alcohol + sex = BAD IDEA

[bouv]

OK, so last night, around 10:30 PM, me and my housemates started drinking. My housemates include one of my friends, his girlfriend, and my girlfriend. Cut to a few hours alter, me and my GF are drunk (I think we all see where this is going...)

Anyways, we both got into the heat of the moment, and due to that damn alcohol, we had unprotected sex...Now, hopefully nothing will come of this other than us realizing that we need to be more responsible. She's fairly early in her cycle, so that helps. I know to be safe we probably should have gone to planned parenthood or something and used a "morning after" pill, but we didn't do that either. We had a talk, and thankfully we both feel the same way about what we would do if she DID get pregnant (we are both pro-choice.) We also agreed that it would be good for her to go on the pill, though she expressed concern because she was on it once before and missed it a few times, and never bothered to get another month's worth. But hopefully since we are together for the summer two people can do the job of one, and just to be safe I will still wear condoms regularly, but this way accidents like last night won't be as bad.

OK, I'm done talking now, just sitting here crossing my fingers and hoping for the best.

[White Lightning]

She should be on the pill. You should also still use prophylactics. Also, the morning-after pill is not a big deal. It seems scary, but it's not.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you too.

[Ringo]

Lots of people survive parenthood. But, still, it is better if you planned on it.

Good luck. Be careful.

[GilaB]

You can take a morning-after pill for up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, although it's most effective if it's used earlier.

[kanicbird]

withholding comments

[Honey]

The "Morning after pill" is a miss-nomer it will work up to 72 hours after unprotected sex. A baby is a huge responsibility. It is also a complete joy, but only if you are ready and able to care for it.

Honey

[Essured]

I hope everything turns out for the best for you Bouv.

I'm not meaning to attack, but a few things popped into my head while reading your post...

You should go and get checked out for STD's no matter what your girlfriend says. So should she.

She should get on the Pill immediately.

Condoms, condoms, condoms.

Please don't blame the alcohol. Blame yourself for being an idiot, learn from it (i.e don't get that drunk again) and move on.

Be aware that many a female has been sure she'd get an abortion, but then changes her mind when she finds out she is pregnant, when she gets to the clinic, or when well-meaning friends/family try and talk her out of it. You should not be relying on her getting an abortion... do you realise that ifyou have no wish to become a father, she is holding the next 18 years of your financial freedom in her hands ? Protect yourself, don't rely on others to do it for you.

O.K, lecture over. Please take it in the spirit it's meant, (trying to help) and don't get angry at me. I do hope things turn out the best for both of you. Good luck, and keep us posted.

[Tenar]

"FWI" (you can perhaps guess what the "F" stands for) is how my best friend became HIV positive. For God's sake, be careful.

The age of emancipation by statute (and the end of child support payments, should your honey indeed be pregnant) is 21 in some states, not 18. Yes, an extra three years of massive cash outlay for the non custodial parent. Another reason to be careful.

A formerly drunken friend of my always says, "I've never slept with an ugly woman. I've woken up with a few, though..." (NOT meant as a dig at your girlfriend.)

[White Lightning]

Originally posted by k2dave
withholding comments

What is this about? If you have something to say, say it. If you're going to withhold your comments, withhold them. Don't be a jackass.

[Flamsterette_X]

Ditto what White Lightning said. If you're going to withhold your comments, then don't publicly say so on the board. Just privately think whatever thoughts you have on the matter at hand, and don't say anything! If you're not going to post your comments up, we certainly don't want to hear that you're not going to! We could do without that kind of act. Sheesh... and I thought I was bad for doing that sometimes!

[Francesca]

Originally posted by GilaB
You can take a morning-after pill for up to 72 hours after unprotected sex, although it's most effective if it's used earlier.

This bears repeating. Hie yourself and your girlfirend to the family planning clinic asap. There's no need to take further unnecessary risks. We all make mistaktes - this is one you might be able to catch in time.

[white-tigeress]

DOh DOh DOh

[Celyn]

Yep - get to that "morning after pill" and if your g/f for the future really dislikes the idea of the pill, she might consider a combination of condoms and some type of I.U.D.

I hope it all turns out OK!

[Caricci]

I'm sure it will be fine, especially if she's early in her cycle. I will NOT jump on the bandwagon and scold you, because it happens to lots of people, even if they are not drunk. Try not to do it again, I suppose, would be my best advice and, remember that condoms are perfectly fine birth control as long as you use them; they have no side effects, either.

Best of luck to you.

[bup]

Being pro-choice is not the same thing as "if we get pregnant, we're going to the clinic!" You and your girlfriend probably have a more specific understanding than, "I'm pro-choice," but I object to the merging of the two concepts. Some of us believe abortion needs to be protected, legally, in a free society, yet would never choose it.

Someone said some women are all for abortion until they're pregnant. It bears mentioning that some men are also for abortion until their SO is pregnant, and dont have any idea their reaction would be that.

[Ferrous]

Originally posted by Goo
... do you realise that ifyou have no wish to become a father, she is holding the next 18 years of your financial freedom in her hands ?

Well, if she's holding it in her hands, he's got nothing to worry about.

[bouv]

Thanks for the advice. And when I said we are both pro-choice, that was a little ambiguos. We talked it over, and we are both in agreement on getting an abortion. And theoretically, family and friends wouldn't talk her out of it because they would not know. We both agreed that if she did get pregnant, a minimal number of people would know (I realize that doesn't guarantee friends finding out, but hopefully none will.)

And trust me, with the amount of worrying I'm doing, I'll make sure this never happens again.

[Francesca]

I don't mean to keep on at you, but is there a reason you're not considering the morning after pill? We all make mistakes, but I don't understand why you're not minimising the possible risk.

[Nortia]

Originally posted by Francesca
I don't mean to keep on at you, but is there a reason you're not considering the morning after pill? We all make mistakes, but I don't understand why you're not minimising the possible risk.

What Francesca said. Surely going for the morning after pill makes more sense than waiting to see? A close friend of mine had one and I think I can say abortion is not a nice thing to go through, whether you want one or not. If the means are there to prevent your girlfriend from going through that, then isn't that the best thing to do while you still can?

I'm not meaning to sound like I'm getting on your case or anything, just seems to me to be a wise idea.

[UncleBeer]

Moderator's Notes: We have an [i]entire[/b] forum for comments like this:

Don't be a jackass.

I see no compelling reason to allow them in this one. Stop it.

[Wikkit]

<hijack>Why is [i] [/b] the most popular coding error? <goodbye jack>

I hope everything works out, bouv. I had a friend go through much the same thing in early high school; the difference was that he wasn't drunk and had much less of an excuse.

[Honey]

Originally posted by Ferrous

Well, if she's holding it in her hands, he's got nothing to worry about.

That depends on where she's aiming that thing.



Honey

[White Lightning]

I apologize, UncleBeer. And k2dave. And although I still think you were out of line, I know that you are not a jackass in general.

[spathiphyllum]

She's fairly early in her cycle, so that helps

Not necessarily. There is a reason why even devout (educated) Catholics no longer use the "calender rhythm method" (which is a different animal than Natural Family Planning aka Fertility Awareness, which modern Catholics *do* use still).

I can understand blaming alcohol for the original "mistake", but why wouldn't you want to get a morning after pill or "morning after" IUD? There IS potentially still time for a "morning after" IUD to be effective. I have to wonder if you have really learned anything from this if even while sober you decided against taking preventive action...even after several posters here alerted you that you still had time to do something.

What exactly is the advantage of waiting to get a surgical abortion? Surgical abortion is often about 10 times more expensive than the MAP and far more likely to be emotionally devastating...especially since you expect your girlfriend to keep it a secret from everyone (so she won't have anyone to go to for support if she has a bad reaction to aborting).

I'm not trying to bash you, and I certainly hope she's not pregnant, but don't just lip service to being more careful while making the same mistake over again.

[Exgineer]

It looks like bouv needs a buddy. And I guess I'm the guy, 'cause we both used the same power tool to beat the 'tute screw.

Folks, he stated in his OP that he knew they screwed up. He stated in his OP that they have planned out what to do if there are "unintended consequences." He stated in his OP that they are going to be more responsible in the future.

The pile-on is really unnecessary. Please stop.

The important part is that he is attending that particular school, and yet is still enough of a babe-magnet to get himself a little.

Just don't get too much, bouv, or you'll find yourself in my situation. I'm ready, and I'm doing it by choice, but I'm at least ten years older than you.

[Exgineer]

Crap.

I just re-read my post, and realized that a) it didn't make much sense (even to bouv, who is on the "inside") and b) I sounded like a total jerk.

I ignored the STD angle, but bouv knows why.

I need to define my terms:

'Tute screw - An odd fastener which is threaded in both directions, and inserted in a student's anus by the institute. No matter which way you turn it, it just goes in deeper.

Power Tool - A euphamism popular among 'tute students in the '80s. "Tooling" was cracking the books. A "power tool" was thirty-seven consecutive hours in the lab.

And the last paragraph was me putting myself back in his position.

Sorry.

[Essured]

Originally posted by bouv
And trust me, with the amount of worrying I'm doing, I'll make sure this never happens again.

Some people need a close call or a scare to get serious about this topic. No worries, as long as you learn, which it looks like you have.

Sorry if you felt like we were piling-on, we're just concerned and trying to give advice (some of it hard-earned, I'm sure).

All the best, bouv.

O.K, no more hassles about his unsafe sex, he gets the picture. Let's pile-on about his irresponsible alcohol consumption, instead

: d&r :

[Scribble]

I know that most of this discussion is over, but I wanted to post response to this comment:

She should be on the pill.

Maybe she should, but maybe she shouldn't. There are women for whom the pill isn't a good choice. Like most medications, it's not suited to everyone. Saying or implying that it's irresponsible for any woman to have sex without a prescription for the pill is unfair.

I've tried the pill in three different forms with different ratios of estrogen (or human estrogen-like compounds) to progesterone (or human progesterone-like compounds). My experiences with the pill have ranged from pretty lousy to downright horrid. According to the doctor I spoke with, some women have bad reactions to hormones other than the ones they make themselves, and I seem to be one of those women.

Therefore, I'm not on the pill, nor do I ever plan to go back on it again. There are other ways of being responsible about contraception.

[techchick68]

Hey bouv -- whatever the outcome, I hope all is well. Unprotected sex happens more than most are willing to admit, and most wont admit it they hide behind the veils of the internet.

In either case, I will keep you and your GF in my thoughts for a positive outcome because the process of an abortion can be a very difficult thing.

As for birth control, none is 100% safe but whatever you choose for your future sexual endevours (sp) make sure it's ready and waiting where ever you are....nothing like a fun romp in the forest, in the back seat of a car, like a couple of virgins! hehe

[Eva Luna]

If she's worried about remembering to take the pill, there are other options out there: tell her to ask her doc/clinic person about Norplant and Depo-Provera. The latter worked pretty well for my sister, and you only have to deal with it every 12 weeks.

Don't forget the condoms, though! I learned once the hard way (no pun intended), and not by getting pregnant.

[Moirai]

Alcohol + sex = BAD IDEA?

Yeah, sure, I guess so, but if so, then I wouldn't have ever gotten laid until a decade later!

[SwimmingRiddles]

Here's a little more info for you and your girlfriend. Print it out and have her read it. And before either of you decide on a method of birth control, please both get tested for STDs. Depo thread and the Birth Control Thread! . But do something. And I hope all worked out for you both. I've been there, and it's a frightening experiance.