Canadian Parliament to meet in hockey arenas?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

From the National Post:

The House of Commons meeting in hockey arenas across the country? This could get interesting. I can see it now…

<cue famous hockey music>

Announcer:

Good evening and welcome to Commons Night in Canada! Tonight we’re coming to you live from Maple Leaf Gardens in Toronto, where the grand old arena has been reopened for one final event before it is renovated to become a Home Depot and condos.

On tonight’s order paper, we have a bill to regulate auto safety, an amendment to the Canada Health Act, and further debate on the disposition of the federal surplus. But first, Question Period!

<more famous hockey music>

The parliamentarians are taking their places. On the near side, we have the incumbent Liberals in red, led by Paul Martin. On the far side are the Conservatives in blue ties, led by Stephen Harper; the NDP in orange, led by Jack Layton; and the Bloc Québécois in light blue, led by Gilles Duceppe. We also have our lone independent, the honourable Chuck Cadman from Surrey North, wearing the grey jacket.

The party whips are getting the backbenchers in line. The leaders are getting ready. The goalies are waiting.

And the speaker has skated to centre ice. The party leaders are poised and ready.
There’s the horn! The Speaker drops the talking puck! And the debate is on!

Layton skates in and with deft stickwork grabs the puck! He shoots a question at Martin. The Liberal leader hands it off to the Finance Minister. The Finance Minister responds, and it’s back to Layton. Layton is unsatisfied. He asks for clarification. The–

Wait! Wait! The pages are skating to the corner. There is a disturbance in the corner. Let’s look at the instant replay. Yes… it looks like one of the Conservative members has checked Duceppe into the boards! The Speaker is awarding one minute penalty for both members! This isn’t going to play well in the Bloc back benches, Tom…

It could be …interesting. :smiley:

2

Well, it’s not like they’re going to disrupt NHL scheduling or anything.

3

Exactly! Talk about a marketing oppurtunity!

4

What? No national anthem?
Anyhoo… back to live action…
*
tweeeeeeeet*

It looks like the Speaker is calling another penalty… Yes … It looks like a bench minor has also been issued to the Liberal Party caucus for un-memberlike conduct. That’s gonna put them shorthanded for the remainder of the question period. That is, of course, if the opposition doesn’t score on their powerplay.

Face off in the Liberal zone as Martin sets his left-winger for the draw. He draws it back cleanly to defence minister Bill Graham who clears the zone. Harper retreats to his his blue line to counter attack AND HE FALLS DOWN! Anne McLellan scoops it up and is in on a breakaway! She darts in, dekes and whips a shot high off the shoulder of the finance critic, and up into the crowd.

I’ll tell ya, even with the man advantage, the opposition just can’t seem to get anything going tonight…

5

And after Question Period, it’s Coach’s Corner!

Ron: So, what did you think of the way the Finance Minister handled the Opposition’s questions about the surplus?
Don: Well I just love the way Goodale fires right back at them. Doesn’t take no guff! Ralph’s a good old Wilcox boy. They grow’em tough out on the Prairies. Not like those wishy-washy Frenchmen.
Ron: I think they prefer to be called Quebecois.
Don: I don’t care what they prefer! Those Frogs don’t know how good they have it. Are you kidding me? That Gilles Ducette-
Ron: Duceppe.
Don: Whatever - shouldn’t even be allowed on the same ice as loyal Canadians like Ken Dryden. It’s a disgrace.
Ron: Carolyn Parrish, MP for Missisauga-Erindale, has been thrown out of the Liberal caucus by the Prime Minister. What’s your take on that?
Don: Well I thought it was a good call. That cheap shot at George Bush was totally uncalled for. Kids, I know you’re watching out there. When you’ve got problems with someone on another team, don’t resort to this dirty stuff. Stand up straight and deliver a good clean hit. I tell you, you never saw this kind of cheap stickwork before all the politicians started wearing visors.
Ron: Well, we’re just about out of time-
Don: I just want to show one more thing. Roll that clip. Watch how Stephen Harper goes straight for the jugular on his first question? See that? Show that again. Right there. Look at that. Now that’s politics!

6

And Carloyn Parrish has been ejected from the Liberal Team for assaulting a player from a neighbouring arena… Wait a minute… she is coming back to the ice as an independent after only serving 2 minutes in the box…In all my years I have never seen this on the ice!

(Man, I miss hockey)

7

Dear god.

Nice work!

8

This edition of Commons Night is Canada is brought to you by:

Transport Canada–Making flying safer. Now with even surlier security personnel.
External Affairs–Offering you consular services in places you can’t afford to visit.
The Fisheries Ministry–Providing Maritimers with new careers for over ten years.
And by Revenue Canada–Changing our name annually means you don’t know who we are!

Stay tuned for The Best of Rita MacNeil, with special guests Celine Dion, Anne Murray, and Stompin’ Tom Connors!

Nice work indeed! And thank you all for causing my monitor to get a coffee shower.

9

As the members line up for the start of the second period… there seems to be some jawing between some of the back benchers as they jostle for position in the face off circle… the speaker looks to be warning the members… and quickly drops the puck…oh!

And there’s another cheap shot by Layton on Paul Martin! Now all the backbenchers move in close!

We are in for a doozy folks! Another left shot by Layton!
Hits are flying everywhere! Everybody grabs a partner and joins the skirmish! [sup]<— (click for .wav file)[/sup]

[sub]Man - I miss hockey too.[/sub]

10

I really liked the outdoor hockey they pulled last year. I’d love to see my congress in an outdoor venue. Say Lambaugh. Mid-January.

11

Dang. I knew I forgot something. :slight_smile:

:: spews Pepsi across monitor ::

And next on the Parliamentary Sports Channel… Scandal and Reform in the Local Arena. Will Dalton McGuinty’s democratic renewal lead to reform in the Greater Toronto Parliamentary Hockey League? Join the Toronto Star’s Robb Cribb and Lois Kalchman as they invenstigate the rising cost of local politics.

And now a word from our sponsors…

12

You Canadians are brilliant.

Not that I didn’t already know that.

13

Perfect! You took my idea before I even had it, and made it funny.

14

::cue the Annoying Canuckian Tire Guy…::

Annoying CT Guy:

Have you ever wanted the peace of mind that goes with knowing that your wife or significant other isn’t cheating on you while you’re out shopping? That’s why I installed the new MojoMaster[sup]TM[/sup] Bedroom Surveillance Cam from Canuckian Tire.
It was so easy to install and it works like magic. Let me show you how. I just tune this handy monitor to the frequency of the hidden bedroom camera and microphone and a crystal clear image of my bedroom is at my fingertips. With great sound too! With its built-in convenient portable car adapter - I can fine tune every little moan or scre—

CBC TEST PATTERN************************
Ici Radio CanadBEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

**Ron McLean:**  
..... [sub]Are we on? - Are we back on? -   [/sub]
Oh - Hi Folks - It's Ron McLean back with Kelly Kruddy on Commons Night in Canada, we apologize for having a bit of trouble down in the truck, but everything seems to be ok now.  We have a moment while the security escorts all the members of all parties to the penalty seats, and the maintenance crew cleans up the house floor...

Kelly ~ What did you think of the first question period?  A period dominated by defense and conservative play on both sides of the house, do you think that this low scoring will continue here in the second or will they have to open things up a bit at some point?

**Kelly Kruddy:**  Well Ron, The Liberals have been hurting all year and have had to juggle their cabinet often, they also are really missing the presence of Sheila Copps, who is still serving her indefinite suspension for that vicious attack on Deborah Grey in Vancouver late last year, forcing the pugnacious Alliance vet into early retirement.  I know the opposition are missing some of their big guns too,  but they really should try to pick up the pressure of some of these rookie Liberal members, especially when they have them outnumbered inside their own zone.

**Ron McLean:** The Speaker has sorted out the penalties and the House Pages have cleaned up the debris tossed on to the floor from this capacity crowd tonight.  It’s only the start of the second and already both sides have racked up a whole session’s worth of penalties.  This could be a long night, and with these two sides being so evenly matched, we may be in for a filibuster.

It's looks like they are just about ready to resume debate... Let’s throw it back upstairs to Bob Cole and Preston Manning…   Bob?
 :)