Torture your fellow Dopers ....

[Coldfire]

"Let's wait a while....
Before it's too late,
Let's wait a while...
Befoooooooore weeee go too fahaaaar...."

"Two steps forward, and two steps back,
We fit together 'cause opposites attract!"

"I could hardly believe it,
When I heard the news today.
I had to come and get it,
Straight from yooooohoooooo...."

"Music was my first looooooooove....."

"A long, long time ago,
I can still remember when
The music used to make me smile..."

"It was a theme she had on scheme he had,
told in a foreign lahaand...."

And if we're doing cheesy Warrant stuff:
"First time I went to California....."

"You know you make me wanna......
SHOUT!"

Boy, am I in an EVIL mood today.... sorry, had a bad nights sleep and now I want you all to feel just as miserable as me

------------------
Coldfire
________________________________
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

[TwistofFate]

*Cheezy Radio voice on*

And now, a classic from the seventies guaranteed to get you int that Dancing mood,
It s Baccarra

"Yes sir, I can boogie, but if you play my favourite song,
I can boogie,
boogie woogie,
All night LOONNGGG"

or

" Oh Nikita you will never know,"

or

"I never knew, that you liked Pina coladas"

or

"I've got a brand new pair of rollerskates and I'll give you the key"
[/hijack]
there was a great version of that song released by a band called the Wurzels
that went something like this
"I ve got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key,
come on now lets plough together in perfect harmony.
I've got 20 acres, and you've got 43,
I've got a brand new combine harvester and I'll give you the key"



------------------
J
Because Fido ate the Hand Grenade for me,
When the Tans came round to search the house at tea,
I said, "Take this, dog, and eat",
He thought it was a can of meat,
It was the hand grenade that Fido ate for me.

[Globe-trotter]

You take my breath awaaaaaaaaaaaay....Rex Smith.

Just be thankful I wasn't able to get my hands on the lyrics.

Don't want no short people 'round here.

ahem:

The ink is black,
The page is white,
Together we learn
To read and write.

What? We have a request?

Sealemon88:

Anybody remember that Poison song Talk Dirty To Me?

OOH! OOH!

You know I never,
I never saw you look so good
You never act the way you should
but I like it
And I know you like it, too
the way that I want you
I got to have you
Oh yes, I do
You know I never,
I never ever stay out late
You know that I can hardly wait,
just to see you
And I know you cannot wait,
wait to see me too
I gotta touch you

Chorus:
Cause baby, we'll be
at the drive-in
in the old man's Ford
behind the bushes
till I'm screamin' for more
Down the basement
lock the cellar door,
and baby
talk dirty to me

You know I call you
I call you on the telephone
I'm only hoping that you're home
so I can hear you
When you say those words to me
and whisper so softly
I gotta hear you

Chorus

[AHunter3]

He's got the whole world in his hands,
He's got the whole wide world in his hands,
He's got the whole world in his hands,
He's got the whole world in his hands...



------------------
Disable Similes in this Post

[Fillet]

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl
With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there
She would merengue and do the cha-cha
But while she tried to be a star,
Tony always tended bar
Across the crowded floor, he worked from 8 til 4
They were young and they had each other
Who could ask for more?

At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always in fashion
At the Copa....they fell in love.

His name was Rico. He wore a diamond.
He was escorted to his chair, he saw Lola dancing there
And when she finished, he called her over,
But Rico went a bit to far,
Tony sailed across the bar
And then the punches flew and chairs were smashed in two
There was blood and a single gun shot
But just who shot who?

At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always in fashion
At the Copa....she lost her love.

Copa... Copacabana... music and passion... always the fashion...

Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl,
But that was 30 years ago, when they used to have a show.
Now it's a disco, but not for Lola,
Still in the dress she used to wear,
Faded feathers in her hair.
She sits there so refined, and drinks herself half-blind.
She lost her youth and she lost her Tony,
Now she's lost her mind!

At the Copa, Copacabana
The hottest spot north of Havana
At the Copa, Copacabana
Music and passion were always in fashion
At the Copa....don't fall in love.

[kunilou]

Kill the Wabbit!
Kill the Wabbit!
Kill the Wabbit!
Kill the Wabbit!

------------------
I understand all the words, they just don't make sense together like that.

[RTFirefly]

"Wildfire". I submitted this selection to Dave Barry when he asked for nominations for worst song ever and he printed it in his column.

That was you, huh? cool!

You took apart the song's inane reference to a 'killing frost' too, IIRC. Bless you.

My turn:

"Oh Mandy, and you came and you gave without taking
but I sent you away, oh Mandy..."

and:

"Teen angel, can you see me,
teen angel, can you hear me?
Are you somewhere up above,
and am I still your own true love?"

and who could forget:

"I've just gotta get a message to you, wo-aye, wo-aye,
one more hour and my life will be through, wo-aye, wo-aye."

And a couple more recent entries:

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world..."

and

"One day
when my life has passed me by,
I'll sit around and wonder why
you were always there for me..."

That should inflict enough pain for now.

[eden]

The "One Night in Spiffled" thread reminded me of this gem...

"One night in Bangkok and the world's your oyster
The bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
You'll find a god in every golden cloister
And if you're lucky then the god's a she
I can feel an angel sliding up to me.

One night in Bangkok makes a hard man humble
Not much between despair and ecstasy
One night in Bangkok and the tough guys tumble
Can't be too careful with your company.
I can feel the devil walking next to me."

(I would find more glee in infecting you all with this song if it weren't cycling through my head as well now. Just goes to show that crime doesn't pay.)

[eden]

I must be the only one here who likes Rock Me Amadeus. I would much prefer to have that in my brain than that damn Mambo #5. Also, I like the stupid Blue song...at least, I like the mindless, repetitive chorus. The parts about the blue dog and every-thing-is-blue I could live without.

[Dirty Devil]

How about "Jerimiah was a bullfrog. He was good friend of mine. I never understood a single word he said, but I helped him to drink his wine"

Or "I think I'm turning Japanese, I think I'm turning Japanese, I really think so!"

Then there's "Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen"

And who could forget "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, Domo...Domo!"

And of course we have "A little diddy about Jack and Diane, two 'Merican kids growin' up in the heartleand"

And what about "If there's something strange in your neighbornood, who ya gonna' call? GHOISTBUSTERS!"

And I alomost forgot "Relax, don't do it when you want to go to it. Relax, don't do it when you want to come."

But the best/worst of all time has to be that purple monsters's "I love you, you love me, we're a happy family."

[Spoke]

My baby takes the morning train;
He works from 9 to 5 and then
He takes another home again
To find me waiting for him!

[aenea]

Ok - a pox on you all! Truly a mean thing.

But here's my contribution.

[i]I get knocked down
and I get up again
your never gonna keep me down

I get knocked down
and I get up again
your never gonna keep me down


ect.......ad nauseum



------------------
I struggle every day to be the kind of person my dog thinks I am.

[Kyla]

"Do you be-LIEEEEEVVE in life after love?
I really don't think you're strong enough, NO!"

<repeat ad nauseum, lots of horrid sound effects>

"It's all about the money
it's all about the bum bum budda de bum
I don't think it's funny
to see you fade AWAY!"

Whatever that means. I don't know if that song got any airplay in the US, but Europeans should cringe accordingly.

"Just another manic Monday
whoa-oh-oh
Wish it were Sunday
whoa-oh-oh
Cause that's my funday
whoa-oh-oh
My I don't have to run day"

I actually like that song. But it does get stuck in the head pretty easily.

------------------
~Harborina

"Don't Do It."

[Angkins]

Now I know you've heard this worn out line about love at first sight
but I never knew those words were true 'til you walked in tonight
all it took was just one look knocking me off of my feet
I'm not a man of many words so I'll make this short and sweet.

could-ya-would-ya-ain't-ya-gonna-if-i-ask-ya-would-you-want-ta
Be my baby tonight
take a chance slow dance make a little romance honey it'll be alright
girl you got wishing we were hugging and a kissing and of holding each other tight
so could-ya-would-ya-ain't-ya-gonna-if-I-ask-ya-would-you-want-ta
Be my baby tonight....

You have to sing it with a country drawl though....



------------------
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

[Shayna]

Salinqmind took my first thought (I always hated that stupid Wildfire song).

And I thank you all for completely ruining my lunch break - UGH!

So I guess I'll just have to torture you with some of my own suggestions...

Cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon.
When you comin' home Dad?
I don't know when. But we'll get together then, son.
You know we'll have a good time then.

---------

I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
It's so good to be out of the rai-ain.
In the desert you can't remember your name
'Cuz there ain't no one for to give you no pain.
La laaaaa la la-la la la la, la la la. laaaa la.
La laaaaa la la-la la la la, la la la. laaaa la.

---------

(and just to torment Grace a little bit...)

I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me.
The words she'd written took me by surprise.
You'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she'd waited for.
Wouldn't you know it -- she wouldn't show it.

And as I go through my life, I will wish for her my wife, all the sweet things I can find.



------------------
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

[RTFirefly]

I tell ya, Shayna, that post give the lie to your sig line!

[Milossarian]

Boys will be boys
bad boys, bad boys
Boys will be boys
Bad boys, bad boys

Bad, bad, bad, bad boys
You make me feel so good
Bad, bad, bad, bad boys
You make me feel so good.

(Keep in mind, these people make millions for this.)

------------------
"You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment." - Bill Hicks

[Persephone]

eden: No, you're not the only one who likes "Rock Me Amadeus." I like it. I also like "One Night In Bangkok."

"You can dance if you want to,
You can leave your friends behind,
But your friends don't dance
And if they don't dance
Well they ain't no friends of mine..."

Or something like that.

------------------
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I'll do anything he says, anytime he says to.

[kinoons]

"If I had a million dollars..."

Damn that tune is too catchy...



------------------
knuckle-dragging hose mongerer.
SDMB Self-Righteous Clique

[ruadh]

But don't tell my heart
My achy breaky heart ...

------------------
"Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!"

[SanibelMan]

Going from where Ruadh left off...

Possibly a verse from that song

You can tell my lips
Or you can tell my hips
That you're going to dump me if you can
But don't you tell my liver
It never would forgive her
It might blow up and circumcise this man!

I happen to have with me, at this very moment, Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs.

:: evil grin ::

---

I am, I said,
To no one there,
And no one heard at all,
Not even the chair...

---

Turn on your heart light,
Let it shine wherever you go,
Let it make a happy glow
For all the world to see!

Oh, and just for JillGat:

Baaaby Beluuuga, oh Baaaaby Beluuuuuuga...

------------------
SanibelMan - My Homepage
"All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs. Not my fault."

[SanibelMan]

Ooh, here's one I just thought of. I like it, but you guys might hate it. Which is the idea, right?

"The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growin' old (?)
But his blood runs through my instruments
And his song is in my soul...

My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band"

------------------
SanibelMan - My Homepage
"All right. Have it your own way. Road to hell paved with unbought stuffed dogs. Not my fault."

[neuro-trash grrrl]

I gave my sister a copy of Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs for Christmas. That particular part had her in hysterics, although that might be in part because we had our own parody version at one point. The only part I can remember now is the chorus. It went a little something like this:

Don't tell my bladder
My freaky leaky bladder
I just don't think you understand
And if you tell my bladder
My freaky leaky bladder
I'll just go and overflow the can!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

However, I'm surprised that no one's mentioned:

Girl, you know it's true... Oo oo oo, I want you...

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Get out of my head! Out out out out out out out!!!! I can't take it anymore!

BLAM!!!!

------------------
An infinite number of rednecks in an infinite number of pickup trucks shooting an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite number of road signs will eventually produce all the world's great works of literature in Braille.

[SanibelMan]

Wait, is that the one that goes

"Girl, you know it's true
All I have to do
Is take a look at you
Then I'm not so blue..."

(Hmm, it seems I might be edging closer to 500 with this post... hmm...)

[NickyLarson]

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk

I'm a womans man

No time to talk...



------------------
If it jams, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

[ruadh]

Karma karma karma karma karma chameleon
You come and go, you come and go
Loving would be easy if your colors were like my dreams
Red gold and green, red gold and green

------------------
"Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!"

[Ringo]

That's the way

Uh-Huh Uh-Huh

I like it,

Uh-Huh Ih-Huh

That's the way

Uh-Huh Uh-Huh

I like it

Uh-Huh Uh-Huh

Or, KC's other Big One:

Do a little dance...

Make a little love..

Get Down TONIGHT!!!

[Shayna]

RTFirefly

I tell ya, Shayna, that post give the lie to your sig line!

Tee hee But wasn't that the point? Stay tuned, I've got more...

NickyLarson

Well you can tell by the way I use my walk
I'm a womans man

No time to talk...

Yeah, but Nicky, I challenge you to give us the next line from that song (without looking it up on-line). LOL.

My additional entries...

I met her on a Monday and my heart stood still
Da Do Ron Ron Ron. Da Do Ron Ron.
Somebody told me that her name was Jill
Da Do Ron Ron Ron. Da Do Ron Ron.

----------

Midnight at the oasis
Send your camel to bed
Shadows paintin' our faces
Traces of romance in our heads

Heaven's holdin' a half-moon
Shinin' just for us
Let's slip off to a sand dune, real soon
And kick up a little dust

Come on, Cactus is our friend
He'll point out the way
Come on, till the evenin' ends
Till the evenin' ends

You don't have to answer
There's no need to speak
I'll be your belly dancer, prancer
And you can be my sheik

----------

Looooooovin' you is easy 'cause you're beautiful
Makin' love with you is aaaaaaall I waaaaaaana do
Lovin' you is more than just a dream come true
Everything that I do is out of looooooovin' you

No one else can make me feel the colors that you bring
Stay with me while we grow old
And we will live each day in springtime

Looooooovin' you has made my life so beautiful
And every day of my --- liiiiiiiife is filled with loooooooovin' you
Lovin' you I see your soul come shining through
And every time that we --- ooooh I'm more in love with you

La la la la la. La la la la la. La la la la la la la la-la. [high piercing shriek]EEEEEEEEeeeeeeee-eeeeeeeeeeee!

Is that sufficient torture for you? :evil grin:

------------------
"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

[Persephone]

Delta Dawn
What's that flower you have on
Could it be a faded rose
From days gone byyyyyy....



------------------
Changing my sig, because Wally said to, and I really like Wally, and I'll do anything he says, anytime he says to.

[ruadh]

You know, every time I think I've thought of a new one, I discover Dirty Devil's already beat me to it.

I think this one was missed:

I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know if you know what I mean

Philosophy is a talk on a cereal box
Religion is a smile on a dog

I'm not aware of too many things
I know what I know if you know what I mean

Choke me in the shallow water
Before I get too deep

What I am is what I am, are you what you are or what?

------------------
"Shut up! I'm having a rhetorical conversation!"

[AHunter3]

OK, for the rest of you geezers, since the young'uns won't have reason to cringe:

I'm get-ting closer to my wur-ruld.....

I'm get-ting closer to my wur-ruld.....

[Milossarian]

Amadeus Amadeus
Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus
Amadeus
Amadeus Amadeus
o-o-o Amadeus

Come and rock me Amadeus!


I'm so good, I can poison your minds with cheesy, worthless songs that won't leave your head that don't have any words!

Cue the synthesizers for some "Axel F"

Doo, dee doo-doo dee doo doo
Doo dee doo-doo dee doo doo
Doo-doo dee doo-doo-doo-doo dee-dooooh

I'm a cruel bastard.

------------------
"You should tell the truth, expose the lies and live in the moment." - Bill Hicks

[John Corrado]

The scary thing is, some of the songs listed I actually *like* having running through my head. Haven't thought about Men Without Hats in ages...

But to throw some fuel onto this raging fire, howz about:

Poor old Johnny Ray
Sounded sad upon the radio
He moved a million hearts in mono
Our mothers cried and sang along and who'd blame them?
Now you're grown, so grown, now I must say more than ever
Go toora loora toora loo rye aye
And we can sing just like our fathers ....

Come on Eileen! Well, I swear (what he means)
At this moment, you mean everything
With you in that dress, my thoughts I confess
Verge on dirty ......
Ah, come on Eileen!

------------------
JMCJ

Give to Radiskull!

[Coldfire]

OK, it's time to stop being nice and get the heavy artillery out. Brace thyselves.

" Rooooooooooooooooxeanne....
You don't have to put on the red light "

" We both lie silent and still in the dead of the night
Although we both lie close together,
We feel miles apart inside
Was it something I said or something I did,
Did my words not come out right? "

(And get ready for this, MoosieGirl )
" Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (4X)

Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other
chance tonight
Gimme the other, gimme the other
Night to night
Gimme the other, gimme the other world

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh (4X)"

MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA

------------------
Coldfire
________________________________
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

[Globe-trotter]

Cold, I'll get you for that one...I don't know when or where, but I'll get you!

------------------
"I thought: opera, how hard can it be? Songs. Pretty girls dancing. Nice scenery. Lots of people handing over cash. Got to be better than the cut-throat world of yoghurt, I thought." - Seldom Bucket

[Coldfire]

Sticks and stones baby....... the only way to get me back is to get EVEN! But since you neglected to do so:

" Well I remember every little thing,
As if it happened only yesterday.... "

AND:

" Teeeeeeeeeeeeeell me does she loooooooove you,
Like the way I loooooove you... "

:: EVIL GRIN ::

------------------
Coldfire
Voted Poster Most Likely To Post Drunk
________________________________________________________
"You know how complex women are"
- Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

"On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me,
A partridge in a pear tree."

Can it get worse?

"If you want my money,
And you think I'm sexy
Come on sugar let me know.

If you really need me,
Just reach out and touch me,
Come on honey tell me so."

Steve Dahl's response:

"Do you think I'm disco
Cause I spend so much time
Blow-drying out my hair?

Do you think I'm disco
Cause I know the dance steps?
Learned 'em all at Fred Astaire."

[RTFirefly]

You forgot the part,

"Do you think I'm disco,
am I superficial,
come on now and tell me so..."

I am, I said,
To no one there,
And no one heard at all,
Not even the chair...

Barcalounger on line 2, Mr. Diamond...

[eden]

Cristi, I also love Safety Dance! (Although what the hell does that title mean, anyway?)

And Ruadh, how dare you smear Boy George?! Here's a sample for 'ya':

"I'll be your baby
I'll be your score
I'll run the gun for you and
so......much......more!

I'll tumble for ya!
I'll tumble for ya!
I'll tumble for ya!
I'll tumble for you!"

heh heh

Here's one I really hate:

"Have I told you lately
that I love you
Have I told you
There's no one else
Above you

You fill my heart with gladness
Take away all my sadness
Ease my troubles
That's what you do"

*BLAM*

[RTFirefly]

It's time to 'fess up and admit that there are a number of songs (a few? several? ) people have named above that I really like:

"Roxanne" by the Police
"C'mon Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners
"Pink Houses" by John Mellencamp (little ditty 'bout Jack and Diane)
"If It Makes You Happy" by Sheryl Crow, and especially
"My Sharona" by The Knack, which can get me up and dancin' when I'm in a near-death state after a rotten day.

But a special confession: I must be The Last Person In America Who Still Likes the "Macarena". I know I deserve to be put to death for this, and I grovel for mercy. But I can't help it, I still like it.

------------------
"Living in this complex world of the future is not unlike having bees live inside your head." - F. Scott Firesign

[RTFirefly]

The ones I really don't like are the ultra-sappy ones, like "Honey", "MacArthur Park" (officially the worst song of all time, as the Dave Barry aficionados know), virtually anything by Barry Manilow or the Bee Gees (and my wife likes both of them - I'm convinced that God has a twisted sense of humor), "Seasons in the Sun", "Close to You", and stuff like that.

Along those lines:

"Torn between two lovers,
feeling like a fool,
loving both of you
is breaking all the rules..."

[Yankee Blue]

...For your listening enjoyment, a medley...

Met her on a Sunday and her name was Jill, da doo run run run
da doo run run...

We're on a Mexican - whoa oh - radio, we're on a Mexican - whoa oh - radio....


They called us gypsies, tramps, and thieves....




------------------
All you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people.

[GraceTX]

Originally posted by Shayna:

(and just to torment Grace a little bit...)

I found her diary underneath a tree
And started reading about me.
The words she'd written took me by surprise.
You'd never read them in her eyes.
They said that she had found the love she'd waited for.
Wouldn't you know it -- she wouldn't show it.

And as I go through my life, I will wish for her my wife, all the sweet things I can find.

Noooooo!! [picture Grace in a Captain Kirk yelling Khan type pose]


That's just cruel and unusual punishment Shayna. Prison inmates aren't even subjected to that kind of treatment.

[NickyLarson]

God, has this been mentioned?

I've seen all good people
turn their heads each day
so satisfied I'm on my way.

(Repeat twelve times)

------------------
"If I pinch my nose with my fingers, close my mouth tight,
and blow real hard, I can make my ears bleed. It's
not as cool as Superman's X-ray vision, but it's my own
special talent."

[Milossarian]

Does anyone remember how "You're havin my baby" and "Watching Scotty Grow" go?

As for the latter, I can only remember "Watching Scotty Die" by the Dead Milkmen

[Weirddave]

"I'm too sexy for my shirt
too sexy for my shirt
so sexy it hurts.."


and this one NEVER leaves once it takes up residence..

"Jesus Christ, Superstar, who in the hell do you think you are?"

And finally, for those who like Afternoon Delight, Cclose to You, Having my Baby, and others, I recommend you listen to Circle Jerks Golden Shower of Hits. Pretty damn funny

RTFirefly:
You forgot the part,

"Do you think I'm disco,
am I superficial,
come on now and tell me so..."

The second chorus, which is actually,

"Do you think I'm disco?
Am I superficial?
Lookin' hip's my only goal.

Do you think I'm disco?
Maybe it's not too late
To get into rock 'n' roll."

Then he melts all of his gold chains into a Led Zeppelin belt buckle, and trades in his 280Z for a '69 Dart.

Yes, I also like My Sharona. And Don't Bring Me Down. Maybe I wasn't sufficiently burned out on them. Fortunately, I've not heard most of the rest of these torture devices.

Cringe at this:

"I was a fool to wander and stray,
But straight is the gate and narrow's the way.
Now I've traded my wrong for my right,
Praise the Lord! I saw the light!

I saw the light! I saw the light!
No more darkness, no more night.
I'm so happy, no sorrow in sight.
Praise the Lord! I saw the light!"