The Pit Poetry Corner

[Gyrate]

STOPPING BY SHARED KITCHENS ON A SUMMER EVENING

Whose plates these are I think I know.
They’ve left them here and scarpered though;
They will not see me stopping here
To watch some new mold cultures grow.

I must admit I think it queer
That they should cook, then disappear,
A pile of dishes in their wake
To wash, perhaps, some other year.

I give my head a mournful shake
And wonder if by some mistake
They thought to clean and wash and sweep
Was someone else’s job to take.

I’d love to leave mine in a heap.
But I have promises to keep,
And pots to wash before I sleep,
And pots to wash before I sleep.

- Robert Frosted

[Darth Nader]

Great poetry, hmm?
In the Pit, I learn that these
posts waste time, badly.

[Gyrate]

Though the time since I posted is scant,
I refuse to accept this; I can't!
I knew someone like you
Would next post a haiku
Unworthy to follow my rant.

[Jervoise]

How about this one instead?
A simple rhyme, easily read
A rant about dishes
Not the first, nor the last
Have you considered simply washing them?
Or even shoving them up your ass?

[blur]

OK, here is my pit poem. I don' t know jr8, and don't have any dislike for him/her, its just real easy to find words to rhyme with their name. Hopefully no hard feelings . Now my lame assed pit poem:

There is a doper named jr8
on my nerves, his posts, they grate
I don't know how he gets a date
a 2.1 is what his pit flames rate
oh that freaking jr8

[Humble Servant]

His pots he's scrubbed and washed, has jr8,
Singing¹ poems that curse his fate
No more watching crud mutate.
"Eschew haiku²," says jr8.

Though you're asleep in bed now,
By once living mold that's dead now,
You're a better man than I am³, jr8.⁴

____________
<sub>1. In a lovely tenor voice.
2. Let's not write haiku
Limericks have way cooler
Structure, and rhyme too
3. Which in truth is not that hard to achieve, since I'm a girl.
4. I sincerely apologise for this poem, to R. Kipling and everyone else besides.</sub>

[lieu]

Dirty dishes truly suck ass
Be it iron or porcelain or leaded glass.
When it's time to process the morass
Count on me to flash a hall pass.

[kambuckta]

Dishes here
Dishes there
Dishes fucking EVERYWHERE
Dishes in the kitchen sink
Dishes on the bench that stink
Dishes in the oven, where they're
Hiding from my wrathful glare.
Rotting dishes, hid by four
Wanting to avoid the chore.
Kids are lazy rotten slackers.
Why DID I have the little tackers????

(Signed: a harassed mother of four scrofulous teenagers)

[jayjay]

Originally posted by kambuckta
(Signed: a harassed mother of four scrofulous teenagers)

Scrofula.
Nasty rash.
You really ought to see
a king about that.

jayjay

[shelbo]

My fingers are raw.
The front of my pants are soaked through.
But the dishes are clean.
The dishes are clean.
The dishes.
Are.
Clean.
(Someone else can put them away.)
Fuckers.

[Francesca]

Convenience
_{Some words on modern living}

Dishwasher you save me
Heart aches of washing up
Time saved can be spent
Staring at the pile of laundry

[Flamsterette_X]

What I'd dearly love to know
Is why my mother insists on
Making things whose residue
Sticks to the dishes

Whether the food tastes good or not
Is sadly not the point, I fear
Neither is the time she spent making it
For our enjoyment in consumption

While I appreciate her effort,
She should know that leaving the dirty dishes
To congeal on the counter and stove
Is not conducive to washing them later on!

Sometimes when I'm over there, I rinse
But other times, I have to wash
All the dirty dishes, which don't all have
"Congealed stuff from hell" on them {to be fair}

That said, I do wish that she'd
Consider my plight when I have to
Clean up and do the dishes!
My rant may not be justified, but there it is!







<sub>Excuse the lack of rhyme; I believe it's called free verse.

As for the poor writing, that is my responsibility alone!</sub>

[tigergirl]

I once had a sinkful of dishes,
Which festered despite my best wishes;
S.O tried to be kind
but no dish could he find
'cos the fuckers now sleep with the fishes.

[hajario]

In my presence you fart and you belch
I pay the bills and you welch
You're a slob, I must note
So here is my goat
Upon whom would you please kindly felch

Haj

[BlackKnight]

Shall I compare thee to a pile of shit?
Thou art more rancid and more putrid.
Harsh words do live in threads within the Pit,
And posters' wrath hath shown you are stupid.
Sometime too hot the conversation grows,
And often is the OP very dim,
And ev'ry moderator sometimes knows,
The thread may soon have need of being trimmed.
But thy eternal goat felch shall not end,
Nor lose possession of thy filth thou post,
For thou do make ass-hattery a trend,
And in the flaming Pit thread thou do roast.
So long as morons drool and jaws are slack,
So long you suck, and int'lect you do lack.

[BraheSilver]

I think that I shall never see
A joint as useful as my knee.
For when your mouth spews forth debauch
I deftly place it 'gainst your crotch;
Which stifles any further sound
As you keel o'er to the ground.
My knee is further use to me
For legging it away from thee.
My knee allows my leg to bend
For entertaining me no end.
I won't bet you like this poem by me,
But only the Mob would break my knee.

Many, many, many apologies to Kilmer

[BlackKnight]

*applauds BraheSilver's poem, even though it makes my own look bad*

[snermy]

I have eaten the pizza
you left in the fridge

just like you always
finish all my ice cream

fuck you, it was delicious
so cold and
so cheesy

[jjimm]

He clasps the pot with soapy hands,
Close to the grime of hidden friends,
Ring'd in a mire of food, he stands.

The foamy sud beneath him sloshes,
He wishes he had worn galoshes,
And like a thunderbolt, he washes.

[lieu]

From pots and pans and kettles blacked
My kitchen sink has been attacked.
Unless free labor you do attract
Like Raquel Welch you're best kept stacked.

[Spoons]

Washing dishes; a chore I hate
I will not dishwash, jr8
I will not dishwash in the sink
I will not dishwash 'cause they stink
I will not wash their caked old food
I will not wash; I'm in no mood
I will not wash with soap and water
I'm outta here; why should I bother?
I will not do a chore I hate,
I will not dishwash, jr8

[elfkin477]

Words

Every

One of

Your words threatens to

engulf me, drown me in a stream

of your endless words that never stop

filling the room and stealing the air that would

allow me to reply. I don’t think you even notice

that I say nothing to balance out your endless stream

of words. Pressed down by their pressure, I don’t even try.

[jayjay]

Lunch.
I try to load
the Boards from work.
The hamster's dead.
I weep.

[matt_mcl]

so much depends
on

a flame from jar
baby

murdering some asshole
troll

in the bbq
pit

[december]

After the meal that jr8
I ought 2 scrub his dirty plate.
4 jr ought to go have fun,
And not wash up for every1.

[jayjay]

The Ryan

'Twas Pitty, and the hairs were split.
They spiralled down into the waves
of chaos from a hijacked thread,
which burst the topic and quickly spread
along our shattered nerves and braved
our fondest wish to call bullshit.

jayjay

[matt_mcl]

Let me not to the Pitting of true trolls
Admit impediments. Wit is not wit
Which scruples at lambasting such assholes
Or moderates itself eke in the Pit.
O, no! It is an ever-raging flame
That roasts cuntwrenches and is not extinguished;
Indeed, the key to any Doper's fame
Is but to be invectively distinguished.
Tis not to feed trolls, though such gerbil pimps
Within range of the malediction come;
But all to glad the Doper throngs, as limps
The erstwhile haxx0r from the Thread of Doom.
If this be error, then I never writ,
Nor Doper ever savaged trolls in Pit.

[matt_mcl]

When that May concludes the year of school,
And idiot children come home as a rule,
And fill the doperboards with such bullshit
Which fertilizer doth engender wit,
And Dopers eke with their poison pen
Excoriate the trollish swarms, and then
The twit-assed pricks and bubbleheaded bints
Away from these our boards do mewling sprint,
And small fools maketh threnody
And seeing this doth Dopers laugh with glee,
So are defeated trolls by sharper heads,
Then loveth folk to read bePitted threads,
The snappy vicious flaming for to read
Responding to some assfaced loser's screed.

[Largo62]

Once, after a party cheery,
Head athrob and eyes all bleary,
Staggered I toward the kitchen, halting just before the door.

Through the gaping orifice I
Saw the awful proof that what I
Thought had been a fun-filled eve had left its mark upon the floor.

“‘Tis but onion dip and salsa, spilt upon the kitchen floor. This,” I thought, “and nothing more.”


Then, aroma noxious, sickly
Fell upon my nostrils thickly,
Testifying that my first impression was far from the score.

For a mop and bucket went I,
Thinking quick to soak and swab, I
Finished fast and saw my S/O standing at the kitchen door.

“While you’re up,” said she, “you may as well the dishes wash once more.” “Dishes?” groaned I.
“Nevermore!”

[Gyrate]

matt_mcl
Wrote some sonnets and did it well
Thus inspiring me to do
Him a Clerihew.

[Gyrate]

On Dish-Blindness

When I consider how my night was spent,
Ere going to bed in this dark world, and think
Of that last saucepan left beside the sink
Lodged with burnt remnants, how my back was bent
To scrape therefrom with scrungies, and present
A pristine space, lest housemates, filled with drink,
Return and loudly utter,"What’s that stink?"
And wake me up. But never, to prevent
My own ire, do they ever pay much heed
To their strewn leavings and foul mess. Who best
Wash their own pots, they please me best, and quash
My outrage. Though they pay their rent with speed,
And make such pleasant merriment and jest;
They also serve who only stand and wash.

- John Meltdown

[TwistofFate]

I WILL arise and go now, and post to the SD,
And a large post count build there, of fact and TMI made:
Three gry-words will I have there, a trust for the PHP,
And live alone in the new-reply glade.

[jjimm]

Twisty

[jjimm]

Oh and big up to december 2!