How do you judge character?

[jaytini]

I think this is something that everyone does, sometimes without even realising that they are doing it. for my self the best way for me to judge character is to go out to a restaurant with someone...and watch how they order their food, eat, treat the staff, etc...this comes from years of waiting on tables. however, i have found that the majority of times, if someone is rude to a server, i really don't want to be friends with them, the bad characteristics carry over.

(for example, went out to eat with my manager the other day...total bitch, kept asking where our food was, rude to our nice server, and that was the validation i needed to know for a fact that I DO NOT LIKE HER!!!!)

so what i want to know is...does anyone else have an unusual way of assesing someone's personality, the clincher, if you will, if someone is acceptable friendship material?

[Norway Maple]

The people I like are always smiling, but never phoney about it. You can tell when they don't think you are still watching and their expression turns cynical or bored.

[Occam]

I find out what they laugh at. Nothing betrays character like their humor.

[Sadderbut]

Write this down, you will want to quote it:

"Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at" ~ Göthe

[Dumbguy]

I have a dipstick I use. It's fairly accurate, though a little uncomfortable I've been told.

[billyt123]

I sit back and watch how the person interacts with other people more than how they treat me, but i think that is pretty normal.

My stranger test would be how they treat silence. Can we be alone and not say anything without there being an "uncomfortable" silence or do you have to fill every second telling stories just for the sake of saying something. Those people are the ones i stay away from

[AuntiePam]

Animals -- watch how they treat them. Not only pets, but wildlife too. Do they slow down for the squirrel in the street or do they swerve to hit it?

Do they understand why the bird sits on their car's side mirror and poops? Do they calmly wash it off for the third time that day, or do they run for the .22?

I'm sure there are exceptions, but overall, I think animal lovers are "good" people. But then I know a lot of folks who don't really like animals, and they're fine people too. And the woman who sits across from me at work as horses, dogs, cats and rabbits, and she's a pain in the ass.

Never mind.

[SaintAlphonso]

I think it's more than just what they laugh at, although that is certainly important as well. To me, someone who's willing to laugh at themselves is someone with true character.

[Eve]

My mother told me, "you can always tell a lady or a gentleman by how they treat the help."

[Edwardina]

You can also tell by how they treat animals. And children.

[missbunny]

How someone treats animals is important to me. I would probably not want to be friends with someone who clearly didn't like animals, and I'd never go out more than once with a man upon discovering that he didn't like animals. And I'd walk away in a second from someone who was mean to animals (after making sure the jerk wouldn't be hurting any more animals anytime soon ... ironic, huh?).

The server test is pretty good too. So is seeing how supposed "big shots" treat the support staff at their companies - you can always pick out the two-faced suck-ups that way.

[DRY]

You can also tell by how they treat animals. And children.

I really don't need to hear any more. This answer here says everything that's needed.

[phouka]

Waitstaff, children, animals, it tends to boil down to one thing:

How do they treat people (and critters) with less power than them?

Ialso keep an eye out for what makes them laugh, especially if they can laugh at themselves.

[mangeorge]

Many of you are applying the "Golden Rule" test to how you judge others. Do they treat others as they wish to be treated?
Works for me.
Peace,
mangeorge

[elbows]

Aims and intentions are all well and good, but talk is cheap.

People tend to show you who they really are all the time, their actions give them away and always will. But it's easy to be snowed by the persona they want to put out. When you think someone is acting out of character it's usally an indicator that you were wrong about the assessment of their character.

I read somewhere 'If someone is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person.'

[TVeblen]

Most of the above...

The definition I'm still striving to achieve is, "a lady is one who is passionately concerned with the rights of others."

I'd say it also sums up the derided but valiant definition of "gentleman".

Reputation is the the decision of onlookers, character is what you are when you look inside.

Tangential but useful point: the people who are the hardest on themselves, in quiet, dark moments, are the least likely to offer casual offense to others.

Character is trying; failing sometimes, but keeping a benchmark nonetheless.

Veb

[Evil Twin]

The best clue to character is choice of pen name.
People with just one are inhibited.
People with two are normal.
People with several are outgoing, and flexible.
People with dozens or thousands are programmers, who have made it a science.
People with no pen name are completely without dreams.

[Byzantine]

AuntiePam "Do they slow down for the squirrel in the street or do they swerve to hit it?"

Uh... I'd say I'd put them forever on my shit list if they went out of their way to hit it.

I guess I've gotta agree with Mangeorge... golden rule. If they treat others like shit, I can't expect anything different from them. I try to treat others the way I'd like to be treated. And that includes fun and games. I get teased and bated out here but I know it's mostly in jest. For the most part, everyone is pretty respectful of everyone else.

But then there is this new poster... Sigh...

[purrplebear]

I forget who said it, but I really agree with the quote "Character is what you are when no one's looking."

The Golden Rule. Always.

phouka said " How do they treat people (and critters) with less power than them?" Very telling, that.

Veb, I like what you said also.

Animals and children: how someone treats them says a lot about the kind of person they are.


I don't have any one way of assessing (I hate the word judging) someone's character, but use a combination of these ways.

[handy]

'He who can laugh at themselves, shall never cease to be amused' -handy

[voguevixen]

Aims and intentions are all well and good, but talk is cheap.

People tend to show you who they really are all the time, their actions give them away and always will. But it's easy to be snowed by the persona they want to put out. When you think someone is acting out of character it's usally an indicator that you were wrong about the assessment of their character.

elbows, thank you so much for pointing this out. It's just the wake up call I needed.

[handy]

But what is character? How is character? Do you know what your character is? Do you have strong character? Where is a character test when you need one?

[Tedster]

A certain austrian paper-hanger was supposedly quite nice to animals and children, a non-smoker, and nominally a vegetarian.

And what about people who hunt? They certainly can't be construed as being "nice" to animals, but the hunters I know are good people.

I'd have to agree, what people find humorous is key. I've always felt revulsion of people who find humor in others misfortune.

[handy]

'for example, went out to eat with my manager the other day...total bitch, kept asking where our food
was, rude to our nice server'


That is NOT character, that is attitude.

A strong character can face adversity well. & in adversity, his character strengthens.

[Saint Zero]

Some people _can't_ laugh at themselves. I can't. Does this make me a bad person? Not to people who know me. Certainly not to my wife.
I will assume that people here use common sense when finding someone who is otherwise a normal person, but just can't laugh at themselves. Some people are perfectionists when it comes to their personal behavior. Is there a valid reason why this person isn't laughing at himself?

[SuaSponte]

Breast size.

Seriously, I think the most important judge of character is consistency. Almost all people, when we first meet, try to make a good impression. If a person is consistent to that first impression when something goes wrong, be it minor or major, is the key.

V.

[Barney111]

Gotta say I've always used the "animal and "subordinate"" test. Glad to know I'm not alone- I have never trusted anyone who didn't like or respect animals.

Another one: When I was a young man, my father said a man of character would do the following: Give you a good,firm handshake, look you in the eye, and do what they said they were going to do. Kind of male-centric I know, but I find myself using that test alot.

[Medea's Child]

I don't think the handshake thing is awfully male centric. Its how I test people and how I try to live. I guess I judge someone's character by how they judge people. I like people, almost all of them, and the people I like as friends are the ones who respect and like people too.

[Sealemon88]

I judge by actions. The Golden Rule really is key. Wanna beat around the bush with me? Wanna play head games? Then fuck off. I don't need you.

Treat me how you want to be treated.

Generosity. If a person is always taking, never giving, then I get annoyed with them. I'm a giving person, but I'm not a doormat. On the other extreme, I am uncomfortable around the martyr type. If you're always a giving victim, you'll eventually drive me away.

I consider the level of a person's analness (New word, there) to be an indication of that person's general self esteem and stress level. I prefer to hang with laid back folks. I don't like to feel like i always have to be at my best around someone.

[HomeSlice]

Looks.

[toecutter]

Well, there’s kindness to animals and there’s “KINDNESS TO ANIMALS”. Went out with this person to a picnic with a bunch of friends next to a lake up north. Didn’t really know her really well but she seemed a nice person – kindness to animals, treats waiters nice etc. Volunteers at the food-bank – the whole nine yards.

Ran into a flock of Geese at the picnic site. One of the geese had only one foot. Looked like an old (very old) healed injury with a stump where the foot may once have been. Probably cut in a trap - or so it looked. Bird was eating, walking and generally looked in fine spirits – as far as one can tell, was in a bunch of other birds – so not exactly abandoned – in other words behaving like a normal goose-with-a-missing-foot dysfunction would behave…

Said companion made an issue out of it. Big issue. Called 911 on the cellphone, called animal shelter, called hospital, called lord knows whom else. Made dash back to the cars to look for blankets, first-aid kit, and stuff for the bird.

Then it began to rain. Imagine if you will, eight soaking picnickers hunkered under trees waiting for the animal rescue folks. Couldn’t sit in the car since we (all) had to keep an eye on the goose.

Made us all feel like fascists if we even thought about ‘abandoning’ the bird. First thing, the ambulance drives up looking for a Ms. Goose… with trauma equipment. Boy were they mad! Then the fire/rescue arrived – with the same results…

The bird? Well, as soon as the first ambulance arrived, the flock (or whatever a ‘bunch’ of geese are called) looked around and took off. Just us wet folks under the tree…

Point is, there are a lot of people who look good on paper but can be a real pain in the putkiss. She is absolutely fantastic to waiters (fawns on them – will do without a glass of water because it would be too much trouble to ask an over-worked-underpaid worker .. you get the idea… but can be a real ‘bitch’ to friends and acquaintances.. Oi!

So? Only time will tell dude. Only time.





that and the quality of her tits - of course...

[HomeSlice]

the flock (or whatever a ‘bunch’ of geese are called) looked around and took off

[lisp]"Oh look! It's a gaggle of gay gooses!"[/lisp]

[jcatcher]

Play golf with them.
"Never does a man stand so naked as to a discerning eye all dressed for golf" Shivas Irons

[Doctordec]

I judge character in several ways.

What they say about other people when they're not around them. If someone speaks poorly of others they'll never peg my character meter.

How honest they are. If they get an extra 5 bucks in change at the grocery store, do they give it back ? If they keep it and brag about their good fortune, they ain't got it.

How do they act when things get tough ? Do they whine and complain and point fingers or do they dig in and fix it. Constantly fixing blame is a sign of poor character to me.

If you're down to the last beer in the cooler, do they offer it around to others before they snatch it ? Selfishness is not concurrent with character.

Finding someone of true character is very rare and I can say I've only met less than a dozen people that really have it.

[handy]

Give the new lady a car test. Lock the doors, unlock hers & let her get in. IF she then unlocks yours for you, she's the one you want.

[ren]

My one word answer would be "slowly".

I'm am big on using sense of humor as a gauge myself.

But I say "slowly" because I think A) first impressions can be wrong and B) people are a complicated mix of traits, and we have a tendency to sum up people too narrowly or quickly (seems to make us more comfortable and less vulnerable to do that). It is tempting to think that just because a person does a bad thing that they are more or less bad people (depending on whatever sort of "bad" thing really pushes your buttons). Likewise, I might like someone at first and later discover something awful about them. But people are usually a mix of good and bad qualities, and it is seldom realistic to reduce them to "generally good" or "generally bad".

[handy]

The big ACA three, watch for: don't talk, don't trust, don't feel.

[CrankyAsAnOldMan]

Humor. Integrity. Ability to apologize. Consistency. Loyalty. Respect for boundaries. Gives others the benefit of the doubt. Values other perspectives.

I'm going to have dinner with someone tonight who fails on at least six of those. Sigh.

Anyone else have "friends" that are easier to keep up with than excise from your life? I keep her at arm's length now, but can't manage the final break.