Sometimes I just like to sit back and read miscellaneous conspiracy theories, then one day I wondered what was the first conspiracy theory ever pondered. To you the straight dopers, what is your favorite conspiracy theories to analyze and what truths, if any, do you believe about any conspiracy theories that exist today? Thanks
The favourite is obviously Illuminati or TimeCube. As for the first… maybe the one about all the Neanderthals ganging up and replacing good stone knives with shoddy ones?
I’d say [url=http://www.anselm.edu/homepage/dbanach/dcarg.htm[this one topped the lot.
“Conspiracy” implies a secret which is somehow kept by hundreds or even thousands of people, without its cover ever being comprehensively or blown uncovered by a single journalist or whistleblower. Large scale conspiracy theories seem to be simple porn-for-the-paranoid, like Jenna Jameson in a tinfoil hat.
“Christians are evil. They are atheists that practice sexual immorality and cannabalism in their perverted rites. They are to blame for many of society’s problems.”
So said the Romans in Christianity’s infancy. Nero even tried to blame Christians (and their firery apocolyptic imagery) for their great fire. It didn’t stop the spread of the religion, of course, but when Rome went Christian it applied the same accusations towards other targets.
The anti-semitic “blood libel” (Jews use Christian blood [or flesh, often babies] to make bread) was pretty much the same accusations pagans had made about the eucharist. The blood libel’s still around today, and is probably the mother of all Jewish conspiracy theories.
At the same time, Christian heretics (such as the Cathars and Waldensians) and later, witches (who, of courses, largely didn’t exist, some crazy people and vestigial pagan practices aside) were accused of the exact same behavior. Orgies, cannabalism, causing misfortune and seducing the flock. The “sabbat” was the imagined meeting place for witches, which led to beliefs in a satanic conspiracy, and a conspiracy of magicians who controlled, or would control, the world. Which led to the Rosicrucian scares and the Illuminati, and thus more secular conspiracies.
I’m sure there were older conspiracies, actual and imagined (see Julius Caesar), but this is the granddaddy of most active conspiracy theories. Thousands, if not millions, have died at its hands.
For the Mother of All Conspiracy Theories, I’ll nominate the Evil Zionist Plot to Destroy the World™. It’s been around for 2,000+ years, has no evidence of even being remotely true, and is still embraced by idiots to this day.
For a modern conspiracy theory, I’ll toss out the Evil Liberal Media™. Not only is the image of reporters, writers, and media owners gathering together to plot the direction of our news laughably naive, it also flies in the face of established reality, such as ClearChannel and Rupert Murdoch’s media empire.
Of course you would say that. You’re an Evil Zionist plotting to destroy the world.
There’s this crackpot theory going around that Cecil Adam’s isn’t a real person. Supposedly, he’s just a made-up character, with various people putting words in his mouth as the occasion arises.
Yeah. I don’t believe it either.
My favorite conspiracy theory is that the U.S. government has taken over the responsibility of parenting our children. They supposedly want to train our children to be loyal only to the state. The gov’t wants children to become godless and immoral slaves to the elite. The government tries to kill religion by cutting out much of history because people will find out that we are a “Christian” nation.
My only question is that if they U.S. government wanted kids to become “mindless worker drones”, how did I buck the system after twelve years of public school? Or did I buck the system… 
My current fave is the one about how doctors, hospitals and cancer researchers have all combined to suppress news of all the cheap, readily available cancer cures out there so they can continue to harvest the big bucks (this is a cousin of the theory that the oil companies have bought out the secret of how to make cars go 500 miles on a gallon of fuel).
There apparently are also those who believe that Clear Channel has some significant impact on the availability and content of news. But that seems more in the category of mass delusion than conspiracy. 
No, the best one of all is that in Grampa vs Sexual Inadequacy (all credit to the SNPP):
"Bart: OK, it’s not painfully clear the adults are definitely paving the way for an invasion by the saucer people.
Milhouse: You fool! Can’t you see it’s a massive government conspiracy? Or have they gotten to you too?
[he and Bart start wrestling]
Lisa: Hey! Hey, hey, stop it! Stop it! Why are you guys jumping to such ridiculous conclusions? Haven’t you ever heard of Occam’s Razor? “The simplest explanation is probably the correct one.”
Bart: [condescending] So what’s the simplest explanation?
Lisa: I don’t know. Maybe they’re all reverse vampires and they have to get home before dark.
Everyone: Aah! Reverse vampires! Reverse vampires! [Lisa sighs]
(later)
Bart: So finally, we’re all in agreement about what’s going on with the adults. Milhouse?
Milhouse: [steps up to blackboard] Ahem. OK, here’s what we’ve got: the Rand Corporation, in conjunction with the saucer people –
Bart: Thank you.
Milhouse: – under the supervision of the reverse vampires –
Lisa: [sighs]
Milhouse: – are forcing our parents to go to bed early in a fiendish plot to eliminate the meal of dinner. [sotto voce] We’re through the looking glass, here, people…"
David Icke is the most all encompassing.
and entertaining.
About ten years back, when I dabbled with the Lyndon Larouche crowd, one amusing notion was that Bush41 was in the pocket of the international drug cartels, and the invasion of Panama was to secure it as a major international drug banking centre (Noriega having gotten too uppity and uncontrollable) in anticipation that the upcoming repatriation of Hong Kong to China would cause it to be less viable as a money-laundry.
My favorite is probably the Illuminati theory. Or the Jack Chick Catholics rule the entire world.
Iraq was involved in 9/11. I hear Saddam was an Arab and a bad guy. IT ALL FITS!!!
The JFK assassination conspiracy is my favorite, where the FBI, CIA, Mafia, LBJ, military-industrial complex, Big Business, and a player to be named later, all got together to kill Kennedy, and kept silent about it ever since. Was it William Buckley who said that after a certain point, so many were involved that it had ceased to be a conspiracy and become majority rule?
Another is, of course, “OJ was framed, man!”
Honorable mention to the idea that aliens and UFOs have been using the Earth as their intergalactic vacation spot, but the government has covered it up since 1947. Why?
Regards,
Shodan
Pretty crappy job they did of it, too.
I was just in a bar and heard - from a deliverance-looking fellow - that Bush knew about the Sept. 11 attacks, but owns huge stock in companies that make American flags and is getting wealthy off new purchases. He was quiet pationate about it too.
[QUOTE=JThunder]
There’s this crackpot theory going around that Cecil Adam’s isn’t a real person. Supposedly, he’s just a made-up character, with various people putting words in his mouth as the occasion arises.
Well along those same lines one might wonder whether or not Osama Bin Laden even exists. I mean we can’t find him and a character like that would great help Bush if what is true about his ties to Oil and desire to control the Middle East.