Why won't anyone post on my threads?

[pimpdaddylongstroke]

damn Assholes!

[Lynn Bodoni]

Because you have an extremely juvenile username, because your threads are not interesting, and because most of our posters are asleep right now.

If you wish to change your username, contact me at lynn bodoni @ hotmail . com , without the spaces. I am considering disallowing your username and have contacted the other staff members for their opinions, so even if you don't want to change your username, you might want to start thinking about more acceptable names.

[WILLASS]

Well, I tend to find that constipation can be cured with a dose of syrup of fig......

Oops, sorry - wrong thread.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by WILLASS

Well, I tend to find that constipation can be cured with a dose of syrup of fig......

Oops, sorry - wrong thread.

Hmmmm, now I try to eat a bowl of highfiber cereal with fruit every morning (usually Cheerios with frozen blueberries, an astonishingly tasty combination). When this fails me, I eat a couple of those Metamucil fiber wafers and drink two tall glasses of water. When all else fails, I resort to the ExLax, chocolate flavor of course. The ExLax will always work, but I hesitate to use it too often, as I've heard that it can become habit forming...as in, some people lose the ability to move their bowels without a fairly strong laxative.

I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.

[Astra]

Well, your sig reminds me of the song "Lookin' For Love in All the Wrong Places."

[WILLASS]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Hmmmm, now I try to eat a bowl of highfiber cereal with fruit every morning (usually Cheerios with frozen blueberries, an astonishingly tasty combination). When this fails me, I eat a couple of those Metamucil fiber wafers and drink two tall glasses of water. When all else fails, I resort to the ExLax, chocolate flavor of course. The ExLax will always work, but I hesitate to use it too often, as I've heard that it can become habit forming...as in, some people lose the ability to move their bowels without a fairly strong laxative.

I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.

This made me laugh heartily! You have definatley reached 'that age', my mums discussions about bowel movements are legendary - she'll not think twice about talking about 'roughage' over the dinner table! To quote William Burroughs - 'when someone gets onto the topic of constipation the conversation becomes as inoxerable as the bowel movement being discussed'. Or something to that effect.........

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.

I believe you've posted the most interesting thing I've seen under pimps name. I don't think changing the user name is going to help on this one. I haven't admitted to being middle aged yet, not sure at what age that starts. Don't answer that. I only want to fight ignorance selectively.

[zoogirl]

But...But...But...

I DID!

Go look at your "Girlfriend thread. What am I, chopped liver?!

(zoogirl wanders off, looking hurt and unappreciated.)

[The Long Road]

Originally Posted by pimpdaddylongstroke

damn Assholes!

Rectum?

Damn near killed 'em!!

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by IWLN

I believe you've posted the most interesting thing I've seen under pimps name. I don't think changing the user name is going to help on this one. I haven't admitted to being middle aged yet, not sure at what age that starts. Don't answer that. I only want to fight ignorance selectively.

Well, I think that middle age starts when you start to worry about the various body functions that you've previously taken for granted. Bowel movements, for example. My husband can no longer eat whatever he wants without experiencing extreme gastric distress (especially after he goes to Pancho's All You Can Eat Mexican Buffet)(I swear I am not making that up), so that's another indication of middle age.

Of course worrying about when middle age starts is a sure fire indication that you've reached middle age.

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Of course worrying about when middle age starts is a sure fire indication that you've reached middle age.

You just had to go there, didn't you? Bodily functions are all fine, but I think they're located a little closer to my ankles than they used to be.[sigh]

[county]

[I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.[/quote]


Speaking only for myself, when I acknowledged middle age I am fairly sure I was damn near past it.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by IWLN

You just had to go there, didn't you? Bodily functions are all fine, but I think they're located a little closer to my ankles than they used to be.[sigh]

That's not your bodily functions, that's your BUTT. Your bodily functions should still be in approximately the same places. If they aren't, I don't want to know about it!

[Homebrew]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

My husband can no longer eat whatever he wants without experiencing extreme gastric distress (especially after he goes to Pancho's All You Can Eat Mexican Buffet)(I swear I am not making that up), so that's another indication of middle age.

Pancho's causes gastric distress for everybody. You live in Texas, why are you eating at Pancho's instead of Joe T. Garcia's, Herreras or even El Phenix? Is it just the all-you-can-eat aspect?

[KidCharlemagne]

By my count the guy only started one other thread and that got some answers.

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

That's not your bodily functions, that's your BUTT. Your bodily functions should still be in approximately the same places. If they aren't, I don't want to know about it!

Oh sure, I tell you what I don't want to know and words are your best friend. You tell me not to tell you, I'm supposed to listen? Really it's not as bad as it sounds. I'm almost 2 inches shorter now. That puts everything closer to the ground technically. But thanks for worryin' about my BUTT.

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by county

Speaking only for myself, when I acknowledged middle age I am fairly sure I was damn near past it.

That does explain the parking in fire lanes.

[Ilsa_Lund]

Originally Posted by county

[I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.

Speaking only for myself, when I acknowledged middle age I am fairly sure I was damn near past it.[/quote]


Wait, you're mature and you're this stupid? Damn.

[Knowed Out]

Some kid logs on with another "pimp daddy" name and tries to stir shit up. His thread gets hijacked into a discussion about bowel movements.

Oh, the irony.

[Ponder Stibbons]

Originally Posted by Homebrew

Pancho's causes gastric distress for everybody. You live in Texas, why are you eating at Pancho's instead of Joe T. Garcia's, Herreras or even El Phenix? Is it just the all-you-can-eat aspect?

I obviously can't speak for Lynn's husband, but it may be similar to my case. See, back in the day, when I was young and broke, it was precisely because of the "all-you-can-eat aspect" that I went to Pancho's. Now that I am middle aged and no longer broke, the "all-you-can-eat aspect" is no longer a draw ... it is even a drawback (gotta watch that damn waistline!). And yet, sometimes, I can't explain it ... I get this craving ... and I just hafta go to Pancho's. And for some reason I can't explain it tastes sooooo goooood .... but afterwards, the inevitable effects of eating a high-fat meal in the middle of my normally low-fat lifestyle kicks in ... and I don't have the urge to go for another six months ... until the craving kicks in again ...

[paulberserker]

And with that, pimp daddy was gone...
Hmm, been quite a few of these little kids around lately. Nobody really got a chance here did they?

Blau!

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by Ilsa_Lund

Wait, you're mature and you're this stupid? Damn.

Ilsa Lund, You really need to get a new hobby. You're repeating yourself now. Old age?

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by Homebrew

Pancho's causes gastric distress for everybody. You live in Texas, why are you eating at Pancho's instead of Joe T. Garcia's, Herreras or even El Phenix? Is it just the all-you-can-eat aspect?

*I* am not eating at Pancho's*. My HUSBAND is eating there. I think he just gets nostalgic sometimes. Heck, I have many fond memories of eating at Pancho's with my grandmother. These days, however, I know of a couple of good Mexican restaurants that are family-owned and pretty close to where I live, so that's where I eat.

In fact, I believe that I will go to Mi Charritos tonight for dinner. I will have fajitas and a margarita and a sopapilla for dessert. And I will listen to my arteries harden, but it will be worth it. I will probably eat too much in the way of chips and salsa, but that too will be worth it.

*I am still alive, and I attribute this in part to the fact that I gave up eating at Pancho's years and years ago.

[Ilsa_Lund]

Originally Posted by IWLN

Ilsa Lund, You really need to get a new hobby. You're repeating yourself now. Old age?

It was a fucking joke man, lighten up.

[Chefguy]

[Norman Thayer]We're not middle aged! You're old, and I'm older; people don't live to be 160, for chrissake![Norman Thayer]

[IWLN]

Originally Posted by Ilsa_Lund

It was a fucking joke man, lighten up.

Gee, did I hit a nerve or something? Hmm....oops.

[Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor]

Originally Posted by Knowed Out

Some kid logs on with another "pimp daddy" name and tries to stir shit up. His thread gets hijacked into a discussion about bowel movements.

Oh, the irony.

Even better: the only thread of his that most people paid attention to, got all its traffic after he was banned!

[Krebnut]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Hmmmm, now I try to eat a bowl of highfiber cereal with fruit every morning (usually Cheerios with frozen blueberries, an astonishingly tasty combination). When this fails me, I eat a couple of those Metamucil fiber wafers and drink two tall glasses of water. When all else fails, I resort to the ExLax, chocolate flavor of course. The ExLax will always work, but I hesitate to use it too often, as I've heard that it can become habit forming...as in, some people lose the ability to move their bowels without a fairly strong laxative.

I hate being middle aged. I suspect that it's better than being old, though.

Cheerios is not in the high fiber category! They have only 2 grams per serving. Out of the needed 25 to 35 grams a day, they hardly dent that. Though the blueberries are nice at about 6 grams per cup. Gotta look at the labels and go to the natural foods section of the store and find some Breakfast Bark Delight or Super Colon Blow if you want high fiber. Frosted Mini Wheats have 6 grams per serving and Raisin Bran has 8...so those are a decent start. And Yeah ...I'm obsessed ... with a lot of things.

[Bippy the Beardless]

If you want fiber, get Safeways whole wheat Fig Biscuits. More fiber per biscuit than in most fiber pills and drinks. Taste good too.

[Ex Machina]

Man: "I'm constipated."
Man's friend: "No shit?"

A four word original joke from Ex Machina. Thank you...thank you.

[N. Sane]

No poopy problems about reaching middle age. I've got a different problem. Let's see, how to word this delicately? Oh, hell, this is the Pit! I pee when I laugh. I pee when I cry. I pee when I sneeze. I pee when I cough. My sister told me I'm not allowed to call her "Squirt" anymore, because now I'm the Squirt. And I seriously cut out a Depends coupon the other day, although I'm not quite desperate enough to use it yet!

[Lute Skywatcher]

Judging by the fact the that OP only has started one other thread, I think Lynn can safely leave him banned.

If he's like this after one thread...

[Count Blucher]

Originally Posted by IWLN

But thanks for worryin' about my BUTT.

That reminds me: Did anyone here see that movie 'The Dream Catcher'? If those alien 'shite weasels' don't clean you out, Nothing will.

[DeVena]

Umm, N. Sane? Does the word kegels mean anything to you?? You might want to ummmmm ... Well, let's just say it's not just for breakfast anymore.

And concerning the rest of the thread... Bran Flakes are just wonderful (and quite fabulous if you use half&half rather than skim milk.) High fiber and high fat, now that's what I call yummy!!

[Doomtrain]

Beavis: I poop too much.
Little Old Lady: Oh...well...maybe you're...lac-tose...intolerant.
Beavis: No, no, no. I POOP TOO MUCH!
--Beavis and Butt-head Do America

[Miller]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Well, I think that middle age starts when you start to worry about the various body functions that you've previously taken for granted. Bowel movements, for example. My husband can no longer eat whatever he wants without experiencing extreme gastric distress (especially after he goes to Pancho's All You Can Eat Mexican Buffet)(I swear I am not making that up), so that's another indication of middle age.

Great. That means I've been middle aged since I was 22.

Fucking lactose intolerance.

[Bruce_Daddy]

Can I have the username PimpDaddyLongStroke? I'm an excellent billards player.

[Diane]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

Hmmmm, now I try to eat a bowl of highfiber cereal with fruit every morning . . .

Well ya know what they say -- "Fiber, it's like chapstick for your colon".

[Capcha]

Try to eat a lot of cherries or somewhat dried prunes, follow with a t least two glasses of water...Instant flusher!...well...not instant....but it works!
Although my secret is just eating hot (as in very spicy) salsa dip. It sure as hell works, but sure as hell gives your ass some burning too.

[Lynn Bodoni]

Originally Posted by Bruce_Daddy

Can I have the username PimpDaddyLongStroke? I'm an excellent billards player.

I am thinking of just banning outright anyone who registers a name with "Pimp" in it anywhere. I thought that I would give him the benefit of the doubt last night...he had another couple of threads which I closed and which xash removed. I believe one was in GQ, which asked "Who's the man? Pimpdaddylongstroke!" or some nonsense like that.

I really do not think that ANYONE who has some form of "Pimp" in his name would be a valuable addition to this message board.

[deb2world]

The only Pancho's around here is an upscale decent Mexican restaurant that with my work badge can get combination plates 2 for the price of 1 at lunch. I would be jealous of a Pancho's which is a buf*fet, but I don't do buf*fets, ugh all of those unwashed hands hovering around the food, no wonder it gives peoples good bowel movements.

Since my plan is to live to 120, I figure I still have a good many years to go til middle age (and NO I am not gonna tell you low lifes how many years to go it is).

So when we do reach middle ages, do we have to also get the Spanish Inquisition?

[deb2world]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

I really do not think that ANYONE who has some form of "Pimp" in his name would be a valuable addition to this message board.

There are people who believe that the world is just a giant whore. Plus what about all of those "Debbie does..." pictures. Eek, I am now nervous.

deb, the attention whore seaker

ps) I tried to change my signature yesterday and couldn't, so why can't I?

[The Long Road]

Originally Posted by Lynn Bodoni

I am thinking of just banning outright anyone who registers a name with "Pimp" in it anywhere. I thought that I would give him the benefit of the doubt last night...he had another couple of threads which I closed and which xash removed. I believe one was in GQ, which asked "Who's the man? Pimpdaddylongstroke!" or some nonsense like that.

I really do not think that ANYONE who has some form of "Pimp" in his name would be a valuable addition to this message board.

Lynn,

why you wanna be playa hatin girl? Ain't nuttin but a squirrel tryin to get a nut! Gotta show the love and respectin the hard work of the pimps.

[Michael Ellis]

Originally Posted by The Long Road

Lynn,

why you wanna be playa hatin girl? Ain't nuttin but a squirrel tryin to get a nut! Gotta show the love and respectin the hard work of the pimps.

You are Kurdt Kobain and I claim my $50.

[The Long Road]

Originally Posted by Michael Ellis

You are Kurdt Kobain and I claim my $50.

You get $50 for spotting Kurdt?

If I were Kurdt, I would have put much more teen angst in the post.

[UselessGit]

[quote=paulberserker][...]Hmm, been quite a few of these little kids around lately. Nobody really got a chance here did they? [...]QUOTE]

I beg to differ, some of us have been able to sneak in as many as 100+ posts without being found out and banned.

I mean...some of THEM, some of [b]THEM/b]!

My contribution to this fascinating thread regarding bowellary* botheration would be as follows:

1. Smoke 2 cigarettes (or three, depending on botheration) on an empty stomach, preferably in the morning. Should flush you right out.

2. Stop riding the white pony. Intriguing as it may seem it will will take you on a gallop straight to hell. Winners don't use drugs, stay in school.

*Is that even a word?

[UselessGit]

...being a stupid foreigner I insist that I be excused from any accusations of maltreatment of your language, especially in the light of my unequalled coding skills...

[PhiloVance]

Where's lieu when you need him?

[gobear]

Hmm, looks like "pimps up and ho's down" isn't always so. I must confess that the metrical rhythm of "pimpdaddylongstroke" has an aesthetically pleasing sound--a trochaic pentameter, if memory serves, identical to the beat of "shave and a haircut."

Regarding middle age--eh, age is a number, not a sentence. I'm 42, I work out, I eat right, and I don't smoke and seldom drink. People get older, I'm convinced, because they stop moving and stop being active. My goal is to be like Jack Lalanne, damn near 90 and still a young 'un. I still get expressions of disbelief when I tell people I'm 42, so I plan on cheating infirmity and age as long as I can.

And I crap just fine, thank you.

[MacTech]

Originally Posted by Miller

Great. That means I've been middle aged since I was 22.

Fucking lactose intolerance.

i know how you feel, i'm lactose intolerant as well....

i mean, whenever i walk by the dairy cooler in the grocery store, it takes all my self-control to not just lash out and smash every <bleep>ing bottle of <bleep>ing <bleep>ing milk i can see....

...and don't get me started about *ice cream*.....