I nominate Tim Burton. The guy’s an OK visual stylist, in a Teen Goth kind of way, but that doesn’t make up for his total lack of ability to tell a coherent story. In most of his movies, a bunch of stuff just happens without rhyme or reason: why was The Joker trying to kill all of Gotham City in Batman? Why didn’t Wynona Ryder’s character receive any comeuppance for her backstabbing in Edward Scissorhands? What was the twist in Planet Of The Apes all about? I can’t think of any of his movies that have engaged me on even the simplest narrative level.
He can’t handle actors, either. He had a fantastic cast in Mars Attacks, and most of them he just left floundering, trying to keep up with the non-existent storyline: apart from Jack Nicholson, who got to play Jack Nicholson {see Batman, above}, nobody else had anything to do. Why cast the inexpressive Mark Wahlberg in Planet Of The Apes, unless Keanu Reeves was busy that week? Why cast actors of the calibre of Christopher Lee and Michael Gambon in Sleepy Hollow and then give them cardboard characters?
To me he just comes over as an overage, hipper-than-thou adolescent: look, the Martians can be killed by playing Slim Whitman - isn’t old people’s music silly? Look, nobody understands Johnny Depp’s sensitivity - bet you can identify with that, right, kids? Ah, the guy just leaves me cold.
So, who’s your nominee? No cow too sacred, not even the Coen Brothers, Stanley Kubrick or George Lucas.