The Idle Threat Tread

DAVEW0071 · #1 09-22-2002, 05:55 PM

Look, I'm telling you. Knock it off. Don't make me come over there. You don't want me to come over there. I'm telling you.

Flamsterette_X · #2 09-22-2002, 05:58 PM

Shouldn't it be "thread," not "tread"?

Just bugging ya.

Somehow, "the idle threat tread" makes me think of exactly how one would walk while issuing idle threats.. you know, the placement of your feet on the ground, the exact pounds per square inch your feet would exert upon the ground, etc.

F_X

DAVEW0071 · #3 09-22-2002, 06:03 PM

That does it! I warned you! That's going too far! There's gonna be a letter about this in the Times tomorrow!

iampunha · #4 09-22-2002, 06:03 PM

Are we there yet?

Eutychus · #5 09-22-2002, 06:05 PM

That's it, Dave. One more misspelling in a thread title and I'm gonna ... I'm gonna ... YEAH! And don't think I won't either!

Horseflesh · #6 09-22-2002, 06:11 PM

Thats it! I'm pulling this t(h)read over! You're walking from here buddy! This is for you

And don't let me catch you by yourself at recess. Whoo-boy!

DAVEW0071 · #7 09-22-2002, 06:12 PM

Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna tell my big brother, and he'll make sure you get yours. You better watch it, boy, I mean it.

Scarlett67 · #8 09-22-2002, 06:39 PM

Oh, excuse me . . . I thought this was the Idle Treat Thread.

:: Scarlett tiptoes out, sheepishly ::

Horseflesh · #9 09-22-2002, 06:39 PM

Ha! My Mom'll take care of your stupid "big" brother. How come we never see this alleged "big brother"? I'll bet you're talking about your pet goldfish.

You talk pretty big for a guy that eats bugs for a living.

Here, you dropped this:

Soup_du_jour · #10 09-22-2002, 06:45 PM

I promise you, one more outburst like that and...uh...you'll be sorry!

Spudo · #11 09-22-2002, 07:06 PM

For the love of God stop doing that! If you don't stop I'm going to do something, and I don't know what that is, because everyone has always done what I say!

SparrowHawk · #12 09-22-2002, 07:25 PM

You people simply don't know how to begin doing this right! Those threats aren't idle! They're merely vague! When The Offspring gets mouthy I have been known to threaten to pack her in a carton and mail her to a random post office box number in Kankakee. Or to the Arizona Home for the Terminally Rude. Now that's an idle threat.

So just shape up, or there's going to be smoke on the water. I swear I will come over and clip you one. Especially you, Horseflesh. (Hey, Dave, are you sending over the little big brother or the big little brother?)

Treviathan · #13 09-22-2002, 07:27 PM

Listen, all of you. If you don't cut the racket this second, and I do mean this second, I'm coming down there. Don't think I won't.

Horseflesh · #14 09-22-2002, 07:43 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SparrowHawk
(Hey, Dave, are you sending over the little big brother or the big little brother?)

Pffft. Send 'em both over. No matter how many times they sing "I'm A Little Teapot" I will not be intimidated.

Favorite overheard Idle Threat:
"If you do that ONE MORE TIME, I will make myself the center of your Universe!" (Intone the bolded part like you were Darth Vader.)

You know, it would've been a funnier thread title if it was "The Idle Treat Thread". ::Pelts everyone within range with Hershey's Kisses::

lel · #15 09-22-2002, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SparrowHawk
You people simply don't know how to begin doing this right! Those threats aren't idle! They're merely vague! When The Offspring gets mouthy I have been known to threaten to pack her in a carton and mail her to a random post office box number in Kankakee. Or to the Arizona Home for the Terminally Rude. Now that's an idle threat.

Those weren't idle threats in my adolescence, with slight modifications (not via mail, not random shipment), they actually happened!

Hey, Offspring of SparrowHawk, it wasn't bad, you'll survive.

Now you want idle threats, you had better watch it, or I'll call you by your first, middle and last names, and you know what that means.

SparrowHawk · #16 09-22-2002, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Horseflesh
Pffft. Send 'em both over. No matter how many times they sing "I'm A Little Teapot" I will not be intimidated.

You watch your mouth, Mr. or Ms. Smartypants, or I will come over there myself, and then you'll know I mean business! I'll give you something to cry about!

Quote:

Originally posted by lel
Those weren't idle threats in my adolescence, with slight modifications (not via mail, not random shipment), they actually happened!

They FedExed you to a specific post office box number?

Lady Ice · #17 09-22-2002, 08:11 PM

If you guys don't cut it out, I'm going to turn this car around right Now! And don't think I won't!

And anybody who gets caught singing "I'm a Little Teapot" gets left at the next reststop.

partly_warmer · #18 09-22-2002, 08:19 PM

***If you don't stop that, you'll be WALKING home***

So one day we left my sister at a gas station in the middle of the desert (thinking she was hiding under sleeping bags). She was scared witless when we came back 10 minutes later.

Years later, sigh, my father actually did this. Took me a couple hours....

***

And if you louts don't knock off this nonsense, you'll find yourselves on a slow boat to China! I'm SERIOUS! (But my bank account is weak.)

lel · #19 09-22-2002, 08:33 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SparrowHawk
They FedExed you to a specific post office box number?

Train, to a specific person. I didn't get a return ticket home until 5 days before school started, though!

If you don't be quiet right now, you're going to bed early!

Ha, as if we'd really sleep anyway!

DAVEW0071 · #20 09-22-2002, 08:47 PM

That's enough. That's EEE-NUFFF!!!

All of you, knock it off, or I'm gonna crack your heads together so hard, you'll be cross-eyed for a week!

I swear, I'll pound you so hard, you're mother will feel the vibration!

KNOCK!
IT!!
OFF!!!
NOW!!!!

SparrowHawk · #21 09-22-2002, 08:55 PM

If you don't cut out that shouting, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!

(Are these threats idle, or merely futile?)

clayton_e · #22 09-22-2002, 09:06 PM

There should be an "I'm gonna kick your ass!" smilie.

Zyada · #23 09-22-2002, 09:06 PM

If you don't stop right now, I'm going to sit on you!

clayton_e · #24 09-22-2002, 09:07 PM

and "

" isn't a close enough one.. Only looks pissed.. Not quite the "I'm gonna kick your ass!" kinda mad, though.

monica · #25 09-22-2002, 09:08 PM

(for use with SO, use deep, huskey voice)

You'd better not do that. You really wanna know what will happen if you do that? I don't think you want to. You think you do? (beckons) Come over hear and we'll find out.

InternetLegend · #26 09-22-2002, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by Spudo
If you don't stop I'm going to do something, and I don't know what that is, because everyone has always done what I say!

I've always loved this one, and I use it on my own children.

I think it's important to give children choices in order to help foster their proper development. My favorite, since they've been old enough to understand the concept of "idle threat," has always been, "You have a choice. You can knock that off right now, or I can kill you."

Sylkyn · #27 09-22-2002, 09:24 PM

Don't make me come over there. If you think I'm kidding, just keep up...just keep IT UP...I mean it. I have had it. Hey. HEY!!! I'm not yelling just to hear myself yell.

That's it. Just wait til your dad gets home. Noooooo, it's too late now. Uhuh. Fergitit.

Don't bother with apologies. I mean it. Dammit, I said STOP!

_{For the children impaired, this usually makes a lot more sense when spoken. When written, it's drivel. It's drivel, either way, but really sounds good verbally.}

SparrowHawk · #28 09-22-2002, 09:26 PM

That's a little extreme, Legend. Choices must be developmentally appropriate. Now, if I get any of that "Why should I do what you say?" sauce, I've been known to reply "I'll let you keep your teeth another week. Your choice."

InternetLegend · #29 09-22-2002, 10:00 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by SparrowHawk
...I've been known to reply "I'll let you keep your teeth another week. Your choice."

But, you see, when I started using my threat, they still had their baby teeth. This would have been an empty threat indeed, especially given the effect of inflation on the Tooth Fairy.

I think we can both agree that there is room for more than one sensible choice in parenting situations like this.

Biggirl · #30 09-22-2002, 10:03 PM

Don't you two start fighting. DON'T DO IT!!! I'm dialing the police right now and we'll see how much fighting you do in jail.

I'm picking up the handset! I'm dialing 9. . .1. . .. Damnit I said stop fighting!

Horseflesh · #31 09-22-2002, 11:05 PM

Hey SparrowHawk, c'mere! I caught this really tiny frog.

::Holds up fist, shakes and puts ear up to it::

Yeah, he's still alive. Wanna see?

::Open top of fist slightly::

Ya gotta look real close, he's really small. Here, put your eye right up to my hand.

To be continued....

*****************

clayton_e, you need to learn how to embellish your smilies. Try this one:

{({({({

})})})}

This is how I tell other people I'm about to spontaneously combust if they don't CUT IT OUT RIGHT NOW!!!

Skeezix · #32 09-22-2002, 11:27 PM

How old are you?
Y'wanna live to be (Current age +1)?

(Yeah, it loses something in the translation.)

You can get that look off your face right now, or I can do it. Your choice.

Rhythmdvl · #33 09-22-2002, 11:52 PM

hey...

hey..

HEY...

If you Dopers can't start getting along and posting nice, I'll turn this thread RIGHT around and take it straight back home!

SparrowHawk · #34 09-23-2002, 12:39 AM

Yeah, right, Horseflesh. I'm not as dumb as you look. Nobody's as dumb as you look.

Whoops. Thread seems to be morphing from Idle Threats to Playground Insults...

<yanks violently on tail of thread, bringing it around smartly with a snap>
... and I don't want to hear another word out of you, or I'm calling your father.

LouisB · #35 09-23-2002, 04:59 AM

I'm gonna get on you like white on rice.

I'm gonna land on you like a duck on a June bug.

I'm gonna knock you into next week.

Tansu · #36 09-23-2002, 05:21 AM

If you don't stop that right now, I shall fart.

papergirl · #37 09-23-2002, 07:57 AM

Okay. Look at it this way, before you decide if you want to use that tone with me again...

Do you really want all your friends in marching band to find out that you and your Mommy have [sticking foot out] matching tennies????

Kn*ckers · #38 09-23-2002, 08:15 AM

You kids cut it out! If I have to pull this car over!!....

Or my favorite: "I'm gonna reach back there and give you a crack!" This works best in a moving vehicle. It's a two-fold threat: Not only will I smack you, I'll probably lose control of the car in the process and we'll crash into something. So you'd better behave.

One for my Evil Boss:
If you don't stop being an arrogant, self-satisfied chuck of donkey mutton, I'm gonna shove this flipping job right back up your ass where it belongs. And I'll do it sideways!
Don't test me.

Michael Ellis · #39 09-23-2002, 08:26 AM

If ya'll don't stop, I'll be on you like ugly ohn'ape.

Soup_du_jour · #40 09-23-2002, 08:59 AM

Y'all cut this out!

If not, you'll be punished by having to watch the entire run of Big Brother 2, in reverse order!

Legomancer · #41 09-23-2002, 09:23 AM

Okay, I'm counting to three. One...two.... I mean it! I'm gonna count to three and you'll be sorry if I get to three. One...two... What did I just say? I mean it, knock it off right now. One...two...

Horseflesh · #42 09-23-2002, 10:10 AM

Legomancer, I swear that exact same monologue came out of my wife's mouth last night (and many nights before that). I give my kids more leeway and count to 10, but at the 9 count I'm hovering over them and right as I say "10" the fur starts a-flyin' (so I guess it's not an idle threat). I never get to 10 anymore.

One upshot of the count-up threat is that my daughter could count to 10 by the time she was 2 years old (yeah, she heard it that many times). Wanna know how to really piss off a 5-year-old? Threaten to start counting and then have your younger child do it for you. They enjoy the power of a parent being behind them and the older one starts doing what their told out of humiliation. I actually have my daughter supervise my son cleaning up his room. She loves it (and the room gets cleaned really fast).

plnnr · #43 09-23-2002, 10:15 AM

Don't make me take off my belt (my father's favorite from my childhood). I always wanted to keep pushing the issue just to see if his pants would fall down.

elf6c · #44 09-23-2002, 10:50 AM

I will see you in court!!

Ethilrist · #45 09-23-2002, 11:14 AM

That does it! No Christmas presents for you this year! None!

StGermain · #46 09-23-2002, 11:19 AM

I'm gonna rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stump!

StG

Zappo · #47 09-23-2002, 11:26 AM

You wanna ticket to the moon? Yeah?

You wanna ticket to the moon? OK then, just keep it up.

Encinitas · #48 09-23-2002, 11:33 AM

I brought you into this world and I can take you right back out of it!

CrankyAsAnOldMan · #49 09-23-2002, 11:37 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by StGermain
I'm gonna rip off your arm and beat you with the bloody stump!

StG

I like to say I'm gonna rip of your arm and beat you with it, and then cook it up and eat it for dinner.

Sarah Bunting (who writes the wonderful online humor column Tomato Nation) once posted a log of all the stuff she usually says to her two cats, and the list was jam-packed with idle threats. In one I particularly loved, she told one she was going to bake it into a pit and finished with "And I assure you, nutmeg BURNS."

CrankyAsAnOldMan · #50 09-23-2002, 11:40 AM

Crap, I meant bake it into a PIE.

This is one time when a follow-up correction was necessary (annoying as they are)

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