Nightmares and dreams of a dork

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Nerds, geeks, dweebs, dorks, air-conditioned doghouses, I know we’ve got them all on the SDMB. I want to hear about your nerd nightmares (and dreams.)

In the last week, I have had two supremely dorky nightmares. Last night, I dreamed my seventh level Paladin was taking a beating in a battle with a powerful minotaur in a Dungeons and Dragons adventure. The minotaur hit me for 32 damage in a single swipe, and I knew then that I couldn’t win the fight and my paladin was going to die. Angry and frustrated, I opened my eyes and sat upright in bed. It was 6:00am. Groan. Back to sleep.

On Saturday morning, my slumber was disturbed by my hallucination that some poster had opened up a thread roasting me in The Pit. He was laughing at me and besmirching my good name. I had to defend myself. Quickly, out of bed and to the computer!

: neuroman opens his eyes, blinks, and dazedly looks around :

Great. I had interrupted my snooze-in to defend myself from an imaginary, anonymous attack on my online persona. :smack:

I was so wide awake I didn’t even bother going back to sleep. I can’t want to see what idiotic dorkmare rousts me next.

So what dorkmares have you had?

2

I had an epic dream where instead of going to movies, people went into virtual reality booths and “experienced” a movie from the perspectives of the chracters. I went into one where I was the queen of an alien race whose planet was being destroyed, so they had to build ships to search for a new planet, complete with stasis tubes and whatnot. Except that I (the alien queen) was secretly an insane religious fanatic who felt guilty for ushering her kind into this dark era, and so rigged the ships to explode and crash at whatever planet they found as penence for herself and for her kind for trying to thwart the will of god. So then I experience the “crash.”…and a sort of foggy, awakening feeling, smoke all around me, as I realized I was now a survivor of the crash on the new world, and the evil queen’s efforts to destroy my race had alomst worked…

After I woke up from that, I wanted to call my friends and tell them about the dramatic space opera I had just lived through…except that I’m pretty much the only person I know who thinks space operas are cool.

Not exactly a nightmare, but whatever, I thought I’d share anyway.

3

Last night (or maybe the night before), while I was comforting Pinky during one of his fits, I was wondering why I didn’t apply more endurance reduction enhancements. That way I wouldn’t feel so tired after only an hour of sleep.

Maybe I should cut down how much City of Heros I’m playing.

I have also caught myself trying to figure out how to fill out an LSR appropriately to feed the cat at 5:30 in the morning.

4

I’ve had plenty of dreams where I’ve become my Everquest enchanter. Those don’t bother me.

What does bother me is when I find myself wide awake, in line at the grocery store or something, and catch myself thinking that I just oughta mez that annoying person in front of me who will just NOT stop talking to the cashier so the cashier can finish checking her out and get to MY groceries.

5

It’s bound to be posted eventually, so before someone beats me to it…

“I am the wondrous wizard of Latin! I am a dervish of declension and a conjurer of conjugation, with a million hit points and maximum charisma!”

6

I had a rather complicated dream once involving the lone gunmen from X-files, an alien double-agent, gel memory cubes, and an imminent invasion of earth.
It doesn’t get any dorkier than that.

7

how about this one (which I have posted before, but I just can’t let it go) :

I was the manager of a famous celebrity (I’m not sure who, maybe Sponge Bob).
I was reading aloud to this celebrity a fan letter written by a cow.
The letter read: “moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo moo.” I read this out load exactly as written.
Then I translated: “You’re doing a great job.”

At this point in the dream, the absurdity of it all caused my sleeping body to convulse with laughter, the sound of which woke me up.

:o

8

<choking on soda> Still laughing at that one! :smiley:

The dork-mare that I remember involves a food dish that I personally cannot stand. Even the smell of it makes me ill. It happened about 2 years ago while I was staying with my parents for a few weeks , for reasons I do not remember, and one night they got into an tiff.

When I finally fell asleep this was obviously the last thing on my mind, because that night I dreamt that my mother was seriously pissed off, yelling at us to come to dinner. When we sat at the table, she came in with the biggest bowl I had ever seen, and started to slop mounds of tuna casserole on our plates, glaring at my dad and I. I just sat there freaked, and finally said to my dad “You just had to piss her off didn’t you? Now we have to eat this crap!”

All he could do was drop his head. My mom came back in and he tried to apologize but all she said was “Nope not this time. Now eat up, there are 5 more casseroles full of this and you are eating it all.”

I know corny, but for me this is a total dork-mare <shudders>

9

I once had a dream that was almost exactly like the Voyager episode “The Killing Game”. Except the Space Nazis were really Space Nazis, and not aliens pretending to be Nazis. Also, a strip club got destroyed by a giant alien laser like the White House did in Independance Day.

I also once dreamed an episode of Futurama. I can’t remember what it was about, except it involved Hermes in some major way.

10

I once had a dream that I was in a spaceship and myself and some other people were travelling up and do wnt the street where I live just for the hell of it. The only three passengers I remember were three of the guys from Nsync.

I dont like Nsync… Weird.

11

Mmm, I love “dork dreams”. Some of my favorite dreams ever have been about alien invasions or the like.

Just a couple nights ago, I had one in particular that will stick with me. Not about aliens, but about a computer game I play a lot.

I have one character who is a wizard. He’s just recently learned a spell that will let him recharge used-up wands, and so has spent a lot of time collecting those wands.

He carries two satchels… one for wands with charges left, one without.

In the game, other players can steal from you… including stealing wands.

I woke up the other morning, absolutely furious, because someone had stolen all my wands from both of my containers.

I went to the bathroom, fuming mad.

I sat at my computer, angry as heck, as I signed online and into my game, determined to hunt down whomever it was that had taken my stuff. Or at least make a start at collecting some more.

I looked at my inventory, and realized I’d dreamed the whole thing.

It was pretty funny. :eek: :smack:

12

I’ve had several dorkmares where I was trying desperately to debug some code, and nothing I tried would work. I knew that something was wrong and I could fix it if I could just find the bug, but there was no finding it. Eventually I’d wake up and realize that I had to go to the bathroom, and in my dream I’d been trying to debug my bladder.

I’ve also had several dreams that started out relatively normal, and then slowly turn into whatever videogame I’d been playing most recently. For instance, it’d start out with some mundane dream about my going to talk to a friend, and then when I got there I’d bring up the action menu and choose “Talk.” Or I’d be getting into an argument with someone in my dream, and pull out a staff or a magic wand and start wailing on them with it.

The most intact dork dream I can remember is one I had a while back after watching a couple of episodes of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” back to back. I was at work when my producer came to my desk and told me that I was late for the band concert. I tried to tell everyone that it’s been over 15 years since I’d practiced at all, so I didn’t know my part, but they insisted I go down and play the solo. On the way down I ran into Willow, who was holding a flute and telling me the “this one time, at band practice…” story. Then Buffy showed up and revealed that all my cow-orkers were vampires, so the three of us started killing them; the mouthpiece of my trumpet had turned into a wooden stake.

Come to think of it, 90% of my dreams involve band concerts or marching band halftime shows. I guess the experience was more traumatic than I’d realized at the time. And dorky.

13

jipes! And I had my geek-o-mare last night*! Forsooth!

*cue wobbly screen indicating dreamlike state…*I was back home for a trip to see the parents, etc, and discovered, to my dismay, my extensive DVD collection was GONE!!! (which is odd, cos the collection is here with me, not there with… them. Odder still that DVDs didn’t exist when I moved here, so there’s no reason for them to be there). Anyhoo, it turned out mum had made a donation to some sporting team (also odd, cos sports and teams thereof are not really something our family is involved in, nor is it something we even care about). Ok… where was I? um… Yeah, donation, and it seems in the kerfuffle, that mum had given them all my DVDs. I asked her what the name of the team was so I could call them and get my movies back, but the team had just changed their name, she knew the new name, the ‘Stingrays’, but not the old name (the old one was listed in the phone book, the new one was not). I was furious, more angry than I’ve ever been that not only had mum made this major screw-up, but she didn’t seem to see the harm in it. (this kinda relates to waaay back when I was about 8 and we moved house. Mum gave a bunch of my books and comics to the kids of some friends. The kids were nasty, awful kids and I was very hurt, disturbed, confused that my STUFF could be transfered away like that without consulting me and even more that my stuff could go to kids who were SO undeserving. This is possibly why I’m such a packrat now. Ok… back to the nightmare). I’m FURIOUS, shaking with anger, unable to speak I’m so angry. My beloved movie collection is GONE and I know not where! cue dramatic chord, zoom on Gene’s angushed face, fade to commercial

…And then I notice the jade chops (two lions) on the piano are gone. And a painting on the wall. I ask what happened, did she donate those too? Mum comes out of the studio to see what I’m talking about (in all of this emotional turmoil she is still laughing and being jolly and not seeing anything to be concerned over). Then we realise the windows on the other side of the house are open (apparently these windows NEVER open) and we go and look and see the muddy footprints on the floor where some interloper has come into the house and nicked all my neat stuff (there’s SOME comics left, but they’re shitty copies of Femme Force and Starriors, for the most part comics, DVDs, toys are gone and yet, only a few of parentses’ stuff from china, US, etc are gone) .

*I related the story to my wife when I woke up, and she just laughed. I spose it is pretty funny, that in my dream all my geek stuff was taken, cos many years ago when (I was a kid) we actually were burgled, they didn’t even go into my room, cos all of the toys/comics/geekabilia on the room made it appear as if there just wasn’t anything worth looking for in there!

fade to black, roll theme, roll credits*

*it was the hayfever medicine that made me do it, honest!

14

I can’t remember all the details of these because they happened some time ago, but:

–I was abducted by birds that were aliens and were in tiny little space ships with multi-colored lights. The birds flew around, observing me.
–I went to a “sensory bar” with my mom-in-law and husband. Part of it was a two-way mirror that allowed you to observe nature without disturbing it. The bar was mostly in colbalt blue, glass-like decor. I was standing at a window and we were trying to identify a bird, which I said was a “boar-bird” and it looked like a bird with a boar’s head.
–I’ve had plenty of programming dreams, a few “contraption” dreams, and also a time-travel dream where I went back into the eighties and was hanging with the Golden Girls, who were making fun of me with witty quips.

15

I once had a vivid dream where I was The Slayer. The best part about it was that one of the vampires I dusted was my husbands ex-wife.

Talk about waking up to much disappointment! :wink:

16

Last night I dreamed that I was copyediting a Wikipedia article on John Kerry. Nothing’s dorkier than dreaming about fixing grammatical errors.

17

Wednesday night I had a lucid dork dream (lucid meaning I realized I was dreaming and was in at least partial control). The subject was the mom of friend of my son who I had the hots for at one time.

She was standing in the kitchen of the house she lived in in my old neighborhood, and we were having a conversation.

I said, “Is this a dream, or reality? It has to be a dream, because you moved out of the neighborhood. Come to think about it, so did I, so if you’re in this house, I’m dreaming. Since this is a dream, howabout you show me your tits?” :eek: :cool: :wink: FWIW, it only got as far as a glimpse of bra becaue the alarm clock went off.

I can’t think of anything dorkier than this…

18

There have been some pretty dorky dreams in this thread, but I think you take the cake Mystery Dog.

Rufus Xavier, that cow dream was hilarious!

19

At the time, it cracked me up, but looking at it in the cold light of day, it seemed a bit dorky to me and I was embarrassed for laughing at it. Thanks for the encouragement.

20

Oh, no, my friend, it’s dorky alright. Just hilariously so :smiley:

Seriously, I’d have loved to have had this dream.