The Straight Dope

Go Back   Straight Dope Message Board > Main > General Questions

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
  #1  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:23 PM
GodSka GodSka is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Is there any reason that semen would be bad for my fish?

well?
Advertisements  
  #2  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:34 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 51,914
Where are you going to get enough to fill the aquarium?
__________________
Cray-con - the bacon-coloured wax crayon!
  #3  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:41 PM
ZebraShaSha ZebraShaSha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Oh, dear GodSka , they do not mean it literally when they say it smells like fish!

Those poor, poor, creatures...

Seriously though, WTF are you asking?!

...

Also, does it feel good to get um up the bass?

Is there more pleasure involved if it is a small or large mouth?

Have you ever seen the parrot fishes pecker?

....

As for my one answer: any seaman is bad for the fish if it does not throw them back.
  #4  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:43 PM
GodSka GodSka is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangetout
Where are you going to get enough to fill the aquarium?
Ha! No, not for them to swim in. I mean for eating. I have fed my guppies some of my sperm on several occasions, and they go absolutely nuts (no pun intended) over it. It's so funny to watch.

But after posting that fact on a message board that I frequent (yahooka.com), some replied that it may be harmful to the fish. I don't see any reason why it would. After all, in Mike Wickham's "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Freshwater Aquariums", he says the the best fish food is variety.
  #5  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:44 PM
Revtim Revtim is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
I'd be worried that one morning there's be a new fish in the tank with my face.
  #6  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:46 PM
Guinastasia Guinastasia is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Quote:
I have fed my guppies some of my sperm on several occasions, and they go absolutely nuts (no pun intended) over it.
I just have to ask-for the love of god, WHY?
  #7  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:47 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 51,914
I'll be handing my eyes back tomorrow; no need for them anymore, not now I have seen everything.

I can't imagine any reason why it would harm them; it probably doesn't have all the necessary components to be a complete diet for them, but they're still alive, aren't they?

Does this count as bestiality?
__________________
Cray-con - the bacon-coloured wax crayon!
  #8  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:51 PM
Eve Eve is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSka
After all, in Mike Wickham's "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Freshwater Aquariums", he says the the best fish food is variety.
Although some goldfish are known to prefer The Hollywood Reporter.
  #9  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:52 PM
GodSka GodSka is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Guinastasia
I just have to ask-for the love of god, WHY?
Isn't it obvious? I'm a deeply disturbed individual. Also, I'm poor and running low on fish food.
  #10  
Old 04-06-2004, 06:54 PM
Berkut Berkut is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2001
Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSka
I mean for eating. I have fed my guppies some of my sperm on several occasions, and they go absolutely nuts (no pun intended) over it.
Is your fish named snowball?
  #11  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:00 PM
kellner kellner is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
You just gave me the missing jigsaw piece for Troy McClure's biography.

Thanks. Ignore me.
  #12  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:07 PM
dnooman dnooman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 4,750
You're crankin' one out in the fish tank, and you're concerned about their diet? You need some couch time son. Leave the fishies alone, and get some help.

BTW I found no mention of human semen in any of the fish food ingredient lists I could find.
__________________
Don't do too much Dope, it causes your brain to grow. Some users have reported incidents of skin failure as well.
  #13  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:12 PM
Manduck Manduck is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999
I don't know about semen, but some fish have been known to eat seamen.
  #14  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:15 PM
Mangetout Mangetout is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: May 2001
Location: England
Posts: 51,914
I suppose if you've got piranhas in the tank, you might want to stand back a little when you feed them.
__________________
Cray-con - the bacon-coloured wax crayon!
  #15  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:19 PM
ZebraShaSha ZebraShaSha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Oh, and since I am fond of animals, I think your firm stance on the issue at hand is making you behave like a complete dick.

(There wouldnt happen to be any mermaids in the tank would there? I may need to get a fishtank if so....)
  #16  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:53 PM
Happy Lendervedder Happy Lendervedder is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
So let me get this absolutely straight: You toss your wad into the fishtank? And by wad I mean semen. And the fish eat it?

Are you straddling the aquarium while you masturbate? Or do you ejaculate into a cup and dump it in afterward? Do they eat it all, or are there coagulated gobs of jism floating around your tank for days afterward?

The only reason I'm asking all this is so when I tell my friends about it, I'll have all the facts correct.
  #17  
Old 04-06-2004, 07:59 PM
panache45 panache45 is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Location: NE Ohio (the 'burbs)
Posts: 22,940
Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSka
Is there any reason that semen would be bad for my fish?
Ok, let's see if I understand this: When you say "my fish," is this a euphemism for something/someone that perhaps doesn't spend his/her life under water?

I mean, my partner is often filled with semen "up to the gills," and it hasn't hurt him a bit.

Or is this your idea of "getting scrod"?

Sorry.
__________________
Charter Member / Weenie
  #18  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:10 PM
Scruloose Scruloose is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2000
Oh man - I hope mangeorge doesn't have an aquarium.
  #19  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:13 PM
dantheman dantheman is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by GodSka
After all, in Mike Wickham's "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Freshwater Aquariums", he says the the best fish food is variety.
This does not mean you should feed them just anything you come by.
  #20  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:19 PM
Harmonix Harmonix is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Um, well seminal fluid is slightly basic. That might change the water acidity a lil bit. Sperm itself also contains quite a bit of lysosomal proteins. So yea. I guess it could possibly be harmful to the fishes.
  #21  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:23 PM
Mr. Blue Sky Mr. Blue Sky is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 1999


Is it okay to wish death on myself?
  #22  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:36 PM
Polycarp Polycarp is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: A better place to be
Posts: 26,718
This deserves a cartoon: GodSka lying asleep in bed in the background, and in the foreground a fishbowl with the fishes gathered in a circle, and a caption: "Ok, Gladys, here's the plan: First, we jump out of the bowl, and you get him hot...."
  #23  
Old 04-06-2004, 08:36 PM
Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor Bosda Di'Chi of Tricor is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
Location: Dogpatch/Middle TN.
Posts: 28,714
Brings a whole new meaning to the term "fishing rod".
__________________
"He is an abomination of science that curdles the milk of all honest men!"~~One Dr Chouteh, possibly commenting on Bosda Di'Chi.Or not.
  #24  
Old 04-06-2004, 09:16 PM
ZebraShaSha ZebraShaSha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
I can see two fishes watching tv when this comes on:

Here’s our Jingle for Coldjizz
Crunchy little Coldjizz
The wholesome snack that smiles back
until you bite their heads off!

See the fishes swimming..
Oh, look the mackrels winning.

GodSka was not sad that they are apart
Mangetout showed they’re baked and not fried

Did you know they’re made
with real spermies
Even though they look like wormies

The snack that smiles back... Coldjizz
  #25  
Old 04-06-2004, 11:36 PM
DocCathode DocCathode is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Am I the only one worried that the guppies diet, combined with sunspot activity will cause them to mutate into massive creatures who threaten our very survival?

Or that GodSka will buy a parrot?
__________________
Nothing is impossible if you can imagine it. That's the wonder of being a scientist!
Prof Hubert Farnsworth, Futurama
  #26  
Old 04-06-2004, 11:52 PM
Tentacle Monster Tentacle Monster is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
You see, this is the reason I read this board. Keep us posted on any mutations.
__________________
The poodle bites! --more--
The poodle chews it! --more--
You die... --more--
Do you want your possessions identified? (Y/n)
  #27  
Old 04-06-2004, 11:52 PM
AskNott AskNott is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Mar 1999
Location: Anderson, IN,USA
Posts: 14,062
"Those are the prettiest angelfish I ever came across."
  #28  
Old 04-07-2004, 12:01 AM
Sisyphus' Stone Sisyphus' Stone is offline
BANNED
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Auchenflower, Qld, Aus.
Posts: 217
Has this thread suggested a new euphemism for masturbation? Let's see; wanking, spanking the monkey, tossing, beating off, feeding the fish.

Mum: Knock, knock "Stone? What are you doing in there?"

Me: "Nothing."

Mum: "I hear you moving about. What are you doing?"

Me: "Oh, just feeding the fish."
  #29  
Old 04-07-2004, 12:07 AM
LolaBaby LolaBaby is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
So...uh...I guess they swallow?

Make sure you drink lots of pineapple juice. Or you could get slapped with animal cruelty.
  #30  
Old 04-07-2004, 12:14 AM
astro astro is online now
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 1999
Where do you think this guy came from?"
__________________
I've put all my life into live lip-sync, I'm an artist honey you gonna get me a drink?
  #31  
Old 04-07-2004, 01:49 AM
DocCathode DocCathode is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Jul 2000
Astro There's no need to bring the Creature into this. His love was innocent and pure, the kind of crush a second grader has on a pretty teacher.

I'm also shocked that no one has provided a link to the relevant South Park episode.

"Seamonkeys+seamen=seaciety."
  #32  
Old 04-07-2004, 02:45 AM
Etherman Etherman is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: May 2002
You know "sleeping with the fishes" is a euphemism right?

There's a Moby Dick joke here, I am just to tired to find it.
  #33  
Old 04-07-2004, 02:45 AM
dnooman dnooman is offline
Member
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 4,750
Go somewhere else. I have little tolerance for your stupid shit here. I hate to use such language in GQ, but I have little tolerance for someone that openly mocks our system of illumination. Be gone.
__________________
Don't do too much Dope, it causes your brain to grow. Some users have reported incidents of skin failure as well.
  #34  
Old 04-07-2004, 06:22 AM
zut zut is offline
Charter Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2000
Location: Detroit, MI
Posts: 3,650
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangetout
I suppose if you've got piranhas in the tank, you might want to stand back a little when you feed them.
Or candiru. Definitely stand back if you raise candiru.
__________________
Glaring directly down towards her was the stoney, cycloptic face of the bloated diety. Gaping from its single obling socket was scintillating, many fauceted scarlet emerald, a brilliant gem seeming to possess a life all of its own. A priceless gleaming stone, capable of domineering the wealth of conquering empires...the eye of Argon.
  #35  
Old 04-07-2004, 06:29 AM
ZebraShaSha ZebraShaSha is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Semen itself has high concentrations of potassium, zinc, citric acid, fructose, phosphorylcholine, spermine, free amino acids, prostaglandins and enzymes, which nourish and protect the sperm...

Does any of that harm fishes?
  #36  
Old 04-07-2004, 08:43 AM
cybersnark cybersnark is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2001
I hope your aquarium can handle LARGE fish - where do you think sperm whales come from, anyway?
__________________
The Snark
  #37  
Old 04-07-2004, 08:47 AM
dantheman dantheman is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by dnooman
Go somewhere else. I have little tolerance for your stupid shit here. I hate to use such language in GQ, but I have little tolerance for someone that openly mocks our system of illumination. Be gone.
  #38  
Old 04-07-2004, 09:04 AM
ZombiesAteMyBrain ZombiesAteMyBrain is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mangetout
I suppose if you've got piranhas in the tank, you might want to stand back a little when you feed them.
This was the first thing I thought of when I read this thread - talk about living dangerously!!!

What do you do when you go on holiday - do you leave a supply of readimeals for them in the freezer???
  #39  
Old 04-07-2004, 09:08 AM
tiny ham tiny ham is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2000
Quote:
Originally Posted by dnooman
Go somewhere else. I have little tolerance for your stupid shit here. I hate to use such language in GQ, but I have little tolerance for someone that openly mocks our system of illumination. Be gone.
I got a Target flier this week in the Sunday paper. Apparently Senses of Humor are on sale for $5.99
__________________
bacon is meat candy
  #40  
Old 04-07-2004, 09:22 AM
plnnr plnnr is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Feb 2000
According to people who would know such things, Peter North's aquarium full of guppies died from one overfeeding. It really was quite sad.
__________________
Aliens can have my penis when they pry it from my cold, dead fingers.
  #41  
Old 04-07-2004, 09:24 AM
Skelji Skelji is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Aug 2000
Do you have some kind of fish fetish? Do you stand on a chair next to your fish tank and whack off to pictures of The Little Mermaid?

Guppy #4, peering through the glass: "Hey everyone, here comes Meals On Heels!"




I've heard of fishing with live bait, but this is ridiculous.



Just how often do you have to change your filter?



Maybe you should trade the guppies in for a blowfish.
  #42  
Old 04-07-2004, 09:59 AM
Max Carnage Max Carnage is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Am I the only one who thought the OP may have been talking about cooking fish with semen?

I definitely will be looking at the little crispies I get at Long John Silver's a little differently now.
  #43  
Old 04-07-2004, 11:09 AM
GodSka GodSka is offline
Registered User
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Quote:
Originally Posted by Happy Lendervedder
So let me get this absolutely straight: You toss your wad into the fishtank? And by wad I mean semen. And the fish eat it?
Yeah, that's right.

Quote:
Are you straddling the aquarium while you masturbate? Or do you ejaculate into a cup and dump it in afterward?
No, my aquarium is too high for me to try straddling it. I'm usually on my bed. I cup my hand and catch some of the jizz. Then I walk over and put it in the tank.

Quote:
Do they eat it all, or are there coagulated gobs of jism floating around your tank for days afterward?
It's all gone within 15 minutes.

Quote:
The only reason I'm asking all this is so when I tell my friends about it, I'll have all the facts correct.
I bet you're really wanting to try it yourself, aren't ya?
  #44  
Old 04-07-2004, 11:24 AM
Exgineer Exgineer is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
I knew better than to open this, I really did. Now I need my brain scrubbed.

I just can't help it, though, I'm curious. What on earth made you think of doing this? Whether or not it's harmful to the fish (and I'm thinking "better safe than sorry") I can't imagine any set of circumstances which would lead me to the thought of rubbing one out into the fish tank.
  #45  
Old 04-07-2004, 11:41 AM
Surreal Surreal is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Good question, GodSka!

I've never personally owned an aquarium, but I've visited several people who have them in their homes and have, on occasion, spat into their tanks when they weren't looking and watched in amazement as the fish devoured the phlegm.

Witnessing this, I became immediately curious as to what they would do if I ejaculated into the tank, but I never got the opportunity to do so. I'm glad to confirm that my suspicions were true.
  #46  
Old 04-07-2004, 11:59 AM
UrbanChic UrbanChic is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2000
Thank you, Surreal. This thread was nigh on perfection until you came along. It is now, if I may be so bold, morphed into something above and beyond perfection, uber-perfection, perhaps.

If the Boards wither up, die and are swept away by the winds of Internet like so many brittle, autumnal leaves because of the new registration policy, this thread alone more than makes up for my five dollars.
__________________
The preceding post is the opinion of but one black gal and does not necessarily reflect the opinions of other blacks. All information in the preceding post is provided "as is", with no guarantee of accuracy, completeness or timeliness. Void where prohibited. Offer not valid in Northeast Lublin, Poland. Terms and conditions subject to change without prior notification.
  #47  
Old 04-07-2004, 01:16 PM
Jackknifed Juggernaut Jackknifed Juggernaut is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Oct 2000
Well, in the spirit of this thread, I have to admit to something. I actually had forgotten about this event until I read this thread. When I was about 19-20, I was at my girlfriend's house waiting for her to get ready to go out. I was watching TV and I felt a snot lodged in my nostril. It was the type of booger that I could just tell would fly right out with the slightest nasal exhale, assuming that the other nostril was covered. The bathroom was being used at the time. I didn't have any tissues with me. So I slowly I lifted the light covering the tank since I wasn't confident about my aiming abilities.....I won't fill in the obvious, but those fishies attacked that thing like vultures. I couldn't tell whether they consumed the whole thing, but it was quite a sight.
  #48  
Old 04-07-2004, 01:31 PM
Eve Eve is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Dec 1999
All this rather makes me wish for a remake of Mr. Peabody and the Mermaid, or Splash . . .
  #49  
Old 04-07-2004, 01:53 PM
lieu lieu is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: Bedrock
Posts: 24,970
Gee, next week why don't you see if they'll take it up the ass.
  #50  
Old 04-07-2004, 01:56 PM
john31584 john31584 is offline
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
well, tropical reef fish eat the leftover sperm and eggs after coral spawning. I'm sure the chemical composition of coral polyp sperm differs widely from that of humans, but I guess that sets some sort of precedent. I guess.
Closed Thread



Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:37 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.

Send questions for Cecil Adams to: cecil@chicagoreader.com

Send comments about this website to: webmaster@straightdope.com

Terms of Use / Privacy Policy

Advertise on the Straight Dope!
(Your direct line to thousands of the smartest, hippest people on the planet, plus a few total dipsticks.)

Publishers - interested in subscribing to the Straight Dope?
Write to: sdsubscriptions@chicagoreader.com.

Copyright © 2013 Sun-Times Media, LLC.