What's the most obvious safety warning you've seen?

[Wood Thrush]

I've seen many consumer products with precautions and warnings lately. Many of them are needed, such as the "do not let in to streams" warnings on ant and wasp sprays. But there are some that qualify as "you are a moron if you need this warning."

My favorite warning is "do not drink" on window cleaning fluid. Gee, I was about to have a nice, tall glass of window cleaning fluid! Thanks for the warning!

What's next, "FLAMMABLE" warnings on candles? Sheesh!

[brachyrhynchos]

My Windmere hair dryer says:
"To reduce the risk of death by electric shock:
2. Do not place or store where dryer can fall or be pulled into tub, toilet or sink"

I suppose if I were drying my hair while standing on the toilet with the lid up, there might be a chance that my foot would slip and both my foot and the dryer would end up in the drink.

[Enginerd]

Have you ever seen that Visa commercial where the young couple (presumably a genuinely nice guy with his pregnant wife) is looking for just the right shade of orange house paint, the natural assumption being that they want everything to be perfect for the new baby? This sweet looking pregnant woman ends up in the stands at a football game, face painted just the perfect shade of orange shouting "kill him" or words to that effect at the field.

If you watch the bottom of the screen, you see the following warning:

Do not paint your face with house paint.

Impressive, I tell ya.

[Brunetter]

Seen on a bag of peanuts (the type you get on an airplane):

WARNING: May contain nuts.

[Oncle Bière]

My electric blanket has a generic boilerplate warning sheet that adds "do not operate while sleeping".

[dragonlady]

My lawnmower directions say "Do not use indoors".
And I wanted to get rid of that nasty long shag.....

[Goose]

My BB Gun said: Do not fire in eyes

My lawnmover has nice color illustrations of a man getting his figners ripped off.- Do not touch blades.

My favorite though is the hot water heater that says- boiling water may scald. Apparently jagged red lines mean that the man's hand was scalded.

[katzmeow]

I have a window shade that pulls across the windshield to block out the sun. In a large warning, it tells me not to drive with the shade pulled across the windshield. Duh, like I couldn't figure this out myself?

[TubaDiva]

"This plastic bag is not a toy."

your humble TubaDiva

[as_u_wish]

On a scarf--a scarf--"one size fits most." I tell you, I didn't dare buy that one. What if my neck was too thick.

[Jo3sh]

I know why the warning exists, but I still think it's common sense that when I order a coffee, "The beverage [I'm] about to enjoy is extremely hot."

[ThisYearsGirl]

The instructions that came with my stereo included the safety tip--"Do not lose these instructions. Keep them in a place you can find if you need them later," but the funny part is, there's this little illustration of a man putting his safety instructions in a place where he can find them later. Like I needed some visual aids on that one.

[OpalCat]

On a package of hard, waxy vaginal suppositories: "Not for use in the eye"

[BANNED]

I'm surprized they had to add "except by consumer" to the "do not remove this pillow content tag" tag.

[Drew Blade]

On an electric Halloween decoration:

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

[SteelToes]

We can have dozers out and barricades and flags and flagmen and orange cones, and flares,
And some dudes still want to know if the road is closed.

[Johnny Angel]

Keep out of Reach of Children

No shit. Have you seen how filthy kids get?

[timmar68]

...I did a double take when I read it. I got some snacks as a free gift when I bought something and on the back of the bag it said, "Avoid exposure to sunlight". I'm afraid to try them!

[Chronos]

Most cigarette lighters will warn you, "Keep away from sources of heat or flame."
There's a whole list of these going aroung e-mail somewhere...

[Ringo]

Perhaps not exactly what you were looking for, as it predates much consumer litigation that spawned the everywhere warnings, but one of my all time favorites was an orange sticker that came on a Ghost bass drum pedal I purchased almost 30 years ago.

It's position precluded use of the pedal until it was removed and it said:

PLEASE READ AND TRY TO UNDERSTAND THESE INSTRUCTIONS.

Admittedly, their target market was rock'n'roll drummers.

[JavaMaven1]

My personal favorite is those little packets of silicon that come in the toes of shoes, on the bottom of purses, and tucked in with the styrofoam with stereo equipment... the ones that always say "Do Not Eat" on them.

The thought of eating one of those would have NEVER crossed my mind until they said it.

[PattyCake]

Maybe not terribly obvious, but definitely caught my eye. The little mortarboard cap I wore when I graduated college (and high school too, I guess, but I never read that one) had a little sticker that said something along the lines of "Cap can damage eyes if thrown."

Also, I've seen game programs at hockey games that put a warning on the first page: "Pay attention. Pucks can leave the ice surface at any time." Darn, and I bought tickets to the game so I could not pay attention.

[soulsling]

the best of all...

the claymores used by the US Army. The claymore is shaped like a thinned down brick, and then bent slightly, but enough that you can tell. on the front side, the side that bends outward, in clear GIANT wording, so you can't miss it, it says: FACE FRONT TOWARDS ENEMY.
This is the abbreviated version of the instructions on how to assemble and use the claymore. The full and complete instructions for those infantrymen that take after Gomer Pile is located in the claymore carrying bag, the full kit is in there, charger, tester, spool of wire with blasting cap, and claymore. But lord almighty help the sucker that can't read english in the US Army if he takes out one of these suckers and plants it in the ground the wrong way.

[Baglady]

The instructions that came with my stereo included the safety tip--"Do not lose these instructions. Keep them in a place you can find if you need them later..."

As a technical writer, I wish I could tell people that in my manuals!! I suspect the tech support folks got that phrase snuck into the instructions...(!) :]

[Baglady]

Okay, this was on a dress a friend of mine had (since I don't often buy clothes that require ironing):

"Do not wear item while ironing."

You know what's really scary about warnings like that, is that they are usually written because they were sued over it. Can you imagine some clod trying to iron a dress while she's still wearing it?

[Spolvy]

This was emailed to me a while back. There were more but list has been modified to fit your screen...
*** Actual label instructions on consumer goods: ***
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dove soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
(and that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's *just* a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
(The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessertprinted on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure??? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?) (Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.(Now I'm curious.)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

[Flutterby]

The only one I can think of was this one:

Seen on a Korean knife (y'know one of those nice big knifes you use for chopping food) "Do not put in children"

Um.. DUH that would kinda hurt and you might get sent to jail.

[Sledman]

Just bought a box of Zantac. Was reading the back because my fiancee wanted to know if there was any warning about not taking it if you're allergic to aspirin. Nope no warning about that.

However it did explicitly state that you should not take this product if you are allergic to Zantac.

I swear to God!!!! Do I win?

[Shirley Ujest]

This isn't a warning. It's more like a " DUH".

On the instructions for the disposable menstrual cups called
"Instead", reads " To correctly use INSTEAD, we recommend sitting on the toilet with your knees apart. "

Well, hello, how else are you s'pose to put it in.

[Eve]

On a plastic grocery bag, it reads: "To avoid danger of suffocation, keep away from babies and small children."

I couldn't agree more--I have taken those as words to live by.

[Myron Van Horowitzski]

Exactly, BagLady. Every one of these warnings is there because some moron somewhere actually did what the warning says not to. The manufactures don't care what normal people think of these warnings, they're just doing CYA.

Sometimes, though, you can almost see where they're coming from, for example the hair-dryer while sleeping warning. Women did use to doze under those old-fashioned helmet-type dryers.

Topaz, the bad knife translation was actually, "Keep out of children."

[Scylla]

My favorite is an observtion from Tom Bodett:

The sign says "STEP UP."


oooooooh, so that's how you work those things.

[Shayna]

WARNING: Do not read The Straight Dope without wearing Depends™ undergarments. Doing so could result in uncontrollable accidents. <sup>*




*</sup>I've been coming here long enough you'd think I'd know that by now! Perhaps, like some of these other companies, Cecil should idiot-proof the website with that warning in big, red letters at the top of every screen.

[MrWhipple]

I bought a box of condoms that had a HUGE fold-out instruction and warning sheet.

One paragraph warned the user to keep the contents "away from heat and moisture."

I can only assume they meant when storing the product for future use.

[capacitor]

while in the middle traffic jam on an expressway, I noticed the very informative sign, "Reduced Speed Ahead".

[Fleetwood]

Not exactly on thread, but related. The reason that they don't sell two foot ladders anymore is that there is not enough room on them for the warning stickers.

[techchick68]

This one got me giggling.

Several years ago I bought a "Hairdini" basically so you can put your hair up in a french twist or whatever.

(for you guys, it's a bendable metal strip with foam covering it)

The package said:

"For external use only"

I don't know what they meant by that, but I have a thought.

[kiffa]

I like the warning sign usually posted around high power electrical stuff of this guy being thrown back as he's electrocuted with lightning bolts. It cracks me up, but for the life of me I can't think of a better way to illustrate the possible consequence.

[jesuslynch]

A friend had a jet ski that had a warning lable that said something about keeping certain body parts and cavities away from the propulsion nozzle. No shit Sherlock.

On the KY box it says, "Not to be taken internally." Now I know KY don't mean Kentucky so I'm not gonna put it on a cracker or use it on a peanut butter sandwich, but don't you have to kinda take it internally someway or other?

[Flutterby]

Thank you Myron, I couldn't remember it exactly and I was going by memory.

[Odieman]

The one I noticed yesterday was on a package of Wine Gums.
"Notice Wine Gums do not contain any wine. Well duh, they are candy.
Keith

[sulla]

jesuslynch:

A friend had a jet ski that had a warning lable that said something about keeping certain body parts and cavities away from the propulsion nozzle. No shit Sherlock.

This reminds me of skydiving canopies. They all have a sizeable orange label that says:
"Warning: Parachuting is a high-risk activity that may result in injury or death."
No shit, sherlock, indeed!
But since it's generally right in the middle of the tail, it does come in handy as a landmark when packing.

-sulla

[MrWhipple]

About twelve years ago I happened to find myself in Wilkes Barre, Pennsylvania. The stop lights there all hang from wires (instead of being mounted on poles).

Next to each stoplight -- and I'm not joking here -- hung a traffic sign that read, "WAIT FOR GREEN".

I have often pondered what type of community would find it necessary to consistantly remind its driving populace of such a basic rule of the road.

[fontor]

Seen on a piece of fruit leather (you know, with the plastic backing):

Warning: Remove cellophane before eating.

I think that if you can't figure that one out, you deserve a mouth full of plastic.

[Kricket]

The one that I found funny was in the box of tampons telling you to remove the old one before inserting a new one.
BTW I do warn my children after taking childrens cold medicine not to be out driving around or operating heavy machinery.

[Silo]

Sign in the optical lab:
"Please do not look into laser with remaining eye."

[Diane]

Can you imagine some clod trying to iron a dress while she's still wearing it?

Haven't you ever been running late for work and just as you are heading out the door notice a couple of wrinkles?

It's an art-form.

[BigGiantHead]

kiffa sed:

I like the warning sign usually posted around high power electrical stuff of this guy being thrown back as he's electrocuted with lightning bolts. It cracks me up, but for the life of me I can't think of a better way to illustrate the possible consequence.

Yeah, they have these on the sides of the electrical switchboards where I work. Except the boards are only 6-7 feet tall, and judging from how far back the guy is leaning (and, actually, it looks like he's levitating) and the nearly-vertical angle of the bolts, it looks as though they're coming from out of the sky. I found myself wondering, what's the warning here? "Do not approach or you will be struck down by deific power!"

[zev_steinhardt]

I had a stroller which said "Remove children before folding stroller." I would have thought that to be self evident.

Zev Steinhardt

[cher3]

Self-evident, perhaps, but sooo tempting sometimes.