Class Reunion: Did you go? Would you go?

[nisosbar]

I'm from a little town in the Midwest, and I moved away long ago, thank God!

My class reunion is coming up this summer, and I guess I've decided I'm not going, since my memories are mixed about high school.

I would feel pressure to closet my gayness, as I used to do when I was in my teens, and many of these people haven't really done much/moved on since high school, so I imagine not much will have really changed. I mean, I wish everyone well - no point in holding grudges - but I don't know what I would talk about, and anyway, cousins of mine will be going and I'll find out what's what through the grapevine. I already know about many of them, anyway, and some are deceased, many have moved away and others, I've simply forgotten about since I didn't know much about them to begin with (my class was about 400).

What good would re-opening those wounds do for me - the harrassment, the extreme loneliness, etc.? My best friend abandoned me when I told him I was gay post-high school, and it's hard for me to forgive him for that, and I wouldn't want to see him. My other friends from them were either younger or older, so I wouldn't be seeing them at my class reunion anyway.

Nope, I took a life full of lemons, and made lemonade, and I'm going to just let everyone forget about me.

How do you feel about class reunions?

[Kalhoun]

I'm going to mine this summer, and I'm looking forward to it. But evidently, I had a different experience in high school than you did, and I can understand why you'd be reluctant to go. I can't help but wonder if it wouldn't somehow be good for you to go and be the person you are around the people who tormented you. I can't say for sure, but I'd imagine many of those people would feel remorseful about the way they treated you. Kids are so fucked up and mean sometimes. It might make you feel good to just be yourself. There might be a lot of people you have something in common with. Your ex-best friend? Well, maybe he's had a change of heart. Some people need a decade or two of maturing before they can see how hurtful some of their behaviors were.

The decision is yours, but just consider the possibility of it being a good experience and a chance to mend some fences. I know you'll be fine, whatever you decide.

[dwc1970]

I was one of the unpopular dweebs that everybody liked to pick on in school, so I never had very many friends. When a new high school was built most of my precious few friends remained at the old school while I moved on to the new one where I had even fewer friends. I didn't go to my ten-year reunion since I wouldn't have had much to show for at the time (I was in a shitty job and had no wife and kids, still don't on the latter). If I became rich and started a family I might have gone just to show all those pricks who made fun of me how far I had come.

My 20th reunion will be in four years. I highly doubt I'll go to that one or any others. Even as an adult I don't function well socially and it would be a boring affair for me. There are only a few classmates I'd care enough to talk to again. It might be satisfying to see that some of my former nemeses have been through divorces or other problems of adult life, but this alone would not be a good reason to go.

[Liberal]

Didn't. Wouldn't.

[misstee]

I went to my five year, and what I found to be interesting was that the people who still lived in the town or close surrounding towns didn't bother to show up.


I keep in contact with those I was close to in school, so going to a reunion isn't that important to me. If I am around next year for my tenth I'll go, but I wouldn't make a special effort to go if I lived out of state.

[Draelin]

My tenth should be coming up this year, and I currently live about three miles from where I did back in high school. But I can't decide if I'll go. I'm still in touch with a few of my high school friends, but I can't say there are a whole lot of people I'm dying to see. And I don't really have much to show for my ten years, I'll probably skip it on general principle.

[In Conceivable]

I did and I had a blast.

I didn't have many friends in highschool, just a couple of really close ones. The reunion was a chance for us to get together and hang out for a weekend like we did in highschool. Basically, we drank, ate, danced and laughed. We didn't even pay any attention to the people that didn't like us in highschool. It was wonderful.

[FairyChatMom]

I went to my not-quite-10th-year reunion. For the most part, it was like being in high school again. No one seemed to have grown up. It was pretty much a waste of $30.

We should have had a 30th back in '02, but it never happened. I think that one reunion was the only one. But I can't be bothered to attend any at this point. I have no idea what happened to most of them (there were 849 of us in the class) and I really no longer care. My life has moved on.

[RotorHead]

I didn't go to the 10-year a few years ago. Not much point. The few I actually care to see, I can see without needing to bother about the reunion.

[Scumpup]

My graduating class holds one every five years. The 25-year is coming up, but since I didn't attend the previous 4, I don't think I'll attend. They quit sending me invitations after the first two anyway. High school was a long time ago and I don't keep in touch with any of my old classmates, so it would be not too different from spending an evening in the company of strangers. I can do that in any bar anywhere in the country.

[hajario]

Didn't go to my ten or my twenty. Don't regret it. I'm not bitter, I just don't have enough interest to be bothered.

Haj

[Green Cymbeline]

I went to my 10th last summer. I had a really good time! It was great seeing old friends, and fun seeing how everyone turned out. It was also fun being voted "most eligible batchelorette!" What was amazing is that some of the girls I always thought of as "snobby" in high school were actually very sweet and friendly to me, so I thought that was nice. And it was also interesting to see that one of the "nerdiest" guys in my class turned out to be a tall, handsome guy, and we had a great time talking and went out a couple of times.

[Nutty Bunny]

We've had 5 and 10 year reunions and I didn't attend either one. I had gained weight, so I didn't want to go.

My 20 year reunion is in 4 years (dwc1970, class of '88, I see?) and I had a lot of friends in high school, but since it was a small school, I had a lot of friends from the class behind me, too (1989). Now that I'm 104 pounds instead of 214, I'm tempted to go. Plus, I'm in a good place in my career and would love to be able to tell everyone how I'm doing.

I was "middle class" in HS and I love that a lot of my "upper class" classmates are still stuck in a town of 300, rather than getting out into the world and exploring a bit*. It's probably that Big Fish, Small Pond feeling they like.

So, yeah I'll go, but I'd rather they do a combination reunion with the class of '89. Most of the people in both classes feel the same way, so maybe it'll happen.

*Now that hubby and I want children, I'd love to move back there. I'd have to give someone my firstborn to actually get a job there, however.

[Eve]

I went to my 20th high school reunion and enjoyed it hugely. If I may say so myself, I was the Belle of the Ball.

[Doomtrain]

There was a five year one for my class not too long ago. I didn't. I've had almost nothing to do with those people since I graduated and no urge to renew relationships with people I really don't like much.

[odd-socks]

I don't think such things are quite so popular over here on my little rock.

Even if they were popular, I'd have no desire to go such a thing. *shudder.

[DeVena]

Very small graduating class - 30 students. Went to my 10 year. Everyone was on their 2nd spouse and 3rd child except me, the newlywed. Most had graduated, gotten married, and gotten jobs nearby. I was the only one who went to college. They were all happy to still live in the same small town in dead-end jobs. I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

20th is coming up this year Thanks eversomuch for reminding me. Won't be attending.

[F. U. Shakespeare]

I never went to any of my high school reunions, until I decided at the last minute to go to my 20th.

I had one of the most positive, life-changing events of my life (involving a woman, which would require too big a hijack to go into), so you can guess what my advice would be: go!

I would add that although you may run into some jerks, a fascinating thing happens when you bump into people you went to high school with a long time ago: you find that, in some ways, you have more in common with them than with 99% of the rest of the population. So a lot of differences you had in high school fall away.

[Priam]

Well in theory my 5 year could be coming up in May '05 if someone organizes it. As for me going, sure! More for curiosity's sake than anything else.

[wireless]

I went to my 5, 10 and 20-year HS reunions. Mostly out of curiosity. Found each to be a worthwhile and interesting experience.

As background, I'll add that my HS was a mostly-WASPy boarding school so everyone was from somewhere else (not local). The school was a pivotal time and a generally positive experience for most of the students, so loyalty is pretty high and reunions tend to be fairly well-attended. I was both "brainy" and "good at sports" (which was valued there) so while not "cool", I wasn't "a total dork" either. Basically I moved among groups but mostly stayed under the radar.

At the 5-year, most people were still like they were in HS - still in the same cliques, comparing notes (status), etc. Not very encouraging.

But by the 10-year, people had matured a lot. Doing lots of interesting things - not all lawyers and bankers (as might be expected from such a group) but in the arts, doing "good works", etc. One had even joined the circus! Also, the clique-ishness was almost totally gone and everyone seemed to relate to each other as people, each with a story to tell - or listen to. That was a nice thing to see. However, it was a bit startling to see some of the guys were going seriously bald - not that that's bad or unexpected, just jarring to my mind's eye picture of them.

At the 20-year, HS differences were so far in the past that everyone just seemed to relate more based on the common experience of the school. I had an interesting conversation with one of the "gods of cool" (in my memory - didn't call him this) who related about how he, too, had had tons of "teen angst" and anxiety during those years when I had assumed he had just breezed through, socially. That really helped me develop even more perspective on the experience. Also, people kept remarking how I "hadn't changed a bit" and "looked exactly the same" and I still don't know if that was a compliment or not (hey, my hair is quite a bit shorter and parted on the side now!).

I won't be going to the 25th. Can't see what all else I would get out of it, but I do think going in the past years was a good experience and would recommend that others consider going if only to see how your predictions might be wrong.

[silenus]

Went to my 10 year reunion just to see how fat and pregnant the cheerleaders had gotten. Skipped all the rest. I didn't like those people when I was in high school...why would I go back?

[dangermom]

I went to my 10-year reunion. A good friend who lives at the other end of the state (said state being CA) was going too, so there was motivation, but I wanted to anyway.

It was neat seeing some people, and I had a good time. I showed off my trophy husband. It was also kind of fun having this conversation:

Other person: "So, what did you wind up doing?"
Me: "I'm a librarian."
Other person: "Of course you are!"

And, to top it off, the guy who made my life miserable when we were 13 apologized. And I realized that I really didn't care anymore--we were 13, of course we were both messes. Neither of us are those kids any more. I absolutely and freely told him I forgave him, and I felt great.

[LVgeogeek]

My 10 year is coming up this sumer where does the time go?? I really do not feel like going to mine only for the fact that I would have to travel from Nevada to Nebraska twice in 2 weeks. (My cousins' wedding is the first weekend in June and the reuinion is the third weekend.)

I despised my high school years, plus all the people I feel I need to talk to I already do on a regular basis. The only reason I would want to go is so I can see how loosery some of the popular people turned out** (which I have heard some good ones about those people)




** Ya know, the football capitan that lives three blocks from the HS and now sell used cars, or the prom queen who is married/divorced with 3 kids and on welfare kind of stories.

[j666]

I did not want to go, but did, with a friend who did not want to go alone.

There were a bunch of warm, friendly, sophisticated, and intelligent former class-mates, not to mention a couple of really hot spouses. I had a great time.

[fishbicycle]

I haven't been to one, and I wouldn't go. It's 1200 miles away, for one, and I purposely have never told anyone from my school days how to contact me, except for one friend. I didn't want to see any of those people then - I certainly don't want to see any of them now!

[Olentzero]

I promised myself on the night I graduated I wouldn't go back until my 25th. Which is 9 years away now.

I didn't have a horrible time in high school (middle school was far worse), but they weren't exactly the high point of my life, either. I've kept loosely in touch with one or two of the few friends I had back then, but nothing lasting. There's nothing pulling me back there (although I did visit the alma mater when I visited my family just after I got married) but there's nothing that would make me not want to go, either.

Long and short of it: Check back with me in 2013 and I'll let you know.

[tremorviolet]

I'm looking forward to my twentieth (I missed the tenth) that should be next year. (I hope, I haven't heard anything) I wasn't popular but my high school wasn't that big and I knew everyone (and they knew me as the chunky punk girl). Mostly I want to go because I know everyone probably thought I was most likely to become huge and I'm not. It's petty but I want to go show everyone that I'm in shape. And just to see what happened to everyone and how far their lives diverged from what I would have predicted (as mine did)...

[lel]

I have 3 years left to get back to the size I was in high school, and it'll be interesting if I'm one of less than a handful of single people there.

I'll go if I'm organizing it, I suppose.

(On the other hand, if it were a reunion for the elementary school I attended, I'd prefer to watch grass grow than see most of them again.)

[CrazyCatLady]

I went to our five year reunion. It was a waste of my time, energy, and money. I should have known when they never sent me an invitation, despite the fact that my parents still had the same address and phone number as when we were in school and no less than three people contacted the organizers with my new address. But I was going to be in town for my grandparents' anniversary anyway, so I figured what the hell.

The reunion consisted of a tiny buffet of finger foods that were completely gone by the time we got there, a cash bar, and a dj so loud you couldn't hear your own thoughts, much less rehash old times with the other attendees. The class president met me at the door to snatch my money from my hand while gushing about how hard she'd tried to track me down. She was the last person outside my little group to voluntarily speak to me. The people I would have enjoyed seeing again weren't there, just my close friends and the people who wouldn't speak to me civilly in high school, who were all shitfaced and freak-dancing. I won't be wasting my time going back for the ten year reunion.

[Kingspades]

My wife and I went to my ten year reunion last summer, and had a blast. Close to twenty percent of the class showed up.

I was most looking forward to catching up with my friends, a number of whom I had not seen in person since graduation. What I didn't expect was that we met one of my classmates, an acquaintance, friend-of-a-friend sort of person, and her husband. We ended up spending most of the weekend with them and making new friends out of the experience.

I say go. To me, the experience of going and not having a good time would not be as bad as never knowing how it would have turned out.

[Krokodil]

I went to my 20th high school reunion and had a great time. I was too busy to go to my 10-year for high school or college. I blew off the 20-year college reunion, mainly because I was already in touch with the classmates I wanted to be in touch with, and because most of the people I felt close to were the year after I graduated.

Also, I had a really crappy job that year and didn't want to swap anecdotes with the lawyers, professors and MDs who graduated from my class.

[sunfish]

I went to my 10 and 20-year grammar school reunions, and frankly had a blast. People that would never have talked to me back in the day turned out by and large to be amiable, chatty adults, and it was really a lot of fun to see how folks turned out.

If my high school class ever got itself organized for a reunion, however, there's no way I would go. I'm still in touch with the handful I care about; the rest... feh.

[E. Thorp]

May well go to my 25th (in 6 years) and my 50th (I should live so long!), but otherwise I think I'll pass.

[Nametag]

Gah. Invitations to my 10th and 20th came and went; I didn't go, couldn't imagine going unless I had won a Nobel Prize or founded a Fortune 2 company, or something that would allow me to absolutely grind my heel in the face of every single mother f*cker I went to HS with. And it still wouldn't be any fun, because the law forbids picking out 10 winners and nailing their still-wriggling bodies to the walls with railroad spikes.

The only thing worse than seeing those bastards again and being ostracized would be seeing them again and being welcomed as if I hadn't been mocked and tortured at their hands for four years, as if it's all OK now that they're pillars of their little communities and they couldn't have been all that bad, really...

Bitter? Me?

[AllShookDown]

I hadn't been to any of mine until I went to my 20th last year. I didn't have much to say to most of the people but there were two or three that I really enjoyed catching up with and they were genuinely glad to see me, too. It wasn't a great time but I'm glad I went.

[MadScientistMatt]

I intend to go to mine if it happens - and drive the Dodge Dart to it that I drove to high school, just to show everyone I did manage to restore it after all.

[iampunha]

No desire to go. Since I'm somewhere around a thousand miles away, it's not so much the issue.

[Katriona]

I actually had fun at my 10th. Apparently people thought I was funny back then. I thought everyone saw me as the big nerd I was (and still am) and maybe they did, but I had no idea they thought I was the class Dorothy Parker - they only voted me "Most Gullible." Don't know if I'll go to the 20th in a couple of years. Depends on if some friends who have moved pretty far away decide to come.

[Shodan]

The invitation to my 30th is downstairs. One of my best friends from high school is going, so I will show up.

I went to the five year, and the twentieth. The five year one sucked, as we had not changed enough. The jerks were still jerks, the stuck-up ones still wouldn't talk to anyone, and I hung out with those friends of mine who attended.

The twentieth was better. Am I petty because I enjoyed seeing how little the jerks had achieved, and how much better looking the Lovely and Talented Mrs. Shodan was than their second and third spouses. I enjoyed catching up with one of my nerd study partners - she told me interesting things about her life as a neurosurgeon.

The thirtieth should be more of the same, I guess.

Regards,
Shodan

[Sublight]

My 10th college reunion is coming up, and I'm kind of disappointed that I won't be able to go. I got along far better there than I did at high school.

I skipped my 10th high school reunion without regrets, but I may consider going to my 20th. My motives, though, aren't entirely pure: I'm in much better shape than I was in high school, I'm in a fun job that pays well, and I'm married to a hot babe. The little nagging voice of conscience is telling me not to go if my only reason is to show off, but I'm still interested in finding out what happened to everyone else.

[Zap_Rowsdower]

My 20th is coming up in a couple of years, and frankly I have no interest in attending.

[NoClueBoy]

Within 5 yrs of graduation, of the six or so closest buds of mine:

4 were dead.

1 was in jail.

1 was a smarmy politician.

Of my ex GFs in high school:

1 had 3 kids.

1 was a drug addict.

1 became a Mormon*

1 was deported back to Mexico.

So, I skipped it.

Ignored all the other (10 yr, 15 yr, 20 yr) notices.


Never finished college, so no reunions for that either.




*nothing against that, just very little at all in common.

[Knowed Out]

Skipped the 10th.

20th was called off due to lack of interest. HA!

[vivalostwages]

I went to my ten-year and it was a bust. No music from our high school days, no games, lousy food, cheapo memory book.

The 20th was last year and I refused to go, knowing it would just be another joke. I stupidly ordered the memory book and it was crap. I might try the 25th but I doubt it. I see no reason to revisit the past, considering that my pals and I didn't care for most of the people we went to school with.

[Jervoise]

Wow, some of the bitterness in this thread surprises me--particularly the desire to see the once "popular" kids as ugly failures. Let it go, already.

I was out of town and missed my five year reunion, but I'd love to go to my ten year reunion. I'm still in touch with a handful of friends from high school but I'd like to see how everyone else turned out. Even the people who I didn't particularly like--it'd be nice to see how they've changed.

[NoCoolUserName]

It's been long, and I've missed 10, 20 and 30th. 40th is in 4 years (my youngest will be 6, my oldest 24). I think it might be interesting by this time to see what has passed for others in my class--or maybe not...if we decide to adopt another one I might just be too busy; that's what happened all the other years.

If I do go, it'll be simple curiosity...OK, OK, and the chance to show off the fabulous NoCoolSpouseName and NoCoolKidNames.

[Vlad Dracul]

I skipped my 10th back in '99, even though I was actually in my home town at the time, visiting my parents.

If I'd had any emotional attachment to any of those people, I would have stayed in touch with them. Same argument for elementary school reunions, college reunions, military unit reunions, etc. I'd rather spend time with the people who are my friends NOW.

[Shirley Ujest]

I haven't gone to any of mine and the 20th is some time this year. I am curious on my classmates, but that is what classmates.com is all about. Prying without getting involved and then trapped into the diasterous life Betty Sue Farknockle has had.

I've moved on, I am not that shy, insecure, naive, clueless doormat anymore, baby. However, I am still aimless and drooling. but I've run into a few of my class mates ( 125 or so in my class) and it's like time stood still for them. I can't remember shit from anything back then ( no drugs.) and I threw a couple of jokes or one liners at them and it was like the rock had no ripple effect in their mental lake. Very scary.

Went to Mr. Ujest's 20th last year. Other than the fact that one day of it was a charity golf outing that was fun, the night before party thingmabob was a waste of my time. I ended up letting him have his fun and hiding in a corner with all the other spouses of attendees wishing I could drink or nap or surf the web or had a book or a razor to shave my legs....anything.

He said he would attend my reunion with me and I replied, " Why don't you go as me. That would be more fun and funny."



One a lighter note, when my mom returned from her 45th class reunion, I asked her how it was.

"Well, a well dress man talked to me the better part of fifteen minutes about this date we went on and what we did and who said this and how it was one of the highlights of his school years."

Me, expectantly. " And?"

" I have no memory of him at all."

[Noelq]

I did attend my 10 year reunion.. and it was a very enlightening experience for me.

I was one of those quiet, shy introverted types, yet I also helped a lot of people. Socially inept, and had a small circle of friends that broke up after college.

What was amazing to me was the amount of self-esteem and self-respect I got back from attending that reunion. I looked at all the Cool Kids, and all those others I viewed with respect and awe -- and wondered what the hell was wrong with me, letting rejects like that influence my life and keep me from being me. If I had stopped trying to fit in, and adapt to being how they viewed I should be, and just had continued to be me, I would have had MUCH more fun and interesting times in high school.

Looking at them as middle-aged people still acting like they did back in high school, not having accomplished much, and then comparing my life and where I was... Was a huge ego boost to me, and got rid of a bunch of angst and hang-ups I didn't even know I was still carrying around.

I strongly recommend going to these things. At least once, just to give you perspective on your life, and who you are.

[i like bacon]

i was very shy, quiet and bookish in high school. i only had a few close friends and couldn't wait to get out of town!

i skipped the five year reunion, but got talked into attending the 10 year by one of the close friends. i too, grew up in a small midwestern town, in fact it sounds quite similar to the op's town. so i went to the 10 year and while it was an ok time, i felt like not enough time had passed, the whole thing was very cliqueish (if thats a word) and it felt very much like high school.

when my 15 year reunion rolled around i didn't intend to go, but my cousin and classmate was going and i wanted to see her. i have to say, i had a really wonderful time! i was stunned.

i won't miss another reunion, i think the thing to remember is that people do change. maybe not in the first 10 years but thereafter, they do. i think, in retrospect, i have changed more than they have, came out of my shell and gotten much more social. its called growing up i suppose. i am not saying "oh yes go" but consider that it is entirely possible that things might be different. then again if they aren't well what are you out? a weekend? in the big scheme of things that not a lot, and it might be worth it.