The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > In My Humble Opinion (IMHO)

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 10-20-2003, 10:07 PM
chaoticbear chaoticbear is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Gay vs. Bisexual?

1st: This is probably the wrong forum for this.

Actual question: I'm starting to question my sexuality and wonder: Am I really gay? How does one know whether or not he is simply homosexual or if the opposite sex attraction is really there or just imagined to fit into society. (I'm 16, male btw). These are the kinds of questions I'm asking myself as I'm preparing to come out in the "real world", and I'm currently still a gay(?) in hiding.
__________________
magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.
"Hubert Cumberdale, you taste like soot and poo." *cry*
disputed MPSIMS TMI award winner! and Also MMP TMI winner!
Reply With Quote
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 10-20-2003, 10:35 PM
Larry Griffin Larry Griffin is offline
Charter Member
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2000
Location: New York State of Mind
Posts: 2,451
This thread is better suited for IMHO. I'll move it for you.

__________________

Cajun Man ~ SDMB Moderator
Reply With Quote
  #3  
Old 10-20-2003, 11:03 PM
Palewriter Palewriter is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
"I'm starting to question my sexuality "

Hm. This sounds like psychology-babbel to me.

What turns you on? Do you want to screw around with boys or girls? After you've done one or the other (or both) a few times, I guess you'll know the answer to your question. Personally, I wouldn't worry about it too much. Follow your instincts and you'll know. What you do with that information is another story.

- PW
Reply With Quote
  #4  
Old 10-20-2003, 11:28 PM
shy guy shy guy is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
I was in your situation a few years ago (I'm 19).

I had myself convinced that I was bisexual because I figured that way I could still just date women/get married/have kids/etc. In deciding this I ignored (denied) the fact that I had and have absolutely no sexual attraction toward women whatsoever.

So you really don't know if your attractions to the oppisite sex are real or simply something you've led yourself to believe you have. All you can really do is wait until you find the answer for yourself.

YMMV, of course, but for me the real clincher was when I actually dated a girl. That's when all the gears just kind of snapped into place and it dawned on me that "Huh. This just isn't going to work at all, is it."
Reply With Quote
  #5  
Old 10-21-2003, 12:07 AM
InternetLegend InternetLegend is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 3,510
I don't think there are any cut and dried answers for your situation. The beauty of it, though, is that you don't have to fit yourself into any pre-cut niche if you don't want to. If you feel unsure, the best thing for you might be to take it easy, don't feel obliged to commit to any one way of being just now, and give yourself the time and space you need to work out just who you are.

This is good advice for most 16-year-olds in general. You're growing and changing at the same time that you're learning about yourself and your place in the world. Don't try to rush it. The answers will come to you with experience.
Reply With Quote
  #6  
Old 10-21-2003, 09:29 AM
Otto Otto is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Madison WI
Posts: 22,506
This is why I like the label "queer." Gay? Bi? Who cares? Be queer!

Or be straight, if you're straight.

Or be whatever you want and don't worry about what other people think. And Google "gay youth resources" for a lot of good links and resources for young "questioning" people.
Reply With Quote
  #7  
Old 10-21-2003, 09:47 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
I can only speak as a bisexual male who is "out" in the sense that people with whom I've had sexual relationships know about that part of my makeup, but the approach has served me pretty well.

I follow the maxim Otto put forth:

"Be whatever you want and don't worry about what other people think."

This is made much easier if accept the notion that your sex life and sexual preference are no one else's business other than your own. You don't need to "come out" to anyone (other than the people you're attracted to and want to have relationships with) if you don't want to - accept yourself for what you are, treat others as you'd like to be treated, and you can't go too wrong. I'm not suggesting that you feel as if your sexuality is some deep, dark, dirty secret - it isn't. It is a deeply personal part of you, but it is only one part of you.

My .02.
Reply With Quote
  #8  
Old 10-21-2003, 11:40 AM
Bippy the Beardless Bippy the Beardless is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
The Bisexual will allways win, if he's prepared

As for the OP, don't sweat the details, what people call you and what you call yourself is of little real importance. Love whomever you love, pay no head to the others.
Reply With Quote
  #9  
Old 10-21-2003, 12:33 PM
Dogface Dogface is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 3,466
Quote:
Originally posted by Otto
This is why I like the label "queer." Gay? Bi? Who cares? Be queer!

Or be straight, if you're straight.
I dislike this dichotomy, immensely. It lumps everybody into the "right" or "straight" and the "not right" or "not straight" categories. So are we talking like "a single drop of Negro blood" here to define who is and isn't "queer"?
Reply With Quote
  #10  
Old 10-21-2003, 12:45 PM
Potter Potter is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2001
I can't say how disappointed I am that this is not a "Superman vs. Wolverine"-type thread.

However, does it really matter if you're not sure what you are? Why do you need to know? Things may change as you get older: they haven't for me so far, but I've had gay friends who've later re-classified themselves as bi, or bi friends who've actually figured out that they're more attracted to one specific sex or more likely to develop relationships with one sex, so have changed the manner in which they define their sexuality. I've slept with women and it's only reinforced for me precisely how queer I am, but I know people who have introduced themselves to a different sexuality late in life and taken to it like a duck to water. Just go with what you feel at the moment. Shouldn't be a biggie if you ever decide you need a change.
Reply With Quote
  #11  
Old 10-21-2003, 04:39 PM
JohnBckWLD JohnBckWLD is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Thread title implied a Tag-Team Celebrity Death Match between:
Boy George / Elton John / George Michael & KD Lang
versus
Mick Jagger / David Bowie / Lou Reed & Courtney Love.

As advised by other posters:
Just identify yourself as an individual
There's no need to self-label yourself
Live, enjoy and experience - Don't analyze, ponder and question
Just be.
Reply With Quote
  #12  
Old 10-21-2003, 06:16 PM
Otto Otto is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Jan 2000
Location: Madison WI
Posts: 22,506
Quote:
I dislike this dichotomy, immensely. It lumps everybody into the "right" or "straight" and the "not right" or "not straight" categories. So are we talking like "a single drop of Negro blood" here to define who is and isn't "queer"?
Personally I'm not defining anyone. Not sure what's got your dudgeon up exactly.
Reply With Quote
  #13  
Old 10-21-2003, 07:12 PM
matt_mcl matt_mcl is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Montreal
Posts: 20,196
I knew I was gay at 16, but some people don't know what they are at 30.

Give it time. It's not something that takes a lot of deduction; when you know, you'll know.

Whoever you do, though, remember to be safe and sane.
Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 05:50 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.