Best "Macho Movie"?

[MovieBud]

What is the best macho movie ever made? To be considered a "macho movie", it must contain most of these charactersitics:

* The villain has no redeeming qualities.
* Things will be blown up.
* Guns will be fired and meaningless characters will be killed.
* The main character won't say much but he will say some catchy things.
* A woman or child will be kidnapped.
* There will be hand-to-hand combat to prove who is really the toughest.
* Someone will have a very cool vehicle.

[3trew]

"Thelma and Louise".

[Muad'Dib]

Although I disagree, my brother receantly proclaimed Reign of Fire as the ultimate alpha-male movie.

[Lilly Putt]

"Phallus in Wonderland" by GWAR, has every single quality you describe. They have quite a few "movies," But this one is actually pretty good if you ask me. Although the kidnapping in question is not a woman or child, it is pretty twisted. I am laughing just thinking about it. (The kidnapping is much more "personal" in nature.)

[Sublight]

Versus by Ryuhei Kitamura gets a vote from me. Don't understand Japanese? Doesn't matter with this movie. It's got:

- kung-fu
- swordfighting
- gunfighting
- BIG GUN fighting
- rival clans of gangsters
- escapees from prison
- kidnapped cutie in need of rescue
- ancient curses
- gateways to Hell
- and zombies, zombies, zombies!

This movie is insanely violent, but so ridiculously over-the-top that even my blood-shy wife was laughing herself silly by the end of it.

Plus, it's got a great take on the over-used Matrix-style bullet dodging (Hint: it don't do jack against an RPG)

[blowero]

Oh, come on. It's Die Hard, of course.

[Silentgoldfish]

Originally posted by blowero
Oh, come on. It's Die Hard, of course.

Naw. I spent the movie rooting for Alan Rickman.

[widdershins]

The Lone Wolf And Cub series from Japan.

The head of the Yagyu clan is as nasty and underhanded as can be. But most of the films have other lesser villains who are fairly nasty. Including a Buddhist monk who is considered a living Buddha since he has attained enlightenment, but he's also a crime lord. A team of assassins who tunnel underground to get to their targets and kill anyone Ogami Itto and son (the main characters) come in contact to isolate them since they are so hard to kill.

Things, hell, these flicks blow up people.

Gotcha guns, a whole babycart full of them. As for meaningless deaths, the body count in these films must average out to over 100 in each of the six films.

Ogami Itto says very little but constantly refers to his son and himself as demons standing at the crossroads of Hell.

The son gets kidnapped a few times.

They are samurai flims, so lots of brutal swordfights and hand to hand action, remember the body count.

Cool vehicle: A babycart packed with spring loaded blades, knives and spears hidden in the handles and frame, an array of muskets mounted in the front behind a drop away panel, a musket ball proof iron plate mounted in the bottom (tip the cart up to use), and yet the damn thing floats!

[Mothchunks]

ALL YOUR LESBIANS ARE BELONG TO US

[vandal]

That would be Commando.

"I eat Green Berets for breakfast!"

"Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?"
"That's right, Matrix. You did!"
"I lied."

Come on, who couldn't love a movie like Commando? It even comes complete with a kidnapped Alyssa Milano!

[3trew]

The Road Warrior. It may be missing one or two elements, but it makes up for them in the other categories.

[Mooch]

What about Predator?

Although I always thought that Dirty Dozen was the ultimate macho movie.

[Gorgon Heap]

FEH!!! Army of Darkness.


Though I admit to never having seen Versus wich I will try to soon.

[divemaster]

How about Hard-Boiled?

* The villain has no redeeming qualities. Check
* Things will be blown up. Check
* Guns will be fired and meaningless characters will be killed. Check times ten!
* The main character won't say much but he will say some catchy things. Check
* A woman or child will be kidnapped. How about a hospital full of nurses, patients, and babies held hostage?
* There will be hand-to-hand combat to prove who is really the toughest. Hmm, I don't recall too much h-t-h; too much shooting going on.
* Someone will have a very cool vehicle. Well, maybe not this one.

[El Elvis Rojo]

Hard Boiled is definitely in my top five choices. The best point to prove the villain's lack of redeeming qualities: [spoiler]
One of the good guys and an honorable bad guy are fighting in the hospital. In the midst of it, they come across a group of nurses and patients, and decide to let them go before picking up the fight. The main villain comes in, looks at them, says "What's all this?", grabs a machine gun, and mows them all down. Wonderful

Also, John Woo's The Killer is a VERY macho movie. If you thought the body count in Hard Boiled was big (which it was), the chapel scene in this movie is GARGANTUAN!

Yojimbo is another really good samurai type film. No guns, but hell, what are guns compared to people street fighting and cuting one another down with swords. The "hero" of the film is a samurai for hire who plays two rival gangs against one another and eventually slaughteres EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE minus two people who helped him out (or was it one? I can't remember)

For more updated and American movies, you gotta admit, Rambo is high on the list. Exploding arrow to the gut of the main baddy...gotta love it.

For even more updated, you have to admit, Fight Club is probably the best. The whole movie's about what it is to be a man, and the number of scenes of people just beating the crap out of each other with their bare hands...brutal. There's kidnapping, there's explosions, there's not much gun fire, but a guy shoots himself in the face, blows out his jawbone, and continues to just stand around and talk to people! That's fucking macho! I ask you, how much more macho could this movie be?

[MeanJoe]

I'll get flamed for this but...


Starship Troopers


d&r

[Lizard]

Originally posted by 2trew
The Road Warrior. It may be missing one or two elements, but it makes up for them in the other categories.

THANK you! The debate is over. Except for the hero saying something catchy (he pretty much says nothing at all) The Road Warrior hits every one of the criteria. How can you top a movie where women wear football shoulder pads as clothing?

[Bryan Ekers]

I have to second the vote for Army of Darkness, using a important pop-culture indicator: the number of lines stolen from it for the first-person shooter video game Duke Nukem 3D.

Duke Nukem is, of course, the testosterone-drenched oiled-up gun-totin' muscleman mowing down aliens and ogling naked chicks as he runs through a series of infested buildings and spacecraft. Not a lot of heavy-duty social commentary is allowed to intrude.

I'd also vote for They Live, which is macho in an embittered working-class blue-collar kinda way. The undercover alien villians are Reaganite yuppies running the economy into the ground (including throwing people like hero Roddy Piper out of work) just to make themselves rich. Piper and David Keith get into a huge 5.5-minute (!) fistfight, and this ain't one of your sissified kung-fu dustups, either. It a solid and extended bout of head-buttin', fist-smashin' and multiple-knees-indanutz. One of Piper's lines: "I have come to kick ass and chew bubblegum. And I'm all outta gum!" is delivered just before he starts shotgunning bank customers. This sparkling witticism also found its way into Duke Nukem.

Ah, that felt good. Now, excuse me, I've gotta go rip off an alien's head and shit down his neck.

[Ich Bin's]

Yes, I cried at the end of Babe, the part where he says "That'll ..............


Wait. Oh crap.

[GargoyleWB]

First Blood. "What you call hell, he calls home."

[Edward The Head]

Originally posted by Bryan Ekers

I'd also vote for They Live, which is macho in an embittered working-class blue-collar kinda way

You mean someone else liked this movie too? I liked this movie, though I haven't seen it in awhile. Maybe I should go and rent it again just for the hell of it.

I'm gonna have to say Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the best macho movies there is.

[Ethilrist]

Rio Bravo/El Dorado
Silverado
Conan the Barbarian

[vl_mungo]

Although it doesn't have those specific elements, The Dirty Dozen is probably the most macho movie ever.

Fitting with your criterion... Big Trouble In Little China qualifies on all counts:

* The villain has no redeeming qualities. - Immortal Demon Lord

* Things will be blown up. - A brothel, amongst other things

* Guns will be fired and meaningless characters will be killed. - The big showdown between the rival gangs during the funeral march.

* The main character won't say much but he will say some catchy things. - Jack Burton: When some wild-eyed, eight-foot-tall maniac grabs your neck, taps the back of your favorite head up against the barroom wall, looks you crooked in the eye and asks you if ya paid your dues, you just stare that big sucker right back in the eye, and you remember what ol' Jack Burton always says at a time like that: "Have ya paid your dues, Jack?" "Yessir, the check is in the mail." He does tend to talk a bit more than The Man With No Name, though.

* A woman or child will be kidnapped. - The green-eyed Chinese girl is kidnapped by the Lords of Death

* There will be hand-to-hand combat to prove who is really the toughest. - The showdown with the Immortal Demon Lord

* Someone will have a very cool vehicle. - The Semi is pretty cool. But not quite as cool as the Road Warrior cars, I guess.

Another collaboration between Kurt Russell and John Carpenter - The Thing, once again doesn't have your criterion (no women at all), but is pretty damn macho, too.
Also, anything with Steve McQueen (i.e. Hell Is For Heroes) in it should rate for that reason alone.

[CyberPundit]

How about Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (the best of the series IMO).

It seems to satisfy most of the criteria and is highly entertaining.

[samarm]

Another vote for Commando.

Come on people, this has got to be the ultimate macho movie, no question!

There's guns, killing, fighting, more guns, more killing, an evil bad guy, more killing, more violence...

OK, it's cheesy, but it's a classic. It's so over the top that it's really enjoyable.

[Peter Griffin]

Originally posted by vandal
That would be Commando.

"I eat Green Berets for breakfast!"

"Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?"
"That's right, Matrix. You did!"
"I lied."

Come on, who couldn't love a movie like Commando? It even comes complete with a kidnapped Alyssa Milano!

Damn vandal you beat me to it.

I mean the end where he puts the steam pipe through the villain.

"He needed to let off some steam".

Priceless.

[Ethilrist]

Big Trouble in Little China: "This really pisses me off to no end!"

[troub]

I most enthusiastically second Predator.

Also, Robocop is worth an honorable mention

[RadioWave]

Under Siege simply for the fact that:

(a) They managed to get a shot of a naked woman into a movie set aboard a battleship.
(b) Death by jigsaw. What more do you want?

As for the checklist:

* The villain has no redeeming qualities
Yup

* Things will be blown up
F-16s, submarines, these are a few of the ex-plo-ding things.

* Guns will be fired and meaningless characters will be killed.
Oh yeah.

* The main character won't say much but he will say some catchy things.
Many clever sayings about soup and pies.

* A woman or child will be kidnapped.
Along with several thousand sailors

* There will be hand-to-hand combat to prove who is really the toughest.
But of course!

* Someone will have a very cool vehicle.
I think anything with 16inch guns and Tomahawks counts as a very cool vehicle.

[Tangent]

Originally posted by Edward The Head
I'm gonna have to say Raiders of the Lost Ark is one of the best macho movies there is.

In my book, this wins hands down. Harrison Ford is the ultimate macho action hero in this movie.

[The_Raven]

Gotta vote for Red Dawn...

* The villain has no redeeming qualities. - Check. Evil Cubans & Russkies!
* Things will be blown up. - Check. Gotta love the RPG action
* Guns will be fired and meaningless characters will be killed. - Check. "Avenge Me!!"
* The main character won't say much but he will say some catchy things. "Wolverines!!" "Keeps me warm."
* A woman or child will be kidnapped. -Check. And raped, to boot.
* There will be hand-to-hand combat to prove who is really the toughest. -Check.
* Someone will have a very cool vehicle. -Check. Badass pickup..

-Rav

[Quartz]

Conan the Barbarian

No guns, but plenty of other weapons.

[Labdad]

How about The Wild Bunch? By that most macho of directors, Sam Peckinpah.

[TGWATY]

Originally posted by Bryan Ekers
I'd also vote for They Live,

Glad you liked it. I wrote the screenplay for They Live when I was eight years old.

[blowero]

Wow! I didn't know there were so many fans of They Live. I loved that movie.

[blowero]

And thanks for writing the screenplay, TGWATY.

[MC Master of Ceremonies]

Originally posted by Peter Griffin
Damn vandal you beat me to it.

I mean the end where he puts the steam pipe through the villain.

"He needed to let off some steam".

Priceless.

"Please excuse my friend he's DEAD tired."

[widdershins]

Actually there is one six-shooter in Yojimbo, used to gun down members of the rival gang when they are burned out of their headquarters.

I second Hard-Boiled, any movie that has a baby pissing on the hero to put out his pants that are on fire is macho.

[Bryan Ekers]

Originally posted by TGWATY
Glad you liked it. I wrote the screenplay for They Live when I was eight years old.

Liked it? Liked it? I started a thread just for the fistfight.

It's the only thread I ever started that ran to more than one page.

[ion]

Wow, thank you men! You have actually succeeded in making me enjoy the mucho-macho genre (and I'd say there is no overestimation to that achievement).
I feel that descriptions such as vandal's, of Commando, and the one of Hard-Boiled by divemaster relieve me of my ignorance regarding how to digest these fire-and-muscle-stuffed 90 minutes. I guess you're right - gotta love it!

(Wouldn't endager my pleasant revelation by renting the movies though.)

[El Elvis Rojo]

Well, seeing as hwo Kurt Russels already got a few good movies under his belt, I'm going to go ahead and also vote for Soldier. Alright, it's not all that good, but it fits every criteria, and his character in the movie is a serious bad ass. Plus, he's very quiet and hardly speaks, but has one of my favorite lines in an action movie about one man against the odds:

"One man against all those soldiers, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to kill them all...sir."

Plus, the bit in the final fist fight where he breaks the guy's arm is pretty cool.

[MrPeabody]

What about Die Hard?

Yippie-ki-ay, Muther*****R

[tracer]

Originally posted by MC Master of Cermonies
"Please excuse my friend he's DEAD tired."

[After Schwarzenegger dangles a minor villain over the edge of a cliff, and then releases him so that he falls to his doom]

GIRL: "What did you do with him?"
SCHWARZENEGGER: "I let him go."

[jack@ss]

Except for the hero saying something catchy (he pretty much says nothing at all) The Road Warrior hits every one of the criteria.

"If you people want to get out of here, talk to me."

[Tapioca Dextrin]

The diaolog alone makes Commando a shoe-in:

Soldier: Fuck you, asshole!
Matrix: FUCK YOU, asshole!
Cindy: I don't beleive this macho bullshit!

I'll buy those lines for a dollar

[Baldwin]

Piper and David Keith get into a huge 5.5-minute (!) fistfight, and this ain't one of your sissified kung-fu dustups, either.

I like They Live too, but -- that was Keith David, not David Keith. David Keith is a goofy-looking redneck; Keith David is a tall, deep-voiced black man, and he was also in The Thing.

We can all live by Roddy Piper's words: "I ain't Daddy's little boy no more...and there's gonna be Hell to pay."

[kevja]

All five "Dirty Harry" pics.

[Kaotic Newtral]

You guys are forgetting Death Race 2000. The movie itself has no redeeming qualities, but is a blast to watch. And no woman I've ever met likes it.

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0072856

[Icerigger]

Where Eagles Dare

Lots of gunfire, explosions, nasty nazis and for a cool vehicle, a Junkers JU-52 in winter camouflage.

[Evil Captor]

I'll vote for "Last Man Standing." It fits on all counts if you consider the bad guys squeeze to have been "abducted" from him by the good guy.

Plus, the Ry Cooder score is UNDOUBTEDLY the most macho movie score ever created. It kicks the ass of other macho movie scores and also kicks the ass of other entire macho movies!