Star Wars - Episode III Crawl Revealed

[Kel Varnsen - Latex Division]

You can read the crawl at starwars.com:

http://starwars.com/episode-iii/bts/...6/indexp2.html

Spoliers in the link (nothing more than the crawl).

[ISiddiqui]

Very nice... sounds like an interesting beginning to Ep III.

[BraheSilver]

Needs more CAPITALIZATION of IMPORTANT WORDS.

[Lochdale]

The holes in the plot are just too much too take. I used to be a huge fan but the series has gone to hell imho I'll wait until it comes out on cable.

[BrainGlutton]

Will there be an Ep VII, I wonder? Or will Lucas just hang it up after this?

[astro]

Ahhh.... Boy! Evil "General Grievous" . I think even the original "Buck Rogers" scriptwriters might have paused at that.

[CynicalGabe]

Originally Posted by BraheSilver

Needs more CAPITALIZATION of IMPORTANT WORDS.

I thought I was the only one who was thinking this. Welcome to the club. You are insane also.

[mhendo]

Originally Posted by BrainGlutton

Will there be an Ep VII, I wonder? Or will Lucas just hang it up after this?

I dunno, but he's been phoning it in since Return of the Jedi.

And even then, the Ewoks were a bit hard to take.

[Duderdude2]

War!

[Larry Mudd]

Originally Posted by astro

Ahhh.... Boy! Evil "General Grievous" . I think even the original "Buck Rogers" scriptwriters might have paused at that.

Maybe, but it would have fit right in in the Flash Gordon serials, which have much more of an influence on Star Wars.

I like the text of the crawl. That crafty Sidious -- there's no word to adequately describe his evil machinations.

[Larry Mudd]

Oh, and for folks who are too lazy to follow the link:

SPOILER:

War!
The Republic is crumbling
under attacks by the ruthless
Sith Lord, Count Dooku. There
are heroes on both sides.
Evil is everywhere.

In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Grievous, has swept into the
Republic capital and kidnapped
Chancellor Palpatine, leader of
the Galactic Senate.

As the Separatist Droid Army
attempts to flee the besieged
capital with their valuable
hostage, two Jedi Knights lead a
desperate mission to rescue
the captive Chancellor...

[Apos]

Grevious kicked major ass in the Clone Wars cartoon. But I don't see the movie living up to that portrayal, unfortunately.

[Dunderman]

Originally Posted by BraheSilver

Needs more CAPITALIZATION of IMPORTANT WORDS.

Of course it doesn't; it's Episode III. Only the ones with even episode numbers get CAPITALIZATION.

[Terrifel]

I think there's a typo in that text. I'm pretty sure the original Mojo Nixon lyrics specified that "Elvis is everywhere."

How can there be heroes on both sides? Wouldn't the ones fighting in the service of a ruthless Sith Lord be qualified as villains?

[paulberserker]

Originally Posted by Duderdude2

War!

You mean WAR!

[HMS Irruncible]

Originally Posted by paulberserker

You mean WAR!

Good God, y'all...

[TwistofFate]

Originally Posted by NattoGuy

Good God, y'all...

You forgot the HUH!

[BMalion]

Well done, Larry Mudd.

[Ephemera]

Originally Posted by TwistofFate

You forgot the HUH!

What is that good for?

[gobear]

Absolutely nuthin'!

[paulberserker]

Or Lucas could have done it like this.

This is WAR baby. War baby.
The Jedi are scared, so scared.
Whatever this is they keep putting them through...

I would personally like it to read like this though:

The Republic is getting FUCKED up by Sarumans armies.
Seeing their hood being smashed up, Yoda and Mace L. Jackson decide to get their SWERVE on and return the Steez. Join us now, as shit gets insane for the next 2 hours of space battles, lightsabre fights and shit blowing up . Its on like DONKEY KONG motherfuckers...

(Enter Star Destroyer from above)

[msmith537]

Originally Posted by gobear

Absolutely nuthin'!

Say it again

[lno]

Now that was good, Larry Mudd. I could even hear the swelling orchestra as I read it.

Come to think of it, maybe it wasn't all that good. It made me want to see it and I completely forgot my resolution to wait until I could rent it. Damn your oily hide.

[Troy McClure SF]

Originally Posted by lno

Now that was good, Larry Mudd. I could even hear the swelling orchestra as I read it.

It's even better if you set your browswer to smooth-scroll and tap the down key as you read it.

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by Larry Mudd

Oh, and for folks who are too lazy to follow the link:

Cool job with the coding.

One comment:

SPOILER:

In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Grievous, has swept into the
Republic capital and kidnapped
Chancellor Palpatine, leader of
the Galactic Senate.

Maybe it's just me, but this little snippet strikes me as encapsulating what's been wrong with the prequels. I mean, that seems like a pretty important incident. Why does it happen between movies? Wouldn't it be fun to actually see this happen? Isn't that like a major plot point and stuff? If Lucas were actually thinking about the story he's telling, wouldn't he put that story on screen instead of shifting major pieces of it offstage?

Because apparently it's more important to devote twenty minutes of valuable screen time to a a whiny little kid in a completely irrelevant speeder race...

[Casey1505]

FWIW, spoilers don't work on Mozilla.

S'okay, I was in the midst of following the link anyway.

[Mister Rik]

I think Larry Mudd colored the text yellow on purpose and put it in a spoiler box so that he could make the neato yellow on black resemble the movie crawl. Spoiler boxes work fine in Mozilla/Firefox/Safari.

[Jonathan Chance]

Yeah, just not with colored text.

I think it's OK to have some action happen off stage. We didn't see the rebel spies steal the death star plans, after all (in IV or VI...those poor Bothans).

Remember, we're no longer seeing a sage of the defeat of an evil empire...we're watching the fall and rebirth of Anakin Skywalker.

[rocking chair]

capitalization leads to the dark side.

[Casey1505]

On windows now. Sorry, Larry Mudd, I see what you were doing now. Most excellent.

I've only been on Mozilla a short time, and I'm still feeling my way around. I thought the spoiler not working was a quirk. This was the first thread I've encountered while on Mozilla that contained spoilers.

[MovieMogul]

Originally Posted by Cervaise

Maybe it's just me, but this little snippet strikes me as encapsulating what's been wrong with the prequels. I mean, that seems like a pretty important incident. Why does it happen between movies? Wouldn't it be fun to actually see this happen? Isn't that like a major plot point and stuff? If Lucas were actually thinking about the story he's telling, wouldn't he put that story on screen instead of shifting major pieces of it offstage?

Because apparently it's more important to devote twenty minutes of valuable screen time to a a whiny little kid in a completely irrelevant speeder race...

Well said.

[Larry Mudd]

I should point out that I brazenly stole that technique from someone who posted in the epic "I AM NOT THE GRAPIST!!!" thread a while back.

I think the extradiagetic plot points are an attempt to make the films more like the Saturday afternoon serials, where it was expected that the audience would miss the occasional installment and have to play a bit of catch-up.

[Tuckerfan]

Unless the crawl contains an apology for some of the crap he's foisted upon us, I'm not going to be overly optimistic that this film's going to be any better than the last.

Oh, and rumor has it that Lucas is going to turn the franchise into a TV series after this.

[Soapbox Monkey]

Originally Posted by Cervaise

Cool job with the coding.

One comment:

SPOILER:

In a stunning move, the
fiendish droid leader, General
Grievous, has swept into the
Republic capital and kidnapped
Chancellor Palpatine, leader of
the Galactic Senate.

Maybe it's just me, but this little snippet strikes me as encapsulating what's been wrong with the prequels. I mean, that seems like a pretty important incident. Why does it happen between movies? Wouldn't it be fun to actually see this happen? Isn't that like a major plot point and stuff? If Lucas were actually thinking about the story he's telling, wouldn't he put that story on screen instead of shifting major pieces of it offstage?

Because apparently it's more important to devote twenty minutes of valuable screen time to a a whiny little kid in a completely irrelevant speeder race...

From my understanding, Palpatine has JUST been kidnapped. Lucas wants to start this film with a bang. The first shots will be dropping us right into the midst of a full scale space battle above Coruscant. And the reason they don't show the kidnapping is because

SPOILER:

Palpatine is not kidnapped, he goes willingly, seeing as how he is Sideous and he is in cahoots with Dooku, but that isn't meant to be revealed at the very beginning of the movie. DUR! Now as for WHY Sideous stages this whole event has yet to be revealed and that's one of the few things we rabid fans will have to wait til May 19th to find out.

[EmeraldGrue]

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! That can't be true. It's IMPOSSIBLE!

[Soapbox Monkey]

Search your feelings, you KNOW IT to be true!

[Apos]

I'm in the camp that thinks that if it's that simple, Lucas will have sealed his fate entirely. I mean, it was incredibly, painfully obvious that he was hinting that Palpy was Sidious in the first prequel, even if you DIDN'T put two and two together on the names. And yet, despite it being the most painfully obvious assumption possible, he's continually filmed it as if it were some big secret to be dramatically revealed later.

If it is dramatically revealed to be just what everyone assumed it to be from the get go, then it will thus be utterly, totally pathetic.

[cryptic_j]

I think it will turn out to be.........



Mace Windu is Anakin's father....


it's just a really bad bit of casting....

do you think after Episode III it will be possible - - with editing to create a REALLy kick ass prequal ??

[Scissorjack]

C'mon - you just know that after the latest atrocity Lucas is just going to go right back to the start and re-make the first three all over again, in line with his "original artistic vision". It's been nearly thirty years, after all - just ripe for a re-make.

[Charlie Tan]

Originally Posted by Case Sensitive

C'mon - you just know that after the latest atrocity Lucas is just going to go right back to the start and re-make the first three all over again, in line with his "original artistic vision". It's been nearly thirty years, after all - just ripe for a re-make.

He's done that. The game plan now:
Release III on DVD with lotsa extras.
Release I, II, III in a special box with lots of extras.
Re-do I-III, release for theatre.
Start dishing out those, one by one on DVD.
Special gift box of all three.
By that time, IV, V, VI will be ready for another eXtreme makeover and it starts all over again.

[Soapbox Monkey]

Originally Posted by Apos

I'm in the camp that thinks that if it's that simple, Lucas will have sealed his fate entirely. I mean, it was incredibly, painfully obvious that he was hinting that Palpy was Sidious in the first prequel, even if you DIDN'T put two and two together on the names. And yet, despite it being the most painfully obvious assumption possible, he's continually filmed it as if it were some big secret to be dramatically revealed later.

If it is dramatically revealed to be just what everyone assumed it to be from the get go, then it will thus be utterly, totally pathetic.

Well then I'm glad you won't be in the theater with me. Good riddance.

[Soapbox Monkey]

Originally Posted by Case Sensitive

C'mon - you just know that after the latest atrocity Lucas is just going to go right back to the start and re-make the first three all over again, in line with his "original artistic vision". It's been nearly thirty years, after all - just ripe for a re-make.

You said it yourself. His artistic vision. He conceived the story, and can do whatever the hell he wants to it. If I were him I'd be laughing my ass off to see so many people who apparently "don't care anymore," yet continue to bitch, as if a gun is being held to their heads while they buy a ticket to the next installment.

I'm personally grateful for the fact that the original trilogy even happened at all, especially considering all the trouble Lucas had to go through, including inventing whole new ways of making movies in the process. Would you rather have never had Star Wars at all, ever? If you don't like the reissues, don't buy them, that simple. If you don't like the prequels, don't see them. Again, pretty simple.

[Merijeek]

Originally Posted by Apos

I'm in the camp that thinks that if it's that simple, Lucas will have sealed his fate entirely. I mean, it was incredibly, painfully obvious that he was hinting that Palpy was Sidious in the first prequel, even if you DIDN'T put two and two together on the names. And yet, despite it being the most painfully obvious assumption possible, he's continually filmed it as if it were some big secret to be dramatically revealed later.

If it is dramatically revealed to be just what everyone assumed it to be from the get go, then it will thus be utterly, totally pathetic.

Eh, you've seen into the future. The group of kneebiters he's currently targeting will presumably have not see RotJ.

Anyways, I have to ask, what did you mean about 'put two and two together on the names'? It's not an anagram or anything.

Am I missing something?

-Joe

[Soapbox Monkey]

Originally Posted by Merijeek

Eh, you've seen into the future. The group of kneebiters he's currently targeting will presumably have not see RotJ.

Anyways, I have to ask, what did you mean about 'put two and two together on the names'? It's not an anagram or anything.

Am I missing something?

-Joe

If you've only ever seen the movies, then no where does it say that the Emperor's name is Palpatine, but in the original novelization of Star Wars: A New Hope, there is a short little blurb that explains the current political situation, and the emperor's name is given as Palpatine.

[muldoonthief]

Also, the same actor who played the Emperor in RotJ (Ian McDiarmid) plays Palpatine in 1, 2, & 3. Another big clue there.

[Kythereia]

General Grievous?

Is Lucas even trying anymore?

[Lord Ashtar]

Originally Posted by Case Sensitive

C'mon - you just know that after the latest atrocity Lucas is just going to go right back to the start and re-make the first three all over again, in line with his "original artistic vision". It's been nearly thirty years, after all - just ripe for a re-make.

You will pay the price for his lack of (artistic) vision!

[Merijeek]

Eh, so the same actor plays them both and a novelization from 1977 gives the Emperor's name.

This is not something an average movie fan will figure out on their own. Look at Ian McDiarmid - it's 20+ years later and he looks YOUNGER than the Emperor. Certainly you guys are wrong!

I can see people taking Lucas to task for certain things, but to me this one is a non-starter.

-Joe, Star Wars nerd

[vibrotronica]

I just sent a nasty email to Boing Boing because Cory Doctorow posted the crawl text in a .gif on the front page without spoilering it! I'm a hardcore spoiler virgin type, but since I've been unwillingly deflowered, here I am.

Best of the three prequel crawl texts. I am encouraged. In order to maintain my faith in humanity, I continue to hope for a good Ep. III. All of the pieces are there to make it good, he's just got to put them together.

Damnit, George, put it together!

[Cervaise]

Originally Posted by Jonathan Chance

I think it's OK to have some action happen off stage. We didn't see the rebel spies steal the death star plans, after all (in IV or VI...those poor Bothans).

Remember, we're no longer seeing a sage of the defeat of an evil empire...we're watching the fall and rebirth of Anakin Skywalker.

Yeah, I can see that; ostensibly the "real" story of the trilogy centers on this one dude, with everything else supposedly revolving around that.

But what does it say about Lucas as a storyteller when that "everything else" is far more interesting than the main character and his arc? Seriously, what would you rather watch? A bold kidnapping from the Republic's capitol of its most important governmental figure (who furthermore may have have set up the whole thing as an elaborate piece of politically deceptive theater), or a braided ponce lurching about a meadow on a bloated tick?