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  #1  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:27 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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"It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Syphilis" and other seasonal parodies

In another thread, Dung Beetle reminded me of the lovely holiday tune "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Syphilis." What are your favorite holiday song parodies? I have a few I hum all winter:

Allan Sherman's "God Rest Ye, Jerry Mendleman"

"We Three Kings of Orient Are (Smoking On a Rubber Cigar)"

The lovely and haunting "Oy Vey, Maria"

My friend Joe's "Get a Ho, Get a Ho, Get a Ho"
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  #2  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:35 PM
Dung Beetle Dung Beetle is offline
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Gee, I'm sure I have more, but I'm all flustered!
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  #3  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:42 PM
lieu lieu is offline
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Silent Knight (but Deadly Knight)
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  #4  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:48 PM
Michael Ellis Michael Ellis is offline
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An old childhood favorite

Jingle bells, Batman smells,
Robin laid an egg,
Batmobile popped a wheel,
And the Joker got away!
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  #5  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:51 PM
Eve Eve is offline
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Oh, and I love Charo's version of "Silent Night," where she tells us to "slip in heavenly piss."
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  #6  
Old 12-16-2003, 03:58 PM
Kalhoun Kalhoun is offline
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I'm dreaming of some green acid,
Just like the stuff I used to drop.
May your trips be merry, not meeeaaaaan,
And may all your acid.....be green.
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  #7  
Old 12-16-2003, 04:04 PM
epolo epolo is offline
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From Walt Kelly's Pogo:

Deck Us All With Boston Charlie

Deck us all with Boston Charlie
Walla Walla Wash and Kalamazoo
Nora's freezing on the trolley
Swaller doller cauliflower alleygaroo...

and

Good King Sauerkraut
Good King Sauerkraut did look out
On his feets uneven...
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  #8  
Old 12-16-2003, 04:04 PM
Scuba_Ben Scuba_Ben is offline
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Sung as fast as possible:

Jopinglopel Boppels, Jopinglopel Boppels,
Jopinglopel opall thope wopay,
Opoh wopat fopun opit opis topoo ropide
Opin opa wopon hoporse opopwopen slopay!
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  #9  
Old 12-16-2003, 04:32 PM
White Ink White Ink is offline
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Christians roasting o'er an open fire
Jack Frost ripping up your nose...

Deck the halls with chopped up bodies...
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  #10  
Old 12-16-2003, 04:37 PM
Sauron Sauron is offline
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IIIII'mmm dreaming ... of a whiiiiiite slaver ...
Just like the one who put me heeeeere ...
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  #11  
Old 12-16-2003, 04:49 PM
bughunter bughunter is offline
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I only remember the first two lines:

Deck the halls with Marijuana
Decorate the tree with LSD...
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  #12  
Old 12-16-2003, 05:00 PM
TwistofFate TwistofFate is offline
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"I saw Mummy shagging Santa Claus"
" It's Silent Night and the weather is shite"

Both by the Scruff Merchants.
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  #13  
Old 12-16-2003, 06:18 PM
tisiphone tisiphone is offline
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My faraway fave is Weird Al's "The Night Santa Went Crazy".

Down in the workshop all the elves were makin' toys
For the good Gentile girls and the good Gentile boys
When the boss busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled Yuletide Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye
"Merry Christmas to all - now you're all gonna die!"
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  #14  
Old 12-16-2003, 06:21 PM
SpoilerVirgin SpoilerVirgin is online now
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Walkin' 'Round in Womens' Underwear is my favorite.
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  #15  
Old 12-16-2003, 09:27 PM
Zap_Rowsdower Zap_Rowsdower is offline
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Enjoy
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  #16  
Old 12-16-2003, 09:29 PM
RTFirefly RTFirefly is offline
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Bucky, from Get Fuzzy:

"Jingle presents, beat the pheasants,
reindeer taste like spam,
kick the elf, engorge yourself,
and ambush Santa's van, Hey!"
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  #17  
Old 12-16-2003, 09:37 PM
Zap_Rowsdower Zap_Rowsdower is offline
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Well, it worked yesterday!!
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  #18  
Old 12-16-2003, 10:22 PM
Zap_Rowsdower Zap_Rowsdower is offline
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Maybe this time
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  #19  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:12 AM
HDS HDS is offline
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The boy brought his home from school:

Dashing throught the snow
In a pair of rubber skis
Over the hills we go
Crashing into trees OW OW OW!
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  #20  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:30 AM
pseudotriton ruber ruber pseudotriton ruber ruber is offline
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I'm dreaming of a white Christian,
Just like the ones we used to know

[bbbyyy, big ending:]

and may all of your Christian sons be whiiiiite.
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  #21  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:37 AM
Jonathan Chance Jonathan Chance is online now
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Bob Rivers did a great one...

Quote:
Wreck the malls this Christmas season
Blow your cash for no good reason

Etc
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  #22  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:49 AM
astorian astorian is offline
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Another classic: "The Rest Room Door said Gentlemen"

http://website.lineone.net/~mredman/...y/comedy11.htm
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  #23  
Old 12-17-2003, 08:49 AM
N. Sane N. Sane is offline
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Who put the stump in my rump-de-bump-de-bump?
Who took and jammed it in my rama-lama-ding-dong?
Who stuck the shoot where I poop-she-poop-she-poop?
Who was that man who rammed it in my can
And left me stranded on this Christmas tree?


It's not quite accurate, but you get the general sense. Sung, of course, from the perspective of the angel on top of the tree.
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  #24  
Old 12-17-2003, 09:00 AM
pohjonen pohjonen is online now
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Da Yoopers Rusty Chevrolet:

http://www.stlyrics.com/songs/y/yoop...let224122.html
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  #25  
Old 12-17-2003, 11:07 AM
EddyTeddyFreddy EddyTeddyFreddy is offline
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Chipmunks roasting on an open fire
Jackals ripping at your throat;
You'll tell Carol, "You're a skunk and a liar,
And you smell like a billy goat!"

Everybody knows some turkey under mistletoe
Helps to make the party blight.
Tiny sots with their red eyes aglow
Will find the pavement hard tonight.

They know that Santa's been delayed;
He's overloaded, overworked, and underpaid.
And every mother-F is gonna try
To shoot a reindeer with his piece as they fly by.

And so I'm offering this special phrase:
"Buy now! Just $19.92!!!"
You know you've been had, many times, many ways;
Merry merchants screw you.

Yes, I wrote it. No, I don't get coal in my stocking every Christmas -- I don't hang a stocking.
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  #26  
Old 12-17-2003, 11:26 AM
Rico Rico is offline
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sing to the tune of "The Little Drummer Boy..."

Said the night wind to the little lamb,
"Do you see the Scotsman?
Hiding in the bushes little lamb,
Watch out for the Scotsman!
A kilt he wears, a zipper you can hear
He will come up on you from the rear,
Sneaking quietly from the rear."


I wrote that two days ago listening to the 24 hour Christmas music station in the car with cadolphin. I'm Scottish. I don't schtupp sheep.
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  #27  
Old 12-17-2003, 11:44 AM
V.bis and Baudhead V.bis and Baudhead is offline
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ABC, DEFG
HIJ, KMNOP
QRSTUVWXYZ
No 'L', No 'L'...

OK, maybe it's lame, but I thought it was pretty funny when I was a kid...
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  #28  
Old 12-17-2003, 11:57 AM
dangermom dangermom is offline
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By some guys I hung out with in college:

Cthulu the tentacled Old One
Had a very evil brain
And if you ever saw him
You would go completely insane
All of the puny mortals
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Cthulu
Join in any mortal games
Then one hellish deadly day
Cthulu came to say
Mortals with your souls so bright
I will dine on you tonight
Then all the mortals feared him
As they shouted out with pain
Cthulu the tentacled Old One
yeeeearararghhghgh!


It ain't great art, but it's very catchy.
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  #29  
Old 12-17-2003, 01:11 PM
Skywatcher Skywatcher is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Jonathan Chance
Bob Rivers did a great one...
Two.
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  #30  
Old 12-17-2003, 04:17 PM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
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LINK to complete "Boston Charlie" lyrics
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  #31  
Old 12-17-2003, 04:36 PM
Mtgman Mtgman is offline
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There's one I remember from when I was in high school but I only saw it as a printed page my brother's friend had given him and I've long since misplaced it. It was a parody of "The Night Before Christmas" and it was all bathroom humor. I only vaguely half-remember snatches of it. Santa farting, falling off the roof(when out on the lawn we heard such a yell, we knew all at once the fat fucker'd fell"

One of these day's I'll go googling for it.

Enjoy,
Steven
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  #32  
Old 12-17-2003, 06:30 PM
teela brown teela brown is offline
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Well, it's an original song, not a parody, but I can't help putting in a vote for "I Yust Go Nuts At Christmas," and this link will take you to the lyrics and an audio performance of the song:

Yogi Yorgesson's Carol
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  #33  
Old 12-17-2003, 06:36 PM
earthpuppy earthpuppy is offline
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Check the balls on Howard's collie
Fa la la la la... la la la la
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  #34  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:12 PM
Pelleas Pelleas is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Zap_Rowsdower
Maybe this time
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  #35  
Old 12-17-2003, 07:14 PM
Pelleas Pelleas is offline
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I don't know what happened to my comment but I said:
Hey, Zap, that was priceless.
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  #36  
Old 12-17-2003, 08:55 PM
RealityChuck RealityChuck is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by epolo
Good King Sauerkraut
Good King Sauerkraut did look out
On his feets uneven... [/B]
Winklehoff! Winklehoff is king!
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  #37  
Old 12-17-2003, 09:15 PM
Mama Tiger Mama Tiger is offline
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Or to quote the immortal Cheech & Chong:

Santa Claus wears a red suit; he's a Communist.
And a beard and long hair, must be a pacifist.
What's in that pipe that he's smoking?
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  #38  
Old 12-18-2003, 07:23 AM
CalMeacham CalMeacham is offline
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What about Allan Sherman's Twelve Days of Christmas? (,,,"Aand a Japanese Transistor Radio")

and isn't it Jerry Mendlebaum?
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  #39  
Old 12-18-2003, 01:38 PM
Myron Van Horowitzski Myron Van Horowitzski is offline
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The Restaurant Song

Chestnuts roasting in the microwave
Hash browns burning on the grill
Off-color jokes being told by the chef
And waitresses looking for a thrill

When you have to work
With turkeys and with imbeciles
It helps to make you lose your mind
Coffee-swilling busboys
With their eyes all aglaze
Will find it hard to sleep tonight

They know the owner's on his way
He's gonna yell and scream and stomp his foot all day
And all the kitchen crew is gonna sigh
They're going to go and drink like fish until they die

And so I'm offering this simple phrase
To all us groveling restaurant crew
Although it's been said many times, many ways
This job sucks, and the boss does too.
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  #40  
Old 12-18-2003, 01:54 PM
Myron Van Horowitzski Myron Van Horowitzski is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mtgman
There's one I remember from when I was in high school but I only saw it as a printed page my brother's friend had given him and I've long since misplaced it. It was a parody of "The Night Before Christmas" and it was all bathroom humor. I only vaguely half-remember snatches of it. Santa farting, falling off the roof(when out on the lawn we heard such a yell, we knew all at once the fat fucker'd fell"

One of these day's I'll go googling for it.

Enjoy,
Steven
I remember something like that too, only a little different... Let's see:

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the shack
The whole damn family was drunk off its ass
Grandma and Grandpa were singing a song
The kid was in bed flogging his dong

Ma, just home from the cathouse and I out of jail
Had just settled down for a good piece of tail
When out in the yard there arose such a clatter
I jumped off of ma to see what was the matter

Away to the window I flew like a flash
Threw open the window and fell on my ass
And what to my bloodshot eyes appeared
A rusty old sleigh and a bunch of reindeer
And a little old driver holding on to his dick
I knew in a moment the bastard was Saint Nick

Slower than snails his charges they came
He bitched and he moaned as he called them by name
"Now Dasher, now Dancer, up over the walls!
"Quick now, dammit or I'll cut off your balls!"


The rest I forget but it ends with:

I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight:
"PISS ON YOU ALL, IT'S A HELL OF NIGHT!"
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  #41  
Old 12-18-2003, 02:54 PM
Skywatcher Skywatcher is offline
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mtgman
One of these day's I'll go googling for it.
I put "PISS ON YOU ALL, IT'S A HELL OF NIGHT!" in google and found this:
Quote:
Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Everybody felt shitty
Even the Mouse,

Mom at the whorehouse
And Dad smoking grass
I'd just settled down
For a nice piece of ass,

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my piece
To see what was the matter,

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment
It must be Saint Nick,

He came down the chimney
Like a bat out of Hell
I knew in a moment
That the fucker fell,

He filled all our stockings
With pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick
For my brother, the queer.

He rose up the chimney
With a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch
Blew the chimney apart,

He swore and he cursed
As he rode out of sight
Piss on you all
And have a hell of a night!
Myron's missing lines are there, too.
Quote:
When up on the roof he stumbled and fell,
And came down the chimney like a bat out of Hell.

He staggered and stumbled and went to the door
He tripped on his dick and fell to the floor.
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  #42  
Old 12-18-2003, 06:20 PM
Yumanite Yumanite is offline
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From MAD magazine, I forget when:

[i]I'm screaming at some wild chipmunks
that ate up half my tulip bed;
Tho' I paid most dearly to guys who clearly
have failed to zap them 'til they're dead.

I'm up to here in wild chipmunks
Each day a brand new batch is born;
So I think It's fair that I warn
You'l get gift-wrapped chipmunks Christmas morn.[/i
]
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  #43  
Old 12-18-2003, 07:09 PM
pohjonen pohjonen is online now
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This one has been going around for years:

Dearest John:
I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised.
With dearest love and affection, Agnes

December 15th
Dearest John:
Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.
All my love, Agnes

Dear John:
Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three french hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind.
Love Agnes

December 17th
Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic.
Affectionately, Agnes

December 18th
Dearest John:
What a surprise! Today the postman delivered five golden rings. One for each finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, John, all those squawking birds were beginning to get on my nerves.
All my love, Agnes

December 19th
Dear John:
When I opened the door there were actually six geese-a-laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again, huh? Those geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. PLEASE STOP!
Cordially, Agnes

December 20th
John:
What's with you and those birds???? Seven swans-a-swimming. What kind of joke is this? There's bird do-do all over the house and they never stop the racket. I'm a nervous wreck and I can't sleep all night. IT'S NOT FUNNY.......So stop with those birds.
Sincerely, Agnes

December 21st
OK Buster:
I think I prefer the birds. What am I going to do with eight maids-a-milking? It's not enough with all those birds and eight maids-a-milking, but they had to bring their own cows. There is poop all over the lawn and I can't move into my own house. Just lay off me. .
Ag

December 22nd
Hey:
What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And do they play! They never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are upset and are stepping all over those screeching birds. No wonder they screech. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me. You'll get yours.
From Ag

December 23rd
You Creep!
Now there's ten ladies dancing - I don't know why I call them ladies. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of poop. The commissioner of buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned. I'm siccing the police on you.
One who means it, Ag

December 24th
Listen Idiot:
What's with the eleven lords a-leaping? All 234 of the birds are dead. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten swine.
Your sworn enemy, Miss Agnes McCallister

December 25th
Dear Sir:
This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling, which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McCallister. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McCallister at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have instructions to shoot you on sight. With this letter, please find attached a warrant for your arrest.
(From the law offices Badger, Bender & Cajole)
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  #44  
Old 12-19-2003, 05:27 PM
rowrrbazzle rowrrbazzle is offline
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The Four Skins did a version of "syphilis" and other medical parodies:
  • Tuber the Red Bacillus (Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer)
  • Gonno the Coccus (Frosty the Snowman)
  • Isn't Oral Contraception Grand (Walkin' in a Winter Wonderland)
Some non-Xmas parodies of theirs:
  • Red Cells in Your Urine (Red Sails in the Sunset)
  • It Had To Be Sprue (It Had To Be You)
  • Blame Arteriosclerosis (Blame It On The Bossa Nova)
  • How Do You Solve A Case Of Diarrhea? (How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria?)
Quote:
[i]Originally posted by epolo[i]
Good King Sauerkraut
Good King Sauerkraut did look out
On his feets uneven...
I think this is closer.
Quote:
Good King Sauerkraut, look out!
On your feets uneven
Wenceslas lay round about
Nine and ten, eleven
Or maybe that was "Wenceslaw".

I'd love to have a complete verse of that, but I think that's all he wrote.
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  #45  
Old 12-19-2003, 05:40 PM
Mtgman Mtgman is offline
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Thanks for the googling John Olson. That looks similar to the one I remember, but with some variation. Either my memory is going or it got mutated into that version either before or after I saw it.

Does anyone else have a urge to go caroling with parody songs? I printed off a copy of "The Restroom Door Said Gentlemen" and "Walkin' Round in Women's Underwear" and my wife and I did a little mini-concert for the kids last night. I'm just wondering if we should take our act on the road. Our neighborhood is safe and friendly enough to go caroling in. In fact carolers came by the house last night. Hmmmm...

Enjoy,
Steven
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  #46  
Old 12-19-2003, 05:56 PM
Skywatcher Skywatcher is offline
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I'll answer to pretty much anything.

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  #47  
Old 12-19-2003, 06:58 PM
Ponder Stibbons Ponder Stibbons is offline
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Heavens, people, you can't forget the immortal Tom Lehrer! Here's the lyrics to his Christmas Carol:

Christmas time is here, by golly,
Disapproval would be folly.
Deck the halls with hunks of holly,
Fill the cup and don't say when.

Kill the turkeys, ducks and chickens,
Mix the punch, drag out the Dickens.
Even though the prospect sickens,
Brother, here we go again.

On Christmas Day you can't get sore,
Your fellow man you must adore.
There's time to rob him all the more
The other three hundred and sixty-four.

Relations, sparing no expense, I'll
Send some useless old utensil,
Or a matching pen and pencil.
("Just the thing I need, how nice!")

It doesn't matter how sincere it is,
Nor how heart felt the spirit,
Sentiment will not endear it,
What's important is the price.

Hark, the Herald Tribune sings,
Advertising wondrous things.
God rest ye merry merchants,
May ye make the Yuletide pay.
Angels we have heard on high,
Tell us to go out and buy!

So let the raucous sleighbells jingle,
Hail our dear old friend Kriss Kringle,
Driving his reindeer across the sky.
Don't stand underneath when they fly by.

Actually, I did rather well myself this past Christmas.
The nicest present I received was a gift certificate
good at any hospital for a lobotomy... rather thoughtful.
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  #48  
Old 12-19-2003, 09:10 PM
penny dreadful penny dreadful is offline
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When I was in high school, we sang this in choir one year:

The Twelve Days After Christmas

A friend and I both had crushes on a cute percussionist from the band. So we gave each other suggestive looks during the "Well, actually I kept one of the drummers" line.
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  #49  
Old 12-19-2003, 10:11 PM
John Mullets John Mullets is offline
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We wish you were never with us,
We wish you were never with us,
We wish you were never with us,
You're a pain in the arse,
You drive everybody crazy,
You're stupid and fat and lazy,
We wish you were never with us,
You're a pain in the arse
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  #50  
Old 12-22-2003, 05:00 AM
Rilchiam Rilchiam is offline
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Angels we have heard on high
Telling us 'go out and buy'
Chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarge it
Visa, AmEx, MasterCard


I also like the Bloom County strip from Xmas '84. Milo, Binkley and Oliver are going door to door, singing their own carols.

"We wish you a Reagan Christmas
We wish you a Reagan Christmas
We wish you a Reagan Christmas
Higher taxes next year!"

:::SLAM!:::

"Jingle Helms, jingle Helms!
Jingle with Jesse!
Oh what fun it is to ride
On a tobacco subsidy!"

:::SLAM!:::

"Deck the halls with Tip O'Nei---"

:::SLAM!:::

Milo: "Y'know, I think these sounded better last night at the Young Republicans Club, after ten cups of eggnog."
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