In the spirit of pee topics!

[Sue Duhnym]

I realize that women go to the bathroom together, but we only do so with friends, and we go in stalls with doors!

How do you men deal with being at the urinal and in walks your boss? Or an underling?

Do you peek?

Is there some sort of urinal etiquette?

Gimme the dope!

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A woman needs four animals in her life: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
---Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Demo]

If you look at anything other than the wall in front of you, you will get your ass beat.

On a similar note, when I was on a training exercise(in the army) once, the bathroom had a long row of toilets(no dividers). I waited all day to go in when there was no one in there and I finally made it. I took the very last toilet, no one else was in there. Right as I am in the middle of working on a major load, some guy comes in and sits right next to me! The army has some real gems, I tell ya.

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Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
when I said I'd like to smash every tooth in your head.

[Omniscient]

Sue, I don't think guys pissing next to a friend is any different than pissing next to a stranger. We just don't give a shit. The ultimate test being the giant wrap-around trough in Wrigley. And no, normal guys don't peek, you seen one, you've seen 'em all. Not to mention size when flaccid won't tell you anything anyways.

Demo, thats balls funny.

[Sue Duhnym]

Okay, here's another on along the same lines:

Do all men fart when they pee?

Mr. Duhnym says, "YES!"

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A woman needs four animals in her life: A mink in the closet, a Jaguar in the garage, a tiger in the bedroom, and an ass to pay for it all.
---Zsa Zsa Gabor

[Rysdad]

A real man wouldn't peek even if the guy next to him said, "Hey, there's a scorpion on my dick."

Looking at the wall is the accepted method. You may look down at what you're doing, but you shouldn't look down, suddenly gasp, and say, "Oh my God!"

Going "hands-free" demonstrates one of two things: You're either showing off, or your diminuitive size doesn't need any digital support. This style should be avoided.

One never giggles while peeing. Never. Not even if you managed to urinarily manipulate a cigarette butt through one of the little holes.

Conversation is verboten. Even between friends.

You're supposed to spit in the urinal before using it. It's a guy thing.

One or two shakes is acceptable. Any more than that and you risk severe scorn.

NEVER use a urinal right next to someone if there are other urinals available. To do so would earn you label immediately.

[Shayna]

You're supposed to spit in the urinal before using it. It's a guy thing.

Wow, you really do learn something new every day. And what, exactly, is that supposed to accomplish? That's so funny.

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"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

[Shayna]

You're supposed to spit in the urinal before using it. It's a guy thing.

Wow, you really do learn something new every day. And what, exactly, is that supposed to accomplish? That's so funny.

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"How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world." - Anne Frank

[hightechburrito]

In a previous thread on urinal etiquette, someone had linked to an amusing quiz. Anyone still know the link?

[hightechburrito]

Here it is, http://flasharcade.com/urinal.html

[Strait]

Okay, since we are talking about peeing, I just have to share what happened to me today. Was walking down the stairs towards the parking lot (I live in an apartment complex). Saw a truck at the bottom of the stairs with some liquid running down the tailgate. I proceeded to walk down the stairs when long and behold a man turned around with his pecker hanging out (can i use pecker in here??). Anyway, the guy quickly tried to put his pecker back in his pants while proceeding to apologize to me, telling me he just couldnt hold it anymore (when there is a bathroom approximately 50yards away at the main office). You know what beats this story up even more?? The guy worked for Southwestern Bell. He was a repairman from the local telephone company! You know, quite frankly, I didnt give a rats behind that he couldnt hold his urine. I'm a pregnant woman that has to pee every 2 minutes, yet I am able to contain myself. Hell, maybe i'm just jealous because I can't relieve myself without pulling my pants down, and squating so i dont pee on myself. But seriously, I could not believe the wonderful professionalism of my local telephone repairman.

[Lexicon]

Two most feared words heard in a men's restroom:
"Nice dick,"

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"Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots."
And
"This site is more addictive than caramel-covered crack!"

[ChiefScott]

strait --

You seem to have exceptional high standards for local telephone repairmen. They ain't brain surgeons...

lex --

Wrong. Two most feared words: "Li'l help?"


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Voted Best Sport
And narrowly averted the despised moniker Smiley Master

Forward deployed until 18AUG00

[Lexicon]

Or how about (standing at a urinal)
"Damn this water's cold!"

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"Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots."
And
"This site is more addictive than caramel-covered crack!"

[Squee]

Aw, crap! Wasn't this a HeatherLee topic a few months ago? ::shudder::

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"Penises don't belong in the mouth, girls and boys. You've got the wrong hole there. Just like you wouldn't shove pizza up your nose."
-From the Brother Jed flyer-

[Strait]

Originally posted by ChiefScott:
strait --

You seem to have exceptional high standards for local telephone repairmen. They ain't brain surgeons...

Of course I have high standards for companies I do business with. But this has nothing to do with my standards, this has to do with common decensy (omg, i know i spelled that wrong). What if I had been a 10 year old girl walking down the stairs? This was in the middle of an apartment complex!!!

[plnnr]

Winter of 1986 I was working in the State Capital here in Richmond. One afternoon I'm at the urinal, doing my thing, when the Governor walks in and takes the one right next to me. No police detail, no bomb sniffing dogs, just the Guv and me. I suppose that's the most famous person I've ever gone to the bathroom with.

[Johnny L.A.]

Three urination anecdotes:

1. A friend of mine was a helicopter pilot during the Gulf War. She used to get up early so she could have a little privacy if there were no "facilities" around. Usually she's go behind the tail of the Blackhawk. One morning there was a lot of cargo lying around that afforded good cover, so she went there. A couple of minutes later, a piece of "cargo" started to move. A soldier had been sleeping under a poncho. She told him, "Hey! I almost peed on your head!"

2. I worked on the sixth floor of a building. Next door was a car rental agency. I looked out the window, and I could see a worker on the roof of the building next door relieving himself in the open. Two female co-workers saw it as well. You'd think that if you were next to a 12-storey building with hundreds of windows, someone might see.

3. This was in Lars von Trier's The Kingdom. INT. RESTROOM, DAY: "Stig", the obnoxious Swedish doctor, is standing next to a large Haitian man. Stig looks over at him, then looks down. Stig displays a shocked look, glances up at the black man, looks down again at the man's "unit" with an indignant expression, then looks back up and slaps the Haitian in the face. Friggin' hilarious!


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"I must leave this planet, if only for an hour." -- Antoine de St. Exupéry

Are you a turtle?

[malaka]

Or how about (standing at a urinal)
"Damn this water's cold!"

"The water's not too bad, but, damn, these pipes are twisty!"

[handy]

I wait so no guys are in there when I pee. That solves that Sue.

Also, it depends on how many urinals there are. Lets say there were five & X= vacant ones & 0= a guy. So you walk in [not you I mean a guy]:
XXX0X You would take the spot of the first X. If: 0X0XX You would take the fifth spot. If: 0X0X0 Which would you pick Sue?

[dwtno]

"Damn this water's cold!"

"Yeah, and it's deep too."

(Appologies to Mr, Pryor)