question is going to stay out there and bother both of ou until one of you brings it up again or it is settled.

If you are not of a group that is against pre-marital sex, then you don't really have a lot to worry about. No one is going to be a porn star on their forst try. She will most likely be more nervous than you are that first time. Sex is a complicated thing and it takes practice with each indvidual girl. You'll get better with time.

--==the sax man==--

[John Carter of Mars]

Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) "Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person -- and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you're okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don't care. That's fine ... but with each act, you'll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces ... and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it's true."

I gotta' disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they're not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It's a "renewable resource".

As to the OP, I'll quote my Grandpa: "When you get older and look back on life, it's not the things you did that you'll regret, it's the things you didn't do." My .02 worth

[John Carter of Mars]

Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) "Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person -- and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you're okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don't care. That's fine ... but with each act, you'll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces ... and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it's true."

I gotta' disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they're not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It's a "renewable resource".

As to the OP, I'll quote my Grandpa: "When you get older and look back on life, it's not the things you did that you'll regret, it's the things you didn't do." My .02 worth

[John Carter of Mars]

Originally posted by StephenG(Bolding mine) "Sex creates a bond. A part of yourself, literally, is given to the other person -- and you can never have it back. Maybe you like that other person enough that you're okay with this intimate sharing, or maybe you just don't care. That's fine ... but with each act, you'll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces ... and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished. Sex complicates things. It may seem clichéd, but it's true."

I gotta' disagree with you here, StephenG . In the proper relationship (and they're not that rare) both parties will gain from a sexual relationship, and nothing will be lost. It's a "renewable resource".

As to the OP, I'll quote my Grandpa: "When you get older and look back on life, it's not the things you did that you'll regret, it's the things you didn't do." My .02 worth

[CRorex]

One of the things I regret most about my last relationship is that I finally let my gf talk me into having sex with her.

I don't know what your relationship is like... and speaking for myself an emotional relationship that develops into sex is much better than a physical relationship where one party uses sex to fix emotional issues and where the other party figures that if they can't have emotional closeness sex is the best they can do.

General rule of thumb, if it doesn't feel right... don't do it. You'll feel better.

Screw the societal view of virginity... being with someone you're comfortable with is what you want.

[Mr. Frink]

In many of the relationships that I've been in, sex (or more appropriately--making love) has actually enriched our relationship. I dunno...somehow after a night of physically expressing our love for each other, we've felt closer than we had ever been. Sex isn't just about how good it makes you feel. It's also about giving pleasure to someone you care about.

But, like others have said....if you don't feel ready, then you're not. I don't know exactly what your positon is here--is it just the act of penetration itself that you're holding back on? The old "in-and-out"? Because, believe me, there are a lot of other ways you & your girlfriend can have fun together. Heck, I know a lot of people who prefer oral sex and manual stimulation to intercourse. Have fun that way! You can relieve your girlfriend's horniness, and still keep your virginity intact....a win/win situation!

[tetsusaru]

Hey Gandhi, if you don`t want that pie...

[Scylla]

Originally posted by matt_mcl


I disagree. I don't think you need a reason not to have sex any more than you would need a reason to have sex.

I'd generally agree. But, I think there are bad reasons not to want to have sex. If you're afraid she has teeth down there and will bite your weenie off, that's really not a good reason.

Not that I think he means anything like that, but in trying to make a decision as important as this I think it's best to try to examine your motivations.

Clearly our young stud wants to have sex, but something is holding him back.

It might simply be fear that he won't live up to her standards, or it might be something like moral doubts, or fear of disease, or what have you.

I don't think we can really offer any good advice until we understand his conundrum.

But I agree with you in essence, that having sex should be a positive decision and not a default behavior.

[handy]

I would first take her to Planned Parenthood or a clinic for a through STD test & discussion of proper birth control methods. If she won't do this, I wouldn't have sex with her-not that I can legally in my state-- you want to be a dad?

[RTFirefly]

Originally posted by Scylla
Clearly our young stud wants to have sex, but something is holding him back.

Well hell, any 18 year old guy wants to have sex.

That something in his heart or mind is saying, "well, maybe not," loud enough to be heard over the roar of teenage hormones, is the notable aspect.

If it's talking that loud, it deserves a listen.

[Why A Duck]

You might want to revisit the legal aspect too. You said that in Mass the age was sixteen, but what are the laws in Connecticut? 'Cause if you decide to do the deed, odds are you'll eventually do it in your home state. I'd hate to see you brought up on transporting minors across state lines for illicit purposes.

[mouthbreather]

I guess more than anything I'm nervous at her experience and my lack thereof.

My first time was in similar circumstances. Get some protection and go hit that shit!

All of my regrets from that age stem from being too reserved with girls and missing out on opportunities that I had. If I may quote Gibby Haynes (and he has never steered me wrong yet) "It's better to regret something you have done than regret something you haven’t done"

And notice Why A Duck's post. Very Important.


_{STEP RIGHT UP! Be first in line to bash me for saying "Hit that shit". Win a prize!}

[mouthbreather]

I see that JCoM's Grandpa and Gibby Haynes share similar outlooks on life

[igotit]

Originally posted by mouthbreather
_{STEP RIGHT UP! Be first in line to bash me for saying "Hit that shit". Win a prize!}

I will bash you for not reading this.

I am not a guy, but I know alot of guys, so I jokingly posted that the more they "hit" it, the better they get.

Notice the use of the "hit" word. I will say that I didn't go as far as saying hit that shit, but that's what I meant.

[a35362]

SuperNova, how do you feel about the fact that she's doing the asking, that she's younger than you, that she's a girl? I wonder if you might have subconscious feelings about gender roles and appropriate behavior for both of you. I'm not talking about morality; I'm just throwing out an idea here. Maybe sex is a game to her; maybe she has low self-esteem and thinks this is how all romantic relationships are supposed to proceed; maybe she's afraid people will think there's something wrong with the two of you if you're not in a sexual relationship. Don't react to peer pressure; instead, act on your own judgment and common sense.

Personally I think you should wait. Even if you are 18 I think you're awfully young, and remembering who I was when I was 16 just makes her sound scarier to me. I would never want my daughter to be so "worldly" and so casual about sex at that age. Everybody was a horny (or at least lonely, or curious or whatever) teenager; that's irrelevant. Even if you don't wait until marriage to have sex, you will always have to bear in mind your responsibilities with regard to unwanted pregnancy and your partners' sexual histories. That's the adult thing to do.

[Guinastasia]

Originally posted by Mr. Frink


But, like others have said....if you don't feel ready, then you're not. I don't know exactly what your positon is here--is it just the act of penetration itself that you're holding back on? The old "in-and-out"? Because, believe me, there are a lot of other ways you & your girlfriend can have fun together. Heck, I know a lot of people who prefer oral sex and manual stimulation to intercourse. Have fun that way! You can relieve your girlfriend's horniness, and still keep your virginity intact....a win/win situation!

I'm sorry, but sex is sex-I don't care what Bill Clinton said.

It's still an incredibly personal and intense act-even if no actual penetration occurs-and it can still have the same effect.

As for regretting the things you DIDN'T do, most of the people I've spoken to who had sex after being pressured-interested in doing so, but didn't feel quite ready-wish they had waited.

[mouthbreather]

I guess I should make a point about my post. If the only thing preventing you is your lack of experience and fear of not performing well, don't let that stop you.

If you have other moral issues or you don't want to for any other reason, thrn ignore my previous post.

If you are pressured into doing something you don't want to, you probably won't enjoy it. But if you want to and your own self doubt is the only thing in your way, then I say go for it.

[Bad News Baboon]

a girl here, posting "follow your heart"
Think about it completely and absolutely.
There will be plenty of time later for sex, love, etc.


Just a thought and a question:

no contraception is 100% effective.

what if worst came to worst and she became pregnant....
are you ready to spend a lifetime (in or out of marriage) in raising this child with her?

[Padeye]

Your honesty and candor are refreshing. I think it's very wise to wait. If you're not ready, you're not ready. You show maturity in recognizing that about yourself. When you are emotionally mature enough for it, and in a mutually caring relationship with somone also mature enough to make those choices it's a different matter. Sex with just anyone can be a forgettable experience. Sex with the right person and right circumstances is incredible.

[rjung]

When in doubt, don't.

But feel free to send her my way...

[Drastic]

That's fine ... but with each act, you'll keep losing part of yourself. Lose enough pieces ... and who you are (and what you can give to the person you end up with) is diminished.

I have Ripper's rant about "purity of essence" from the great Dr. Strangelove running through my head. But that makes me smile, so it's a good thing.

Topicwise, this is a conversation you should be having with your girlfriend, not a gaggle of internet folk. If the dynamic of the relationship doesn't support that sort of conversation...well, mileages vary, etc., but I think that right there will tell you a lot about whether or not hesitation about proceeding is justified.

[kittenblue]

As a parent who has had to deal with a child's STD recently, I have to weigh in and say don't. I wish my child had not had sex at 16. She wishes she had not had sex at 16. Remember that there are STD's like HPV that are not stopped by a condom....and the results can be devastating....from warts to cervical cancer.

When you consider that you have about 80 more years to enjoy sex, waiting a while longer for the right person, right situation is not that horrible an experience. But if your girlfriend is experienced at 16, she may already have HPV and not know it for years....and there are no tests to detect it. What if she gives it to you....five years later you give it to your wife....she develops cervical cancer and loses her ability to have children. I know, I know....worst case scenario, fear-mongering....but is all the possible pain worth it to lose your virginity to someone who is pressuring you , or to save face with the guys?

[SuperNova]

I thank you all for the advice you’ve given. Feel free to continue if you have anything else to say.

Answering some questions, first off there is no moral reason I would abstain. I am not very religious and fully anticipate having sex some time before I marry. I am not worried about performance either… everyone has a first time, and that first time is bound to be a poor performance. She knows I’m a virgin.

I guess, after reading the posts, what I am worried about most are the repercussions. I am very eager to have sex, but not to have my life changed by some disease or a baby. I think that in the end I will decide to go for it, but I intend to take the safest route possible. If this means going to a clinic and getting blood work done, so be it. I also will explore various methods of birth control (any advice here would also be welcome) to see what works the best… and Why A Duck, you are right about the law. I found that out myself yesterday. I have no intention of committing rape, as it would be considered in Connecticut. Would be a pointless risk.

Keep advice coming... cause I'm still reading everything... I havn't made any choice for certain yet. Thanks everyone.

[tradesilicon]

Ah, to be 18, with a GF asking for sex. Not a bad place.

Sooooo, are you in doubt because you are not sure how important this person is to you, or is it as other have said, performance anxiety? If its the latter, and you are confortable with the person, put it aside! You'll have a great experience if you are with someone who gives a hoot about you. Matter of fact, you may be lookin at some of the best nookie of your life - at 18 and 16 the two of you are not subject to a whole bunch o' stuff that creeps into people's minds when they are older...I have to say that in a few relationships I've seen some girls act strange later in life, and done some weinrd things myself to spoil an everning or two, but I don't recall any such stuff at 18 - it was pure joy. (Luckily, now been with my wife for some time, and we get along well, but been through strange stuff before).

You should be sure that you two are comfortable with each other, and go forth! Onward and downward!! No, seriously, I don;t want ot make a joke of your feelings, jutst poiting out this can be a tremendous time in your life.

Best to you and your GF.

[ianzin]

You have been given three worthwhile pieces of advice.

1. If you don't feel ready, then you aren't, and you shouldn't let anyone pressure you.

2. In later life, you'll regret the things you didn't do much more than the things you did.

3. You don't want an unwanted pregnancy or a nasty disease, so whatever you do take the relevant precautions.

The only problem you may have is joining them all together. Here's my two cents. I'm a very old person of 40 summers.

(1) and (3) are both good advice, and very sound. Follow them.

(2) is also pretty sound, in my experience, but I'd say wait until you're about 18 or 19 before you start making it a guiding principle in your life. At the moment, and this isn't patronising you, you're going through so many frothy hormonal changes and finding out so much about yourself that (3) is a little bit risky. Give yourself a couple of simmering down years, and then take (3) on board. I can think back on a few women I had sex with and a few where I could have but didn't. My oh my, it's the "didn't" that irritates me every time!

[tradesilicon]

And please, for goodness sake, when this whole matter is sorted out, someone teach me to type.

[Marley]

Originally posted by SuperNova
"follow your heart, and don't do it unless you are ready."

Yep, that's my advice.

I agree with ianzin's list. With one notable exception, I regret the things I didn't do far more than the things I did do. And the thing that I regret was done with voices screaming in my head "Don't do this! Stop now before it's too late!"

If you're hesitating, ask yourself why. If the reason is that you don't want to do it, you're not ready, whatever, then don't do it. There's nothing wrong with that--actually, paying attention to yourself and understanding what you need is a very healthy thing to do.

_{I should try it sometime.}

If the reason you're hesitating is because you're concerned about pregnancy and diseases, bravo. See a family planning clinic near you. (Depending on where you are in CT, I might be able to recommend one.) Make an appointment to just talk to them (spend the bucks, it's worth it,) and go in with a list of questions about birth control, STDs, and anything else you're wondering about. Write the questions down, because otherwise you'll do what I always do and remember the questions when you walk out the door.

What they should tell you is that sex is risky. You can reduce the risks, but there is always the chance that she will get pregnant, you will get a disease, or a cop will shine a flashlight in your fogged-up window.

Hopefully they'll give you instructions on using a condom, too, and let you try it out, presumably on another object which is roughly the appropriate size and shape. Condom usage is not intuitive, it isn't easy the first time you try it, and it's easy to do it wrong every time. Unroll it the wrong way, be a little careless with a fingernail (or with teeth, if you're in a hurry to tear the package open,) or make other mistakes, and you're left with an ex-condom pretty quickly. Practice a few times, and you won't be nearly as nervous when the moment comes.

If you think about it and decide that you're ready, and if you're comfortable with the protection you've got, and if you've got the legal age thing figured out (I'm sure she wouldn't lie, but she might be mistaken... you might want to check to be sure,) and if she's still comfortable with the idea... <whew!>... go for it.

And if you think about it and decide to wait, then wait. If she doesn't understand, that's her problem, not yours.

[heresiarch]

Originally posted by tradesilicon
And please, for goodness sake, when this whole matter is sorted out, someone teach me to type.

The trick is to use both your hands for typing.

[handy]

Frankly, I don't think people should have sex until they can support the child that may come about from the mating. Otherwise, the tax payers have to do this.

[tradesilicon]

Originally posted by heresiarch

The trick is to use both your hands for typing.

Holy Mavis Batman, you've done it! Another mystery solved. I will never commit anither tipo agin!

[smegmum V]

I am by no means old, but I regret things I didn't do at 18, hell I regret things I didn't do last weekend.
As for following your heart, what horse crap!! she's 16, your'e 18 you both will go your seperat ways in a very short time. Wear you raincoat and go for it. If you don't then you find find yourself with a different woman (yes you will eventually break up and find an adult type woman) a few years down the road saying "now I am a 20 year old virgin and don't know if I can perform"
get it over with and get on with you life

[auntie em]

I don't really have any advice aside from what's already been said...

Instead I'd like to thank you for calling me out on my adherence to that double standard.

You know, the one that somehow dictates that it's OK for a girl to say no, whereas a guy who doesn't want to get it on is some sort of a freak. Sure, we can chalk it up to Biology (Female must choose carefully whose seed she will bear, Male must spread his seed so that many females can share in his studly baby-making magic), but I do think there's something to be said for EVOLUTION...

Quite honestly, my first instinct was to tell you to follow your gut--wait if you want to, and don't worry about what anybody thinks, by golly.

And that's still my advice...

...but it makes me a hypocrite. I pretty much walked away from the last guy I dated for the same reason--he wasn't dropping the drawers. I mean, granted, there were many other factors at work in that situation, which

a) made us a less-than-ideal match, and

b) made it COMPLETELY CONFUSING that he didn't want to get it on with me

...but I won't go into those now, because this is about YOU.

However, I will say that my friends and I had a little mini hey-day analyzing (and bashing) this guy for his reluctance to have sex, which is something we wouldn't have done if he'd been a girl...

So thanks, for revealing me to be the hypocrite that I am, and for making me rethink a few of my attitudes.

Good luck, whatever you decide.