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  #51  
Old 02-20-2003, 04:29 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,756
Charlotte's Web
Porcine: Waaah! I don't wanna be sausages!
Some other animal: Don't worry, I'll save you!
Porcine: You failed!
Some other animal: No, I didn't!
Porcine: Phew!

Babe
See above

Gordy
Ditto
  #52  
Old 02-20-2003, 07:07 PM
kaylasdad99 kaylasdad99 is offline
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Location: Anaheim, CA
Posts: 28,109
I think Mangetout owns stock in one of the companies that makes the commercials they show during coming attractions. With movies as short as his, there's time left in that one minute for LOTS of commercials.

  #53  
Old 02-20-2003, 07:13 PM
HanoNymus HanoNymus is offline
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Posts: 59
My Big Fat Greek Wedding

My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Her: I love you even though I'm Greek!

Audience: Haaaahahahahihihi...

Him: I love you even though I have three balls!

Audience: Aaaaaaaaaawww...

THE END
  #54  
Old 02-20-2003, 09:27 PM
Torgo Torgo is offline
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Posts: 1,391
Neil Simon's Autobiographical Trilogy: Brighton Beach Memoirs, Biloxi Blues & Broadway Bound


Eugene Morris Jerome

I'm Jewish.


Some Other Character

I'm Jewish too.


Cast

Fer chrissakes! We're all Jewish!


THE END
  #55  
Old 02-20-2003, 09:36 PM
RawkStah RawkStah is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 261
THE FILTH AND THE FURY

Sex Pistols: We loved Sid, but hate Nancy and Malcom.
Johnny Rotten: (cries)

THE END
  #56  
Old 02-20-2003, 11:59 PM
Boyo Jim Boyo Jim is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 36,997
Gladiator

Ceasar: You win again, Maximus. (dies)

Ceasar's Daughter: They sure did name you right, Maximus.

Ceasar's Son: Kill him!

Maximus: Fuck you!

Ceasar's Daughter: No! Fuck me!

Ceasar's Son: You got it, sis!

Ceasar's Son: Urggh! (Dies)

Maximus: mmmmm... (dies)

Ceasar's daughter: Oh, water boy!...


Spartacus

Spartacus: I want to be free!

Slave owner: Here's a sword for you, and some more for your friends. I have to go now!

Spartacus: Let's kill our way to the sea and go on a cruise.

Senator: Let them go. They're tacky!

(Fight scene)

Spartacus: Uggh! (dies)

Roman General: Oh, water boy!...
  #57  
Old 02-21-2003, 04:14 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,756
Mission: Impossible

Tom Cruise: What the hell is going on?
Audience: (in unison) Beats me.

Days Of Thunder
Tom Cruise: Boo Hoo! I can't do it! Ever!
Some Guy: Try harder.
Tom Cruise: OK, I can do it now.

Top Gun
(see Days Of Thunder)
  #58  
Old 02-21-2003, 04:29 AM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
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Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 56,756
Withnail: Bleaargh! I feel terrible, lets do lots of drink and drugs.
Marwood: I'd join you, but I'm the straight guy
Monty: I'm terribly, terribly homosexual, Oooh, Ducky!
Marwood: Aaaah! he's homosexual!
Withnail: [i](falls over) Cock, piss, arse!
Marwood: Bye!
  #59  
Old 02-21-2003, 05:38 AM
Drastic Drastic is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2001
Posts: 2,578
The Doom Generation
Red, White, Blue: Let's have sex in every combination amongst ourselves in between violence.
[They do. Then there's a last bit of violence. The end.]
  #60  
Old 02-21-2003, 05:48 AM
Gutza Gutza is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 6
The Others

Them: The Others are ghosts!
The Others: They are ghosts!
Them: Ok.

THE END
  #61  
Old 02-21-2003, 06:18 AM
Tristan Tristan is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2000
Location: leaffan for president!
Posts: 5,848
Quills

Society- porn is bad

deSade- porn is good

Priest- porn is bad, I want you naked

deSade- porn is good. I've written with my own feces.

priest, seeing laundry maiden- maybe porn isn't so bad.......

audience- what the hell?
  #62  
Old 02-21-2003, 12:14 PM
Rubystreak Rubystreak is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: South of Heaven
Posts: 9,246
American History X

Derek: I'm a white supremacist skinhead!

Goes to jail, pisses off other white supremacist skinheads. Is raped in the shower. Only black people are nice to him.

Derek: Damn! White people suck worse than black people. I'm a changed man.

Danny: Too late for me, though.


Moonstruck

Loretta: I have no luck. I will marry a fat, boring guy
Ronny: You love the wolf in me, that don't make you no lamb.
*passionate sex*
Loretta: Snap out of it!
*opera, more sex*
Rose: Your life is in the toilet!
Everyone agrees. Illicit affairs are terminated, proposals are withdrawn, offered, and accepted.
Grandpa: I'm so confused!
*laughter*
  #63  
Old 02-22-2003, 12:13 PM
tracer tracer is offline
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Join Date: May 1999
Location: Silicon Valley, Cal., USA
Posts: 15,785
Quote:
Originally posted by DrClayForrester
Holden: I'm the artist. You're a tracer.
Hey!
  #64  
Old 02-22-2003, 12:19 PM
Linty Fresh Linty Fresh is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Scenic Uncanny Valley
Posts: 2,715
Sigh ... my first post after years of lurking ... Oh well, into the abyss.

Evil Dead:
Four idiot college kids drive to a rundown, deserted, evil-looking cabin in the middle of nowhere with only one way out, screw around with a book of the dead, and have the nerve to look surprised when bad things happen.
THE END

Evil Dead 2:
Some people just don't learn.
THE END

Army of Darkness:
Everyone: Ash is the enemy! Kill him!
Wise Man: But he might be able to help us fight the deadites.
Soldiers: Well, why didn't you say so? Ash, don't screw up.
(Ash screws up)
Everyone: You're worthless! We're out of here.
Ash: But I'll help you fight the deadites.
Everyone: Well, why didn't you say so? Don't screw up.
(Ash screws up)
(The good guys win anyway, because deadites don't have the strategic sense God gave cabbage.)
Ash (talking with coworker): So they said that getting back to the present would be safe, as long as I didn't screw up.
(Everything goes dark and windy. Ash fires about 300 shots in a crowded department store and somehow only kills one possessed customer.)
Everyone: You saved us from your screwup! Our hero.
Ash: I rule!
THE END
  #65  
Old 02-22-2003, 01:23 PM
Linty Fresh Linty Fresh is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Scenic Uncanny Valley
Posts: 2,715
And my second favorite trilogy ...

The Godfather:
Vito: I'm bad.
Sonny: I'm bad.
Fredo: I'm a moron.
Michael: I'm good.
(Vito gets shot)
Michael: OK, fine, I'm bad.
(kills people)
Michael: I'm married. (Boom) Or not ...
Vito: I'm sorry I got you into this. (dies)
Michael: Whatever, Pop.
(kills everyone who even looked at his family wrong)
Kate: I love you, Michael, but you're bad.
Michael: But I can be good.
Kate: Works for me! (marries Michael)
THE END

Godfather II:
(lots of shooting)
Kate: Why us?
Michael: Well, I'm in the mob, you know.
Kate: But I thought you were going to be good.
Michael: That's probably because you're a moron.
(Michael leaves and makes really complicated deals and orders people killed.)
Kate: I want a divorce. Oh, by the way, I aborted your son.
Audience: Jesus, you really ARE a moron!!
(Michael orders more people killed and then sits around the house wondering what Frank Sinatra would do.)

Godfather III:
(Michael goes to a wedding and meets Sonny's kid ... and there's this helicopter ... OK, maybe I tuned out a little.)
  #66  
Old 02-22-2003, 01:29 PM
Linty Fresh Linty Fresh is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Scenic Uncanny Valley
Posts: 2,715
I can't help it, this is fun!!

Bonny and Clyde:
Bonny and Clyde: Robbing banks is fun, if you don't take it too seriously!
Audience: Ha-ha, you're right!
Old man: These two sociopaths have robbed, kidnapped and killed cops and civilians! They also ruined the life of my only son. I'm going to cooperate with law enforcement to get them off the streets!
Audience: Wahhhh!! You sadistic bastard!!

Junior:
Ahnold: Hey, gang, I play a pregnant guy who doesn't kill one non-caucasian! Watch the fun.
Ahnold's fans: Get real.
  #67  
Old 02-22-2003, 01:40 PM
Rubystreak Rubystreak is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: South of Heaven
Posts: 9,246
Bladerunner:

Deckert: I kill replicants. Maybe I am a replicant? I'm in love with a replicant. More human than human? Whatever. Get me the hell out of this depressing, rainy city.
  #68  
Old 02-22-2003, 09:23 PM
RawkStah RawkStah is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 261
NEON GENESIS EVANGELION

(Some KIDS are RECRUITED to pilot GIANT ROBOTS to FIGHT MONSTERS. The KIDS have NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS. Then GOD shows up. Then, ALL OF A SUDDEN, everything turns into a DAVID LYNCH MOVIE.)

Audience: WTF?

THE END
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