Now here's a guy I feel bad for -- Doug Christie

asahiJpx · August 2, 2003, 10:07am

From Madden Planet forums:

Funny, but sad stuff…

Is it possible to be this whipped?

This stuff about Christie has been known for years. Here is one of my personal favorite quotes of last season…

At a luncheon, Shaq said his surgically repaired foot felt fine because “I had Doug Christie’s wife massage it for me before coming over here.”

Here’s some stuff the Sports Guy wrote for page 2 when the news first came out about the Christie’s. Readers sometimes email him about whipped friends and he tells them to buy their friend a Doug Christie jersey which is the ultimate symbol of being whipped.

Did you see that New York Times article about Christie and his wife, the piece that resulted in the Whipped Hall of Fame being quickly changed to the Doug Christie Memorial Hall of Fame? Everyone has that one buddy who constantly makes up lame excuses because his wife or girlfriend won’t let him leave the house, but Christie takes it to another level. This is unprecedented stuff. Few things have rendered me speechless over the years, but check out some of these tidbits:
You know when Christie raises his arm, extends his pinky and index fingers and signals into the air? He’s actually signalling “I love you” to his wife (Jackie), something that happens 50-60 times a game, even during crunch-time. It’s almost like he suffers from a whipped version of Tourette’s.
Some direct quotes and excerpts: “With few exceptions, Doug Christie does not look at other women, avoiding dialogue or even direct contact” … The Christies remarry every year on their anniversary, “not a mere renewal of their wedding vows but an actual wedding – replete with friends, family cake and a reception” … Mrs. Christie attends 25-30 of the Kings road games, always riding on the team charter … “(She) arrives before games with her husband and leaves with him after” … “She sends him a note in the locker room before every game, taken there by a team attendant. He writes a reply and sends it back” … “Sometimes on the road, Jackie will ride in a car behind the team bus, talking to Doug until he arrives at the hotel or arena.”

(I kept waiting for this part: “When Doug asked if he could attend Mateen Cleaves’ bachelor party this season, his wife burned his clothes and set his BMW convertible on fire.”)
My favorite part: “When Christie played for the Raptors, his wife once confronted a female fan seeking an autograph and a kiss in Toronto. ‘A security guard grabbed her, but I put my hand up and told her to back off really loud,’ she said. ‘It scared me, because my voice sounded like a demon … she was touching someone she shouldn’t have been.’”

I guess there are three appropriate reactions here:

If you had one TV wish, wouldn’t it be for the Christies to appear on “Temptation Island.” I always write how this-and-that would make for the greatest TV series ever, but realistically, a “Temptation Island” with the Christies … that would never be topped in the annals of TV history. That’s the Comedy Ceiling right there, isn’t it? Even my idea for the HBO talk show with Corey Haim, Corey Feldman and an open bar couldn’t come close.

If you were granted an alternate TV wish, wouldn’t it be for an “Osbournes”-style reality-TV show called “The Christies”? Just Doug getting harassed by his wife in episodes entitled “I wasn’t looking at her!” and “I told you, that was Peja’s fiancee!”

From this point forward, doesn’t Christie’s replica Kings jersey immediately become the best possible way for a group of guys to humiliate one of their emasculated buddies? Let’s say you have that one friend who’s spending a little too much time with a new girlfriend, and it seems like she’s wearing the pants in the family, to the point that your buddy has been blowing you off. BOOM! Everyone chips in five bucks, you purchase the Christie jersey, and you mail it anonymously to him.

Neurotik · August 2, 2003, 1:17pm

Of course, he also admitted that he was scared during the waning minutes of the 2002 Game 7 vs the Lakers. Then he had to punch Rick Fox to get the respect of his teammates back.

Christie’s a punk.

Marley23 · August 2, 2003, 9:44pm

Not to defend anybody’s behavior, but given the propensity NBA players have for cheating on their wives, I wouldn’t blame the Christies for laying out some strict ground rules.

Zenster · August 2, 2003, 10:03pm

Is it possible to be so sports obsessed whereby you think this sort of fluff even merits a thread of its own?

Marley23 · August 2, 2003, 10:04pm

I guess it must be.

soulmurk · August 3, 2003, 3:38am

Is it possible to be so ostentatious whereby you think this sort of fluff even merits a reply from an uninterested poster?

That said, to the OP: who cares?

Satisfying_Andy_Licious · August 3, 2003, 7:22am

The wife sounds like she’s in the running for the Mary Todd Lincoln Award for Wifely Stability.

green_bladder · August 3, 2003, 2:48pm

:eek:

3waygeek · August 3, 2003, 3:01pm

Note that this is also in the current News of the Weird; evidently a female employee of the Kings was fired for giving Christie a phone message – she’s suing the team for unlawful termination.

Silentgoldfish · August 3, 2003, 3:35pm

I don’t like sports much either, but a post like that is exactly the same as those assholish “it’s only a movie” posts every movie nitpicking thread is guaranteed.

Marley23 · August 3, 2003, 8:40pm

This was a joke on the part of the writer, not an actual event.

Zenster · August 3, 2003, 11:06pm

And I find it to be a complete waste of bandwidth speculating on just how whipped some overinflated ball player is in real life. Somehow, I managed to leave out the personal aspersions, unlike less courteous people. Personally, I can understand how some folk might view being completely sucked into a movie (e.g., Titanic) to be on a par with sports obsession.
It’s only a movie = It’s only a game
I can just hear the hamsters groaning, “Yeah, what a wuss Doug Christie is, now there’s a vital topic of discussion.”

World_Eater · August 5, 2003, 5:33pm

I don’t feel do bad for him, after all he has tons of fans, and millions of dollars.

I think it’s pretty funny that he is totally whipped.

MrMyth · August 5, 2003, 6:58pm

checks forum description
Hmmm.

Beadalin · August 5, 2003, 7:34pm

Maybe I am missing the proper context, or something, but instead of seeing him as “whipped,” it seems he’s gotten himself a devoted wife to whom he is similarly devoted (or at least puts on a good act of it). To be whipped, a man has to ask his wife before he can do anything, rarely gets to go out with friends (if ever), lives in a froufy girlie house, etc. etc. Showing love, having a wife who travels with you, even renewing your vows in whatever way you want doesn’t seem whipped to me.

The whole wedding-every-year thing is a bit over the top, but then again, may be exaggerated. I wouldn’t hold it against anyone to throw an anniversary part every year, and that might well be all that is, in essence.

Oh well. I’ve seen worse. This guy’s just getting attention because he makes a zillion dollars, is in a manly-man sport, and gasp isn’t fucking around! It’s crazy go nuts!

greck · August 5, 2003, 8:23pm

Hey, ANY reason to punch rick fox is a good one in my book.

Re: the op, I dunno, he probably IS whipped and they probably won’t make it long past his nba career unless some real changes are made. This is domesic violence waiting to happen.

Meanwhile: If that’s what it takes to keep him faithful, so be it. I’m inclined to think that such extreme measures might be necessary, I mean, Christie’s no hack, he’s bound to get frequent offers.

NurseCarmen · August 5, 2003, 9:36pm

As long as the guy is happy, good for him.

If he’s in a overly controlling relationship, I pity him.

Omniscient · August 5, 2003, 10:12pm

Zenster, stuff it.

The Sports Guy is a true fave of mine, I’ve removed ESPN.com as my homepage ever since he’s cut back his column writing to help on the Kimmel Show.

My favorite Christie Jerset moment was when he got into the fight with Fox, there was none other than Mrs. Christie in the middle weilding a purse at Shaq and Co. Seemed like it had to be a SNL skit. Truly he is whipped to a degree that boggles the mind.