Need help dealing with a depressed coworker.

In My Humble Opinion
1

My coworker, ranted about in the thread above, has slipped into a very deep depression. Creditors are calling her at work. Her boyfriend (not her husband) isn’t dating her anymore as far as I can tell, but she’s still leaning on him for support. I don’t like her, and I don’t consider her a friend, but she needs to get help, and now. I don’t like watching her suffer.

She said yesterday after working out a payment plan with one creditor or another, “if he (her husband) doesn’t get a job I’m going to kill myself”. She didn’t sound like she was kidding. He’s been out of work for going on two years and has stopped looking for jobs at all.

She spends her days sighing or with tears in her eyes. She writes long painful letters/diary entries about her boyfriend/lover/“friend”. If she didn’t leave these on the desk where I have to move them to get to the register, I wouldn’t know about them other than her constant sadness and sighing.

I’m susceptible to other people’s moods. She’s starting to bring ME down. I won’t have it. We work in a place about the size of a large studio apartment. There is no getting away from her.

Today, an instructor came in and asked why we weren’t open yesterday. We’re closed on Fridays, but apparently coworker had said she’d be here for a few hours so the people in a class that only meets this one weekend could get their books. Our boss used to do these special days (there’s only usually one a semester or so), but he retired last week. Not only did she not show, she sent the books back to the publisher on Thursday.

There were no notes on the computer desk (there are plenty about other stuff… this way we can both remind each other when events are coming up). I never heard a word about this thing or I would’ve reminded her.

I see this as a symptom of a much larger problem. I would just go to our boss, but we haven’t got one as he retired last week. The new guy doesn’t start until next week. I plan on sitting down with him and having a conversation after he’s settled, letting him know that I’m over here for him to call upon if he needs info. As most other people at the main branch seem to think I’m a non-entity. I might go to one of her equals who I know has a good relationship with her and is an all-around caring type guy and ask him what I should do. I’m concerned for her health, her job performance and my job security, because I wouldn’t put it past her to blame me for mistakes made in our branch to save her own butt.

I like this job. I’d love to have her job, which is my job with benefits and a much better salary as well as more experience for my future plans.

I know what it’s like to be depressed, hopeless and feeling like nothing’s going your way. I want to get across to her that she needs to change something, (get a fucking divorce for one) or both of us are going to get sucked into this spiral.

Just how do I do this?

Have any of you been in this situation?

2

I think this is the bad end of working for a small company. At a larger one you could go to human resources, and they could recommend some therapy.

Have you checked in your area for support groups that you could perhaps recommend to her? Perhaps a woman’s shelter?

Really sorry you have to put up with someone’s elses “personal” problems. That really has to suck big time.

3

It’s not really a small company, but our end is small. There’s the two of us here, but several dozen other people on the other end… everything’s all mixed up with the school, so I’m not sure who I’d go to.

4

Since you’re on a campus, perhaps you could go to one of the counselors and tell him or her about your concerns. Make sure to mention that she said she’d kill herself and about her diary entries. Students get depressed all the time, sometimes very seriously so. The counselor should know how to handle this type of situation or tell you how to get her help if she is a non-student.

If I recall correctly, creditors can’t call at work if they’ve been told not to. Maybe you can pass that on to her and if she tells them then they can call her lazy-butt husband all day at home.

5

A school counselor might be a good idea. How do you approach them, though about a problem that’s NOT yours?

In my linked thread, one of my rants was that she complained that she paid $50.00 a month in home phone charges, but didn’t have a home phone.

What?

6

I would assume that if you approached them with the same thing you told us in the OP, they wouldn’t hesitate to try and help. The only problem is that their likely answer is for you to get her to come to them - something that you’ll have to be ready for if you ask them for help.

7

If you liked this woman I would have lots of good suggestions, but you really seem to feel she’s a thorn in your side. Trying to help people you don’t like tends to come out wrong.

Feeling the way you do I would just recommend behaving professionally and refusing to enable her. Don’t cover for her, do her work, or tolerate her interfering with your work. Tell her to stop tying up the phone or you will have to request a second line from the new boss and tell him why it is needed. Pleasantly suggest she take a short break when weepy because it looks bad to the people you serve.

If she mentions suicide again, take it very seriously. “Do you really feel bad enough to hurt yourself? How would you do it? Have you made any plans to do it?” If she doesn’t back away fast, tell her you are taking her to the emergency room because you are so worried about her. If she refuses to go, call 911.

Alternatively, you could leave a copy of Final Exit lying around. :smiley:

8

I would agree with Little Cloud, we had Air Force annual suicide prevention training, and one of the things they stressed is that if someone is suicidal, there is nothing you can to “put the idea into their heads”, they have already considered it. I can’t remember too many details since it’s been months since I attended, but if she does mention it again, do like Little CLoud said and take it very seriously. Someone can joke about it, but you have to estimate the level of risk with a person in a situation, and from what you’ve said, combined with the fact that it would be a second time mention, indicates a problem.

The other suggestions sound good too, have a chat with the new boss ASAP, and possibly converse with the guidance counselors.

Vis

9

Does your company have an Employee Assistance Program?

If so, give her the contact information, saying something like “this may or may not apply to you, but a lot of people have been helped by these sorts of programs”. Then the ball is in her court.

Or if she has a supervisor, that person could facilitate this.