I’m not sure if this is the right forum but here goes.
Reading a recent thread over in IMHO about wether you should tell an elderly family member about your (differing) religious beliefs. Many of the responses were along the lines of “you should spare the elderly person, their set in their ways”.
And that’s what I always hear, and have experienced for myself. Older people tend to be stubborn, unwilling to listen to new ideas and unable to comprehend the change that occurs in society.
But I always thought this was a product of their generation, more than anything else.
So my question is: Is there actually a mental process that, while you age, changes the way you think?
Am I doomed to an old age of: “Humbug! Gothic music is all I will listen to! That’s NOT how you make a pizza! Terminator 20 BAh! Brad Pitt is a good actor, those new actors can;t hold a candle to him!”
Or is this just a generalization? Are there a lot of open minded old people, and I’m just not meeting them?
All of the above. Many people, I think are pretty much set in their ways by their mid-20’s. As far as the old farts (I’m not there yet, but I can see it from here), some are set in their ways from inertia, stubborness or sheer laziness.
However, as you get older, you gain experience, and you start to see patterns emerge. Example: Eight-track tapes. They were the cutting edge of technology when I was younger (remember “quadraphonics?” ). They actually sucked, but that didn’t stop a LOT of people from buying them. Anyway, after a couple of cycles of this, it’s only natural to become hesitant to immediately buy into anyone’s claims about the “latest and greatest” (Insert product, music, movie, technology, car, etc here), Especially since time and again, the biggest boosters inevitably turn out to have some kind of vested financial interest.
After enough cycles, you tend to realize that substance is inversely proportional to style. Case in point: Ray Charles. 50 years of the same act, yet it’s still great music. Do you think anyone will be listening to 50 Cent in 2054?
So, long answer short, I think a lot of it is “been there, done that.”
I had a behavior class that covered this topic. I’m sorry that I don’t have a cite other than what I can remember. The professor said that research has shown that people’s personalities are pretty much set by the time they reach their 30’s. Life altering events can cause a shift in the personality, but in most cases, it’s still only a change for a short period of time (couple of months) before the person reverts back to his/her old self.
Jack has finally hit the road. Farewell, Ray, the true voice of America.
About the OP: No, I don’t believe that just because most people get set in their ways, that you are necessarily predetermined to become stuck that way. It’s your choice. Maybe most people don’t reflect that they have a choice how to shape their own minds. I think research into the nature of consciousness and our own personal autonomy in shaping our own consciousness has expanded greatly in the past 50 years, starting with research into psychedelics and methods like meditation and yoga. I think more people understand nowadays that they can keep learning new things no matter how old they get, and that life is more interesting and fun to keep your brain active your whole life long.
I’m 44 years old now, and just in this past year I have taken up several new activities and fields of study. I keep learning new languages, new musical instruments, new rhythms, new dances, new meditation methods, new techniques to make art, new gardening skills, you name it. I am just now learning how to paint pictures, and hope to keep on painting for the rest of my life.
Especially now that research has revealed one way to stave off Alzheimer’s disease is to keep your brain active, learning new things, playing chess, playing music, not just being a couch potato in front of the TV. Life keeps revealing new fascinating wonders all the time. You could keep your brain busy and active just keeping up with the latest scientific discoveries, which keep being discovered at an ever-increasing rate. There are so many amazing things in life to be involved in and to think about, I don’t know how anyone could ever be bored or become mentally dull. Think of all the books we would love to read if only we had the time. I would have to live to be over 100 to find the time to do all the new things I want to do.
It’s your own choice what you want to do with your brain.
“Being set in my ways” applies to some areas of my life…I still prefer music that has lyrics that are understandable to me. I don’t like Rap for a number of reasons. But I’m learning about digital photography, and have been on a low fat diet for a while…this from a person who was raised on fried foods, and used a completely manual 38mm camera for years. I’m still with the same lady after 44 years, but still check out all of the beautiful women I see every day. I try new recipes on a normal basis, having started cooking about 10 years ago.
So some things remain the same, and others change…I pretty much take my choice of what to keep the same, and what to change.
No, brains don’t have to solidify with age…and from what I’ve seen, some folks are pretty inflexible from the git-go, while others are free-wheelers all of their lives. Just part of the human condition.
And that includes our spelling of whippersnappers. As someone said (maybe Mr. Dooley). “It’s a mighty poor mind that can’t think of more than one way to spell a word.”
I find more and more older people are becoming more open minded. In a way it may be goimg too far, with many parents and grandparents listening to the same stuff, and wearing the same clothes, playing the same computer games as their kids.
It is probably getting harder and harder for the kids to shock their parents
Here’s a thought: maybe the reason we get “set in our ways” is purely pragmatic. Once we figure out the “best” way to do something, we adopt this method and routinely use it. No sense reinventing the wheel every week.
(This applies to everything, not just methodologies - after a period of discovery, we settle on what we think is the best dessert, or the best Renaissance composer, or the most “correct” political party, or the most comfortable make of underwear. What would concern me is if someone made it to age 80 without ever deciding whether or not he likes sauerkraut.)
This seems to fit my own experience. On things I’ve had to deal with several times before, I usually have a definite opinion. But when something new comes along, I can - and must - be opened minded about it (until I figure it out).
I noticed with my parents and parents in law that it became much easier for them to physically have a routine. They would vacuum the rooms in the house in the same order every time, do their housework at a set time, so they could finish in time to do some other thing, have coffee at a set time in the evening because doing it any later would keep them awake, etc.
My father-in-law is 80. His mind is sharp, his memory is excellent, but he’s very hard of hearing and his knees are so bad it’s difficult for him to navigate stairs.
It seems reasonable that as your physical abilities decline, you’ll have to accomodate your body by doing things a certain way. From there it’s just a short step to thinking in a certain way.
You have just described some seventeen year olds that I know too.
I think that one reason that I have some difficulty comprehending some changes in society is that now that I’m older, time moves very quickly for me. I can’t keep up with the changes. It’s not that I necessarily disapprove.
My interests have expanded through the years. I tend to add on rather than drop.
As strange as it may seem, the younger generation around here seems to be discovering the music of my generation – Simon and Garfunkle, Led Zepplin, the Doors. What does your generation have that compares – or can you tell yet?
Hell, I like Glenn Miller, and he’s a generation before yours. There was plenty of crap music in the 1960s that people don’t listen to today. There will always be a few classics produced by every generation. I’m sure that 40 years from now, there will be some musical groups from the '00s that are still popular. It’s just too early to predict yet what they’ll be.
I would also question about that “set in our ways” survey. Wouldn’t that mean that people who were open to new experiences in their 20s would be set in their ways, and hence still open to experiences in their 60s? At least, that’s my story.
Farewell, Ray, the true voice of America.